A/N: I was gonna write Yunho's part today, but I dreamt about this and woke up sad- now ya'll gonna feel as delusional as I did.
Your body jerked awake at the sudden warmth, a shaky gasp breaking past your lips as you struggled against the newcomer but you felt him pull you closer mumbling in a hushed voice, “It’s me…sheesh, stop watching those crime documentaries”, causing you to huff in annoyance. You felt your tsundere man wrapping his leg around yours, and drape an arm across your waist, pulling you even closer, his nose buried in your neck, almost wanting you to become one.
“Jjong.” a faint whisper floated in the silence of the night, followed by a cracked hum. The soft cotton enveloping the two of you began to burn up, only for your tired mind to mentally begin the countdown for when your lover would toss it off both of you, using his body heat to keep the two of you warm instead- didn’t even need to count to ten, six seconds in and he had kicked it of the two of you, and much like usual the duvet landed on its usual place, the ground- you’d berate him for this again in the morning, like every morning, but right now something else was on your mind.
It wasn't often, moments like these were often rushed, the nervous touches, fleeting kisses, the gentle but swift caress of his fingers- physical touch was something Jongho was still afraid to use, regardless of how long the two of you had been together for, regardless of how long the two of you had been married for. Much like his emotions, he would keep the physical affection to a minimum.
For the initial part of the relationship, back in college, you wondered if he was even interested in you, other than that initial confession there was no real intimate indication of his feelings towards you, for quite a while. To some extent you had considered ending the relationship all and all, assuming he perhaps was not comfortable with you, perhaps you did not meet his expectations of an ideal partner, perhaps you two were still too young.
However, when the moment came you lost your nerve, especially when he gave you that sincere smile, his eyes crinkling and twirling like stars, all because you two had crossed your 6-month mark of being together, as he handed you a silly little gift, a polaroid of you two in a small bear keychain frame. That night, for some reason, you had begun to notice the little things about Choi Jongho, how he'd open the door for you but also ask for a payment, often an ‘Oh thank you, what a nice man you are’, how he'd end up pouring water for you even before you'd ask, how when you'd be walking towards the car or even to the restaurant you'd feel the gentle weight of his warm jacket, then see him trudging ahead mumbling to himself, “Why not wear a coat when it's cold?!”
Let's not forget the time you were cursing yourself for assuming ‘I can do it in one night’ during exam season, causing you to panic too, crying and memorising simultaneously. That very night someone magically appeared at your door, breaking into the girl's dorm, didn't matter to you though, especially when you were enveloped in a bear hug as soon as he saw your teary-eyed face. That night you realised Jongho was very much capable of giving great hugs and of course, a more physical kind of intimacy with him heavily depended on the situation. If it were you who required attention, he'd gently hold you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear, letting you cling onto him- but when he'd cling onto you, that would be a whole other story.
Choi Jongho was a clingy man, especially when he missed you. Something you figured out when you met him post-winter break, having him cling onto you at every opportunity he got, whether it be holding your hand while you were reading or giving you an endless back hug while you were cooking- and you’d be lying if you were to say that was not your favourite kind of Jongho. The kind of Jongho you got to be with on your wedding night, chuckling at the sound of him whining about how he still couldn’t believe this was true and you being you, you never let a single moment go to waste, teasing him about his clinginess whilst clinging back to your baby bear.
“Missed me Jjong?” Your sleep lusted voice tickled his ears, causing him to huff out in annoyance, causing the bed to tremor, the blanket being pulled up against you as he shifted, turning you around, much to your pleasure, and squeezing you closer. You chuckled at his childish antics, hugging him back, tucking your head under his chin, your hand pressed against his chest, feeling his warm, beating heart, “I missed you too baby bear…” with that you closed your eyes, it was difficult not to when he was so warm, so comfortable, so tender with you.
Jongho glanced down to find your smiling face, it was funny how you were asleep, causing him to let out a sigh of relief. He knew the next morning he’d wake up to you nagging at him, yes, you had told him doing overtime would just tire him out more and he had ignored you, claiming you didn’t know any better. Incorrect, you knew too much for your own good, you knew him too much for his own good- and it terrified him, it terrified him how you could read through his facade of macho-ness, understand how he was feeling by just the way he breathed, sense his insecurities by the simplest of touches. Worse of all, you figured out how he preferred lounging around with you rather than going to work.
Gently wrapping his fingers around your wrist he pulled your arm across his chest to have you hug him as he did the same with his arm, subconsciously giving you a light squeeze, before burying his nose in your hair, taking in the familiar scent of your shampoo, calming down his nerves, simultaneously having his heart slam against his chest like a machine gun, somewhat afraid that the thumping would wake you up- little did baby bear know that the melody of his tender heart and warmth of his caring being was lulling you to a deeper, more peaceful state of sleep you’ve ever experienced.
You didn’t think when he left, he’d leave so much of himself with you
⊹ genre/tw angst angst angst seriously so much angst i'm sorry, but also fluff!!! a lot of fluff! f2l, fake dating, revenge dating?, hurt/comfort, ex!hyunjin being horrible (I'm sorry), reader wears a skirt at one point and is referred to as ‘my girl’ once, jokes about pregnancy (its not serious i promise) its suggestive at times but no smut, probably a little rushed at times, mostly unedited
⊹ w/c 10, 469
⊹ a/n this has been a long time coming, originally this was a fic for jaemin from nct dream that was like 8000 words long or something and i absolutely hated it so i started back from scratch and changed mostly everything but the main idea. for a long time, i have been fascinated with the process of heartbreak and falling in love again, and in essence that is what this is--I hope you like it, don't forget to like and reblog and tell me all your thoughts!! hopefully it's not terrible lol, mwah!!
You didn’t think when he left, he’d leave so much of himself with you; Everything from the cups in the cabinet to the paint splatters on the floor. The four walls of your room storing a lifetime of memories of the boy who loved you; nighttime laughter and limbs interlaced. It’s completely foreign to not have him next to you, skin to skin, hearts synced to a song only the two of you know.
You loved him for three summers, almost from the first time you saw him–sat next to the river, with headphones on and a pen in hand–He was beautiful, a timeless photograph of affection, and you were smitten as soon as he opened his mouth.
The past 36 months were lovely and joyous, 1095 days spent foolishly glued together, yet when Hyunjin decided to end the relationship three weeks ago, you couldn’t find it in yourself to argue. He’d been so busy, graduating last year and going on to bigger and brighter things–exhibitions almost every week, assisting an artist he loved–so many wonderful things that took him away from you. When he was home he was too tired to love you, so it made sense when he ended it. So much sense that it’s kept you awake all the nights following.
Every night–at roughly when he would’ve come home to you–you find yourself waking up to the loss of his cologne. For a moment, you’re given a momentary bout of bliss, confusion clouding up your mind with questions of where’d he go, rather than if he’s coming back. The answer comes quickly, though, rupturing your heart before the rest of you knew you were awake.
Your mind is lost in the goodbye, the taste of salt on your lips and your favorite blue sweater wrapped around your arms, the way his eyes were wide with sadness. Did he kiss you then? Was it his tongue that swiped away the tears or your own? Did his hands hold you one last time, make you cry from pleasure before pain? All you seem to remember was him walking away, so fast you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to recall–but it's all you seem to be able to think about.
He broke your heart on a Tuesday, but did he kiss you then?
He was sweet with the farewell, telling you he was sorry, that he loved you but it wasn’t enough any more. There was just too much time and distance living between the two of you, but nothing really has to change… we can all still be friends.
What a sad thought, friends with the boy who held your bleeding heart in his hands.
Why should you still be friends if love wasn’t enough for him?
You know you look pathetic, his too big clothes swathing around your limp form, keeping you toasty where your bare legs hit the bathroom floor. His voice flowing from your phone's speaker in happy waves, echoing off the tile right into your ears. It’s almost like he’s next to you, almost like it’s his arms filling out the gray hoodie and wrapping around you.
Shivering, you close your eyes just for a minute, with his last voicemail reverberating through your brain, you feel content for the first time since that sunny day three weeks before.
“...I love you, sweetheart!” his voice rings, lighting up your heart with all the affection the name used to bring you. He hadn’t called you that in months, trading sweet nothings for sighs and sorry’s. How you long to feel the name pressed against your skin, interlaced with the kind of happiness only he could draw out. A love so undeniably him that anything else couldn’t come close.
Loving him was sitting in planetariums and comparing each other's portraits to statues, sharing straws and blankets, breath and hands. Loving him was every star fall, trying to catch dragonflies and yelping when they grazed your hands. It was magical and devastating, everything you ever wanted.
Hyunjin was meant for stars and lullabies, a boy meant for nighttime, but the morning is fast approaching.
Soon, your roommate will wake up and discover your tearful form, and envelope you in coos and cuddles. He’ll wrap you up in pink comforters and bring you cookies for breakfast, a day spent with rom-coms and Olivia Rodrigo on the radio, but just for a few more minutes you’ll sit with your lovers voice in your head and his scent around you, and it’ll be as close to him as you’ll ever be again.
“Okay!? I love you so much, call me sweetheart, seriously! Call me, call me, call me.”
“He never even deserved you!”
“Yeah, babe, like you’re so hot and funny and nice! What does he have going for him?”
“For real! Other than being super handsome and talented, he has nothing.”
Your friends, drunk and silly, can’t seem to stop trying to comfort you, you want to laugh, and maybe in time you’ll be able to, but here in this fresh grief with his love still palpable, you can’t seem to find it in yourself to be angry.
Sure, he broke up with you, but it didn’t seem like too bad of a reason… he was busy all the time, and his distance brought anger and disappointment. You were fighting restlessly, forgetting to say I love you before you left for class, kisses became shorter and farther in between, but at the end of the day you did love him; endlessly and reverentially, and no matter what he said or didn’t say, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that that will never change.
“You guys don’t have to shit talk Hyunjin just because he broke up with me, we were all friends.” Your voice is quieter than you meant it to be, slow from all the wine and covered in the sadness that seemed to follow you. “He was a good boyfriend…”
“No, babe, a good boyfriend does not break up with you a week before your anniversary after ghosting you for a month.” Minjeong says, her tone soothing even if her words are not.
“We’re not friends with that douche canoe, okay, we only stomached him because he was your boyfriend, and now that he’s not, I personally never want to see him again.”
“Chaeryeong! Stop, you've been his friend for literal years.”
“Nope, I can’t remember!” she sings out, giggling as her wine glass spills out red liquid all over the floor.
“He’s persona non grata now, girly, if I see him, I’m coming in swinging!”
