In which Poe talks to his spy with admirable professionalism.
Characters: Poe Dameron, Leia, Hux (unconscious on a hospital bed), Finn, Rey, Rose
Relationships: Poe & Leia, slowburn Poe/Hux, background Finn/Rey/Rose
Rating: T/M for medical descriptions & mild gore
Additional tags: Leia being a badass space-mom - to Poe, at least
summary: After being rejected by Poe, the two of you are assigned a mission together. And a lot can happen during a mission.
ship: poe dameron x f!reader
Camera png by @inyuns | Dividers by @lobster-graphics
Back at the ship, you and Poe are all business, moving quickly to get it ready to fly back to the Resistance base as soon as possible. You both take your seats and, with a few commands, he gets you out of there, jumping into hyperspace in order to lose potential First Order guards and spies.
The ship is silent. It’s only then, in the vastness and quietness of space, that Poe realized how loud everything at the party had been. His body bursting with adrenaline, still, being able to hear all the small noises, like the soft ‘beeps’ from the machinery from the core of the ship, his own breathing and the sound the fabric of your dress made every time you moved.
You seem just as overwhelmed as him. On one hand, Poe that night never happened, that you didn’t have to risk your life like that. But on the other hand, he couldn’t stop thinking about your bravery, how quick and intelligent you were and how lucky he was to witness you in action.
You are mesmerizing.
Had it always been this way? He tries to remember previous missions, meals, parties, conversations. You were always there, funny and kind and brave, doing your own thing without needing to be the center of attention. Unlike him. Poe knew he was one to shout orders, make improvised toasts in the cafeteria and loudly speak non sense after a drink or two.
And most of the time, he enjoyed it. People would always come up to him, stop him asking for advice, inviting him to a local bar. He could have any type of companionship he craved at all times. Yet, after the festivities ended and the lights were turned out, a certain kind of loneliness filled with despair and hopelessness, a crushing pain not so different from the one from all those years ago. It followed him. It didn’t matter which galaxy or how far away from home, he was still a little boy trying to grasp the idea that his mother wasn’t coming home anymore.
The silence was one of his biggest enemies, the worst threat, the one Poe had to face every night. But it didn’t feel like that with you. It was comfortable, safe. He could breathe.
“Hey, are you alright there?”, you asked, a worried look in your eyes.
Poe felt like he was waking up from the weirdest dream.
“Yeah yeah”, he answered, quickly, and sat straight. “Just catching my breath. We put quite a show there.”
You didn’t take his bait: “It’s alright, we all feel overwhelmed after missions. I always need to take some time to come back to normal”.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah”, you gave him a small smile. “I prefer having some me time, but everyone copes in different ways. I know some people love to drink and party after stressful missions…”
“All psychos, right?”
Something within him untangled as your expression visibly relaxed with his joke.
“No, not really. This life we live…It takes so much from us. My philosophy is that we should do whatever we have to in order to cope with it.”
“Even if it’s criminal?”, Poe raised an eyebrow, just knowing you would roll your eyes at him — you did.
“That was implied!!”
“If you say so, sweetheart.”
You groaned and he laughed, his smile growing bigger as he noticed the pink blush on your cheeks.
Poe was not stupid, he knew the effect he had on all creatures, but mostly with women. He knew what to say and how to say it, and how many buttons of his shirt should be undone to cause a reaction. But he wasn’t trying right then. His chest softened and then tightened as you turned from him to look at your hands, avoiding his gaze. Not like you were mad or anything, but like you were embarrassed.
And Poe hated that. The night when you told him how you felt was extremely hard on him. He knew it was unfair of him to think of it like that, since he was the one who rejected you, but that was the truth. It hurt because that whole day you had been distracted, which was so unlike you. Everyone had their off days, so he didn’t dwell on it.
But later, when you called for him, you looked so nervous it had him nervous. A million possibilities occurred to him: you had been hurt, someone hurt you, there was something wrong with your ship? Never would he ever guess that you would proclaim your feelings for him.
The thing is, as much attention he got from the opposite sex, none had felt so genuine like yours. You looked vulnerable, a position you fought very hard to be in, Poe knew that, yet you opened up to him. You looked like you were finally saying out loud something you’ve kept a secret for a long time. He had seen a lot in his time, but no one was as brave as you were in that moment.
Out of everything, he was really touched by the part where you said you would like to get to know him better. Like he was more than what the life in the Resistance made of him. It was too much for Poe, he had to get away from there. But that moment was sealed in his brain and his heart, pulsing with every heartbeat, fighting to come out.
“Speaking of which, I think we deserve a drink, sweetheart”, said Poe, inclining himself and opening up a hidden drawer under the ship’s panel. After struggling with it for a couple minutes, he took a bottle of liquor from there.
“Poe!”, you gasped. “Drinking and piloting at the same time are not a great idea.”
“The ship is doing most of the job right now. Come on, cheers!”, he took a gulp and passed the bottle to you.
“Cheers to living another day.”
The two of you went back to a comfortable silence and, with a couple other gulps of liquor, you started to relax.
