#just... take this

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Peter: hello husband dearest are you ready for our da

Elias: PETER what is that don’t come near me

Peter: Hm?? 

Elias: you smell horribly rank. What. what is it

Peter: Oh, is it--*pulls a handful of seaweed out of his coat pocket* 

Elias: Why do you have-- 

Peter: Hm, no not that. Maybe.... 

Peter: *pulls a long kelp leaf, 5 different shells, a seagull skull, some bedraggled feathers, a fair amount of pocket sand, some cool rocks, a condom filled with tiny shells, a wrinkled hundred-pound note and an entire crab exoskeleton out of his pockets* 

Elias: 

Peter: Ah! I think I found it. Is it this two-week-old scallop I forgot about? 

Elias: Yes. Disgusting. Get rid of it immediately 

Peter: Okay :) *pries the shell open with his fingernails and slurps up the scallop* 

Elias: 

Elias: Th. this is a bit you’re doing. a joke. you’re. you’re doing a joke right now Peter right? You’re not actually going to--

Peter: *eats it* 

Elias: 

Elias: DIVORCE 

Later, at the hospital: 

Peter: worth it *pukes into a bag* 

Nathaniel Lukas: but why tho

Peter: If you could’ve seen his face you would agree with me! *retching* 

Nathaniel: ....what else is in your jacket

Peter: What? Oh nothing. absolutely nothing--WHY ARE YOU SHAKING IT 

500 stale cockle shells, a whole lobster, 5 pounds of pocket sand, the ingredients of a killer seaweed salad and a still alive and spitting scallop: *bouncing across the floor* 

Nathaniel: 

Peter: listen, 

[akisazame]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Fandom: The Magicians (TV) Rating: Explicit Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh Characters: Quentin Coldwater, Eliot Waugh Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Beast (The Magicians), Established Relationship, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sexual Roleplay, Oral Sex, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Eliot Waugh's Canonically Huge Dick, Questionable Use Of Illusion Magic, Power Dynamics Summary:

"W- we c- can't just—" Quentin splutters, trying to keep his voice down but acutely aware of Margo's clever eyes on him from across the table. "We're, like, entertaining guests, and they could j- just walk right in—"

"They won't care," Eliot says, his hot breath making Quentin shudder. "Bonobos love to fuck. They'd probably know exactly why we're leaving, even if we didn't say a word. We could ward up the throne room, cast Edelson's Obscuring Enchantment, so no one could come in or see us." Eliot's foot brushes against Quentin's calf beneath the table, and Quentin nearly jumps out of his chair. "C'mon, you insufferable nerd, you can't tell me you haven't imagined it."