One day I came across a body. I wasn’t quite sure if it was alive or not… or human. I was afraid to go near it but when I found a really nice long stick I decided to attempt an approach. I prodded with the stick at the lifeless figure on the ground only to find it was not lifeless. It moaned but did not awaken.
It was not in a rightly state. The hair was matted down to the head and covered in mud. They were wearing a long dark cloak and there was a sack lying next to them. They were face down in the mud. I was a little frightened to find them alive but it was starting to rain so I didn’t want to just leave them here. I decided it was best to keep my distance just in case. If things got too dangerous I could always whip out my MASSIVE SWORD.
I found a heftier, but lengthy stick and began to jam it under their body and lift with all my might to roll them onto their back. It was a long and arduous task but I eventually succeeded. I managed to roll them over and see their face. They had still not awoken so I attempted a slow and cautious approach. The rain had grown progressively.harsher.com and was hitting their face. I used the rain water to wash the mud from their face. It wasn’t the best method but it did its job.
I hate writing honestly I suck.
Anyway the beefcake was still unconscious so I decided to try and arouse it. I tried calling, poking, prodding, and none of them worked. I was growing cold, wet, and tired, and I was losing patience, so I assumed the position of straddling the body. It was the prime position for what I was about to attempt. I made sure to tuck the arms under myself. And then, I began slapping their face like crazy as hard as I could. Oh yeah, they woke up alright. They began flailing but luckily I had their body and arms pinned down.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?” Shouted the lively cadaver.
“I’m sorry. Calm down but it had to be down. You just were not waking up. And I couldn’t just leave you here…” I began talking very fast in a panicky voice. “… it was raining and I wasn’t sure if you were dead…”
“WHY ARE YOU ON TOP OF ME?!” They shouted once more.
I cried a little but the rain hid my tears. I don’t like when people yell at me. “I’m sorry… That was for my own protection. I don’t know you and I wasn’t sure how you would react. You could have attacked me or something so I had to hold you down or…”
“Okay. That’s nice,” They said in a forced calm. “BUT WHY ARE YOU STILL ON ME?!”
I panicked, gave a little squeal and fell backwards a bit. I was still on them so I did a little roll to get off the rest of the way and they gave me a little angered push.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled quietly.
“Stop apologizing,” they grumbled.
Geez why you gotta be so anger?
“Why are you crying?” Anger. Again.
“I’m sorry.” Oops. I apologized again. Now they’ll get mad again. “But you keep yelling at me what else am I supposed to do?”
“Um… I don’t know, not cry.” They seemed to be in a constant mood of grumpy. But then again they had just been unconscious in the mud for who knows how long only to be awoken by some chick sitting on them and slapping them. I would probably be grumpy too. “You’re weak. Why are you even out here? These woods are cursed. Usually only a party of adventurers or warriors would even attempt to enter.”
“Yeah…” I replied glumly. “I was in a party but they kicked me out cause I kept crying all the time.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” They sounded genuine. They were probably starting to feel like a dick now for being so mean to me. Good. “What happened?”
“They just left one night.”
“Oh man, that’s rough. Did they just leave you while you were asleep?”
“… Well… no not really,” I started. They gave me a confused look. “Actually I was on watch that night. I always have trouble sleeping so I usually volunteer to take the first watch. I’m also a light sleeper, they might have tried to leave while I was asleep but I probably woke up. No, they left while I was awake. Peter, one of the guys in my party, just woke up and said he had to pee and walked off into the woods behind me. On his way back to camp he decided to give me a nice little bash to the back of the head with the hilt of his dagger. When I woke up they were all gone.”
There was no reply, just a stare. There was pity in those eyes.
FUCK YOU! I DON’T NEED YOUR PITY!
They stopped staring and began to wipe the mud from their face. Then they reached for the satchel next to them and started rummaging through it. Then they pulled a smaller bag out of their big bag like a Russian nesting doll and tossed it towards me.
“That’s rough,” they said as they began packing up their things and getting to their feet.
I looked in the bag, it had a few gold coins.
“Thanks for the help.”
“You’re leaving?” I said. Sad to be left alone again.
“Yeah. You wouldn’t want me to stick around,” They mumbled.
I looked down at the ground.
“Wait,” I looked up again. “Why are you traveling alone?”
“Oh,” now it was their turn to look at the ground. “I was kicked out of my party too.”
“What happened?” I asked excitedly, feeling like whatever it was they deserved it.
“They said I was being a sarcastic asshole all the time and it was really shitting on their team mentality.”
I smiled but quickly wiped it off my face. They didn’t notice though because they were still staring at the ground. “I’m sorry to hear that. That’s too bad. I guess we’re both outcasts now, maybe if we work together we can make it out alive?” I suggested.
They looked up at me only to look back down again. Then they glanced up once more and said, “Really? You don’t think I’m an asshole?”
“Oh, I think you’re an asshole alright.” I said, and then I realized that might have been a little too harsh. “I just want to get out alive, and I think the best way to do that is together.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” They sounded a little defeated but at least they weren’t angry anymore. “So what’s your name?”
“I’m Julia,” I smiled and stood up, sticking out my hand.
They took my hand and shook it. The hand shake was gross and awkward because of the rain, mud, and human interaction.
“I’m Jack.”
