@jvdicatum ♥‘d for a starter !
【 Ⅲ 】 —— She supposes that sooner or later, Ryoto would come looking for her after her abrupt period of silence and more than likely catching wind of what had happened at Cerberus. It hadn’t taken long for the other branches to learn of the revolt and from there she assumed that the news had spread through the grapevine of the hidden world they inhabited, so it only made sense that he would have eventually heard. And she can’t even really blame him for trying to see her; she had, after all, steadfastly ignored all of his frantic texts and calls, convinced that it would be best for him if she removed herself permanently from his life now that she had become the one creature she loathed the most. Not only that, but her future beyond helping to take down Cerberus is tenuous at best; she can’t deny the fact that she hasn’t toyed with the idea of ending it. Ending herself. Because wouldn’t it be better than to live as something she had never wanted to be ?
She thinks so, if only because she’s already so lost, but she’s not completely convinced. And because of that she doesn’t want to allow Ryoto to grow even closer to her, not when she isn’t even sure if she’d continue to be a presence in his life. Even before she had been turned, their future hadn’t been stable, the constant threat of one of them disappearing or even dying a constant threat that loomed over them. It’s an unfortunate truth one has to live with when in their line of work.
Even so, she couldn’t turn him away when she had found out he had been caught trying to sneak onto the compound despite the fact that she knows she should. But she can’t, because despite her attempts to ignore the ever growing yearning to be with him, to even just see him, had been in vain. In the quiet moments after the bloody skirmish when she had been left alone with her thoughts, all she really wanted was him. She wanted the peace that he so easily brings her, the feel of security of being nestled in his arms, the comfort his presence provides that chases away her fears and worries. He always made her feel that everything would be okay, that life isn’t so horrid as she thought.
She feels the sharpness of her pointed canines as she presses her teeth anxiously into her plush bottom lip, golden beryl hues not quite able to meet his as she steps into the room he had been detained in. She can’t quite help but wonder how she looks to him; to her, she had seemed unrecognizable when she had looked into the mirror for the first time, almost alien with the cold beauty that had transformed her into an untouchable, unearthly creature. The scars that had marred her skin, that had defined her and her past, had all but vanished, leaving her void and without a trace of her former life, of what she had been.
❝ I’d say you’re an idiot for absolutely ignoring the danger of coming here, but I can’t deny the fact that I wouldn’t do the same if our roles were switched, ❞ she murmurs, her voice, soft with just the slightest of rasps, still foreign sounding to her ears after a lifetime of silence.
❝ I didn’t... really want you to see me like this. I wanted to leave you with the memory of what I was and not one where I’m... this, ❞ lips curl slightly, unable to mask her disgust. ❝ And I thought that cutting you out would be for the best. I thought I was doing it for you because despite the fact that you’ll be in even more danger now because of me, I’m not really... I don’t really know what’s going to happen to me and I didn’t... want to put you through that. I didn’t think it would be fair to you. But, I guess this situation isn’t any different from when I was a human and there had always been the constant threat of one of us dying while on a job. ❞
Sighing wearily, she leans back against the door she had been lingering in front of, deft digits raking through short obsidian locks.
❝ But, I guess I thought it was different because even if I do make it through this uprising, I’m not really sure if I’ll... continue with this existence. ❞