Minjeong’s claim, however silly, does have you finally laughing. Deep, belly ache inducing laughs that fill your little apartment with more joy than it’s held in weeks. It’s true that before the official break up, you were infuriated, anger escaping your lips whenever the man was mentioned. But since the finality of that day, all you’ve felt is an insurmountable grief daring to erupt at any moment.
You loved him, you lost him, and isn’t that just so sad?
You thought you’d have him forever… daydreamt weddings and forever homes, Late night whispers of baby names and honeymoons. Everything you’ve ever planned, out the window with the first signs of conflict. Sure, maybe it would’ve ended anyway, but would it have killed him to try? How dare he take that future away from you, a happy ending too good to be true.
A betrayal that cut too deep to be anything but devastating.
But sitting here now, listening to your friends being mad and protective, you think you can see a future where you are angry again–a day in the coming weeks where everything he said is tinged with red instead of blue. And maybe after that you can be happy, really truly happy, even when the girls' laughter aren’t around to accompany you.
“Hey, we love you, okay?” Chaeryeong says, breathing heavily through her giggles. “I know it’s hard now, you loved each other so much, but don’t waste anymore of your time locked inside this apartment. You’re way too cute to not let anyone see you.”
She smiles at you, her hand wrapped around yours as a few tears stray. You don’t know if they’re happy or sad, or maybe a bit of both, all you know is you love her. You love the both of them so much that even through this inescapable loss, you smile back. They’re your favorite people on earth, and if they think you’ll be okay maybe you will be.
“I love you guys too, I’m sorry I’m so mopey… Felix keeps trying to get me to smile, but there's just so much I can take before I’m crying again.”
“Hey, hey,” Minjeong whispers, “Don’t apologize, you get to be a little storm cloud.”
“Personally, I like you stormy–makes it more fun when you snap.” Chaeryeong tells you, raising her eyebrows in an attempt to get you to laugh again.
Miraculously, it works–laughter seeping out of you and onto the wine soaked tiles. Maybe they’re right, maybe all you need is some time…
Maybe another day of watching The Princess Diaries and eating ice cream for dinner will cure you, maybe falling asleep in Hyunjin’s sweatpants will finally ease the hole he left, maybe all you have to do is leave the house tomorrow. Whatever it is, you promise them you’ll try–and as they cuddle up to you, dropping popcorn in between the couch cushions and cracking up at the same jokes you’ve heard a thousand times, somewhere inside, you feel a little bit more okay.
Unfortunately, that feeling can only last so long.
It’s thirty minutes past the witching hour when you see the photo. He’s gorgeous, devastatingly so, heartbreakingly handsome just like you remembered. Clad in denim and decked out with silver, wrapped around a girl you’ve never seen before.
Your phone light glares through the night, spotlighting your place in the living room. You know you should turn the brightness down, lower it or move from your place in between Chaeryong and Minjeong, less they wake up and threaten to kill you for interrupting their slumber, but you can’t seem to make yourself move.
His hands rest on her waist, a smile breaking through close to her own, and he looks so happy. Happier than he’d looked in months, unencumbered joy leaking off him through the camera lens. And how it breaks your heart, who cares who that girl is… how could he look so happy when you haven’t even left the house in two weeks?
“Son of a bitch!” you whisper, angry tears trying to escape. How dare he? And how dare Chris for posting it on a story he knew you could see. We can all still be friends, right? What absolute bullshit.
You find yourself laughing, laughing so hard the tears find themselve trailing down your cheeks. Howling at the unbelievability of it all, here you were defending him still, while he couldn’t wait a month to have his tongue shoved down some other girl's throat. How funny to think you love him, truly love him with every part of you, and he doesn’t respect you enough to keep his escapades a secret while you heal.
Minjeong shuffles in her sleep, waking up to the sound of your inane outburst, pretty eyes squinted in your phone light.
“What is it? Nothing is that funny at 3 AM.”
“Look at this, Min.” you giggle, shoving your phone against her nose.
“Too close!! Hold on… WHAT THE FUCK!” she yells, jolting up against the cushions and waking the other girl in the process.
“What! What is it?!” Chaeryeong moans.
“Hyunjin is a fucker that’s what.” Minjeong says. “An actual despicable little shit.”
The phone is passed around, each of you staring at the picture with a sense of pure unbridled anger. To think you trusted him, gave him your heart and felt safe that he would respect it even when he gave it back.
“I just don’t understand,” You say, your voice breaking– confusion wafting through the words and encasing you in a painful blanket of disarray.
Through your tears you hear Chaeryeong, “Listen, we have to get him back.” She’s saying, Minjeong nodding along sleepily.
Get him back? What does she mean?! How can she already be thinking of revenge when all you want to do is cry yourself to sleep.
“What do you mean get him back, I don’t understand.” The brokenness in your voice gives your friends pause, and for a moment the only thing you hear is the sound of Anne Hathaway monologuing on the TV.
The two girls, true friends even with sleep dancing at their fingertips, wrap their arms around you–holding onto you like you’d drift away if they didn’t, who knows maybe you would; You do feel minutes away from being empty, like you're a bottle slowly pouring out its contents.
Their skin is warm, and their hands carry so much comfort that you collapse against them, listening to their plan like a bedtime story that lulls you to sleep.
“You want me to do what?!” You cry.
“We talked about this last night!”
“I’m sure I would’ve remembered you saying I have to go on a date with Yang Jeongin, Minjeong!”
“It doesn’t have to be Ayen, any of his friends will do, I just thought that that’s who you were closest to…” She sighs, twirling a strand of her blonde hair around her finger. “I mean it could be Changbin for all I care, I just didn’t think he’d go for it.”
“I don’t want to date ANY of his friends, Minnie!!! Hello!” Your voice sounds shrill even to you, and as much as you're trying to keep it down for fear of the librarian coming over and yelling at you, you don’t have it in you to dampen your frustration.
Last night was a blur, anger permeating your sleep and clouding your morning. Going through the motions of classes and too many cups of coffee before your friend called you to come deliberate on the fully formed plan they dreamt up. A plan that you don’t remember agreeing to.
Sure, you remember saying making him jealous might make you feel better and make him feel worse, but nowhere did they say that Jeongin would be involved. You love the boy, as cynical and cold as he could be–he could make you laugh more than anyone else you ever met, and of course he was handsome, but he was one of Hyunjin’s best friends. As much as you’re angry with your ex-boyfriend now, were you really willing to use one of his friends to get back at him?
“Plus, I don’t think he’ll go for it, I mean Innie likes to mess with the guys every once in a while, but I think hooking up with his best friends ex is too far for him.”
You try to hide the flinch at the word ex, but Minjeong sees right through you–bringing her hands up to rub your shoulders comfortingly, before she tells you:
“It doesn’t have to be real, silly!” Minjeong laughs, “Hyunjin only has to think it's real, I mean you don’t actually have to hook up with him… Unless you want toooo.” She draws out, singing the last sentence in an annoying voice.
“Minnie!” you whisper in a faux yell.
“What?! Don’t look at me like I don’t remember the infamous truth or dare of 2024.”
“Minnie.”
“Okay, Ms. I’d makeout with Jeongin if I had to kiss any of Hyunjin’s friends.”
“Minnie!”
“Fine, Fine!” She laughs, “just talk to Ayen about it, and we’ll go from there okay? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want, but I can’t stomach thinking that Hyunjin is out there having fun at your expense and you’re just taking it.” For one moment she looks truly sad, and you’re reminded, not for the first time, that this breakup isn’t just between you and your ex, but all your friends who have to adapt to a life that looks different
Her eyes are comforting, but her mouth is all smirking revenge, and something about it urges you to listen. It can’t be worse than what Hyunjin’s already done, right? And it’s all pretend anyway, just a game of house where you and Jeongin hold hands at a party and go get slurpees after. None of it has to be real, you shouldn’t feel bad for giving the boy who hurt you a taste of his own medicine, right?
So with a heart full of guilt and stomach heavy with nerves, you find yourself asking,
“When does it start?”
On your way out of the library you found yourself cursing Minjeong and Chaeryeong and all their evil scheming that always finds its way back to you. If only you could have listened to Felix when he told you that those girls were trouble, and that the only friends you needed were him and your childhood dog, Milo.
When you left her, Minjeong reminded you to talk to Jeongin, told you where she thought he’d be and smiled at you the way she would a puppy.
God, what am I doing? You ask yourself, begging some invisible entity for help with this god forsaken plan. You like Ayen just fine, but the idea of hurting Hyunjin just because he hurt you fills you with some inescapable dread. And what if Jeongin says no? What if he’s as disgusted by you as you are of yourself? What if he turns around and tells Hyunjin?
The thoughts circle around you, haloing your form in scalding nerves until you find yourself outside of the diner Jeongin works at. You’d only ever been at night, your hand shivering within Hyunjin’s hold–so many twilights spent sitting crushed in a tiny booth, Hyunjin’s friends hollering around you and your lovers arms holding you to his heart. How different it looks in the day.
For the first time you find yourself walking through the diner doors alone, feet shuffling onto the sticky vinyl floors and searching for Yang Jeongin’s smile.
You find it behind the counter, warm and inviting as he asks a little boy what he wants. He looks different when he doesn’t know anyone is looking at him, freer than when he’s with the boys, shinier when there’s no one else’s light glaring. When he finally looks up and sees you, his smile remains, but becomes that tight look of pity you’ve become so used to–a look so out of place on his pretty face, you want it gone right away.
“Don’t look at me like, Jeongin.” You tell him, words stricter than your voice portrays.
“I’m not looking at you like anything,” he tells you, “but how are you doing?”
“Better if I had a cherry coke,” You say and without another word he begins filling up a plastic cup with ice and burgundy liquid. You can’t help but watch his hands as they work, knuckles clutching around the drink tighter than what's needed–the only indication that he could be uncomfortable with you being here. “How are you doing, Ayen?” you ask him.
“Well, not too bad,” he says, handing you the soda. “It’s not too busy today, and I don’t have any classes until tomorrow afternoon, so the day is just breezing by.”
“Easy, breezy, beautiful!” You tell him and finally that pretty smile breaks out on his face again as he lets out a loud laugh. He tells you he’ll be right back, smiling the whole way to the rest of his patrons.
Maybe it’s because you were dating Hyunjin before, and no other boy seemed to live up to the fairy tale you wrote about him, but for the first time you see Jeongin, not as Hyunjin’s friend but as a cute boy you could’ve met at a diner just like this. He’s boyishly handsome and sweet, giggling with the little kids and getting old ladies pie on the house.
Maybe your friends were onto something when they offered up Jeongin as the sacrificial lamb–sweet, ever happy Jeongin.
