#july intern

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July Intern Looks Forward to Finding Out This Isn’t Worth It

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CHAPEL HILL, NC - University of North Carolina internal medicine intern Warren Burke is about to embark on a long and exciting road, and today he confirmed with Gomerblog he absolutely looks forward to finding out that this totally isn't worth it.  Not one bit. "I'm a July intern and to...

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Ventilator More Effective When Connected to Endotracheal Tube

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KEARNEY, NE - It was a close call for Kind Humanitarian Hospital's Dr. Dan G. Ross of when his ventilated patient started to desaturate.  The brand-new intern was left alone with the critically-ill patient as the respiratory therapist went on a smoke break. Having gotten a High Pass in...

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Podiatry & ENT Take July Intern to OR to Surgically Remove Foot from Mouth

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - In a classic July intern move that would make Scrubs' Dr. Elliot Reid proud, intern Timothy Wilcox accidentally insulted a woman by asking her "When's the baby due?" even though she wasn't pregnant.  Dr. Muhammed Loza of Podiatry & Dr. Erin Whitlock of ENT are coordinating...

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Rookie Mistake: July Intern Grabs Cup of Decaf Coffee, Defeats the Purpose Entirely

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NASHVILLE, TN - In a situation that can be described in no other way but shocking, neophyte July intern Elena Sanchez grabbed a cup of decaf coffee - yup, you read that correctly: DECAFFEINATED COFFEE - in what is considered a classic rookie intern mistake.  The unfortunate incident took place...

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FDA Approves 55-Hour ENERGY for Incoming July Interns

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a major win for soon-to-be-exhausted incoming July interns at residency programs across the land, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has approved 55-hour ENERGY drinks effective immediately since improved work conditions are coming no time soon. "Look, burnout is...

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Paranoid Intern Rules Out TB with 99 Negative AFB Sputums

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BOSTON, MA - Not taking any chances when it comes to his patient's and his very own health, July intern Reed Evans plans to rule out tuberculosis (TB) in his hospitalized patient not with three negative AFB sputum samples but 99 negative AFB sputum samples. "You can't be too cautious in these...

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Intern Put Into Timeout Cage to Think About What She Did

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EL PASO, TX - New medical intern Lilah Pepper was placed into a timeout cage by her team on rounds earlier today as punishment, and sincerely hope once the door is locked shut it gives her ample time to think about she did. "Sit, intern, sit!" Pepper's resident ordered.  "Bad intern!...

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