papa jordan. ( aut. )

under construction !! temporary theme. written by scar

[papajor-blog1]

The One That Got Away

She laid in bed, unable to move. Her thoughts consumed her mind, her body, her. Staring at the ceiling with her left arm to her side and her right lying on her stomach, she couldn't help but wonder if this was maybe a punishment from God, or if was her fault. Maybe it was all a dream she would awaken from as soon as she shut her eyes. But she couldn't, because she knew it wasn't. She should be used to it by now. The long days and late nights that follow. Staying home, not eating well, not bathing, not talking, locking herself in her room with no appearance to or from her family for weeks at a time. But each time hurt worse than the last. The pain would never go away. Each time, a small hole was made in her heart and soul, and she knew that. It didn't make a difference, though. And she knew that. She knew that if she kept trying, there would be a point in her life that she either broke or stopped caring. She couldn't possibly bear the thought of not caring. This.. it's life changing. From the moment it started up to the moment.. it ended. Memories of lying in the cold hospital room swarmed her mind. It was plain. It always was. The walls, the wall linings, the nurse, the bed, the machines, and her personality. She had nothing. That was the fourth she had lost. Her doctor called her an idiot for trying. She didn't care. She didn't care. She couldn't care. Because she couldn't carry.

[papajor-blog1]

@divinebabay / a starter you didn’t know that i as gonna make 8)

   it was 6:58 when Jordan parked his mustang in stefani's driveway. he knew where she lived because he had taken her home BEFORE. stepping out, he let the door swing shut behind him. taking LARGE steps to her door, he checked himself, making sure he looked OKAY. he had dressed up in a formal way but in a casual way as well. jordan wore a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows. dark blue jeans HUGGED his hips and, of course, he couldn’t leave the house without a signature red cardinals hat of his. 

     he took a DEEP breath and knocked on the door THREE times before sticking his hands in his pockets and swaying on his heels. TENSE shoulders turned to look out to the street as he thought. what if this was a MISTAKE? no. he had been wanting to do this for so long and now he had FINALLY done it. 

[justanotherrpmeme]

bold which habits your muse has

nail biting | throat clearing | lying | interrupting | chewing the ends of pens | smoking | swearing | knuckle cracking | thumb sucking | muttering under their breath | talking to themselves | nose picking | binge drinking | oversleeping | snacking between meals | skipping meals | picking at skin | impulse buying | talking with their mouth full | humming/singing to themselves | chewing gum | leg jiggling | foot tapping | hair twirling | whistling | eye rolling | licking lips | sniffing | squinting | rubbing hands together | jaw clenching | gesturing while talking | putting feet up on tables | tucking hair behind ears | chewing lips | crossing arms over chest | putting hands on hips | rubbing the back or their neck | being late | procrastinating | doodling | shredding paper | peeling off bottle labels | forgetfulness | running hands through hair | overreacting | teeth grinding | nostril flaring | slouching | pacing | drumming fingers | fist clenching | pinching bridge of nose | rubbing temples | rolling shoulders | rubbing their chin / facial hair

[hisimperialgrace]

Send ✚ for a HEALTH headcanon. Send ♕ for a CHILDHOOD headcanon. Send ✿ for a HAPPINESS headcanon. Send ␛ for an ANGER headcanon. Send ♆ for a BODY headcanon. Send ϡ for a MENTAL STATE headcanon. Send ღ for a LOVE/SEXUALITY headcanon. Send † for a RELIGION headcanon. Send ✄ for a PET PEEVE headcanon. Send ☂ for a FOOD headcanon.

[nxrthernblood]

kierazorel:

look-a-rp-meme:

Send… 😊 for a flirty text 😍 for a love text 😱 for a hyper text 👎 for an irritated text 😳 for a sexy text

Here’s some more because I obviously love emojis and text memes:

😂 for a drunk text 😏 for a snarky text 😝 for an excited text 😞 for an anxious text 😠 for an angry text 😅 for an accidental text 🤐 for a gossip text 😵 for an exhausted text 👻 for a scary text 💀 for a morbid text ❗️for an urgent text 💩 for a shitty text 👀 for a creepy text 💔 for a heartbreaking text

[papajor-blog1]

␛

Send ␛ for an ANGER headcanon.

     jordan is a very angry person, to say the least. but he hides it inside of himself. it's almost as if it was just a pit of anger. dark seething anger that just circled inside of him. that is, in fact, the reason why he almost never smiles. BUT!! it never started out as anger. it started out as love, then heartbreak, then depression, then to nothing, and then to solid anger. it blocked out almost every emotion that was.. well.. good. and it made him even angrier because he couldn't help it. it was.. because of her. he never talked about it. to anyone and that's how it would stay, but even jordan knows that one day he'll break. one day he knows that he'll just break. but that's okay because he'll be alone. now, don't get me wrong. he can manage his anger well enough so that he doesn't lash out as much as james. the biggest problem with this type of anger, though, is that he drinks his pain away. he is constantly drinking. the burning sensation eases the pain in his mind and he was okay with that. even if that means he constantly snapped and lashed out at the people that mean the most to him. he didn't care. they don't know what he went through. they never will.

[halcyonwrites]

the 100 sentence starters

“Love is weakness.”

“I should’ve killed you when I had the chance.”

“What’s wrong with a little chaos?”

