#just writin

[heartbreak-sandwich]

The first time Billy concedes to anyone, it's to you.

He snapped, and he yelled at you, and he's already sorry, but he doesn't know how to make those words tumble out from behind his gritted teeth into the stale, quiet air.

Here, in his Camaro, parked outside of your house, he grips the steering wheel hard enough to make his knuckles turn white as he steeps in his own shame bordering on self hatred. He's still sorry, but he's battling his own carefully curated stubbornness, so he just listens to your staggered breathing as tears slip down your cheeks, and he knows that every second of silence is another lost chance.

You couldn't speak. You just stared straight ahead. He yelled at you over something so stupid, and you were embarrassed and hurt. You didn't want to make things worse by starting conversations, and you were almost sure this was it. When you get out of his car, it will be for the last time.

Billy sucked in a deep breath and sighed it out as his grip on the steering wheel loosened, and he finally looked over to you. You didn't meet his eyes, still staring straight ahead, quiet tears still streaming.

"Hey," he says, his voice level and husky. "I didn't mean what I said." You still stared straight ahead. That wasn't an apology, and you still didn't have anything to say. Billy sighed again and rested a hand on your thigh.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you," he offers, his eyes becoming more focused on you as you continued to stare into the night through the windshield. "Please talk to me."

You took a deep breath and shook your head slowly, overanalyzing every action in the last few moments before he exploded, wondering if there was anything you possibly could have done differently to avoid the current situation.

"I'm sorry," he finally says. He means it - you can tell. You rest a hand on top of his and meet his eyes as he reaches up with his free hand to catch another falling tear. "I'm sorry," he repeats, the words sounding more solid this time.

You nod slowly and lean over the center console into his shoulder. He holds you until your breathing evens out, softly petting your hair and whispering his apology over and over. He didn't have to, but he wanted to. He knew he was wrong for what he had done, and the more he said it, the easier it was to say.

He shuts his eyes, and holds you tighter, and hopes with his whole heart that he can fix himself - that he can stop standing in his own way. He doesn't know exactly what's wrong with him. All he knows is he doesn't want to ruin the only thing that's mattered to him since he was ten years old.

[eijiroukiriot]

i really do see bkg as an unreliable narrator though because i think he sees himself as a lot more rational than he is. past the point of defending his own actions, i strongly believe he thinks he’s like 40% less angry in any given situation than he is in practice. 

i bet the same thing would carry over to his speech where he expects everything he says to portray the wide range of emotions he’s feeling at full blast at all times but it’s more like

[womanwithleftbeef]

Knowing well enough that we wont achieve true freedom without full inserruction from the poor + that mike pence is the evil puppeter of the entire trump campaign I'm still letting myself be a tiny bit excited that trump may be impeached by the senate. Everything's fucked anyway this is america all the presidents are facists that kill people. So it really doesnt matter who gets impeached obviously but At least we can rub it in bigots faces that their favorite symbol for everything they stand for is removed from office Their minds are numb so they see it as a bigger loss than it really is. I will rejoice in their grief. Even for a moment. Being happy about something small without being naive about the bigger picture doesnt make me a stupid liberal.

[newtyp]

Some bad things have happened recently but its important to remember the bad news isnt everything, that sometimes bad things have a bigger effect on our psyche than good or “neutral” things and life goes on. Do try your best.

[hazyaugust]

grandewhitemocha said: *sees tab* Lydia… *sees tag* ….okay

* snorts *

[ttwentysix]

It is dark and storming and I miss you like I have some right to miss a human who screams like thunder and shakes like rain and won't let me in.

Rain rots everything (via ttwentysix)

[penniesinthewells-blog]

maybe I should write a fantasy?

The man stepped out of the moss laden rocks to see the sun for what felt like the first time in ages. Raindrops still dripped here and there from outcrops and bushes teetering on edge by the very fingertips of their scrambling roots. In the distance, grey sadness waved him farewell like a child saying goodbye to a pup. But his serene morning view cracked with the caws of black birds in the distance. Overlooking a small village, he saw smoke bellow signifying normalcy but to the left, something more malevolent struck his eyes. He crawled back into the cave and awoke his partner-in-travel, they would not make it to Rehu by night like they had expected. The sleeping blond with raccoon eyes of dirt stumbled out of his web of blanket and mat but his hands instinctively knew where the longbow rested. Together they rushed out and crouched beneath one of the shrubs. Midway through the bend, a black banner flapped over a cluster of dark skinned warriors. They were marching towards the town they had rested in the night before. The inn told them that they come every year to collect tribute but this year they were early. The two of them darted to closer cover and came close enough to realize these thugs weren't here just to collect from a plate. The man drew his first arrow, his friend ran to another rock. Perhaps they could intercede this plight. They let their arrows fly. 

[metermouse]

The Giants game last night

was pretty darn fun.  Despite my cousin having some sort of mild stomach flu the entire time ): We sat behind first base about twenty rows back, pretty nice! The Giants won, and everybody seemed happy and we clapped and ate sunflower seeds and my boyfriend and I swayed to "I left my heart in San Francisco" at the end of the game.

We all won a pack of brautwurst, but the line for the coupon was so long we weren't having it.  On the way there we missed the train and didn't get to ride with the rest of our party.  On the way back they got in the wrong car and we didn't get to ride the way back with them either.  But we were able to get seats, and that's what really counts, isn't it??? 

The train had a mix of fans from the baseball game, some drunk, some tired, and some drunk and tired.  There were also plenty of people coming home from Pride in SF, most all of them in the same three categories mentioned above.  All was well until a group of dude-bros decided to stand in the aisle right next to me and my significant other.  They were loud and drinking and incredibly offensive.  They tried to hit on girls that did not look over 18, and said they were 16, to which the guys said "I bet you're 14" in a 'but you're still cute' way. 

They caused me to get quite anxious and irritated until I was able to distract my psychosomatic tendencies with Star Wars trivia.  See, Star Wars will save us all.  It even got my dearest to smile through the dude-bro miasma which was good because it was also his birthday yesterday.

Thank goodness the cloud of ugliness departed the train several stops before us, leaving just the mild anxiety of being on a train packed full of people brings.

I had a lot of fun, the tickets were free, and today I am tired.  Good Sunday.