The One That Got Away
She laid in bed, unable to move. Her thoughts consumed her mind, her body, her. Staring at the ceiling with her left arm to her side and her right lying on her stomach, she couldn't help but wonder if this was maybe a punishment from God, or if was her fault. Maybe it was all a dream she would awaken from as soon as she shut her eyes. But she couldn't, because she knew it wasn't. She should be used to it by now. The long days and late nights that follow. Staying home, not eating well, not bathing, not talking, locking herself in her room with no appearance to or from her family for weeks at a time. But each time hurt worse than the last. The pain would never go away. Each time, a small hole was made in her heart and soul, and she knew that. It didn't make a difference, though. And she knew that. She knew that if she kept trying, there would be a point in her life that she either broke or stopped caring. She couldn't possibly bear the thought of not caring. This.. it's life changing. From the moment it started up to the moment.. it ended. Memories of lying in the cold hospital room swarmed her mind. It was plain. It always was. The walls, the wall linings, the nurse, the bed, the machines, and her personality. She had nothing. That was the fourth she had lost. Her doctor called her an idiot for trying. She didn't care. She didn't care. She couldn't care. Because she couldn't carry.