You had taken off your shoes and started to undo your hair. Taking pin by pin, the strands slowly covered your shoulders, to Poe’s despair. It’s when it dawns on him, all the adrenaline coming back to his body as if he was again in a fight or flight mode.
“Hey, uhm…”, he tried to keep it cool. “When you said you and Hux used to be friends…”
“Yes?”, you asked calmly, still undoing your hair.
“What does that mean?”
You stopped and slowly turned to him, puzzled. Poe felt his cheeks burn at your gaze.
“What does what mean?”
“Well, you two seemed to be more than friendly back there…”
“Are you trying to ask me if I dated that asshole?”, you huffed. “Do you think so poorly of me?”
“No no, it’s not that at all! I mean, we were all did some crazy things when we were young and-”, he grew exasperated, knowing that you weren’t liking what you were hearing and that he was making things worse.
“Crazy things? No, I didn’t date a horrible fascist in the making when I was young. He has always been disgusting.”
Poe felt relieved at that. Even though he had no claim on you of your history whatsoever.
“Right, yeah.”
“Honestly, I’ve only ever had one boyfriend, if we can even call it that”, you said quietly, looking down, as you brushed your hair.
He was silent for a moment, processing that information. It’s not like life in the Resistance afforded any of you much time to pursue romantic relationships. Still, it happened, he saw it everyday. People from different sectors, planets, coming together to form bonds that looked a lot like hope. Small sparks in the midst of so much horror, so many losses. It both fascinated and terrified him.
There was another feeling, one that Poe tried to bury in the depths of his soul. Something that, for the longest time, he interpreted as envy. Seeing his friends, coworkers and even ex-hook ups finding that one (or two, three or more, he didn’t judge!) connection that made life a little brighter, the air a bit easier to breathe. The communication that didn’t end with words, silences that didn’t mean it was the end. Gestures so simple, yet so full of intimacy and partnership.
Looking back at it all, Poe eventually came to the hard realization that what he felt wasn’t envy — it was desire. He longed for that kind of affection, to receive it, but also become someone’s anchor being, having what his parents did, but that ended too soon. To build a home that he would desperately want to come back to.
He wanted it all so bad.
The ship made a few beeping sounds. You adjusted yourself on your seat, back in soldier mode. “We’re now entering the atmosphere”, you announced.
“Welcome home”, Leia announced once the two of you left the ship. She was waiting at the hangar with a droid and a couple of mechanics. You arrived at the early hours of the morning, when only the ones required to be in motion were up. “I presume the mission was accomplished?”
“You mean you can feel it in your energies”, Poe pointed.
“You know me so well”, she smiled, motioning for you to follow her to headquarters.
Leia was brief and asked you to do the same. After giving her the notebook she required, the general demanded that you and Poe pay a visit to the medical bay and rest for a while. The full mission report could be sent until the end of the afternoon.
You were both slowly walking to your rooms, in a state of exhaustion that was almost delirious. After every few steps Poe would start laughing out of nowhere and you’d follow, laughing so much you had to lean against the wall for support. It was the adrenaline coming off, the relief and finally having a moment to realize the crazy journey you had just come back from.
“I hope Jib and Boq are okay”, you said after recovering from a fit of giggles.
“They were an interesting duo, those two”, added Poe. “I thought they were killing us for sure.”
“Did you really?”, you scoffed. “They would never.”
“Probably not you, they were so enamored with you. Me? I’m not so sure.”
“They were enamored with both of us. Jeb told me so at least a few times that we made a great couple.”
Your smile slowly faded as you realized what you just had said. But Poe didn’t back down.
“Yeah? Did he really?”, he asked as he got closer to you.
“Yes, he did”, you didn’t back down either. “Do you agree with him?”
Poe smirked, analysing your eyes and then your lips.
“I think…”
“Poe, baby, you’re back!”, a voice that was definitely not yours interrupted him. Arms were around his neck, where he started receiving a bunch of kisses.
It took him a couple of seconds to recognize the girl all over him.
“Oh, hey, Faye!”, he said sheepishly.
“I hate it when you are away for so long! I missed you so much”, she said, in a baby voice.
Behind her, you stood with your shoulders sagged. Every bit of electricity that was there a moment ago, completely faded.
Faye turned to see who he was looking at. “Hey, congrats on the mission!”
You looked from Poe to her. He wanted to explain everything, shout from the top of his lungs that this was just someone he would hang out with sometimes, not that it mattered to you, why would it matter to you? He wished with everything that he had that it still mattered to you, that he mattered to you. That nothing he’s ever been through has been as magical as the two of you laughing together and sharing something his words couldn’t yet comprehend.
“Thank you. Have a good night”, you gave her a faint nod. And, looking at Poe, you said: “Goodbye, commander”.
If he knew then what he knew now, Poe would’ve runned after you, begging for you to let him explain. But he was so tired he just quickly explained to Faye that he was tired and, most likely, unavailable, and went to bed. He dreamt of you in that green dress and woke up hoping to find you as soon as possible. Yet when he tried, you were completely gone from base.