When he returns to you, that slightly sad smile returns to his face before he tells you:
“I’m sorry about you and Hyunjin… I didn’t know he was gonna do that.”
“What break up with me, or make out with a girl before the corpse is even cold?” Your voice is stronger than you meant it to be, and you feel bad as soon as you see Jeongin’s body tense–obviously surprised at your animosity.
“Both, I haven’t talked to him in weeks,” he tells you, much to your surprise, “We– we had a fight, and I hadn’t talked to anyone but Changbin and Seungmin…” his voice is thick with tension and his jaw is tight as he tries to tell to you what happened, a sight you’d never seen from him–much more used to the happy-go-lucky Ayen of days past. “I didn’t even know you guys broke up until he posted that picture last night.”
You’re surprised by this, of course, Jeongin and Hyunjin had always been close, but what's more surprising is how truly angry he looks… As angry as Chaeryeong and Minjeong, if not more. It’s this look that allows you to tell him,
“I just don’t know what to do, Ayen…”
“Whatever, I can do to help, I will… I promise.” Jeongin tells you, long fingers making you jump as they settle over your own. It’s this promise that brings you to tell him why you came–rushing out the plan your friends made for you, making sure to tell him over and over how it would just be a favor; just a way to get Hyunjin back for being a treacherous loser.
It’s through this rant that Jeongin finally smiles again, a devious look you’ve only ever seen settle onto his face during game night, and without preamble his hold on your hand grows stronger until he says,
“I’ll do it.”
It’s three weeks later when you finally realize that you’d have to actually go on a date with Jeongin for this to work. In theory, you knew this would happen, knew that you couldn’t let Jeongin sit around thinking about how he agreed to piss off his friend, but putting that plan in practice is scarier than you thought it would be.
And why? Why does Hyunjin get to ride around town happier than ever, posting that girl on his instagram story every day while you’re sitting at home crying for weeks.
Yet, the thought of doing anything romantic (even if it was pretend) with someone else, causes frost bitten chills to cover your skin. Even if the someone else was Yang Jeongin; sweet and funny Jeongin who always took your side when the boys started teasing you, who brought you a cherry coke everyday when you had class together freshman year. Jeongin who blushed pretty pink when he heard your answer to Changbin’s truth or dare last year, Jeongin who was your friend as much as Hyunjin’s, who would put that friendship aside to do you a favor.
You know you should call him, reprieve him from the quicksand thoughts you sure he’s buried in, but you can’t seem to latch that door to self hatred that has been held open since the night Hyunjin broke up with you.
You can’t seem to find where everything went wrong, no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to find the moment where Hyunjin stopped loving you.
“You should stop torturing yourself you know,” You hear, and there he is standing in the doorway to your bedroom. Jeongin stands tall and handsome, leaning against the wall in a way that makes you think he has been there for a while. “You went AWOL on me, y’know, I was worried.” He’s smiling, but his words have a layer of debilitating truth that makes you a little sick. You can’t help but feel sorry for making anyone feel as bad as you do.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know where to go after that last conversation we had.”
“Well, usually when you ask someone on a date… you take them out on a date.” He smiles at you, approaching your bed the way one would approach a wounded animal–slow but sure.
When he finally lays down next to you you’re struck by his closeness, the feel of his body heat settling over your skin and the way his cheek bones slope over his face. He’s so pretty, it’s not like you never noticed it before, but seeing him up close like this–like he’s completely under your disposal, like you’re a scientist looking at him under a microscope–you can’t help but be a little breathless.
He’s so beautiful and he’s lying here with you.
“What did you want to do on our date then?” you ask him, feeling braver the longer he looks at you.
When he smiles, it’s like the sun explodes–incandescent and radiant like nothing you’ve ever seen before. He tells you he doesn’t care, first dates are silly anyway, he says, before grabbing your laptop from its place on your desk and telling you to pick a movie. It’s a little nerve wracking to be with him like this, it’s odd because it’s not something inherently romantic, nor any different from something you could’ve done with him before, but the fact that he called it a “date” makes the whole thing more anxiety-inducing than you thought possible.
This is supposed to be pretend, yet the way his arm presses against yours brings a warmth to your chest that you can’t seem to decipher. Sure, you’re a bit touched starved and the constant vulnerability you’ve felt has lent itself to a mixed bag of feelings, but the strangest thing is, nothing about his heat is confusing. It feels like the surest thing in the world to have him next to you, laughing at the stupid jokes flowing out from your computer and asking if you want to order a pizza.
This is supposed to be pretend, but it feels real–like the realest thing you’ve held in months.
“So, are you ever gonna tell me what happened with Hyune?” He finally asks you. The sun has finally eased its way into night and the blue hour has opened up the air for truth telling, you always loved this time of night… Always loved the way the soft prussian hue would fill the room, the way it could coat human skin. It’s this blue honesty that motivates you to answer him, more honest than you’ve been with anyone else, much less yourself.
“I think It was always gonna end like this… me all alone and him surrounded by friends.” You see him gearing up to protest, so quickly you add, “I know I’m not completely alone,” you tell him, “but I loved him so much, it was all I thought about for three years. And… and he’s out there living his life like I didn’t even matter.
“He broke up with me cause he was busy, like I was just something on the to-do list too insignificant to keep.” You stop to breathe, in and out, before starting again, “I hadn’t talked to him in weeks… in the beginning I called and texted, but I never got a response so I thought I’d just give him space. Felix kept asking me where he was, y’know? Like I would know, I should have known–I wanted to know, but I had no idea. Finally, he showed up out of nowhere telling me he was sorry, how he’d been so busy–I was so stupid, I was just happy he was there at all”
“You’re not stupid,” Jeongin tells you, but you’re not finished.
“He–” you whisper, “He told me that he thought we should break up… said it like there was no room for arguing. I said okay… I said okay because I wanted him to shut up about how busy he was–wanted him to stop talking about his great life that I wouldn’t be a part of anymore.”
“You’re not stupid,” He says again, stronger this time. “Hyunjin’s a fucking idiot, a selfish idiot, okay? You’re not stupid.” He brings you into his arms, holding you close enough that you can hear his heart beating wild in his chest. He smells good, like sunshine and coffee, and part of you wishes this wasn’t pretend.
You wish you could lay here like this all the time, cuddled close to him, safe in his arms, and sure of the fact that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.
“We’re gonna make him regret this okay, make him see what he’s missing out on.” He’s whispering to you, but it almost seems like he’s talking to himself, reassuring himself that what he’s doing is okay, “He’s an idiot, and you’re perfect–do you hear me?” he asks you, tilting your chin up to see him from your place in his hold. “We’re gonna get him back.”
“You know, when I let him in last night I didn’t think he was sleeping over,” Felix tells you, once you come back inside from walking Jeongin out.
Truthfully, you didn’t think he was going to sleep over either, yet the feeling of his arms around was so deeply comforting you’re glad he didn’t leave. You’d spent all night talking, going over your plan to make Hyunjin jealous, but that wasn’t all you’d talked about. Jeongin told you all sorts of things to make you laugh: secrets and stories, other peoples and his own.
You spent all night telling each other things you’d never told anyone else, and for once you’d woken up happy. Strangely, it wasn’t awkward disentangling yourself from him–it was almost normal, even sharing the sink to brush your teeth felt like you’d done it a million times over before.
No, it wasn’t awkward at all–that is until Felix woke up and found you together in your room.
“Listen, Felix, it’s not what you think.”
“Oh, so you’re not dating Jeongin to make Hyunjin jealous?” He asks, looking at with with a skeptical glimpse in his eye.
“Well, I guess it’s exactly what you think,” you pause, “wait, how did you guess that?”
“You’re not the only one friends with Minejeong and Chaery, sweet pea.” he tells you, stirring honey into two cups of tea.
You’re not surprised the girls blabbed, especially not to Felix–the boy has too much of an angelic face to lie too–However, they should know better than to expose you to your oldest friend. Felix, has always been your best friend, your soulmate in all definitions, and because of this he is chronically worrying over you and your wellbeing. Hyunjin had been his friend, closest to him only second to you and Chris, and the way Hyune treated you at the end was such a deep betrayal to Felix’s sense of friendship that he is grown even more annoyingly protective in the past weeks.
“You don’t have to worry about me, Lix”
“Obviously I do, I take my hands off the wheel for one minute and suddenly you’re in bed with Innie.”
“I was not IN BED with him, we just slept.”
“Yeah, okay, just don’t get pregnant. Yeah? I’m not old enough to be the dad that stepped up.”
“FELIX!” you yell, but all you hear is laughter, deep happy laughter that has been unfamiliar in your usually joyful apartment. You can’t help but feel guilty, even though it isn’t your fault. You wish everything could be normal–wish with every piece of your soul that life would go back to how it was.
You didn’t need Hyunjin to be in love with you, but you wished that your friends could go back to how they were three months ago, happy and normal and free.
You love Felix, you love Minjeong and Chaeryeong, and the thought of them being as cut up about this as you, breaks your heart.
“You know I love you, right?” You tell Felix when he’s done laughing to himself, and the way he looks at you–rolling eyes and all tells you all you need to know.
“I love you too, sweet pea…” He smiles, “but wear protection.”
The diner is busy and your friends can’t seem to shut up.
“OH MY GOD!!! He keeps looking at you!” Minjeong cries, happy as a clam in her little white sundress. The weather has finally warmed up and with it sundress season has finally arrived, a fact that Ayen seemed to be especially happy about when he saw you in one of your own.
It’s just pretend, you tell yourself, even though you can’t help but blush when Minjeong whispers, “there he goes again, ohmygoodness!”
“Minnie, it’s not like that it’s just–”
“It’s just pretend!” Chaery and Minnie sing together, mimicking the phrase you’ve told them over and over again for the past month.
That first sleepover became dinner and movie every Friday, which became study sessions on Sunday when you began falling behind, and lunch at the diner every Tuesday so he could see you before his schedule got too busy. Yet, you still hadn’t gone out–out, a problem that has wrapped itself around you like an ugly sweater, the whole reason you’re pretending to date is to make Hyunjin jealous, but you haven’t gone anywhere that he’d see you two at. Not too mention, any insta post the two you have been in together isn’t so overtly romantic that one could believe you’re together–In conclusion, the two you are pretending to date for no one but each other, so does that make it not pretend?
“It is just pretend, and you guys know that.” you tell them a bit meaner than you meant.
“Okay, okay…” Chaery says, “but you should remind him of that, cause Minnie’s right: he really has looked over here like seven times in the last thirty seconds.”
“It’s just because you guys are here,” you say, but even you sound unconvinced. “Anyway he’s probably just worried because we’re going to the party tonight, which will take this little plan of yours from 1 to 100”
“Girly I love you, but him sleeping in your bed every weekend is what took the plan to 100” Minnie sassed.
