So yesterday we unexpectedly ended up deciding it was time to let our almost 17 year old cat, Kai 2.0, cross the rainbow bridge. It hurts but it was the right thing to do for him. It was the most loving thing I could do for him. I doubted myself and my decision laat night and today because of the sudden grief but the more I look back, the more I realize he was telling me he was ready to go be with Ezio and Tonto again. He did raise them from puppyhood, after all.
The other cats have been more affectionate towards me since I got home last night, which helps. Heero is known for licking and nibbling/not-suckling on our cheeks/face when he's feeling particularly sweet (bottle babies, yanno) and he's done that to me more over the past 24 hours than in the past two weeks, in particular licking my cheeks after I've cried. I think he likes the salt lol. Felix and Chirp keep rubbing across my legs and getting in my lap when possible. I don't know if they realize Kai isn't coming home yet but I do think they realize Mama is sad and they're trying to help by being the cute little bastards they are.
I'm rambling though. My heart hurts and is so damn heavy with the loss of my sweet, grumpy old man. I'd had him since about '09, when he was about 5 years old. He went through so many huge life changes with me. High school, joining and serving in the military, falling in love and moving in with my now husband, he's helped me raise Ezio, Tonto, Felix, Chirp, Heero and Heero's sister Mila. It's so strange now to not hear his super loud, raspy deaf meow or to try not to die because he suddenly stopped right behind you without you knowing so when you turn around your option is to either stomp on him, punt him, or stumble possibly to your death. Or him gently pawing your leg and 'mrrrraaaaoooooow'ing at you to pick him up.
Gonna miss you so much, my sweet old Kai 2.0. Take care of those puppies for me.