seen from Singapore
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Maldives
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Maldives
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Canada
Mirror, Mirror
Read it here: AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17738582 Fandom: 弱虫ペダル | Yowamushi Pedal Giftee: @julesdrenages Creator: @starrwinter Main Character/Pairing: Makishima Yuusuke/Toudou Jinpachi, Arakita Yasutomo/Shinkai Hayato Summary: The result of too much caffeine, too many early/late nights, and one now very popular YouTuber (former cyclist) working on making all his hopes and dreams come true…
Everything about you
SERVICE NOTE: Here we are with the last prompts of the TouMaki Month! I’m so very sorry for the delay, but I went long with writing because of work issues and after that I’ve been without internet for a while (still am, technically)! If you’re reading this, it means that he last fics have been queued and they’re being uploaded as we speak: a post every two hours, from 3pm to 5am, CEST time. My advice is to check the blog if you don’t want to miss any, because if you’re going to browse the tags (‘toumaki month 2018’ and ‘toumaki’), Tumblr will only show you three posts per blog.
Anyway, at 7am CEST time we’ll upload a recap post featuring ALL the entries to the Month, so you can browse them more easily (I’m also saving the final Goodbyes and Thank You-s for then).
My apologies again for the wobbly schedule and I hope you’ll enjoy these last fireworks!
Prompt: Mash up between “A taunt, with one eyebrow raised and a grin bubbling at your lips“ and “I bet I could give you and orgasm without anyone noticing”
Jules’ Notes: A reunion, two idiots in love.
Toudou doesn’t joke when he calls him mean every now and then, but Makishima is many things.
He’s a great cyclist, as he demonstrated during the Inter-High and, really, all through high-school, obliterating every obstacle on his road and shutting the large mouth of every person that critiqued his climbing technique in the only way that counted: winning all the races that he managed, without deviating ever once from his style.
He’s a good rival, one that always keeps you on your toes and pushes you to be better, because not only you don’t want to lose to him, you also don’t want to look bad in front of him. He’s the reason Toudou got so strong in the first place, because Makishima kept biting at his heels and challenging to break yet another record, because he was getting there himself. They’ve been at each other’s throat since the first race, but in a respectful way, which is not something most cyclists of their circuit can claim.
He’s a friend, cherished and irreplaceable: a rock Toudou has held on to every time he needed support, being it in the form of reassurance or sassy answers, or angry remarks. He doesn’t pretend that other people validate their dynamics, he’s just fine knowing they have one, that apparently works wonders for both of them. They have fun, together – and they trust each other. They’ve hung out together lots of times, after races or just because, visiting places and enjoying each other company. They’ve also spent many hours talking on the phone in hushed tones and under their respective covers, sharing secrets, fears and dreams.
He’s his significant other, which pretty much sums up all of the above and adds another layer to the relationship, which is the physical one. He likes Makishima’s white skin and moles, his lanky limbs, his untameable hair, his jutting bones. He loves his blue eyes and thin lips. He’s always liked to play the romantic and saying that the platonic side of a relationship necessarily trumps over the physical one, but now that he’s tasted the satisfaction that comes with sating the thirst that Makishima himself rekindled in him somewhen along their second year of high-school, Toudou isn’t so final about it anymore. He loves Makishima for many, many reasons – but he’s not sure he could cross the sexual side of their relationship out of the equation anymore. Luckily, they’re extremely compatible in this regard too.
The night they meet after dinner at the Tochigi Inter-High, Toudou is reminded about all the things that Makishima is: his technique is madder than he remembers, proof that Makishima has been training hard too, and he’s also managing to be a menace while riding a borrowed bike (same as Toudou, but Makishima has always needed a slightly different frame and is therefore more penalized by the exchange), which represents a feat in itself. His taunts and lopsided grins fuel Toudou just as much as his pace; they provoke each other with words and shameless, idiotic displays of skill that send thrills through their testosterone-driven bodies and pump them until they’re screaming each other’s names 50 metres from the top of the hill and there’s nothing on their minds except crossing that goddamn line before that asshole; they go up and down and they’re tied at every even turn, and it’s the most in shape and the most motivated Toudou has ever felt in a long time. They get to talk, even if Onoda is watching them, even if they’re short of breath and completely enraptured by their climbs, and it feels like home: he talks about university, the inn, the good cycling places he has visited with his new team over the year, Makishima tells him about school and projects, contest he’d like to participate in, his work within his brother’s brand, holidays – all things they’re already addressed or talked or texted about, but it’s so much different (so much better) to hear them from Makishima himself, in his croaky voice, complete with wide gestures. They already have plans for later, but the initial idea was that they would have been alone during their races too, which is why Onoda’s presence kind of threw Toudou slightly off-balance: it’s not that he doesn’t like the kid, because he does, and as he promised to Makishima, he’s done a very good job of looking out for him in the past few months; he’s also partial to the way the kid looks up to Makishima, so much that he does indeed give them space and lets them have their own little reunion without a fuss – it’s touching, but it’s not exactly the scenario he was expecting: that involved jumping Makishima’s bones as soon as they could stop their bike and not letting him go until both of their lips got too swollen to even talk. For starters.
He’s pretty sure the feeling is mutual, because as they sit near the vending machine on top of the hill and Toudou makes a point of taking a step back and give Onoda some needed and well-deserved alone time with his mentor, Makishima flashes him a smile. It’s not their private smile, the one that in Toudou’s opinion can melt frozen hearts and make flowers bloom, but it’s not the eerie grin that makes children cry either. Onoda talks, and Makishima gives him his undivided attention, eyes soft and open – but every now and then he glances at Toudou and raises a brow at him, to which Toudou answers in kind. It’s a silent conversation that Makishima ends pulling up the left corner of his lips in a grin that threatens to break the moment Toudou beams back (he just can’t control himself), a laugh bubbling up from Makishima’s chest and making his thin smile tremble. Toudou hears the I LOVE YOU so loud and clear that Makishima could have just shouted it. He hopes to have been just as explicit, so far.
Perhaps he has, because the moment they reunite after having sent Glasses to sleep Makishima does indeed forego any bike or small talk and pushes him against a wall, arms around his shoulders and legs finding their way in between his – it’s urgent and somehow ferocious, but Toudou can relate to the desperate transport with which Makishima clings to him, so he finds the whole exchange intense and, if you want to push it, dramatic, more than aggressive.
Makishima cups his face and kisses his jaw, Toudou finds it hard to let go of his hair, especially when Makishima nips at his bottom lip and pants into his mouth.
- I’d do it right here, but this is Japan and you get to call the shots.
Toudou sucks on his tongue, brain whirring in the effort of finding a reasonable solution.
- No public sex. Glasses’s home but I can’t say the same for some of my rookies.
- They’re not your rookies anymore.
- Bullshit, I have a reputation to maintain.
They kiss long and hard, to the point that Toudou feels like a drowning man.
- Sneak me into your room, Jinpachi.
He hums.
- The only mattress I’ve been able to find is in a hole of a room crammed in between the ones reserved for the school. What about yours?
- What about me?
- You haven’t booked a room?
- Why should I have? I’ve got you.
Infuriating, impossible, irresistible Makishima.
- You’ll have to be very quiet, then, because I won’t be responsible for disrupting the sleeping schedule of my former team and jeopardize their chances at victory.
- I bet I could give you and orgasm without anyone noticing.
Toudou sneaks an arm around his waist and presses their bodies flush, chuckling against Makishima’s lips.
- Bring it on, Maki-chan.