You want to admonish her, but she was right, you should never have let each other break this many boundaries. You should’ve had rules, should have watched To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before together and knew what would come of this fake dating nonsense your friends came up with. But you’ve gotten so used to him, fallen so far into friendship that the idea of him not being around physically hurts you.
You catch him looking at you again, a soft smile on his lips as he asks someone their order, when your eyes meet he winks at you, silly and sweet just like him. You laugh and smile bigger than your friends have seen you in months, and if you were paying attention you would have seen the two girls share a look so obviously judgmental it would have warranted a slap.
“Yeah, just pretend my ass.”
The night is just beginning and the party is in full force when you arrive, hand in hand with your “boyfriend,” You’d dolled yourself up for the occasion: tight shirt, miniskirt, and all that jazz, and when Jeongin picked you up he blushed so red you thought you might’ve had a fever.
The party is already wild as soon as you step foot inside, people chatting and dancing, girls who must’ve just met singing Brittany together as it rings out from the stereo. You find yourself cramped in between bodies, Jeongin’s hand being the only lifeline in the sea of humans–more than once, you feel eyes on the two you, old friends looking on in confusion as you hold the hand of the wrong guy, yet you feel more at ease here with Ayen than you ever did before.
When you finally arrive in the kitchen, unscathed except for a few wrinkles in your tiny skirt, Jeongin makes you a drink and compliments you again on your outfit. He’s called you pretty five times tonight: Once when he picked you up, two times in the car, right before you walked in, and now he’s saying it again. Each time the words emerge from his lips they sound a little braver, like he’s more sure of himself every time you say thank you.
He looks absolutely divine tonight himself–when he took his jacket off in the car, you couldn’t stop yourself from growing hotter at the sight of his arms in the tight white tee he picked for the occasion. More annoyingly he seemed to know and relish in your admiration, he seems more confident tonight, cocky in a way that wouldn’t be so attractive if it wasn’t him.
When he hands you the drink, hands tight on the plastic cup just like the first time, his empty hand immediately goes to your waist. His touch, familiar and pleasant, eases you into the corner–forcing you to be close to him in ways you’ve only been in private. A part of you feels insecure, like he’s only doing this to show off the people around you, but one look into his smiling eyes tells you he wouldn’t be doing it if he didn’t want to.
“You’re so beautiful,” He tells you again–that’s six, “So so beautiful, I can’t believe how lucky I am, even if this is all pretend… I’m so so lucky to be here with you.” It stings a little, the truth of this being pretend, but you can’t help but agree, you really are so so lucky to have each other.
His hand moves away from your waist, moving up, up, up, until it reaches your clavicle–fingers fanning out to touch your collarbones, his ring finger gently brushing over the skin. He’s not so much as looking at you as looking into you, almost like he’s trying to see into your ribcage and decide if he can fit in there too. His intensity is burning, chipping away at your composure not unlike pick into stone. His hands are so soft, fluttering against you in curiosity, like he can’t believe he gets to touch you–feel you under his force and mold you into him. Your eyes are fluttering shut, influenced by the alcohol and his hands and the way he thinks you’re beautiful.
Too comfortable for a kitchen counter, especially not your own, his movements are even more dangerous when he is reminded the two of you are not alone.
“Innie!” You hear a voice familiar and grating in your current predicament, Jeongin’s hands stop their curious journey, but he does not move away from you–if anything he draws you closer, protecting you from whomever would dare rip you away from peace.
Changbin is shining as always, happy and handsome, like he has always been, but seeing him here is not a welcome surprise. You’re still upset you never heard from him after the breakup, sure he was Hyunjin’s friend first, and he doesn’t truly owe you any loyalty, yet it still hurts after three years of friendship to be dropped by 50% of your friends.
“Oh, hey,” he says when he notices it’s you and not some random girl here with the younger boy. “It’s been awhile, I’ve missed you–both of you.” You can see him observing your position–you, encompassed by Jeongin, huddling close into his chest… Ayen rubbing his hand up and down your back. It's clear what the closeness means, and Changbin who has claimed to know exactly what's going on with Jeongin at any given time, feels a little hurt that he didn’t know this.
“So are you guys like, together?” he questions, “Does Hyunie Know?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care, Hyung” Jeongin answers, “and yeah, we’ve been together for a little while now,”
“A little while…” Changbin whispers to himself, and you almost feel bad for the mental gymnastics he must be putting himself through to explain the timeline of your so-called relationship. “And you’re happy? I mean you look happy, so you must be right?” he asks.
“Yes, we’re happy” you say, before even thinking about it. And it’s true–you are happy. Happier than you’ve been in months, here at this party with Ayen. His hands are warm on your skin and his smile is alive, and you’ve never been happier than here in this moment, sharing your body heat in a random kitchen.
“Very Happy,” Jeongin agrees, looking down at you with a big smile, and your heart bursts at his agreement. “Well, hyung if you excuse us, my girl wanted to dance.” Did you? You ask yourself, but you see his urging look and decide to go with it. You do want to dance–you would do anything to stay this close to him, even if that means going back to the cramped sea of people in the living room.
It’s hot, and you can feel him everywhere—hands on your waist, brushing against your tummy, running through your hair. You’re breathless at his touch, breathing him in as your bodies move together in time to the song. You feel so alive, sticky with sweat; skin on fire where the two of you meet.
The music is deafening, miscellaneous pop songs mashed up together to get everyone dancing. It’s devious and devilish, a dionysian madness that has infected you down to your bones. You wonder if he’ll take you upstairs, ravish you bloody and leave you wanting more more more. The way he’s looking at you–looming and predatory like a God searching for a devotee–sears your skin, scorches a brand onto the small of your back where his belt buckle digs into you.
It’s all pretend, but it doesn’t have to be, not when he’s looking at you like that.
Your friends got here an hour ago, sharing shots with you and trying not to give each other “I told you so” looks when they saw Jeongin’s hand sit lower and lower on your hips than they would deem platonic. You can remember Felix laughing at you when the third shot went all over your top instead of down your throat, and the way Minjeong triple-dogged dared you to pound down some Apple Crown even though she knows it always makes you sick. You can remember how happy they all looked, Chaeryeong’s hips swaying as she danced with you and Lix, laughing deep into her belly.
You can remember all of this, but you can’t seem to remember getting here… Can’t seem to find the moment where Jeongin’s touches went from casual to burning.
The alcohol found its way into your system quickly, warming your tummy and your heart—intoxicating you with the notion that maybe all of this could be real in the morning, as Jeongin’s hands tighten on your waist. You feel his head dipping, lips sliding over your neck, his tongue lighting fires along your skin. He feels the rumble of your moan, feels the way you draw into him and sigh—your hands, delicate and lovely clutching at his jacket.
“Let me take you home,” he’s saying, begging, pleading. He wants to be alone with you, wants to play pretend somewhere private, somewhere where it doesn’t have to be a game.
You find yourself nodding, turning around in his hold so you can look at him, still so devastating through the hysteria. His eyes meet yours, so lovely in the dark room, and slowly his hands reach up to push the hair out of your face.
“So beautiful.” He says, matter of fact.
His hands linger, settling on your jaw, before slowly, achingly so, bringing your lips to his. He doesn’t kiss you at first, just brings you close enough so he’s breathing your air—almost like he’s giving you CPR, breathing life into a dying body—until finally he is kissing you, and taking all that life back.
The feel of him, the taste of him–is too much to bear. His hands are still clutching at you, holding onto your face and your neck, fingers leaving indents on the most vulnerable parts of you.
He’s everywhere, he’s everything, he’s come alive.
He tastes like the apple crown he took with you, sweet and sour–a taste you’ve only ever associated with sickness, yet when it’s dripping from Jeongin’s Tongue all it causes is euphoria.
“Let’s go home,” He’s saying again, pushing the words against your lips, and you find yourself nodding again–kissing his jaw as he pulls away.
“We,” you begin, a little breathless, “We have to go tell Felix, or he’ll break down my door to make sure I’m still alive.”
The way Jeongin looks at you, like you’re the only thing in the room, shakes you down to your core. He’s grinning, wide and mercilessly, but his eyes hold that same mischief they carried the day he agreed to do this with you.
“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” He asks you, before taking your hand and pulling you through the sea once again.
You finally find your friend in the backyard, fairy lights glinting off his cheekbones. Felix is always handsome–impish and charming–but there’s something about his face now that sets the visage apart. Rather than the joyous expression you left him with, he looks angry… Angrier than you’ve ever seen him, (except for the time you misplaced your friendship necklace in fourth grade), he’s not yelling or bursting with volatility, but there’s something about his form that reminds you of a grenade. He’s so still, his body tense and eyes steely.
The haze of your previous euphoria clouds your mind enough to make you wonder what’s going on–the picture being so out of place, your intoxicated mind can’t seem to make sense of it. Jeongin’s hand squeezes your hand tighter, and suddenly the painting comes together–there he is, standing in front of Felix, saving all of the volatility for himself.
Hyunjin is beautiful, even now, standing tall and angry like an archangel. You knew you’d see him here, had planned on it even, but seeing him like this is so daunting. He’s beautiful and terrible, and as you watch him yell at your best friend–who is only ever good–you can’t seem to conjure up that love you always felt for him.
You can feel Jeongin holding you back, his gentle hands holding onto your intertwined fingers tighter than normal, and when you look up at him his face urges you stay with him,--to leave with him like you planned, but even he can’t stop the current from bringing you towards the Conflict.
With one last look at Jeongin, you find yourself walking away from him and towards the boy who broke your heart.
When you approach the boys you can finally hear their voices, angry and insistent. They’re being drowned out by hushed refrains of “c’mon guys!” that you think must be coming from Chris and Minho from their place behind the two boys. Hyunjin’s voice cuts through, “Can’t you just fuck off? God!” he’s groaning, and suddenly you’re rushing forward.
“What the hell is going on?” You cry, alerting the boys to your presence. The noise stops almost immediately as they look at you, shocked that you would be a witness to this outburst, as if it was something private you just stumbled into and not in the middle of a party. There are people scattered along the patio, some you know and some you don’t, but they’re all looking at you–waiting for something good to happen.
Yet, The only person you’re looking at is Hyunjin–he’s shaking with anger, but his eyes are so sad. It’s an unwelcome sight, no matter how angry you are with him, to see him so clearly devastated. He looks different up close, all the signs of anger from far away slip into sadness the closer you get to him.
When you turn to look at Felix, you can see that he’s crying–oh your emotional boys, they could never feel anything by half. “So?!” you ask again, “What the fuck is happening?”
