#kaksharani

[fijianprincessk]

August 22, 2016

Today was the first day Cal State LA on a semester system. All I had was one class and a lab, but turns out the lecture is online and I only have to show up to the lab. So Monday is the day where I get to spend all day either in the library or in the Cross Cultural Center and just work on notes and stuff. Either way it’s going to be productive. My schedule tomorrow will be interesting. Currently I’m in ihop with my friend and we are working on notes for classes from today. She wanted to procrastinate, but I had to remind her about what we planned before school started. It’s a productive time though. I’m mostly done with my notes for this class. If she’s tired by the time I finish, then we will just go back home and call it a night. The plan is to try to leave the house by 6:50am. Today we aimed for 7:15am and ended up leaving barely by 7am. Off to a great start! The job hunt isn’t going so well so far, but I still have places nearby to apply to so hopefully I can find work somewhere. Wish me luck! Stay tuned for more updates! 

[fijianprincessk]

May 4, 2016

MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU! :)

Today is my sister’s birthday! She’s officially 26. I called her, but she can’t really talk because she’s sick. So I guess I’ll celebrate her birthday with her next month when I get back home. I gave her a fair warning so let’s see how that goes. 

So this past weekend, I found e.l.f. skin care products. I got the daily hydration moisturizer, hydrating serum, and nourishing night cream. I’ve been using it this week and it does make a difference. I was a little hesitant to try it because I have sensitive skin, but my skin hasn’t had any rashes or anything like that. It’s actually made my skin softer and you can really see a difference. When I run out of face wash I will be getting those products from e.l.f also so I can try them out. I’m excited :)

I had a lovely surprise by one of my best friends. He decided to call and check up on me. How sweet. We both vented and gave each other our support. I love how I can finally have a relationship with him after so long. Good news! He made the decision to limit his drinking! FINALLY!!! You guys have NO idea how long I’ve been trying to help him understand the severity of his actions and it’s finally happened. PROGRESS!!! \(^_^)/ He made me very happy today. 

I am very sleep deprived right now and am hungry also. I don’t really want to eat, but I do have an appointment to get to in about 35 minutes so I’ll be getting ready to do that. Here’s some serious talk though. I finally was falling asleep and then I was woken up because someone came to the apartment looking for me. It was someone that works for the housing office and I got a 3 day notice. I was freaking out for a couple hours, but somehow dad managed to get a loan. He has to pay it in a week or so, but I have NO idea how that’s going to happen. I’m trying to find a way to help him so that I can take loans on my plate instead of his. I’m going to be having a student debt anyway so I’ll just add that on. It’s only temporary anyway. I’m looking at it like an investment for myself and to ease my dad’s stress a bit. He won’t have to know too much. I’m young. I can handle these things better than he can. Anyways, housing payment has been made in full thanks to my dad and also my boyfriend. I used up as much as my savings as I could. I just left enough for food and gas. 

Speaking of boyfriend...i spent the weekend with him to help him clean his mom’s house before we picked her up from the hospital. He wanted to spend this upcoming weekend with me, but because of his expenses he won’t be able to. First of all, I had no idea about his plan of coming down, but either way I would have told him no. Not only does he need to be there for his mom, but also I have work I need to get done. I can’t get that done if he’s down here. So instead I’ll try to go down to Orange County to my aunt’s place if she’s not busy. I’ll get my work done there and also get to eat yummy food. :) 

I’m extremely proud of myself for not panicking for too long. I think this is the fastest I’ve managed to regain my composure. I’m trying so hard to manage everything. I’ve started taking better care of my skin, trying to eat healthier, trying to fix my mistakes from last quarter, AND managing mental health...all while trying to reassure my dad that I can do this. He’s been stressing out so much, but I had to remind him that he’s only been involved for not even a year. I’ve been trying to handle all of these things and more for the past decade. If that doesn’t show him that I can do something then I have one special father. Well, that’s all for the update for the day. I need to mentally prepare myself for my appointment. Hope you guys have a lovely day. <3 :)

[fijianprincessk]

