i’d be the dreadful need in the devotee (imagine being loved by me)
A long time ago, an old man handed a little girl a weapon.
Not that long ago, a man met a woman on the run.
Cassian, Jyn, and how two of the most fearsome people in the Rebellion meet in the middle.
‘TIS I, @jynirso, your Rebelcaptain Secret Santa, sliding into home with seconds to spare! Your prompt “hiding injuries from the other” went a little sideways, but I hope you like it anyways :) many thanks also go to @shewhoisneondaisies who gave me the push I needed at the eleventh hour to finish.
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A long time ago, an old man handed a little girl a weapon. She was very young, having just lost both parents and her home, and she was desperate not to leave or be denied this new life. So when the man presented her with a blaster that was too big for her eight year old hands, she clutched the weapon to her chest and learned how to use it. To hit the target every time and never, ever miss.
The little girl grew taller, if not tall enough to suit her, but she learned how to stand by the old man’s side, stare razors at his opponents, mark out strategies. She learned how to spot an enemy’s weakness, wire a bomb to go off exactly when they needed it to, to stretch a trip wire and lay snares. She learned how to fight, and if she got hurt, she was taught how slap a bandage on it, smear bacta if you can, but if you get hurt, hurt the other guy back. If you get killed, walk it off.
The little girl became a woman. A woman who knew pain, all too well. She knew how to inflict it, endure it, conceal it. Especially concealing it. Before, no one cared enough to notice.
Jyn remembers the hungry, hurting, angry child she used to be. She thinks of her child self with a kind of ache, a useless wish to reach out across the years and tell the little girl at Saw’s side, You are not a war. Lay down your weapon.
But if she did that, who would she even be?
So Jyn put such introspection out of her head. To focus on the here and now, this strange yet familiar new life she made for herself. In the Alliance. With Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut, Kay and… Cassian.
Sometimes a voice in her head reminds her she used to be fearsome. She used to be feared. Saw’s strong right hand, his best and most loyal lieutenant. The Lion Cub. Those were the names others had given her.
But that voice gets smaller and smaller the longer she spends with the Alliance. Training with Chirrut, getting recruits into shape, drinking tea with Baze, teasing or being teased by Bodhi. Bickering and sniping with Kay. Being with… Cassian.
Cassian is no stranger to concealing pain either. But unlike her, he’s had… well, fairly standard access to things like medics or doctors. Who actually know what they’re doing. Not back-alley sawbones or fellow partisans.
Jyn got a sprained wrist around Cassian once. Judging by his reaction, you would’ve thought she lost a limb.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded, fussing over her wrist and finding bandages for her.
“Because I was fine, ” Jyn retorted, resisting the urge to yank her arm back, only because it would hurt more. Not because she liked having Cassian’s hands on her, touching her so gently and assuredly.
“Yeah? Bend your wrist for me,” Cassian retorted and Jyn glared at him. “That’s what I thought,” he muttered, his own head bent over her wrist.
Jyn muttered some choice words about his fussing, but she didn’t stop him. How strange it was; not so long ago, someone touching her so casually would’ve gotten their head taken off. Trust no one, Saw’s voice grated at the back of her head. You can trust no one. But Saw’s voice had grown quieter and quieter over time, as she faced things he never had: shelter, supplies, regular food, allies and friends, and--
Cassian. Who was muttering about bandages and slings, like she needed one of those, honestly--
Trust no one! Saw’s voice thundered and Jyn simply held out her wrist to Cassian so he could bandage it better. Little rebellions.
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