“Just go,” Felix tells you, not unkindly.
“What? Now, she can’t talk to me?” Hyunjin throws at him, before looking at you and smiling–It’s so out of place on his angry face, a smile so heavenly it used to bring you to peace. Now, all you feel is disappointment.
“Nothings wrong, sweetheart,” he tells you, the old nickname making you flinch. “Me and Felix are just talking, you can go back with your boyfriend.” The smile is still on his face, yet the words are venomous.
The reference to Jeongin, snaps you out of reality. Of course, you knew what you were doing by coming here with him… Knew that this was the whole point, to get him back! But being here, seeing the hurt you knowingly caused, doesn’t make you feel good–just sad.
“Can you just fuck off already?” Felix asks, his words coated in a thunderous anger. “Leave her alone, it’s none of your fucking business what she’s doing,”
“More like who she’s doing,” Hyunjin says, still smiling at you like this all one big joke, but you know him–you know everything about his heart, the sound of its beat, the amount of time it pounds against his chest when he’s upset about something. It hurts you that he’s acting like this, pretending what you’re doing means nothing to him, even when it so obviously does.
“You’re pathetic, you know that?” You hear from behind you, Jeongin’s hands catching yours into his hold and subtly rubbing at your knuckles. You thought he left, hoped he wouldn’t, but thought he did… How grateful you are that he’s still here, next to you and holding your hand like nothing is different than it was twenty minutes ago.
“Oh, I’m Pathetic?!” Hyunjin cries, staring at where your and Jeongin hands meet. “I’m Pathetic?” he asks again, “You’re the one whose fucking my girlfriend, and I’m pathetic?” He laughs out, an ugly mean thing that brings tears to your eyes.
All the boys start to yell at him now, telling him to fuck off, that that was too far… But you can’t seem to find your voice. Can’t seem to be able to conjure up any sentence that would accurately portray how you feel–how angry you are, how deeply cut you are that Hyunjin would be doing this.
How could he do this to you again? How could he suck out all the air in the room every time you see him.
The noise is rushing back up, people trying to get both Felix and Hyunjin to calm down, and all the while Jeongin is shaking his head and rubbing the stress out of your palms.
You feel nothing but sadness…
“I’m not your girlfriend.” You whisper, just loud enough for the group to hear you.
“What?” Hyunjin asks.
“I’m not your girlfriend, Hyunjin… I’m not anyone’s girlfriend.” You tell him, you can hear him say your name–see him begin to protest, but before he can start, you say again “I’m not your girlfriend, and you have no right to yell at anyone, not when you’re the one who fucked everything up.”
You see him take a deep breath, try to steady himself before he says,
“C’mon, Sweetheart, don’t do this right now…”
“Me don’t do this?!” You cry, “Are you even listening to yourself?!” Your tears are falling freely now, catching onto your lips. The salty taste is ruining the sweetness of Jeongin, obstructing all the life he gave. “I can’t believe you, seriously–you should go,”
Hyunjin says your name again, pleading for you to listen to him, but you don’t want to… you can’t, all that is doing is causing you deep aches inside your soul where all your forgotten love resides.
“Leave her alone, Hyunjin.” Jeongin speaks up, his hold on you becoming more protective as the moment goes on–standing taller and taller as if to hide you from your ex’s view. “Just go home, nothing’s gonna be fixed while you’re like this.”
Hyunjin looks like he wants to argue again, but one look at his friends makes him stand down, before he walks away–Minho leading him back into the house with an apologetic look at you and a nod to Jeongin. When Chris passes you, he smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes, and that's what does it–that's what brings you to full on sobs, the thought of Chris being even a little disappointed in you.
“Come on, let's just go home…” Felix tells you, tear tracks still shining on his pretty face.
“I don’t want to be with you right now,” You tell him. You can hear him try to complain, try to tell you that he was defending you, but you don’t want to hear it. Everytime you look at him, all you see is Hyunjin standing there and looking at you like you were nothing. You just can’t seem to get past the frustration that Felix couldn’t just walk away, even if Hyunjin was being an asshole.
“Listen, I love you, okay? I don’t know what happened, and honestly I don’t care, I’ll talk to you in the morning, I promise… but I can’t do it anymore.” You whisper, looking anywhere but at your best friend. Lovely Felix, who only ever wants you to be happy. He’s so sad, soul crushed and bleeding, but he understands. Understands in that way he always does, so without anything more than a nod he walks away, pressing his hand to your shoulder as he passes.
The world is quiet for a moment, dark and honest like you like it, here alone with Jeongin again. All the prior heat is gone, all of intensity leaving the air as soon as everyones gone, and all that remains is Jeongin’s hand in yours and his dark eyes looking down at you.
“Let’s go get something to eat, huh?” He whispers, and before you can resist, he’s pulling you through the night.
The diner is achingly familiar in the midnight hour, walking through the doors holding a different boy's hand than all those times before. The warm air is a comfort after trekking through the cold, abandoning the car for a night time walk through the city.
Jeongin’s hand never left yours, holding you like a wounded bird. You can’t seem to wonder what he must think of you, sullen and sad–what if he doesn’t want you anymore? Now that your heart is shining on your face.
He leads you into the restaurant, smiling at his coworkers behind the counter and ordering two cherry cokes. When you go to sit down, he sits on the same side of the booth as you, corralling you into his arms once again. You’re all cried out, can’t seem find it in yourself to let anymore of the pesky tears escape, but when he brings you into him–so close you can hear his heart beating, just as wild as the first time you listened to its song–you can’t help but feel like you need to cry again.
You’re quiet for a long time, listening to each other's breath and sipping on your sugary drink. Your head isn’t cloudy anymore, your heart is no longer so sad… It’s nice, sitting here with him; having a front row seat to his life passing before you. He’s a little awkward, fidgeting with his soda straw and tapping his foot. He’s waiting for you to say something, giving you space and time to break the silence yourself.
“You don’t have to be so quiet, y’know” You tell him, your voice scratchy from crying.
“I know, I just didn’t want to scare you,” Jeongin responds, his arm moving its way up your sleeve and into your hair. “It was so loud before, I wanted to give you some quiet.”
You can’t help but swoon, can’t help but love the boy in front of you–how sweet he is, how thoughtful. For weeks now, you’ve sat here with him like this–sharing space and time, loving him as a friend before anything else–perfect and pretend.
“You don’t have to worry about me, Innie… I’m stronger than I look.”
“I’ll always worry about you.” He says, with such honesty that it takes your breath away.
Jeongin thinks you’re radiant. Has thought so, since the very first time he saw you–snuggled into his friend and laughing at some stupid joke. He’s cared for you longer than you know, longer than he should have… but seeing you here now, holding onto him like he’s the only thing you have… It breaks his heart in two. He wants you to be okay, wants to wrap you up and keep you safe until the storm passes.
Jeongin doesn’t know when this became real, if it was real on the dancefloor, when he was kissing you and his world stopped. Was it real when you were being yelled at? Or has it been real since that moment in your room? The moment when he saw your heart open up for the first time. He doesn’t know, and honestly he can’t find it in himself to care–Who gives a fuck when it started? It’s real now.
He is worried about you, that much is true… How could he not, with your makeup ruined and your lip still trembling. You’re still so beautiful, but there's something so very innocent in the way you’re looking at him, like all you want is for him to keep you safe.
“I’ve been worried about you for a long time now, honey” He tells you, the pet name sweet on his tongue and warm in your ears. “It’s why I hadn’t talked to Hyunjn even before you guys broke up–” He stops to take a deep breath, to look out into the night before he starts again, “You’ve always been so alive, and in the end… every time I saw you with him… you just looked so sad.”
You try to remember, try to think about the last time you saw him at a get together before you and Hyunjin broke up, but you can’t. Those memories hidden behind months of trying to act like nothing was wrong, like Hyunjin still loved you–like you were happier than ever.
“I don’t remember seeing you,” You say, “I’m sorry.”
“I was always seeing you, even before I was supposed to.”
Oh your darling boy, sweet like candy and so so honest. It strikes you that everything you’ve done all night has gone past pretend, that this boy in front of you might as well truly be your boyfriend. When you think this, all the dread lifts away–seeping out of your bones and washing away as his eyes smile down at you.
He knows, you think, he knows exactly what you’re thinking–it’s never been pretend, hasn’t been since the minute he stood in your doorway and held you while you slept.
“You’re everything.” he whispers, and his smile is a thousand suns.
“HE SAID WHAT?!” Minjeong yells.
The morning after the party has been a whole thing. Waking up in your bed with Jeongin smiling down at you, cuddled together in your party clothes, peaceful until Minjeong and Chaeryeong burst in to interrogate you about what happened.
You’re not sure how they got in, even less sure if you want to ask, but they're here now: cuddled up next to you and shoving Ayen out of bed with instructions to make you all coffee.
“Minnie, I already told you–Hyune was a dick face and made me and Felix cry.” You tell her.
“That fucking guy, I can’t believe you guys cried… I would’ve just slapped him.” She says, much to the chagrin of you and Chaeryeong.
“You would not have slapped him, Min.” Chaery says, rolling her eyes as Minjeong insists she would have.
You find yourself giggling to yourself, laughing at how horrible everything was, and how funny it is now. Last night was horrific, but sitting here with your girls you really see how ridiculous the whole thing was–Hyunjin called you his girlfriend! How silly is that?
“What are you laughing about, sweet pea?” Felix asks–he’s standing in your doorway, smiling but sullen. Anxiously waiting for an invitation into the room, holding some of the coffee’s Jeongin must’ve made. It hurts you to think about him sitting up all night and waiting for you to forgive him, as if you could ever stay mad at him.
“Oh nothing, just how ridiculous we all are,” you laugh. “Why are you still standing over there, come on!” Felix’s smile is incandescent, brighter than you remember it being, and he quickly bounds over to you and the girls. Giggling about how much he missed you even though its only truthfully been a couple hours.
When Jeongin finally comes back, coffee in his hand and carrying around that 1000 watt smile, you can’t help but feel like everything is right in the world; here in your bed, with all the people you love most in the world… nothing pretend about it.
The morning is alive and sweet with friendship–Felix and the girls teasing you about Jeongin, and laughing as your face heats up.You can feel him smiling at you, you can feel the heat of his stare soaking into your skin like the sunrise. It’s a tether to reality, the proof that you didn’t make anything up… You’re everything, he said, and what a lovely thing that is–to be so intrinsic to him and his life that that's the only way he can describe you.
He’s your everything too.