Freshly made~ :D
Mirror, Mirror
Read it here: AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17738582 Fandom: 弱虫ペダル | Yowamushi Pedal Giftee: @julesdrenages Main Character/Pairing: Makishima Yuusuke/Toudou Jinpachi, Arakita Yasutomo/Shinkai Hayato Summary: The result of too much caffeine, too many early/late nights, and one now very popular YouTuber (former cyclist) working on making all his hopes and dreams come true…
Oh when I woke up tonight I said I've gotta make somebody love me (and now I know that is you, you're lucky lucky)
SERVICE NOTE: Here we are with the last prompts of the TouMaki Month! I’m so very sorry for the delay, but I went long with writing because of work issues and after that I’ve been without internet for a while (still am, technically)! If you’re reading this, it means that he last fics have been queued and they’re being uploaded as we speak: a post every two hours, from 3pm to 5am, CEST time. My advice is to check the blog if you don’t want to miss any, because if you’re going to browse the tags (‘toumaki month 2018’ and ‘toumaki’), Tumblr will only show you three posts per blog.
Anyway, at 7am CEST time we’ll upload a recap post featuring ALL the entries to the Month, so you can browse them more easily (I’m also saving the final Goodbyes and Thank You-s for then).
My apologies again for the wobbly schedule and I hope you’ll enjoy these last fireworks!
Prompt: “Things you said on the phone at 4am”
Jules’ Notes: Did somebody say ‘Paradise Kiss’? Not an AU, but whenever I think about Makishima’s life in London I feel influenced by that manga. So, if you’re familiar with it, you might recognize a certain situation… but I’m positive it will end differently for Maki-chan! ;)
Toudou’s phone blasts off in the middle of the night, and it’s only halfway through the fifth ring that Toudou sees it’s freakin’ 4am in the morning. Right after that, Hana, for the adjacent room, proceeds to remind him just how late 4am in the morning is for the average person. Caught between sleep and the literal wake-up-call, he has barely the time to mentally chastise himself for always forgetting to put his phone on vibration mode before he sees the caller’s ID. It’s Makishima. Who is the reason Toudou always forgets to put his phone on vibration mode. They have an hard enough time just trying to keep in touch, lately, it would be absolutely unthinkable, in Toudou’s list of values, to miss a call from Makishima or let a text or a mail unattended. Even if Makishima never calls after 9.30pm (Tokyo time), not to disrupt Toudou’s sleeping schedule. And even if he insisted Toudou didn’t have to reply to his messages right away, that was the whole point of leaving them, to give Toudou the chance to answer when he was more comfortable.
But Makishima is clearly calling him right now, in the middle of the night, and the ringtone has been going on for so long that it can’t be a mistake. Why would he do that, if not for a huge emergency?! If not for something very serious!? Like, an accident, or breaking up with Toudou over this long-distance-relationship that is clearly more effort than it’s worth?!
Hana solicits him again (this time by slamming her platforms towards the wall they share, by the sound of it) and Toudou answers the call out of reflex. The picture of Makishima that is associated to his contact switches to the black screen, but Toudou’s ears fill with a well-known, much beloved, totally missed voice.
- Jinpachi!!!
It’s not, Toudou notices, the tone of voice of someone that is going to announce a tragedy, but he kind of feels too drowsy, still, to trust his own judgement.
- M-Maki-chan..?
- I’ve sold it, Jinpachi, I’ve done it! I’m sorry, I know it’s late as fuck back home but I had to tell you!!! I’ve sold it!
Even half-asleep, he doesn’t miss the affectionate way Makishima addressed Japan and called it home. A few months ago, he wouldn’t have. It puts a smile on Toudou’s lips and calms his racing heart more than the rest of Makishima’s words. That, so far, still hold too little meaning for him to make something of them.
- …w-what are you talking about?
- My dress, Jinpachi! One of the pieces I’ve left at some boutiques! It has been sold!
It’s something they’ve been talking about, recently: Makishima still helps his brother with his brand but lately, with the complicity of a few classmates, he has started developing his own side-brand, and Ren encouraged him to put a label on his creations and try to propose them to some few, selected underground shops among his own. So far, the experiment hadn’t given much results. Although it was to be expected, since unique pieces were more difficult to place than mass-produced ones that could be made available in every size, it still was a little disheartening for a wannabe designer to hear, day after day, that nobody wanted your stuff. Until today. When, apparently, right before closing time someone had walked into an indie store looking for Ren’s Design novelties and purchased a whole outfit labelled Spider’s Web.
Makishima’s first sale as an independent designer.
- That’s AMAZING! Oh my god Maki-chan I’m so happy!!! Are you happy?!
He hears a loud chuckle at the other end of the phone, along with the clinking of glasses and a whooping noise that sounds too much like Ren partying on his own in their tiny kitchen.
- K’ha! Of course I’m happy! It’s a real sale, Jinpachi! I mean, in a real shop! Somebody walked in, tried my dress and liked it so much that they decided to buy it! And they picked the accessorizes too! I mean, isn’t it amazing!?
What’s amazing, in Toudou’s opinion, is his boyfriend’s absolute marvel at a gesture that is at the very base of his dream profession, and he jokes about it lightly.
- Isn’t it what you’ve always worked so hard to achieve, though? People buying your stuff?
- Yeah, but you don’t understand: I’ve sewn things for Ren that have been sold, I’ve even suggested him some designs that he’s managed to turn into something desirable, but people never really liked my clothes enough to buy them! I mean, this is real! They’ve given me the money they made from the sale! I am currently drinking the fruits of my labour!
Toudou would like to hug and kiss him senseless. To congratulate and celebrate him, of course, but mostly because right now Makishima is too adorable for words.
- Drink them to the last drop, then, tiger. You’ve earned it.
- I did. I mean, I really did. It’s unbelievable.
There’s a pause, and Toudou hears him gulp down something, most probably expensive beer, if he knows him and Ren. Then there is a sigh, and when he resumes speaking Makishima sounds more sober than earlier.
- What if it’s real, Jinpachi? What if this is the real thing?
The subtext is clear: what if it turns out this is not a scam, and all my efforts pay off, and my future starts to take a definite direction, and it’s a route that doesn’t involve Japan, at least not in the short term? What if I make it, and my dreams come true? What happens to the rest?
Toudou exhales loudly, failing to hide a chuckle. Because despite the untold questions, he can’t help but feel enthusiastic at his boyfriend’s success.
- This is the real thing, Yuu. Which means that you were right all along, and that you don’t have to stop now, but work harder than ever. Strike while the iron is hot, or what is it than they say in London: go get your rightful place among all the professionals that populate those streets!
- …you make it sound so easy.
- I know what you’re capable of, and I believe in you. I’m proud of you: congratulations on your sale.
He hears Makishima swallow.
- I… I wanted to tell you right away. As soon as I knew it. T-They called me and the only thing I thought about beside my own exhilaration was ‘I have to tell Jinpachi’.
Toudou sniffs, and dries his eyes with the back of his hand.
- T-Thank you. I’m very h-happy to hear that.
- …I love you?
Makishima never says the words first. He always reciprocates them wholeheartedly, but he doesn’t say them first, usually.
- I love you too. I… I wished I was there to celebrate with you.
There’s a pause and Toudou knows Makishima is worrying his bottom lip and pinching the bridge of his nose.
- M-Me too, Jinpachi. Honestly.
They don’t say anything for a while, merely breathing into the phone and listening to each other. Toudou puts his own device on the pillow and lays down himself: like this, if he keeps his eyes closed, it almost feels like they’re beside each other.
