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Still Missing (Gotta Tell You Something)

Dean Creations Challenge | profound-boning vs. @juliemcniven February: quotes about Dean prompt: Cas’s speech in 12x09 pairings: destiel word count: 2.4k tags: no warnings apply, canonverse, 12x09 coda, mutual pining, love confessions ao3

The first time it happens, Castiel is sure he’s imagining it.

Feeling less of a structured prayer and more a wave of sensation, Castiel looks up from where he is sitting in the driver’s seat and frowns.

Wistfulness? Aching? Whatever the emotion, it is not his own.

Castiel tries to reach back for it, to identify its source, but it’s already gone.

He starts the car and returns to his search. It has only been a day since he’s seen Dean and Sam. They couldn’t have gone too far.

The second time is more base. More familiar to Castiel.

Sam Winchester is hungry.

To be more precise, he is craving his own home-cooked food. Sam is sitting locked up somewhere and craving his fresh fruit, his potatoes, Dean’s pancakes, Cas’s coffee.

Castiel wishes desperately he could somehow pull information from this feeling. Where is Sam? And what about…

They’ve been missing for five days when Castiel finally feels something from Dean.

Dean is yearning for contact. Any human interaction aside from the 'Chow time!' heard twice a day from the other side of the door.

He knows that Dean must be missing his brother. His mother, too, no doubt. Dean is a very sociable creature, he must be climbing the walls by now.

The emotions pull Castiel deeper into sadness as he searches harder still for any clues about where the Winchesters might have been taken.

Angels do not require sleep, which means Castiel’s nightmares come on the nights he cannot fathom doing anything other than crashing into a soft bed.

Whether or not it’s Dean’s bed is entirely Castiel’s business and no one else’s.

When Castiel blinks awake to darkness, he recognizes two things: Dean and Sam have been missing for ten days. And he was awoken by the pull of a prayer. By the sensation of Dean praying to him, calling to him. The force of it is so strong it tastes like ash on Castiel’s tongue.

Cas

Knowing that Dean chose to turn to Castiel in his thoughts encourages a wave of arrogant pride in Castiel’s chest.

Dunno if your ears are on

As if Castiel would ignore Dean’s pleas.

I’m keepin’ track, so I know it’s been just over a week since Sammy and I got nabbed. Not sure what the fuck the President’s cronies are so desperate to find out from us but it sure looks like they’re good to their word about ignoring us until we talk. Talk about what? The Devil? The apocalypses, plural? When you were God for a while? Actual God and, oh yeah, his sister? What the hell these people are after is beyond me.

Castiel can’t help but smile a little. Dean’s making a good point.

Of course, they’ll want to know if we have accomplices or whatever. So first up is our dead mom. I’m sure they’ll enjoy that. And then there’s you, Cas. No, that’s not Jimmy Novak, that’s Castiel. Angelic wrath and awesome power and love for all of humanity and God’s creations. Wings and halo and harp and all. Heh. If you were here you’d glare at me and say, 'I don’t have a harp, Dean' or something. Can’t tell me you don’t have a halo, though. I wouldn’t believe ya.

Castiel absent-mindedly puts a hand through his hair at the top of his head, where his halo would materialize if he allowed it into the corporeal field.

I hope they don’t come for you, Cas. God knows what would happen if they somehow found out about the Bunker. If they…

Dean cuts himself off and Castiel strains to pick up more. Dean’s longing is still strong, and a tug from Sam’s soul echoes in Castiel’s grace. After so many years, Sam is a brother in all but blood to Castiel. And Dean, well. Dean says 'you’re our brother' and also 'I need you' and Castiel can’t help but think maybe Dean doesn’t always say what’s really in his heart.

Working this case is nearly impossible, even though it should have been simple. Castiel was a leader, a strategist, a warrior of God. He’d slain countless enemies in the pursuit of righteousness. And now he has been cowed by a single, tenacious vampire.

The guilt from Mary’s anger and the brothers' status as 'still missing' weighs on his heart. The grief and the pain of feeling Sam’s sadness and hearing Dean’s prayers distracts and disheartens him.

The drive back to the bunker from Missouri is the worst retreat in Castiel’s extensive memory.

You’re my family, Cas. I dunno if I’ve ever made that perfectly clear to you. What that means. But it’s still true.

The things I would do for some actually decent food right about now. I’m about to pray to Chuck and Amara to bring me some heavenly pizzas or something.

Would be so nice to hop in the Impala right now. See the sun shining and whatever.

I hope you’re doing all right. You haven’t burned down my kitchen or run out of coffee yet, have you?

Going crazy in here without Sammy. Without you.

If I ever make it back, I gotta tell you something.

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