You find yourself smiling at the thought, closing your eyes in bliss, you can almost hear your heart beating–louder and louder as reality sets in. It’s all real: him, you, this. You can almost see the future, prophetic daydreams passing over your eyelids of what is to come–more of this, of course, but also more–more, more, more. You can see him, laughing in the sun, kissing you under the stars, singing your favorite songs. It will be perfect, lovely and real, and everything.
When your eyes open, you see Chaeryeong smiling at you–looking at you like she can see every thought buried inside your heart. She loves you, you know that, but seeing her know you can feel it too. How you love her too, even with her silly jokes and mischievous plans. Her eyes flit to where Jeongin’s hand holds yours raising her eyebrows in that familiar way, and she tells you,
💬 : fluff, sfw, established relationship au, afab!reader x bf!jungwon, enhyen x reader, ⚠ idol and/or not idol au, not proofread
jungwon sat down on the floor in between your legs while you scrolled through social media on your phone. he started swinging side to side to get your attention. "you're not very subtle you know that?"
jungwon didn't pay attention to you pointing out his flaw. he simply kept doing swinging from side to side in front of your eyes. "what do you want me to do...?" you asked, looking away from your phone for a moment. he just shook his head, informing you that he had no intention of telling you.
he kept his motion going until his head started bobbing back and tapping your hands lightly. there were so many possibilities of what this could mean, you didn't really know what he wanted.
but then it hit you...
you giggled at your slowness, asking the question "how could you not know?" your hands moved to your boyfriends head, and started running your fingers through his hair.
his shoulders relaxed and a small sigh came out of his mouth. you smiled to yourself and continued your actions until he turned his head to look at you. your head tilted in question, wondering what he was asking for. "hi" jungwon says with that cute smirk that always has you melting.
"hi, baby"
you leaned down to peck him on the lips quickly, then rested your forehead against his. he leaned in again and captured your lips in a deeper kiss, tilting his head just enough to let you know that he was thankful.
you pulled away smiling and pecked his lips once more before he turned around again.
Warnings/Genre: kissing, fluff, established relationship, mention of being exhausted (?), not proofread
Sana: happiest birthday to my ride or die @bella-feed am sorry I couldn’t be there with you on your birthday but I hope this cheers you up a bit! Always love you mwah mwah 😙. This isn’t much but yes. 🙌🏻
WC: 755
Tagging: @kstrucknet @kflixnet
Blinking my eyes open, I looked around the room when I felt no presence beside me. I expected myself to be in my boyfriend's arms, cuddling like every other day but didn’t feel any sort of warmth.
Heaving out a tired sigh, I dragged myself out of the bed and checked my phone as soon as I got used to the sunlight seeping in through the windows.
“Did they forget?” I mumbled to myself when I realised that no one had even taken the courtesy to text me a simple ‘happy birthday’.
Turning off my phone, I sat in our bed for a few minutes before dragging myself out of the bed with heavy steps, suddenly feeling gloomy and exhausted despite it being my birthday.
Rubbing my eyes, I walked towards the living room but perked my eyebrows up when I smelled something cooking in the kitchen. I immediately made a beeline towards the kitchen and couldn’t help but gasp when I saw Seungcheol, my boyfriend, standing in front of the stove, cooking.
“Is this for real?” I asked as I finally took the sight in. I never once saw seungcheol cook a meal ever since we moved into this apartment together and honestly…I didn’t mind. It felt domestic in a way and I liked this feeling.
“Happy birthday, love. Come, have a seat.” He didn’t bother to reply back to my comment and just motioned towards the chair. His voice was soft and gentle which itself managed to give me a small bubbling feeling inside my chest in contentment.
Letting out a small giggle, I hopped towards the chair and slumped down on it, “Have some of these chocolate covered strawberries while I prepare your pancakes.” Seungcheol said as he turned around and placed a plate of chocolate covered strawberries in front of me.
Grabbing a strawberry, he brought it closer towards my mouth which made me open my mouth widely. “Are they sweet?” He questioned, his eyes trailed onto my face as he took notice of every expression I was giving.
I nodded in excitement and continued munching on them, occasionally feeding a few to Seungcheol while he was busy preparing the pancakes.
In no time, there was a whole stack of pancakes in front of me with all of my favourite toppings. “When did you have the time to prepare this much?” I questioned while staring at the pancakes. I slowly picked up my fork and knife and took a bite out of the pancake. “And why is it so dang good?” I exclaimed once I swallowed the pancakes.
Cutting up another piece, I fed it to Seungcheol, expecting him to sit in front of me but instead he stood up, “I have something more for you.” I stared at Seungcheol’s fading figure as he walked into our storage room only to come out with a bag. “Here.” I stared at seungcheol with confusion evident on my face which made him chuckle, “Just open it. Trust me.”
I slowly opened the bag and gasped when I saw a Jimmy Choo bag in red colour. “Dude…no way!” I yelled in excitement as I stood up from my seat and hugged seungcheol.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his chin on top of my head, “Happy Birthday, love. I love you.” He said softly and kissed my forehead.
“You didn’t have to do all of this.” I mumbled, my grip on him tightening ever so slightly. “I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to.” He said gently, his hands pressing against my cheeks as he made me look up at him, “Learn to receive love from others because you deserve it more than anyone else. I would rather spend all my money on things you like rather than something useless.” I smiled softly when he said that. My eyes filled up with tears which made seungcheol sigh, “Now birthday girl, don’t cry, you’re far too pretty to shed tears on something like this.” He said that while wiping the tear which fell from my eyes.
“I love you.” I mumbled again, my voice cracking. Seungcheol simply smiled and pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was everything someone would wish for. It wasn’t just something someone would do for an act but something which meant much more for the both of us.
“Now, let’s eat those pancakes before they get cold, yeah?” I nodded at seungcheol’s words and walked back towards the table with him behind me.
↣ Summary: It was never really brought up what Jeonghan did for a living. You didn’t live under a rock, however you just didn’t want your summer to go to waste.
↣ Warnings: oral (m and f recieving) honestly nothing is really hardcore and I feel I sucked at this smut so I really don't know what to put lol
↣ A/N: We love song fics. I had to ask who I wanted for this song and there were a couple but I wanted to do Seventeen. I have more Taylor swift song fics to make honestly. This is for the Taylor Swift Fic event on my page. Please read some of the other amazing writers who are swifties just as much as the next person!
Staytinyville’s Permanent Taglist
↣ Affiliates: @k-labels , @k-vanity
↣ Special Thanks: Thank you @saradika-graphics for the amazing banners! Please go check her out if you have specific banners in mind. She is great!
The cold air of the A/C blowing in your rented out apartment, blasted out the door the moment you opened it. You shoved the man inside without a care, slamming him against the wall beside door lips finding any part of skin within reach. His snorted, fingers barely catching the door to keep it from making a loud noise as it shut.
Jeonghan snorted, stretching his neck to give you more access. “You’re impatient.”
“Says the one who had his hands down my dress in the uber.” You murmured, tongue licking the sweat that had built up from the club you came from.
“They weren’t down your dress.” He shoved you off him, hands moving along your body as he bunch up the clothing around your waist to reach skin in a hurry.
“The inside of my thigh counts as the same thing.” You breathed, giggling to yourself as he walked you backwards further into your apartment.
Jeonghan found his way to the couch, quickly falling on top of you as you accommodated him between your legs. Your dress has rode up on your hips, exposing your panties to his wandering fingers. You let out breathless moans as the tips teased at your hips. You felt his thumbs dip closer to you core, messaging the bone almost.
He let out a snort from your collarbone, drifting his hands down the sides of your thighs. “You’re literally heating up here.”
You whined, clenching your thighs as his hands rubbed at your inner thighs. “Don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not.” He whispered leaning closer, his lips running along your neck until he reached your mouth. “I can only imagine how you feel wrapped around me.”
Your fingers dug into the back of skull, getting a grunt from him as you lightly scratched at his scalp. “Take off my clothes and all your imaginations will come true.”
He didn’t bother to tease after that. Both of you quickly rushed to take off your clothing. The fabric was thrown across the floor, on the back of the couch—some of it still hanging from your legs.
You moaned as his chest pressed to yours, arms wrapping around his shoulders and hands gripping onto his hair again. He gave breathless groans every time you pulled, his mouth moving harsher against your skin.
It wasn’t a fight for dominance—you didn’t really care who topped. It was just an aggressive game of push and pull. Jeonghan’s teeth would scrape against you and you would pull him back to feel the cold air on your wet skin.
“Fuck, suck pretty skin.” He spoke to himself, reaching the top of your breasts.
“Want to ruin it.” His tongue poked out and gave a flat lick to your nipple.
You squeaked out, pushing your chest farther into his mouth. When he got two licks in for each nipple, he leaned back up, hands flying to your hips as he turned you onto your hands and knees. When you noticed him moving to crouch closer to your heat, you shuffled towards the arm rest to lean over.
You giggled as you caught him ogling your core.
“You’re clenching over nothing.” He said with an open jaw, moving to lightly touch your slick.
You wiggled your hips, teasing him as you felt the tip of his finger probing at your entrance.
“Wait.” He scolded, giving your ass a loud smack.
You gasped, whining as you pushed your hips back. “Do it again.” You pouted, arching your back to give him your ass cheek again.
He chuckled, leaning up as he scooted closer to pull your ass flush against his hips. His palms smoothed over your cheeks letting you think that the inflicted pain was about to come but it hadn’t. When he watched your head turn to give him a pout, that was when his hand reeled back and harshly connected with your asscheek again.
You squeaked, flinching upwards as you wiggled around from the electrifying nerves running through your nerves. Jeonghan moved onto the other side, giving you another smack that quickly caused your skin to burn in a pleasurable way.
He leaned back down, his thumbs spreading your lips apart causing the tips of his fingers to lightly scrape at your most sensitive parts. You panted breathlessly, trying to keep from moving too much from the sensitivity of your nerves.
When you felt his breath hitting your core, you squealed, flinching back and causing your thighs to clench together. You heard his chuckle before you felt his lips fully enclose themselves around your clit. This caused your fingers to scratch at the couch, hips pushing themselves further against his face as he ate you out from behind.
He wasn’t shy with where his tongue and lips went. He gladly sucked on your outer lips while moving to shove his tongue teasing into your hole. And from there he only moved back to suck on your slit once more.
“Jeonghan…”You moaned, falling off the armrest of the couch to arch your back fully.
“You’re so sensitive.” The man teased, laughing into your cunt as you lifted off your knees from all your squirming.
“Taste so good though…” He moaned, eyes hooding over as he looked back down to your core. “How many fingers can you fit?” He asked himself.
You moaned louder when he pressed his middle finger into your heat, biting his lip at how warm and tight you felt clenching on his one finger. He sucked on his teeth and grinned wickedly when he easily found your sweet spot inside, wasting no time putting in a second finger.