- …sorry for waking you up? I mean, what time is it on your side, 4 am?
- Twenty past four, right this instant.
- Go to sleep, Jinpachi.
Toudou yawns.
- Talk me into it: what are you having for dinner? Going out to celebrate?
- K’ha! No, not at all: we’ve ordered take out, I’ve been craving spring rolls for a while. And Ren keeps handing me beer that I swear I don’t know where it’s going.
- You’re drinking it, Yuu. I can hear you swallowing and you’ve been doing that for a while.
- You’re lying.
- I’m not and you’re going to get drunk.
- And doesn’t that bother you?
Toudou whines.
- It does, but it’s not like I can stop you from here, can I?! At least I know you’re home and you’re safe.
- I’m not safe, my brother is totally irresponsible.
There’s an indignant exclamation in the background, followed by a thud, and Toudou knows Ren has thrown Makishima a slipper: he chuckles.
- Love that you’re so lively…
The commotion is followed by silence, as if Makishima locked himself into another room.
- Where are you, now?
- Bedroom.
- Me too.
- Yeah, I guessed as much.
- …tell me about the dress you sold.
Makishima knows Toudou doesn’t really care for the details of the outfit, but he does understand that asking Makishima to talk about his work is the easiest way to get to hear his voice for a long period of time. It’s a game that Makishima plays willingly, and he knows he’s going to lose Toudou before he arrives to the description of the matching hat and fake suspenders, but he doesn’t care. The breathing on the other end quiets down and stabilizes at the shoes, but he rattles on in a low reassuring tone and then stays silent, listening to the faint murmurs coming from the other end of the line.
It almost feels like Toudou is sleeping beside him.
He doesn’t hang up for a long time.
This is my family: I found it all on my own. [Part IV. Trip]
Prompt: “I could kill you right now!”
Jules’ Notes: Sorry, I had to switch prompts because I really really didn’t manage to finish this one yesterday! Anyway, second to last installment of our SingleDads!AU. I swore I wasn’t going to give you the Hakone trip and here I am, giving you the Hakone trip!
You just can’t keep these guys away from the mountains…
[sidenote: there was a scene in the first draft featuring the kids discovering bikes. It got cut out in the end, but who knows what will happen in the future…]
At long last, they manage to free themselves from their busy schedule to organize a proper trip to Hakone: Toudou insists on having them as guests at his family’s ryokan, and although at first Makishima attempts to protest and offer proper payment for his and Sakamichi’s stay, at some point he decides he isn’t really in the position to turn down an offer of free accommodation into a traditional inn with renowned hot springs.
The day before they leave for the weekend, he gets Sakamichi a Love!Hime mini-trolley that matches his kindergarten backpack and pencil case, and shows him how grown-ups pack their things before travelling. Hakone is just a couple of hours away, by train, but it’s still the longest journey that Sakamichi has ever taken, and he has never spent a night in a place that is not his bedroom since Makishima brought him home, so it deserves some preparation. Reassurances about potty breaks and futons, but also promises about food and baths and beautiful scenery: Sakamichi dozes off with a smile, dreaming about sweet mochi in beautiful shapes, and Makishima takes off his glasses and tucks the covers around him.
The child alternates excitement and worry, and it’s the most adorable thing Makishima has ever seen. They avoid an unpleasant accident on the shinkansen, a small victory that grants Sakamichi a proud high-five from his guardian, along with a loud kiss on his plump cheek that makes him laugh and a big hug, just because. They have a light snack before arriving, and step off the train chuckling at a silly joke Sakamichi heard from the tv the previous day.
Toudou is waiting for them on the platform, holding Sangaku’s hand: the child looks around with a dreamy expression, but lights up immediately the moment he spots his friend and starts running in his direction, tugging Toudou along. They exchange cordialities as the kids greet each other enthusiastically. They haven’t talked about the text from a few nights before, the one that Makishima has left unanswered out of sheer panic, but he doesn’t feel any sort of awkward vibe stemming from Toudou, which puts his mind a little more at ease. Or would put it at ease, if it wasn’t that now he feels hyper aware of Toudou, always: had his hair always looked so shiny? Was his skin always that flawless? Why hadn’t Makishima ever noticed his built before? Was it because Toudou’s casual wear hugged his body in ways his more formal attire didn’t? Had he whitened his teeth in the past days?!
- Sorry for making the two of you come on your own: my parents needed help and we came here several days ago.
- I hope we are not intruding, is it okay for us to stay?
Toudou waves off his concerns.
- Sure. Nothing serious, just ordinary maintenance and family reunions. When they know I’m on vacation, they take advantage of me as much as they can. Plus, Grandma likes to spoil Sangaku a little, doesn’t she, Sangaku?
The kid looks up puzzled, like he doesn’t really understand what the word means, and he hugs Toudou’s leg in answer, earning himself a pat on the head. Makishima smiles at Sangaku, but evidently the only effect it has is to scare him enough to hide behind Toudou’s knees. Sakamichi takes it as a game and does the same, peeking and waving at Sangaku from the space between Makishima’s legs. Sangaku giggles and answers in kind. Toudou grins at the toddlers and fishes keys out of a pocket.
- Let’s go, I took one of the inn’s vans!
*
- Are you sure this is alright?
Makishima asks again while they’re putting his and Sakamichi’s trolley away and buckling up the kids in the car seats, and again Toudou reassures him.
- I’ve told you to not worry: we have already scheduled today’s trips for all the guests and we’re free to use the van as we please. We might need to stop by one of our suppliers on the way back, though. We almost ran out of sake at the inn and our trusted distillery is on the way back. I promised I would have stocked up in exchange of the van.
The boys squeal at nothing in particular, maybe just at the prospect of their trip including another, surprise stop. Makishima raises a brow at Toudou, who checks Sangaku’s belts one last time and then scratches his head.
- They have child-friendly snacks there too, I promise.
Toudou starts the engine while Makishima closes his own door and holds the small backpack on his knees.
- We took the liberty of bringing a double dessert. Chocolate.
- I love chocolate!
Manami pipes up from behind Toudou, who winks at him and also rolls his eyes theatrically.
- Who doesn’t! But that’s very nice of you: we actually have extra watermelon ourselves, don’t we, Sangaku?
- I can spit the seeds very far!
Toudou groans and apologizes for his son’s loose tongue, but Makishima can already feel Sakamichi vibrating in excitement.
- So cool, Manami-kun!
Makishima resigns himself to having to teach his son how to spit watermelon seeds like an automatic rifle.
*
The Hakone mountains are beautiful. More beautiful than Makishima remembered and more beautiful than he expected. They pick an easy path, one appropriate for the children and that leads to a clearing where they can have a picnic. The scenery is breath-taking, so much that for a while, Makishima forgets to speak. Sakamichi turns on himself while he walks, starstruck and with his mouth wide open. For a moment, Makishima thinks the new environment has broken his kid, but then something blue zooms in his peripheral vision and he spots Sangaku running ahead, looking more focused and determined that Makishima has ever seen him. The kid sprints like he has wings, fast and unstoppable and gaining advantage on them after every second. Makishima makes to call after him, but Toudou puts a hand on his arm and signals him that it’s alright.
- The path is clear and safe, and Sangaku knows he has to stay where I can see him. I know it may seem irresponsible of me, but… sometimes he needs to be let free. We have an agreement that climbing trees and playing near the river is only to be done under my supervision, but he loves these places, and he likes running around so much… it does him a lot of good, honestly. He’s the happiest up here, I can’t really bring myself to ground him with too many rules.
