Learning how to be angry
It was easier to quit meth than it’s been to quit weed.
Even though the way I use it is the same — it takes me from the discomfort and puts me somewhere else for a while.
I never even liked weed. I just liked that it wasn’t sober.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be sober. How to not reach for something.
I quit meth, started weed. Every time I quit weed, I reach for alcohol. I don’t even like alcohol that much either.
But I’ve felt pure sobriety before — a few months of it — and it’s gorgeous.
When I’m clear, I know what to do next. Who I am is clear.
I eat better. I feel better. I get angry. I get annoyed. I get electric.
There are things I never learned how to do sober. Being angry is one of them.
I am ready to be angry. Or to learn how. To be angry at something other than myself.