You panting had him quickly leaning up and wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you from moving. His hips pulled your heated ass flush to him as he fingers suddenly began to curl into your g-spot.
The wet sound of Jeonghan’s fingers paired with the way he was lightly pushing at your good spot had you groaning louder, throat going dry from not being able to swallow your spit. It was when his other hand pulled around to play with your clit that you began to see black cloud around your eyes and your legs gave out on you causing you to fall forward from his fingers.
“Jeonghan…” You whined softly, body twitching as your orgasm spread through your body.
He shifted once more, getting to his knees as he spread your ass apart to lick up the mess you left between your thighs. You mewled softly, hips slowly rotating as he lightly probed at you with his tongue. You turned on your back when you finally got your bearings together, giving him a giggle.
He went back to cleaning you up, looking up at you from between your thighs. You smiled as you watched him grin, hand lightly treading through his hair.
“My turn?” You grinned, scratching his scalp causing him to roll his eyes back.
He slurped loudly as he leaned up, climbing back onto the couch. His tongue swiped across his lips, being greedy and going all the way out to reach his chin in a teasing manner. You laughed again, quickly coming back which surprised Jeonghan how ready you were to go after an orgasm.
As your legs moved to make room on the couch, he sat against the other armrest, legs spreading open as one arm moved to the back of the couch.
He gave his hard leaking member a glance, lips pulled over his teeth in a sharp grin. “Be my guest.”
**
“I’m going to look the menu over so I know what I want to order. That way we don’t have to wait the moment we are seated.” You told your friend, quickly pulling out your phone to find the restaurant's menu online.
“That’s smart.” Your two other friends pulled out their own devices, following your lead.
It was girl’s night out, and while you would have enjoyed going out to a club or bar, you had already done that last night out so this time around was tame compared to those adventures. Rather than getting sweaty against other equally as sweaty bodies, the night was going to be spent at a popular steak house enjoying gossip about the past couple of weeks.
Besides, you hadn’t gotten the chance to tell your friends all about your sexcapade from two weeks ago. All they knew was that you had gone out with a man who you claimed to them you trusted enough. If anything you were shocked he trusted you.
“Oh! We’ll set a table up for you boys right away!” The hostess spoke up loudly, causing everyone who had been waiting for a table to huff quietly at the special treatment the people who had walked in seemed to get.
You glance up to see who it had been, eyebrows raising when you notice one of the men with a neat bun tied at the bottom of his neck. Your eyes went wide, eyebrows raising as a grin seemed to overtake your lips. Your leg began to bounce up and down in anticipation, body fidgeting as you wanted him to find you waiting there but didn’t want to draw attention to yourself.
Him and his 5 other friends waited on the other side of the lobby, his hands in his pockets as he laughed at something one of them said. They were dressed to the nines–as one usually is in the kind of restaurant you had gone to. It wasn’t a suit and tie but it for sure was much more formal than his leather jacket from the club.
It had been two weeks since you had been with him. You remember him leaving in the afternoon after you both woke up. He was a gentleman, nothing really awkward between the two of you as you both got ready for the rest of the day. He told you he had the day off but you explained you didn’t want to keep him, opting to walk him to the front door.
You both felt content with the night, not really thinking anything of it because there weren't any stale feelings that morning when you both were sober. You waved goodbye at him with a bright smile on your face, the stress of the week having been taken care of by him. And he walked with a pep in his step, a giggle falling from your lips.
There wasn’t an exchange of numbers or socials. You both had thought that it was a one time thing that wasn’t going to continue not matter how good it was. And yet here you both were two weeks later at the same restaurant with the same group of friends.
“Okay, we got what we want to eat.” One of your friends spoke up, making you turn.
“We are ready for you!” The hostess called out, smiling at the group of men.
One of your friends scoffed loudly, crossing her arms as she had a glare on her face from seeing the group of men get seated before everyone else just because they got special treatment. It caught the attention of some of them but they didn’t pay any mind to the upset woman, following the hostess to reach their table.
However, Jeonghan had been one of the men who looked over, seemingly doing a double take at the bashful smile you had on your face as he made eye contact with you. He began to smirk to himself, standing up straighter and fixing his tie for a moment. With one last glance at you, he followed his group of friends.
“Group of five?” The hostess called after a couple of minutes, watching as your group stood up to follow.
You had been seated at a circle booth in the corner of the restaurant, allowing your friends to slide in as you sat yourself at one of the ends. You fixed your outfit as you got comfortable, placing one leg over the other as you smiled at the waiter who came to ask for your drinks. In order to enjoy the food instead of waiting another two hours, you all told him your orders, content with the way the waiter smiled your way and said that the food would be out as fast as possible.
Jeonghan had been seated close to the middle of the restaurant due to how many people were in his group. So naturally, he had seen your group pass and could easily make out your form at the end of the booth. He had a grin on his face every time he would look up to meet your eyes already looking at him.
While you tried your best to enjoy your time with your group of friends, you couldn’t help but fidget at the way you were able to feel his eyes on you. It wasn’t like he was the only one making sex eyes at the other. You were trying not to be obvious every time you looked over, trying to keep an eye on the conversations your friends were having while also taking a peak at Jeonghan.
After finishing your second fruity drink, you decided it was best to take a restroom break from all the laughing you were doing. It was best not to pee yourself while talking so much trash about other people from your college. What you didn’t catch was someone else also getting up.
When you walked out into the hallway that led to the bathrooms you froze for a moment before laughing to yourself. You grew closer to the man casually leaning against the wall, barely moving his head to look at you.
“Is there a line in the men’s bathroom?” You asked with a smirk.
“Not at all. Just making sure there wasn’t a creepy perv preying on people going to the bathroom by themselves.” Jeonghan swiped his tongue along his lips, his teeth showing in a teasing smile.
“So waiting outside the woman’s bathroom isn’t pervy at all?” You giggled, hands falling onto Jeonghan’s shoulders as his own fell to your hips.
“I was just making sure you were okay.” He pouted playfully.
He looked down at your lips, pulling you closer for a moment. “You didn’t leave me anything to contact you again.” He whispered.
“Didn’t think you wanted something.” You bumped your nose with his, giving him a peck.
“I didn’t.” He shrugged. “However, seeing you again, I think I should ask for it now.”
“Mhm. Liked it that much?”
“Can’t recreate the way you sucked me off.” He hummed.
“Tell me when.” You gave him a kiss, the man sucking in a breath.
He hummed out, pushing you back before looking out to see if anyone was coming to the bathroom. Turning back to you, he took your arm in hand pulling it off him. His hand reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone.
“You’re gonna regret your words.”
**
It’s not like you did.
It was a bit sporadic the way he would call you up and ask to hook up. You weren’t complaining–you didn’t have much to do at your apartment and no work to keep you busy during the night when the escapades would happen. And being able to destress the week away a few times a week was absolutely amazing.
It really depended on who was in the mood to lead. When he would take control it meant being treated like a pillow princess and get to cum more often than not. Sometimes you had to watch where things went down because you really didn’t want to sleep on a soaked mattress. But you weren’t complaining when you couldn’t feel your legs for a few seconds.
However, when you took the reins, Jeonghan’s breathless moans and head thrown back was just as pleasing. He was more than happy to lean back and allow you to take him as you pleased. Just like in that moment.
There was something about the way Jeonghan had turned up at your apartment with a tired look on his face and a pout. It was one of those where you knew you were going to please him. And you were more than happy to take care of him the way he always took care of you when you called him up.
You had him take off his shirt, arms stretched along the couch and legs spread wide open to accommodate you between them. You were naked, except your panties that you left, giving his stomach light kisses as you tried to get his nerves to become sensitive.
He still wore his jeans, but that was something you personally enjoyed. There was something about being naked in front of him while he still had his clothes on. However, because you were more than happy to allow him time to suck on your nipples it made you want to take off the rest of your clothes before he even did. There was something calming about sucking on some tits.
At that point though, you had him resting on the couch while you pulled his zipper down and ready to pull out his hard length. You enjoyed teasing, mostly to get the nerves fired up which made everything else feel amazing. You had already reached that point though as his skin reached a red color and his adams apple bobbed up and down the closer you got to his cock.
“Can you please get to it?” He breathed out, hips rotating just a bit to catch your attention.
You chuckled. “Impatient.”
You pulled him out, boxers moved to rest under his balls. He lifted his hips up to get the rest of his jeans off and to his knees to be more comfortable, leaning back to allow you room. It had been a tough few days for him so you knew exactly what he wanted.
You didn’t wait anymore, laying your tongue flat against the bottom of his length before dragging it up to his tip. You wrapped your mouth around him, flicking the bottom of his head lightly before sucking with all you could. It was only for a fleeting moment though as you quickly pulled back to grip his length tightly at his base.
You wiggled closer, knees scraping against the fuzzy carpet in your living room. Your nails lightly scratched at his thighs after you placed his cock back in your mouth. This time you didn’t bother to tease him anymore, deciding to go all the way down until your nose was tickled by the trimmed hair he had.
Jeonghan cooed, breathlessly letting out a moan as his hands moved to run his fingers through your scalp. He let out quiet oo’s and aa’s, hips lifting just a bit as he slowly allowed himself to fuck your mouth.
When he felt you keep still at one point, he took it as the moment to start thrusting up. He didn’t try to force himself harder than you could go so he slowly moved back and forth, fingers holding your head up in a delicate manner.
“Sweet girl, thank you.” He moaned out, head falling back against the couch. “Such a pretty mouth. Always so good to me.”
Your cheeks hallowed and you quickly pushed his hips down when his praise reached your ears. When he started to whine the way he did, it made you want to suck the soul out of him. So you would always try to make him reach his high faster.
There was a trick you had that always seemed to make him moan louder. You’d push him down, giving him the signal to stop moving. Then you would take him all the way to the back of your throat–slowly so as to not gag around him. And when you felt comfortable enough, you would use the back of your tongue to suction his tip which would have him whimpering.
“Yes, please.” He moaned.
His fingers went down your scalp again, legs spreading wider.
“You know how to please a guy.” He chuckled, a huff falling from his lips after. “Such a good girl.” He rubbed his fingers along your chin, feeling your throat moving as you took his cock further.
“Gonna cum, baby.” He breathed out, head flying back and hips pushing further into your mouth.
You braced yourself, swallowing more of him so he could cum down your throat. And when you heard his loud groan, fingers moving along his nipples and his hand pushing you further down, you closed your eyes trying not to moan yourself or else you wouldn’t be able to take him all.