Makishima nods, still a little apprehensive at the sight of Sangaku distancing himself from them. He didn’t think he would have been that kind of parent, with how much he values his own freedom, but here he is. And Sakamichi, at his side, has his eyes glued to Manami but throws furtive glances up at him while his legs shake in the effort of staying still. Makishima puts two and two together.
- Sakamichi, do you want to go, too?
Sakamichi’s eyes go wide and he gasps, a little overwhelmed by the mere chance of knowing the possibility to follow Manami exists, of being given a choice on the matter. His voice is high-pitched. Higher than usual at least, and squeaky.
- C-Can I???
Makishima is at a loss, because on one hand he would really really prefer that Sakamichi, being inexperienced and a little clumsy, stayed a little closer – but on the other he knows he’d feel just as bad if he were to deny Sakamichi the chance to have fun. It is one thing to put up rules and boundaries to educate a child and make him learn to eat his vegetables and stay safe, but it is another to actually prevent him from enjoying a trip into what is basically a big, organic playground. Plus, Sakamichi is unawarely making the face that Makishima can’t resist, therefore it’s an already lost battle. Trying to not think about all the ways a child can hurt himself in the open and mentally recalling the dates of every single vaccine shot Sakamichi has taken (the booster one for tetanus was one of the last, and Makishima was present for that, so he’s covered), he adjusts his son’s cap and takes his small backpack to make him lighter.
- Go. But don’t go where I can’t see you.
Sakamichi’s face breaks up in the most dazzling smile Makishima has ever received and the kid shouts a ‘thank you’ before running after Sangaku, who is waiting for him. Makishima has brought Sakamichi to their neighbourhood’s park often, he knows his kid loves to play and doesn’t shy away from hide-and-seek or tag, but being smaller and not very fast or strong, he does shy away from his peers, a little, which always makes him look a bit withdrawn in the crowd of children. He’s different with Shunsuke, and Shoukichi, more relaxed and more prone to participate in whatever activity they come up with, even if it usually ends up with him running after and keeping up with the other two as they butt head and compete over every little thing. This is another thing entirely, and Makishima has a hard time acknowledging that the resolute boy running fast in front of him is his son: Sakamichi’s legs move fast, and although it should tire him to keep up such a speed, it really doesn’t, and Sakamichi calls for Sangaku while he catches up (he always does that) and doesn’t even slow down when the two of them sprint together in another direction, heading towards a big stone first, a bunch of lilac flowers later, and then towards a weirdly shaped log that Sangaku swears it’s full of lizards they can chase.
They laugh loudly as the quick reptiles escape swiftly through their fingers and Makishima is torn between wanting to cry of joy at such a healthy display of ease and well-being, and the urge to sanitize every single blade of grass and kill every potentially dangerous insect in a two-meters-radius from Sakamichi. He hears Toudou chuckle at his right.
- Yeah, it’s really hard the first time.
- Shut up. I could kill you right now.
Toudou laughs and shifts his own backpack more so it rests more comfortably on his shoulders.
- Let’s go, Maki-chan! We have to keep up with our sons and show them who they’re dealing with!
He walks past him and flows into a higher rhythm without missing a beat. Before Makishima knows, Toudou is several steps ahead of him and he has to run to catch him again and settle on his speed. It’s a very comfortable one.
*
- You come here often?
A little more than an hour later, they’re sprawled on their respective quilts on the grass and setting up the food and cutlery for their pic-nic. There are dedicated resting areas on the track, with proper tables and facilities, but Toudou recommended a more classic experience, for their first trip. Makishima admits that the atmosphere is more bucolic this way.
- As often as I can. Yeas, Sangaku does indeed love it up here, but there are also steep paths that are meant for adults, not children, that I enjoy walking alone. The view is really striking up there.
Toudou points at the different mountains and the woods as he speak, with the confident air of someone who know very well what he’s talking about and that is in his element. It’s striking in a completely different way from the scenery. Makishima clears his throat, feeling the collar of his shirt suddenly too constricting, and he takes out of Sakamichi’s Love!Hime backpack a matching lunchbox.
- He’s really into it, isn’t he? The show.
Makishima looks up and follows Toudou’s line of sight, noticing the little backpack, the lunchbox, the ball Sakamichi and Sangaku are playing with and the mini trolley they have left in the van. He shrugs.
- I believe cartoons are Sakamichi’s biggest passion, as a whole, but he really got into this one, he’s totally in love. He made me watch it with him more than once and… I admit I can see why he likes it so much. It’s the story of a very average girl, with no talent whatsoever, who gets chosen to be a magical girl because of her kindness, but being her an unskilled person, she has to learn how to be a magical girl and improve her magical abilities. She has to overcome several trials in every episode and gets discouraged easily, but she makes good friends along the way. Plus, she has the help of a very weird looking mentor and her love interest is a very gifted apprentice from another magical academy.
- Are you sure you’re not into it as well?
Makishima chuckles and runs his thumb over the lunchbox, from where Kotori is making a peace sign at him.
- I think it’s a good show, for kids. No wonder it’s so popular. And it’s hard to explain, but while he enjoys pretty much every tv show meant for his age, this is different. This Love!Hime thing… inspires him. Does it make sense? I don’t know, maybe a child psychologist would hold a different opinion, but… it gives him courage, to think about what these characters would do if they were in his place. I’ve also been able to explain him bigger concepts, using them and their adventures, and he grasps them easily in those terms. So, yeah, Love!Hime is a very big deal in our household, and we really like our merchandise. One would say I spoil him too much, but… it doesn’t really feels that way? I mean… he never asks for anything. At all. And, I mean… if he needs something new, like his backpack when he started attending kindergarten, why shouldn’t I get him one with his favourite hero printed on? I can afford it.
Toudou lets him talk, guessing there’s a little more history behind his words.
- I’m not a spendthrift, nor a squanderer, but when Sakamichi came home with me all his possessions could fit into a small suitcase and were old hand-me-downs that made me feel sad just by looking at them. And his most treasured toy was the plush hippo I had got for him when we met at the zoo. He hasn’t owned pretty much anything until now, and he’s not a capricious child. He likes a cartoon with a magical girl and stuffed animals, why shouldn’t I get him these things, when I have the chance? Geez, he doesn’t even take me for granted, I still have a hard time making him understand that the things he has belong to him…
Toudou offers him rice balls with a tender expression.
- I know the feeling. I just wish Sangaku loved this way something else, apart from the mountains.
Makishima takes the lid off his box of takoyaki and puts it in the middle of the quilt, to share. Toudou calls the boys and, as they come, Makishima can’t believe Sakamichi still has the energy to chatter. At his left, Toudou wrestles sanitizer into Sangaku hands before allowing him near the food, but he’s doing so with a fond smile that turns even brighter when the child start eating in earnest, even looking for this or that snack they brought. Sakamichi does the same, trying dishes without even asking what’s in there. Toudou helps Sangaku with a water bottle.
- He’s a little picky with his food, but I think we’re getting better.
Makishima thinks about Sakamichi’s quiet acceptance of everything he puts in his plate, even when it’s clear that he’s not fond of some tastes, and watches him munch happily on Toudou’s salads. He kisses the top of his child’s head and asks Toudou for some recipes.
*
Predictably, the kids take a nap during the ride back to Toudou-an, but they’re wide awake for the traditional bath.
- The main pool is too hot for children, but we have an indoor bath where we keep the water’s temperature to a lower degree, if you’d like to let Sakamichi soak. He can enter the hot springs too, but he should sit outside of the water. Manami usually does that.
