Stuck
“I think I’m the only one who remembers you.”
I looked up at the sky. It was somewhat cloudy, somewhat sunny; a little dark because the sun had risen just a little bit ago. I hadn’t noticed.
“I wonder what you would say about this new thing I’m working on. I think you’d have really loved it. I wish I could ask you for ideas, how to make things better. You’d know. Maybe.”
I kept rocking forward and backward. Forward and backward. Forward and backward. I stopped rocking. My foot started tapping on the ground. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Tap.
Tap.
“Hey.” Tap. “What are you doing right now?” Tap. “I think you’re asleep.” Tap. Tap.
“Are you dreaming?”
Tap.
Tap.
Tap. Tap.
“What am I doing?”
Tap.
Tap.
“Who am I even talking to? You’ve been long gone.”
Tap.
Bounce my leg. Bounce bounce bounce bounce-bouncebouncebounce so fast, so good.
Emptiness.
“I think I’m sad, still. But I can’t feel it anymore.”
Bouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebouncebounce-
“I can’t really feel sadness anymore. The only thing I feel is empty. How can I get over it if I can’t feel it?
Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
“You never even existed. That person that I made up in my head is nothing like the real you. I had thought you were so much better, so much bigger. I made a juggernaut in my head and now I can’t escape them, while you’re out there being nothing short of mediocre.”
The leg stopped bouncing. Now I sat perfectly still. It felt good not to move. No more moving ever.
“Will I ever forget you?”
The song restarted in my headphones. I sat still. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t stop the song. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