When it became too much, you pulled back, swallowing what you could and pumping his hot length to allow him to finish completely. Your throat felt sticky as you kept trying to swallow your spit to get rid of his cum but it didn’t matter when you looked up at Jeonghan’s closed eyes and lips pressed together.
You quietly moaned to yourself, sitting up from the floor to reach over to his lips. He didn’t bother to stop you, allowing your tongue to fall into his mouth and play around with his. He was breathless, feeling up your chest again as he got your nipple hard and played with it.
“You good?” You asked, a teasing smile on your lips and you placed a knee between his legs, leaning closer to allow his face to reach your chest.
He hummed tiredly, going back to sucking your tits once more. “Always.”
He let go with a pop, looking up at you with a teasing grin. “Wanna sit on my cock?”
**
The following morning you had woken up laying on his naked chest. It wasn’t anything new, ever since the first night it was obvious that he would be staying the night. However, as of recently he had been slowly staying longer than the last.
This time you found yourself making breakfast for two after fully waking up. Last time you were in the midst of making your breakfast when he gave your cheek a kiss and left the front door. You weren’t going to keep him if he didn’t want but since you made food for two, you were going to force him to take the food. You weren’t about to let it go to waste.
You laughed to yourself as he walked into the kitchen with his hair all over the place. “There’s mouthwash in the bathroom. No extra toothbrush though, sorry.” You smiled.
He rolled his eyes playfully, moving along to find the hallway bathroom to wake up fully. When he came out looking a bit better than when he woke up he glanced at the extra plate you had on the table. He was going to open his mouth but you beat him to it.
“I made extra and I’m not going to accept a no to you eating it. I don’t care where you eat it so long as you do. No wasting food.” You tsked, shoving the plate to the other side of the table to get him to sit.
He scoffed. “Bossy.”
But he ended up staying, enjoying the time with you as you talked about miscellaneous things. He told you that he enjoyed getting to wake up later than usual because his place with his roommates was hectic. Usually one of them was up and banging drawers or stomping around.
“I’m going to get going.” Jeonghan spoke up, getting up from his seat as he took his plate to the sink.
He looked at them for a moment before looking over at you making your way over to clean the dishes up.
“Text me when you make it home?” You smiled, looking at his lips.
He rose an eyebrow.
“Gotta make sure you didn’t fall in a manhole on the way or someone kidnapped you.” You giggled. “Then I would be the one they investigating for being the last to see you.”
“Sounds like a hassle.” Jeonghan snorted. “I’ll try not to get kidnapped or fall in a manhole.”
You didn’t try to keep him longer, allowing him the room to leave you home on his own. And as you closed the door after giving him a kiss goodbye, you felt your chest tighten just a bit. It had you locking your jaw, fist clenching against the door handle and feeling irritated with yourself.
What were you going to do at that point?
**
“You’ve had two drinks and you’re already drunk crying?” Your friend pursed her lips. “It’s been a tough week hasn’t it?”
“Not really. We’ve been doing everything we normally do.” One of your co-worker friends chimed in. “This is something else.”
You had your head on the sticky club table, not really caring for how dirty it might have been. You were just going to go home and wash your face anyway. Once more it was the time again for the night out. This was going to be the last one for a long while though seeing as the college semester was coming up in a couple of days. The end of summer party if you will.
And when summer ends, it usually means all the other good things about it must come to an end as well.
It was only two days ago that you had last talked with Jeonghan. Having him stay for breakfast and spending a bit more time together on the couch as you guys tried to get your things together to have him leave. It felt just a bit harder to let him go. And you weren’t wanting to be hopeful when you noticed that he seemed to have trouble leaving as well.
For the night, you wanted to get drunk and forget about him for just a moment to gather your feelings and tell yourself that things were coming to end. It was your night to come to a conclusion.
This summer thing you had going on was over with as it usually went.
“Another drink!? You sure you can handle it?” Your friend brought you out of your wallowing, looking up to find a waiter had placed another alcoholic drink next to your head.
You looked up at the waiter, giving him a confused face seeing as you hadn’t ordered another beverage yet. He took your expression the right way because he answered you quickly. “That gentleman over there ordered it for you.”
Turning to where he nodded his head, you licked your lips and sighed deeply. Smiling bashfully to yourself, you sat up from your table reaching out for the drink. Raising it in the direction of the man who bought it for you, you were quick to chug it down.
Slamming it onto the table you stood up, catching your friends by surprise. You had your sights on someone and they watched with wide eyes at who it was you were walking towards.
“Are we going to stay here for an hour longer or are we going to get out of here?” You asked, stopping in front of him as he leaned against the table on his side.
Jeonghan smiled at you, chugging the rest of his drink before grabbing his hand and pulling along. You could hear his friends chanting at him, but you still slipped your fingers between his and allowed him to take you towards the entrance of the club.
Like the very first time he took you to his car, placing you in the front seat before getting in himself. As your eyes shut and took in his scent that lingered in the car you suddenly felt like all your energy was let go.
Tears pooled at your lashes, your eyes squeezing shut to keep them from falling but it was inevitable. When you felt a hand be placed on your thigh, you turned to look at Jeonghan who kept his eyes on the road but seemed to have a sober look on his face.
“Summer is ending.” You spoke up, grabbing the hand that was on your thigh.
You smiled as his fingers seemed to tighten around you, messaging into your flesh. “I got classes coming up again so I have to leave for university.”
“We’ll get there when we get there.” Was all he said.
**
He had you on your hands and knees at that point, face shoved into the pillow as you cuddled it closer to your chest. Your fingers kept clenching and unclenching back arching further as Jeonghan pushed and pulled your hips back and forth on his cock.
“You’re such a good girl, baby.” Jeonghan moaned. “Always so good for me. Everything about you is so perfect.”
You began to push yourself back onto him, causing him to stop thrusting and allowing you to use him.
“Go ahead, use me baby.” He panted.
When you got tired, and stopped for a moment, Jeonghan leaned over your back kissing your shoulder as his hips went back to thrusting in and out.
“Jeonghan.” You whined. “I’m close.”
He quickly pulled himself off and out of you, causing you sputter and cry at the loss of a close coming orgasm. It was quick though, that he turned you over onto your back and shoved himself back in.
“I want to see you cum.” He panted, going hard again to get you to return back to that pleasure. “I need to see your face. It’s always so beautiful when you come.”
This felt different to all those times before. This felt both intimate but in a sad way. You could feel the tears pricking at your eyes but you tried to play it off as pleasure. As he moved your legs to drape them over his shoulders, your moans grew louder as his cock began to hit your good spot.
“Jeonghan!” You cried out, hands flying out to find his skin to touch.
“Cum for me, baby.” He panted, hands wrapped tightly around your thighs and eyes on the way your pussy clenched around his length.
“Fuck…Fuck.” Jeonghan cried out, feeling your core clench around him tightly as your orgasm hit.
He pulled out, watching as you began to squirt on the bed and thrust your hips up. You were sobbing at that point both from pleasure and too much emotion. Jeonghan was quick to look up at your face, sniffling as he softly climbed back on you. You opened your eyes to look at him, hands moving to his cheeks as he gave you a grin.
You pulled him in for a kiss. “Please put it back in.”
“Of course.” He answered you, lining himself back in.
This time he went slow, feeling every throb and squeeze of your walls around him. He was close too with the way he dug his head into your neck and little whines fell from his lips. His hand kept a soft hold on your hips, shifting back and forth as slow as possible as his orgasm built up.
And when it hit, you moaned, feeling the hot load drip out into the condom. You could feel how it heated up your insides, a very small part of your brain zapping with serotonin at the thought that he had came inside without a condom.
Jeonghan stayed in you for a bit longer, allowing his cock to soften before pulling out slowly with a hiss. He ran his fingers through your hair, watching as your tears stained your temples from how you were laying down.
“Aren’t we already as far as we can go?” You told him, bringing up the conversation that you both had in the car.
Your nose started to get runny but you tried not to allow it to bother you to where you had to sniffle and catch his attention. But he was already facing you, wiping away the tears with a soft brush of his thumbs.
“We both knew what we were getting into.” He spoke softly, wiping away your tears. “We still have summer.”
**
With your semester coming to a start, your phone went off to showcase that a new album had been released from a band you followed on spotify. Quickly opening the app, you placed your headphones on a pressed play.
“What are you listening to?” Your roommate asks.
You snort, taking a look at your phone for notifications. Inhaling deeply, you purse your lips at the empty phone.
엔하이픈 형선 ・ female reader + word count 400 genre fluff established relationship warnings not proof-read skinship kissing — more
a/n. this was written in mid 2023 … it’s 2024 now..
heeseung
would prefer facing you whilst cuddling— his heart simply swells at the sight of you; likes it when you curl into his circle of warmth, head softly resting against his chest, his heartbeat strumming a pretty song in the comfortable silence.
cuddles accompanied by little kisses; him pressing quick pecks over your face, each gentle touch akin to dew-kissed petals.
would softly run a hand up and down your back, a smile blossoming on his face with every soft, ticklish giggle lacing the air.
jongseong
cuddles, where you both are on the verge of sleep; eyelids lightly flutter close every so often, yet hands are still wrapped around the other’s torso, not wanting to break away from the comfort.
him clinging to you after a long day, the smell of your shampoo filling his senses with such indescribable love; finger barely grazing your arm, face buried in the crook of your neck.
words of affirmation being elicited, voices lightly bouncing off the four walls of the quiet room; his heart melting when you blink up to meet his gaze, the softest of smiles dawning your features.
jaeyun
likes it when you rest your head on his lap; he’d run his fingers through your hair, lightly messing it up only for the reaction it’d provoke; would occasionally boop the tip of your nose, finding your response adorable.
likes hearing your voice; it lingers like stardust, calming him almost immediately; relishes in the way it softens with the close proximity, whispers leaving a trail of delicate warmth in their wake.
would likely be the big spoon; he simply likes holding you close to his embrace, as though a fortress to keep you snug and safe. the feeling that’d flourish in his chest is beyond the capabilities of verbal explanation; would often brush strands of stray hair out of your face, finding everything about you so endearing.
sunghoon
cuddles where his eyes softly lock onto the contours of your face, gaze gently tracing the crests of your cheeks; his lips lightly brushing your forehead, a small kiss being pressed onto skin. would pull you back into a warm hug after a moment of admiration.
would cling onto you like a koala, not wanting to be separated from your embrace; always has the sweetest smile on his face, deep dimple being the cherry-on-top to his soft request.
him finding comfort in your hold, often crashing into your warmth after a stressful setback; his heart flitting and fluttering as you softly squeeze his arm, a breath of relief being heaved; would kiss the top of your head, heart full of love.