- I think we’ll make do with the indoor one, for now. Are you coming with us?
The words are out before Makishima can think about their implications. Toudou scratches his head.
- I would like to sort things out with my parents, first: you know, the sake order and everything, but if you feel comfortable enough to handle Sangaku, I could leave him in your care. I admit I like the hot springs better, so I wouldn’t mind postponing the bath a little and go soak while he’s asleep.
Makishima nods and goes to retrieve a change of clothes for him and Sakamichi, only to find a couple of yukatas on their futons. Already imagining Sakamichi’s face once he’ll tell him he has to wear such a garment, he goes back and gathers the kids, leading them inside the bath. On an empty bench there’s another tiny yukata waiting for Sangaku. Who luckily is an expert in terms of bathing and turns out to be very helpful in teaching Sakamichi all the ways of a communal pool and of a traditional ryokan.
*
Dinner is a light affair and the kids are asleep before they swallow the last bite of their dessert. They agree on letting them sleep close to each other for the time being, even if Makishima and Sakamichi’s futons are actually on the other side of the paper panel that divides the reasonably sized room that Toudou and Sangaku usually occupy when they visit.
- Sorry I couldn’t manage to get you another one. High season.
- Exactly because it’s high season it’s already very generous of you to host us for free. Do not worry about such trivial things.
- Maki-chan.
- Mh?
- Go enjoy the hot springs. The real thing, I mean. I can watch over the kids for a while.
- I already bathed, I wouldn’t want to im-
- I insist. They’re the pride of our inn: my grandmother will chase me with a broomstick if she finds out I let you go without a proper soak.
Toudou’s grandmother is a formidable looking ancient woman who could probably outlive her whole progeny and wouldn’t do so out of sheer pity and spirit of adventure. The image of her running after her rude nephew brandishing a broomstick is as comical as it is plausible, and Makishima laughs.
- Alright, I’ll go. Thank you.
*
The problem is, after the thirty minutes that they agreed on, Toudou goes too.
And Makishima would have left on time, and given him the change with the kids, if he hadn’t dozed off in the bath, but of course he did, and of course now he gets to wake up to the very sight he tried so hard to avoid: that of a very naked Toudou sitting dangerously close to him in a deserted hot spring. And shaking him into consciousness, which is a bonus that didn’t belong to the fantasy.
- Maki-chan! That’s why you should never bathe alone! Wake up! Are you alright?!
Makishima has enough presence of mind and coordination to stand up on his own and pull a towel around his waist in the meantime, grateful to the deities that Toudou has had the decency to never take his own off in the first place. He doesn’t know if he feels more embarrassed (and is therefore more red) for having being caught dead asleep in a public hot spring he’s been invited to, for the hot water or for standing in his birthday suit in front of his equally unclothed crush. Because yes, in the past half-hour he’s finally come to terms with the fact that he most likely has a crush on Toudou. Talk about mineral-rich waters and their power to clear minds and, contextually, complicate things.
- I… I think I should go.
- I’m coming with you.
- You’ve barely put foot in the bath.
- I’ve grown up here. I can live with missing a night. Besides, there’s still tomorrow morning. The sun comes up from that side. It’s beautiful.
Why is everything about you and your family absolutely breath-taking!?
Makishima nods, because there’s nothing else he can do, and stumbles into the changing rooms, Toudou in tow. They get dressed in silence, turned in opposite directions, but in their hast to finish before each other they end up tying their yukatas and moving to the exit at the same moment. The walk back to the room they share it’s an awkward one, and Makishima tries to find an excuse to pull that paper door close on his side of the accommodation without sounding too rude. Because what if he has completely misunderstood the situation and ends up ruining this, whatever it is, and also Sakamichi’s first friendship?
Toudou catches the sleeve of his yukata in front of their door. True to his nature, he’s staring straight into Makishima’s eyes.
- You are troubled. What is it?
Makishima swallows and looks away, touching his neck and grimacing at the naked skin he finds there. He hasn’t let his hair down. How could he forget to let his hair down!?
- It’s because of what I said, isn’t it? About the text I sent you the night I came back from the hospital.
Makishima wouldn’t be able to speak even if he wanted to. And he’s not sure he wants to, because he doesn’t trust his tongue, his mouth, his eyes, his body, anything about him. And Toudou makes of his silence what he wants…
- I’m sorry, I… I shouldn’t have sent it, I… I never meant to make things awkward. I… – he sighs, running fingers through his hair, and does Makishima have to notice right now that Toudou is not wearing a headband and is probably the one person in the whole world that looks good with bangs?! – I was vulnerable, that day. I had just put Sangaku to sleep with stitches on his eyebrow. I was exhausted and I felt so grateful towards you, you have no idea how much. I overstepped and overshared, and I’m sorry if my words came out wrong. They were true though: I was thinking about you when Sangaku got hurt, and maybe I felt the need to say it out loud because it helped me ease the guilt a little. I’ve… It’s been a while, since I have… built something with a person. Connected to someone new. And you are – you’re a force of nature, but an approachable one. I know it’s not easy for you, either, but you make it seem easier, being a parent, and I… I really needed it, right now. Someone like you.
Makishima kisses first, and neither he or Toudou expected that. In fact, Toudou stills under his hands and lips and Makishima pulls back enough to look at his slightly horrified face and his stomach drops to the ground. But Toudou has stopped talking.
- I just ruined everything, didn’t I? I… I got it all wrong, and you were merely referring to my presence in your life as a fellow single parent with a troubled child and a peculiar history, didn’t you?! Geez, of course you did, I don’t even know where you swin-
Toudou kisses second, and he kisses hard. Makishima understands now why Toudou might have not responded to his assault, he doesn’t feel able to either, he’s too stunned by the absurdity of the whole situation to even lift a hand. Toudou steps back but leaves his hands on Makishima’s neck.
- I swing in any way you need me to. And no, you didn’t misunderstand anything.
They kiss again, and this time it’s a mutual thing, which makes everything more interesting and less awkward. Toudou feels and tastes exactly like Makishima imagined (because now he can admit to himself he has been imagining this for quite some time). Makishima fits into his arms as perfectly has Toudou hoped he would. Makishima leans on the thin wall and pulls Toudou along, hands growing bolder and roaming over bodies and loose yukatas. They pull apart only when it’s absolutely necessary to do so, panting.
- It’s been…
- A while? Yeah, me too. You know, with a kid and everything…
Toudou laughs and rests his head on his shoulders. Makishima hugs him. It feels good. He had forgotten how good it could feel. He dives for another kiss. Sakamichi’s scream stops him before their lips can touch again and he pushes Toudou off of himself. He doesn’t take offense and doesn’t miss a bit. Makishima thinks he could fall in love with this man.
- What is it? – he asks as Makishima pulls open the door and kneels at his child’s side.
- Nightmare. Sakamichi. Sakamichi!
Sakamichi wakes up, startled and scared and in an environment that he doesn’t recognize. Predictably, he falls into an hysterical cry, but while Toudou is close to panic, Makishima seems to know what he’s doing. Therefore, Toudou focuses on his own kid, jolted awake by Sakamichi’s cries and close to a fear-induced tantrum himself.
Makishima disappears behind the inner paper door and turns on a lamp to give the room a warm glow of orange light. Toudou watches his silhouette from the other side of the light panel and hushes Sangaku, who hiccups sleepily into his arms. Makishima comes out several minutes later, cradling Sakamichi to his chest. Toudou notices that the child is still wide awake and slightly unsettled, and hugged tight to the hippo plush that Toudou imagines is the one Makishima told him about.