“I never wanted any of this to happen to you.”

“I tried… I tried to be the good guy.”

“I bear it so they don’t have to.”

“I am become death, destroyer of worlds.”

“I did what I had to do, that’s all.”

“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving.”

“I have no home.”

“You’re dead to me.”

“Sucks, but I’m dealing with it.”

“I’m not fine!”

“What if I’m just broken?”

“Blood must have blood.”

“The things we’ve done to survive, they don’t define us.”

“The only way we’re gonna make it through this is if we trust each other.”

“Let me guess, Mommy and Daddy didn’t love you?”

“…Are you gonna cry, [Name]?”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I’d step back if I was you.”

“It won’t survive me.”

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

“No more secrets.”

“All I do is hurt people. I’m a monster.”

“You’re not allowed to die.”

“Who we are and who we need to be in order to survive are very different things.”

“I won’t let anything bad happen to you, [Name].”

“You want forgiveness? Fine, I’ll give it to you. You’re forgiven, okay?”

“I am doing the best I can!”

“Everything that’s gone wrong is because of you.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Pain. Hate. Envy. Those are the ABC’s of me, you take them away and there’s nothing left.”

“I couldn’t save him/her.”

“May we meet again.”

“How about you stick it up your ass instead?”

“You can’t afford to be weak.”

“You have something I want.”

“Revenge isn’t justice.”

“Aim for the throat. Slash, don’t stab. Make it deep.”

“You saved my life.”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Stop blaming me for your mistakes!”

“Maybe there are no good guys.”

“Do you have any idea what you did? Do you even care?”

[imwritingpoems-deactivated20200]

ill spend the rest of my life trying to forget

[highbcltage-blog]

why should i resolve things peacefully when i can just easily punch you in the face

[plasticdynasty]

Difficult Questions for Muses

(Please remember to use trigger warnings as and when necessary)

Do you think that you’re a good person?

Do others like you? Do you want others to like you?

What do you think others like or admire about you?

How do you know when you’re in love? (romantic or platonic)

Would you or have you ever killed? What would drive you to kill? 

Do you think that killing is ever justified?

Have you ever done anything that you feel to be very morally wrong?

Should all people be treated as equal, and have the same rights?

If you committed a crime, would you accept punishment willingly?

Is suicide ever the right choice?

Is euthanasia ever the right choice?

Is it right to have an intimate relationship with somebody you don’t love?

What could make you break your own moral code? 

Have you ever doubted your own beliefs? (Spiritual, philosophical)

Would you always be loyal to your loved ones even if they wronged you?

What would you consider a fate worse than death?

Why do you love the person or people you love? (romantic or platonic)

Do you agree with capital punishment?

Could you ever forgive your worst enemy?

What would you like to achieve before you die?

[papajor-blog1]

Continued from here.

          smile plastered on her face as she sat in her good friend’s couch, holding one of his small toys from one of the fans he had got. silence filled the room. she was glad that she could sit in silence without having to feel awkward or any sort of negative feeling. she felt like she fit in the office by now. everyone treated her nicely, and she was happy that it didn’t feel like she was lower than some of her bosses ( they treated her like a person rather than a worker ). hearing footsteps growing closer to the room, her head turned, expecting it to be james. 

           surprisingly, it was jordan, and he wasn’t looking at her. which was unusual, he seemed… nervous. he was always confident around everyone, including her. hearing his question answered all her questions, and her smile grew on her face. ` of course, jordan !! i would love to go on a date with you. ` 

     relief washed through jordan in a tidal wave. he had been SO afraid that she would REJECT him. a grin marked his face easily as his hands marked their TERRITORY on his hips. 

     for so long he had WAITED to finally tell her his feelings for her, his great GREAT feelings but he could never find the right time. or muster up the incredible courage. 

      ❝ well that’s great!❞ he stated aloud as HE made eye contact with her. the inconsiderate butterflies still SWARMED his stomach and almost made his knees weak, FORCING his eyes to the ground in front of her feet.  ❝ So.❞  he murmured, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as his grin went DOWN to a small smile. ❝ What time should I pick you, sweets?❞  he smiled a little bit BIGGER, gazing into her eyes once more, though his attempt to be SLY probably isn’t working as well as he wanted it to and hoped.

[papajor-blog1]

DONE WITH SCHOOL !! i am finally done. i can't believe it ! haha. now that i am done i will be back on more and finishing my drafts !!

[kdkkdmd-deactivated20220109]

[papajor-blog1]

sorry i haven’t been on much. school has literally been fucking me over. but i will get to my drafts as soon as i can. be patient because i might not have any hair left because of finals. 

[sexlessrpmemes]

Reblog if your muse has a kill count of +50

[papajor-blog1]

so.. i suffer from severe anxiety and depression. and i know that i’m not the only one out there that does. i just wanted to let everyone know that if you need someone to talk to, or if it feels like there is no one there for you, you can message me, okay? i may not reply instantly, but i will get to you and i will help you as much as i possibly can. you are not alone.

and the reason that this post is just randomly being put out here is because i know how that feels. i know how it feels to have no motivation for anything. i know how it feels to constantly have anxiety attacks or just be constantly low. and even though i do have people here that help me through it, you might not. and if you don’t then i can be your helper. we will get through it together. :)

[aleksvitaly]