Time (Junhyung)
I saw her again today. This time she carried two coffee cups from the café where we used to meet in the mornings. Her hair was tied back in a bun but she kept pushing a strand of hair behind her ear anyway. She stood across the street waiting for the symbol to go green. She was probably on her way to work. I can’t be sure these days.
I walk into the company building, scanning through emails as I dodge frantic interns. Arriving at the meeting room, I realise that I’m early, for once. I choose the seat nearest the large window overlooking the city. I love watching people go about their daily lives, all going their own ways, on their way to work or school or where ever it is they’re going. It fascinates me that these people below me probably walk the same streets, get the same trains, and yet never speak. They will never know each other. We used to be like that.
“Daydreaming again, hyung?” I turn around to see Dongwoon pulling out a chair across the table from me.
I cough, and then smile in the hope that I hide how I feel enough to prevent further questions. He doesn’t miss a thing. I know he won’t push the issue though so I change the conversation quickly.
“So you read the album concept, what did you think?”
I’ve been writing songs for a long time now and I’m grateful to the company for allowing me to make decisions that not many ‘idols’ get to make these day. This album is much different to any of our others, however I’m unsure as to whether or not that’s a good thing. I always believed that music has no rules, no boundaries but I don’t know how the other members will react to it.
“I think it’s great, hyung. Something we’ve never done, I’m sure the fans will love it.” He looks at me, nodding. Always thinking of the fans, our b2uties. Everything he does is for them. I appreciate his kind words, more than he knows. Or perhaps he does.
Eventually the other members arrive, along with producers and more execs. The album is discussed, scrutinised and picked apart piece by piece. There are disagreements about the song to be chosen to be made into a music video. I remain quiet.
“Song four is a clear choice. It is a summary of the album as a whole. There’s lots that can be done, regarding a concept for the mv itself.” Our leader clicks his pen, as he flicks through pages in front of him. He has always had faith in us, and us him. His words are final, no one can argue with what he says and the meeting ends. No schedules for the rest of the day. I hate days like that. I prefer to be occupied. Busy. Not with plenty of time to think.
Nearly everyone has left the meeting room as I get up from my chair, catching a glimpse out the window again. What am I even looking for? Sighing, I pull myself away only to find Dongwoon leaning against the door frame.
“You should talk to her, hyung. It’s been nearly six months. If it hasn’t gotten easier by now then it never will.” He looks at me knowingly, I’m sure he sees the pain behind my eyes. There’s no point in denying anything to someone who knows you so well.
“I can’t Dongwoon-ah. What if she’s moved on? If she’s met someone else and is happier now than she ever was with me.” I think about this often and it pains me.
“What if she hasn’t? You’re torturing yourself with ‘what if’s’. I think, if she read some of the lyrics of this album, she would know exactly how you feel. Because no offense, hyung, but you’re not great at saying how you feel out loud.” He smiles at me, handing me his copy of the album plans.
“She’s probably going to lunch soon, but I’m sure you know where she’ll be. Good luck hyung, see you later.” he nods encouragingly as he walks backwards out of the room.
My heart races as I look at the sheets of paper I hold in my hands.