- Jinpachi, can you do me a favour?
Toudou nods.
- Would it be possible to warm up some milk, with a drop of honey? I have the sippy cup in my bag.
Toudou stands up, Sangaku on his hip.
- I’m on it, don’t worry. There’s an extra blanket in the wardrobe, should you need it, and spare futons as well: I don’t think he’s had any accident, but it’s better if you know, just in case.
Makishima mouths a ‘thank you’ and watches him leave the room with a light pang of loss. Then Sakamichi shudders again, and his attention is diverted to something much more important.
*
An hour or so later, the kids are asleep again, but the four of them are huddled on a single double futon, since it has proven impossible to separate Sangaku from Sakamichi without either of them fussing, and Sakamichi wouldn’t have let Makishima go if his life depended on it.
- Does it happen often?
- The nightmares? Not anymore. It was worse, at the beginning, but every now and then he has one.
- Sangaku did too, but in a sense it was worse, because he’s always been a silent kid, so I wouldn’t know there was a problem until it was bad enough that he came crawling into my bed. Which, in my opinion, was already too late.
- How did you deal with it?
- I put a monitor on his nightstand and developed a sixth sense.
- I know what you mean.
Sakamichi mumbles something into his sleep and Makishima cuddles him closer.
- About earlier. Perhaps we should… ah…
- …take things slow?
- Yeah. Don’t… don’t get me wrong, Jinpachi, it’s not like I want out, I just…
- …have a kid. So do I. And it’s been a while. Same here.
Makishima looks at him with longing, mixed with guilt. It’s a look Toudou knows well, and he can’t help himself: he tucks a stray lock of curly green hair behind Makishima’s ear and leaves his hand on Makishima’s cheek.
- I’m okay with slow, Maki-chan.
Makishima closes his eyes and they both lean over for a last kiss. A slow one.
Lost in this moment
Prompt: “You’re going to take all of me, I don’t care if it’s too much.”
Jules’ Notes: This is a direct continuation of myfirst piece: “Feels like I’m all the way back where I belong”, but can be read on its own. Btw I think that my greatest talent lies in taking a prompt and turning it into something it was probably not meant to be at all.
That said: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JINPACHI!!! =ç___ç=
Very few experiences beat the sensation of utter bliss that comes with lying on the tall green grass of a hill, under the sun, shoes forgotten and a bottle of fresh water. After a terrific climb, and with your sworn rival sprawled beside you.
Especially when your sworn rival is also your long-term boyfriend, whose birthday you are celebrating in a way that is equally maudlin and idiotic. Much like your relationship as a whole.
- The Inter-High route, Yuu? Really?
It’s our Inter-High route, Makishima thinks as he fans himself and looks away, and I hoped you of all people would have appreciated the sentiment. But maybe it was just wishful thinking – maybe Toudou doesn’t care about these things anymore, after all; maybe this year’s competition of theirs, this thing they do of finding the best way to celebrate each other’s birthday every time, is meant to end with a clamorous and disastrous defeat on Makishima’s part. Maybe he’s just overthinking things, as usual, because Toudou is already poking his side and rising up on his left elbow to look at him.
- I’m right here. Pay attention to me instead of disappearing into your own head.
He’s puffing his cheeks and pouting like he did when they were kids, and Makishima is glad to be reminded that even though they’ve changed, there’s still something of the people they were in them: that hairstyles come and go, and faces wrinkle, that even your attitude shifts and adapts to the flow of time, but every person does indeed have an immutable core that’s theirs alone. It’s reassuring, when melancholy hits too hard, to catch a glimpse of it in Toudou’s everyday gestures.
Makishima raises his hand to smooth the line between Toudou’s eyebrows.
- Stop frowning, you’ll get wrinkles.
Toudou pinches his nose.
- Stop brooding, you’ll miss out.
- …on what?
Toudou bends down and kisses him lightly on the lips.
- On this beautiful day you were so lovely to organize.
Makishima grits his teeth and puts a bony hand on Toudou’s face, pushing him away.
- Don’t make fun of me.
He makes to sit up but Toudou pulls him down again and keeps a palm on his chest. Makishima looks up at him: his features are more defined, his hair is longer, his shoulders filled out – but from this perspective, in front of the light and wearing his old Hakogaku jersey, Toudou really looks like his old self. Makishima knows the same can’t be said for him: he might be dressed in Sohoku’s yellow uniform and still be lankier than the average person, but his green mane is just a memory right now, his hair needing more resting time, nowadays, in between heavy bleaching and dying sessions. He likes to have it done before he goes home, usually, but this year it wasn’t possible. Toudou didn’t give sign of having noticed, and Makishima wonders when it happened, that he became the one in this relationship more obsessed with memories, anniversaries and appearances. Maybe when he left his homeland and decided to live his life in between continents, and holding onto the few certainties of his past became a necessity. Because if everything went on and changed while he wasn’t there, if he came back to a home that had left him behind, where he was supposed to fit?
Toudou’s voice shakes him out of his thoughts, and his index finger running on his cheek distracts him enough to prevent him from falling back into them.
- You’re doing it again.
- Doing what.
- Over-analysing something very simple. It was a wonderful surprise. I had lots of fun, even if you let me win because it’s my birthday.
- I didn’t. You won it fair and square.
- Then we’re really getting old, because that time was abysmal.
Makishima chuckles, and Toudou lies down at his side, caressing his arm.
- What I mean is: I’m happy to be here, with you. And I admit I felt very emotional the whole time it took to climb up here.
- Maybe that’s why your time was abysmal.
Toudou pokes his side and he squirms at the tickling sensation.
- Yours too, smartass.
*
They stare at the horizon, naked feet on the grass and an impromptu picnic improvised with the few things Makishima was able to order and have delivered at the top of the mountain, right on time. Toudou chuckles at the delivery van as it starts its descent.
- Always the high-end treatment, uh?
Makishima rolls his eyes at him as he spreads out a blankets that was included in his boxes and lays out a few fancy looking, sealed bowls.
- As if you didn’t enjoy being spoiled rotten.
Toudou shows him his tongue.
- It’s my birthday. I’m allowed to indulge myself today.
*
The banquet is small, but colourful and tasty and a true delicacy after the physical exertion. It’s also reasonably balanced in terms of nutritional values, a coincidence too fortunate to not be deliberate. There is also cake, with a symbolic candle to blow out, but Toudou doesn’t comment on it except to say how much he loves it and how good it tastes.
A light breeze lifts up after lunch, and they watch white clouds run after each other on the clear blue sky – heads touching, fingers intertwined.
- Thank you, Maki-chan.
Makishima blushes.
- I-Idiot.
Toudou turns and stares at him with the kind of gaze that has always been able to make Makishima weak in the knees.
- I mean it. I had fun.
Makishima closes his eyes. So many years and he still hasn’t learned to be honest with his boyfriend while looking him in the face.
- It’s not kaiseki ryori.
Toudou scoots closer to kiss his cheek.
- No, although it’s us all the same. Mountains and bikes and rivalry and all that teenage drama, but also leisure time and comfort and…
Makishima turns on his side, interested.
- …and what?
Toudou moves a few stray hairs out of his face.
- Stability.
*
- So…
- So?
- …are you going to spill the beans and make me emotional for real, or what?
The best thing about Toudou is that he’s always been able to read him like an open book. Makishima has never really opened up to him, or anyone, so Toudou’s talent for entering his lover’s head like it was his own has always been less than a lucky coincidence and more a sign of the universe telling them they were supposed to stick together. So far, it’s been right. Makishima knew he should have prepared some kind of speech. Toudou likes speeches, and strong declarations delivered with fervour. But he’s never had the social skills necessary to hold his own with crafty words and charisma, always preferring to show what he felt, more like describing it. In his opinion, there are things worth not mentioning: feelings are much more easily and effectively conveyed through colours and music and sincere gestures, for example. But there are also moments and occasions in which words are necessary. He’s aware of it, and so is Toudou who, although he has clearly understood what Makishima meant with today’s celebration, is deliberately playing dumb in order to hear Makishima saying it aloud. And since it’s Toudou’s birthday, and he has promised himself long ago to always do his best to give Toudou what he wants and make him happy, Makishima complies. Also because Toudou doesn’t know everything.
- I could have picked the route of our first climb, couldn’t I? The one I won. Or the one where we made our first promise. It would have been quite meaningful as well. They were all obvious choices, but this one was the most obvious of all, and you know how much I hate being obvious.
Toudou hums in agreement. The day a critic will deem Makishima’s creations as anything but out-of-the-ordinary, his boyfriend will quit the fashion industry forever.
- I chose this route because even if I had already fallen in love with you by the time we entered our third year of high-school, it was in this moment of my life that I realized I didn’t want to let you go. Despite my dreams, despite England, despite everything.
He points at the hairpins that are only partially visible from their position, at the road covered by the high trees and then at the one downhill.
- There is where I considered ditching my team for a last chance to ride with you. My sense of responsibility won, and I kept my position, but it took all my self-control, and the knowledge that I could have been capable of acting so selfishly just for the sake of a climb with you shook me real hard. That is where I caught up to you, and I think I will never forget the way you looked at me when I reached you.
- Neither will I.
- There is where you told me you were grateful for what we’d had. And I remember having the clearest epiphany of my life, and a voice in my head telling me to not give up and hold onto you, do everything in my power to not lose you, because I couldn’t have afforded it. And I couldn’t stand it either, the idea of you not being part of my life anymore.
Toudou looks at him with misty eyes.
- And you didn’t, did you? Let go, I mean.
Makishima laughs drily.
- I latched onto you like vine.
- All the while making me believe I was the pressing one.
- You were quite insistent yourself.
- Touché.
Makishima takes a deep breath and leans back on his hands, hair flowing in the wind.
- Jinpachi.
- Yes?
- We came back here after more than ten years since those days, and this place still gives me the same vibes.
Toudou’s voice gets stuck in his throat.
- W-What do you mean?
Makishima looks up at the sky, lopsided grin in place to testify he’s restless and slightly nervous.
- I mean that earlier today, much like ten years ago, I raced up these hills with you, crossed the highest peak with your name on my lips and my brain yelling at me to not dare let you go. But we’ve already been together this whole time, so there isn’t much I can do to make my intentions and commitment clearer. Unless…
Toudou speaks in a higher octave.
- Unless…?
Makishima brings a hand to the back pockets of his jersey and rummages into it for awfully long seconds until his fingers find their target and he fishes out a couple of silver bands, simple enough to be discreet, fancy enough to show personality. Toudou doesn’t have to look to know what date is carved on the inner side of the rings.
- Unless you accept to climb this new mountain with me?
The answer is a heavy body slamming into him and sending them both toppling down the slope until they hit the bottom and Makishima finds himself squashed under his apparently dead boyfriend.
- Jinpachi g-get up. You weight too muc-
Toudou doesn’t listen to him and shuts him up with a kiss that has nothing to do with the chaste pecks they’ve been exchanging the whole day. It makes Makishima dizzy in a way that feels surprising, given for how long they’ve intimately known each other. Toudou pulls back only when absolutely necessary, but doesn’t move a muscle, staying pressed against his lover and looking down on him with a dark face.
- No way. You’re going to take all of me, I don’t care if it’s too much.
Makishima stares at him, dumbstruck, and Toudou stares back, serious – it doesn’t last long, and they start laughing soon after.
Of course I’m taking you, Makishima thinks in between heated kisses, it’s the least I can do, since you’ll have me.
Was a time when I wasn't sure, but you set my mind at ease, there is no doubt you're in my heart now
Prompt: “I need you. Right now.”
Jules’ Notes: Look who’s back! TouMaki Month has entered it’s last days and will be protracted for the whole week to allow us to catch up with the missed entries^^ Let’s get back on track right away with some fluff, then!^^
And centered around patience, how appropriate! XD
Makishima is aware that he’s not the easiest person to get along with. As much as Toudou tries to reassure him that he can see beyond his caustic ways and cold demeanour, that he can feel how much Makishima cares, Makishima doesn’t believe it’s enough. It never seems enough, considering how selfish he is. Toudou has given him a lot over the years, but above all, he’s given him patience. Toudoud has accepted his unconventional looks even when it was clear they did not represent a phase. Toudou has learned to walk beside him with pride regardless of Makishima’s outfits. Toudou, sensing the loneliness behind it, has ignored Makishima’s off-putting attitude and has kept sending him texts and emails even knowing they would have gone unanswered; he has kept calling even after Makishima had made a point of hanging up to him. Toudou has waited for him to be ready to accept his feelings, first, and to welcome his touch, later. Toudou has welcomed a long-distance relationship, for the sake of Makishima following his dreams overseas. Toudou waits for him in summer, and waits for the time in winter in which he’ll have saved enough to jump on a plan himself and reach his lover. Toudou waits for his vocal messages at night, and for the presents Makishima sends, who never really seem to arrive on time to mark the special occasions they were bought for. Toudou is patient with him when he snaps and acts cranky, and he never acts offended when he cuts the video calls short because of their conflicting schedule.
Toudou deserves so much more than someone like him, of this Makishima is convinced. But Toudou doesn’t want to hear any of it, usually, and he always declares he’s not going anywhere, so the only thing that Makishima has left is to do his absolute best to show Toudou how much he’s thankful.
Admittedly, it doesn’t come as natural to him as he wished it did. It’s far too simple to snarl at Toudou’s perpetual chatter, or to put a bony hand over his face when he gets too touchy – but lately, Makishima muses, it almost seems like it takes him a little less effort than before. He’s always genuinely happy when he spots Toudou through the crowd of people at the terminal, have been since forever (how can you not, with such a handsome face smiling at you?), and Makishima has always had the impulse, when looking at him, to just make Toudou happy too. So far, he has associated it with the necessity to give back, even just a little, some of what he’s so selfishly taken from Toudou through the years. A reasonable price to pay, that of spoiling Toudou like crazy, if it was to make him feel as cherished and special as Makishima felt every time they interacted.
But lately, he’s not so sure that’s the case anymore. Because nowadays it doesn’t feel like an obligation at all. A tiny part of Makishima insists that it never was, not really, but it’s complicated to shut down beliefs you’ve been tricking yourself into thinking for years. At first, he told himself that this need to prostrate himself and give Toudou whatever he wanted was just gratitude. Then it became a mutually beneficial way to make up for months of distance. Now it’s something different entirely, and Makishima has a difficult time understanding if Toudou is still the driving force behind it, or not. Because until a few months ago, his train of thought on the matter started with Toudou, and what kind of attention he would have liked to receive. Attention that Makishima was always more than eager to provide, compatibly with his limits in terms of showing affection. It seems to him now, that those limits are shifted, that the bar is set higher, that it is he himself who sometimes, at night, before sleeping, ends up hugging the pillow and thinking how much he’d like to cuddle Toudou and pamper him.
And when he finally has the chance to share a bed with his boyfriend, it is indeed Makishima the one who initiates physical contact (of no sexual nature, in this case: that is a pleasure they give in to as soon as they have the chance, always. It’s a collateral effect of the distance they’ve both learned to accept, not that it’s that much of a sacrifice.), beckoning Toudou closer before the latter has the chance to do so himself, hugging him to his chest, tracing his hairline with his lips and nose and caressing his skin, wherever he can touch it. Toudou always hums in his embrace, a serene smile on his lips and hands fisted tightly in Makishima’s shirt, anchoring him in place (as if Makishima would dare let him go). It never starts in the bedroom, it’s something that Makishima casually (and lately, unaware) keeps up the whole day: a warm palm on Toudou’s back when they cross a threshold or take a train and Makishima makes room for Toudou to go ahead; an arm casually wrapped around Toudou’s waist as they look at something together, or take a leisure walk in a popular tourist spot; a chaste kiss when they wander in less crowded but still suggestive places; suggesting they take a picture or two together; bringing Toudou into one of his own favourite shops because he’s found a line of scarfs that he is convinced Toudou would adore - and he’s been dying to gift him one from the moment he saw them, but wanted Toudou to pick his favourite; making a detour into a little known teahouse he has hunted down just for the chance of seeing Toudou’s face as he scrolls the selections of blends; feeding Toudou food from his own fork in the privacy of his kitchen; complimenting his outfit, or his headband, genuinely, without ulterior motives if not speaking the truth and watching Toudou’s face light up; holding him when they have the opportunity to stay close.
But as much as he basks in the affection during the day, it’s at night that Toudou feels free enough to purr his enthusiastic appreciation loudly. He might be flamboyant and outspoken with his feelings, Makishima has learned, but Toudou is modest and reserved at his core, and while he always wears his heart on his sleeve, Toudou is far less theatrical and far more sentimental when they are alone. Up until very recently, Makishima hadn’t come to terms with the fact that he’s a very sentimental person himself, and that he looks forward to their private rendezvous just as much as his boyfriend. Who clearly enjoys being treated like a spoiled cat sometimes.
Makishima doesn’t like to think about himself as an assertive person: he’s stubborn and determined, but he’s not a leader in the strict term of the word. But he likes to take charge in their relationship every now and then, silently and rather gently, because he knows it sends a thrill down Toudou’s spine and it gives Makishima goosebumps to elicit such reactions in his lover. Toudou is warm, always. It’s actually a bother during summer, but it’s wonderful in winter, when hugging him feels like wrapping your arms around a compact radiator. Makishima is pretty much convinced that holding Toudou until the warmth makes him drowsy and ready to doze off is one of his favourite feelings in the whole world. Toudou is also undeniably, unconceivably, unmanageably beautiful – and sometimes he makes Makishima lose contact with reality. Usually when he sleeps, and his looks aren’t watered down by the loudest aspects of his personality. Or when he’s pliant in Makishima’s arms, determined to milk out of him all the attentions Makishima is willing to give for the night. Surprisingly, it’s a lot, so much that as of lately it has almost become a game of endurance in between them, always competitive. Last time, Makishima won by managing to lull Toudou into sleep while making out; tonight, his boyfriend seems determined to take the point back playing the horny-card wisely. It’s already hard to resist Toudou when he’s seductive and dominant (in a respectful kind of way, another thing Makishima will never thank Toudou enough is his willingness to always give him the upper hand and control), but it’s an heresy to even think about not giving in when Toudou is pliant and submissive and so very intentioned to play the part of a prize to be won. Because he is a prize to be won, and a thing of beauty that mewls in your arms until you’re mad with the desire to possess him. Makishima bites on his neck and lets Toudou call the shots as things heat up at his pace, until he’s panting underneath Makishima and struggling with the discomfort caused by their clothes.
- I need you. Right now.
It’s not something they do often, and Makishima feels a little anxious every time they try, because he knows what it’s like to be the one on the receiving end, and while he absolutely adores it, he’s also had first-hand experience with everything that might go wrong in such a situation, and he doesn’t want Toudou anywhere near such possibility. Still, he can’t help but trust Toudou when he looks up, open and unguarded and as naked as he can be, and reassures him that everything is alright and that he wants it, however it goes. The thing is that Makishima wants it too, and it might be his insecurities speaking again (pushing him into making Toudou and his otherworldly beauty his, at least for a few moments), but maybe is just the need to indulge his lover and please him, while gratifying himself at the same time.
There isn’t, he realizes at they come, not a single part of Toudou that he doesn’t deem perfect, inside out, and it’s scary, how serious he is in his belief that to his eyes, Toudou is a flawed person, but a perfect one nevertheless. At least for him.
*
He has read somewhere that the very top of the head is the point in which you are able to smell the true scent of a person, the one that belongs to them alone and that is different for each individual. Makishima doesn’t know if it’s true, but he has still made a habit of breathing in Toudou’s scent when they cuddle, especially after sex. He doesn’t know if that smell is unique, but to his nostrils it screams Toudou, and he’s sure he’d be able to recognize it anywhere. It clings to his pillows, days after Toudou goes back to Japan, and Makishima wishes he didn’t have to change the sheets and wash the pillowcases, sometimes.
He inhales again, deeply, and mumbles nonsense into Toudou’s black locks as he exhales, wondering if it will ever come a time when he’ll have enough of this: this life, this man in his arms and his addictive self, this feeling of euphoric joy that doesn’t stem from an amazing orgasm but by having given one to his lover, with no ulterior motive than to see him happy and satisfied and nestled safely into their den of quilts.
- Are you sniffing my hair again?
Makishima doesn’t answer, he’s been caught red-handed, but he does shift a little to be able to see his lover’s face. Toudou squints his eyes at him, but in a soft, condescending way.
- They’re dirty.
Makishima shakes his head as he burrows his nose into Toudou’s thick hair, letting him caress his chest and play with the golden necklace he never takes off.
- Am I too much to handle?
The question comes out of the blue and he looks at Toudou in disbelief. But it’s far too peaceful and quiet inside the bedroom to raise his voice the way he’d like to.
- What do you mean?
Toudou shrugs and looks at Makishima’s skin, twirling a green lock around his index finger.
- It’s just… you’re so patient with me, always listening to my nagging and giving in to my requests or preferences. You follow me everywhere I drag you, whether you’re on board with the idea or not. You agree on watching my movies, you take me to places you wouldn’t normally seek out, just because you know I’d like them. You tone down your showiness when we’re together, in order to not make me uncomfortable. You’re not an affectionate person by nature, but push yourself beyond your limits, just to make sure I feel loved. It’s… it’s a lot, that you do for me. I was just… asking myself if it’s not too much. If you won’t grow tired of it, in the long run.
Makishima takes Toudou’s face into his hands.
- What if it makes me happy too, to make sure you feel cherished?
Toudou sniffs.
- The way it makes me happy to hear about all the things you’re accomplishing here?
Makishima nods, a little emotional himself.
- This is not an act, Jinpachi. You know I don’t lie.
Toudou chuckles onto his skin.
- No, you don’t. You’re not able to. …so you’ve always been a closet sap all along and never told me anything?
Makishima frowns.
- No. You have infected me. You’re contagious. Your patience is contagious.
Toudou smiles, smug.
- My love is contagious.
Makishima dives in for a kiss to put a stop to the conversation, and as they slide against each other looking for a new rhythm to follow, he asks himself if there really is any difference.