I know you won’t believe me, but you’re my strength. I haven’t done this in a while, but I finally did and this is the result. I’m stronger than before. It took me some time to realize it, but I went through my memories to all the advice you’ve given me. I watched the random videos we made together. It was definitely a good way to unleash the emotions and just let them flow. I’m tired of keeping things in. I knew around this time a year ago that I would have to make changes in my life, but I never thought you would be one of them. This has torn me apart so much, but I can’t even imagine what it has done to you and has been doing to you for who knows how long. Going through certain things makes me realize how much I’ve truly hurt you. I really do hope you see this. I wanted to send it to you in a message, but I have to respect what you asked of me months ago. I’m keeping a distance and have been as you asked. I won’t ask for forgiveness because honestly, how can you forgive someone for that? I do ask for one thing though. Please don’t hate me. I love you and I miss you so much. I wish nothing but the best for you. Make the decisions you feel are right for you. If something is on your mind and you can’t seem to find the words, try to find another way. There is always another way. Too overwhelmed? Take a step back. Unplug from everything. Do whatever helps to calm you down in a healthy way. When you’re more calm, then think baby steps. Things to do daily, then weekly, then monthly, then lead up to your ultimate goal. It’s a goal chart, not a plan. Plans change all the time which can lead to more negativity. A goal chart can take as much time as you need if you want to set it up that way. You can do this. I believe in you and I’m proud of how much you’ve accomplished so far. I don’t know if you feel like you haven’t really done much, but you’ve been composing yourself for a long time without anyone really knowing how you’re doing. I thought I knew you, but clearly I was wrong. I had doubts long ago, but I ignored it because I thought you told me everything just like I told you everything. If I would have known, I would have done so many things differently. I’m sorry I didn’t just ask or wait for you even more. You needed me there for you and I wasn’t there. I just made things worse for you. I do need you to know this though. I did not talk to you whenever it was convenient for me. I would wait to see when you weren’t as busy or tried to work around exam times which I was able to find out because of twitter or here when you’re stressed from studying or doing lots of work. I didn’t mean to be so selfish, but by the time I realized what I was doing and when I was going to apologize...well...you beat me to it. It’s okay though. Things happen for a reason right? We both needed this. You needed to be away from me. I needed to get myself together and be strong again. Thank you for teaching me such a valuable lesson. I’m sure I won’t repeat it. Not after learning so much. Thank you. 

[fijianprincessk]

April 27, 2016

Life is tough, but after we have our meltdowns and freak out moments, we calm down enough to be able to think. It could be worse, but it’s not the end of the world. Yeah, I’m in a shitty position right now, but I needed to change my attitude about it. I have successfully managed to do so. I will be trying my best to get things changed up, but in the mean time I just have to pass these classes with flying colors. I can do it. I have faith...for now. Nothing to it, but to do it right? Spending time with family definitely helped. Finally telling someone about the things I can’t tell people back home quite yet. It’s going to work out. I’m working towards a bachelors and also applied for positions to help me gain more experience in management positions. I do aspire to work as a psychologist for corporations. Gotta aim big to make it somewhere. At least going through all of these struggles will help me feel more accomplished when I’m sitting at home with the love of my life and just living comfortably. I see that image in my head. It’s my ultimate goal and I will get there. I’m going to do it. No one needs to believe in me. I just need to believe in myself. I can do this. I got this. 

[fijianprincessk]

Day 2 of feeling good of my appearance. Lipstick number 2 of 4. Have I said how much I love matte lipstick? I just started using them and they’re fantastic! 

[fijianprincessk]

December 22, 2015

Alright well I was up most of the night and slept for maybe an hour. Early morning I drove to Sacramento because my friend’s mom was in the hospital. She’s going to be okay so that’s good. After that, I went to my friend’s house and spent time with the many animals there and helped clean. Overall it was a very good day and very exhausting. 

[fijianprincessk]

December 21, 2015

So this morning was a bit emotional because of the dream. However, spending time with Tyson helped. After that, I was FINALLY reunited with an old best friend! @dracosplayground :) We spent hours just catching up and setting some goals together! We talked nonstop! Haha I had a great time. Oh! He also gave me one of his creations from ceramics (I think). It looks like a tower from a castle! It’s perfect for the dried roses I have back at the dorm. So I know where this tower is going for sure! Overall, today was a great day. :)

[fijianprincessk]

December 20, 2015

I spent the day with an old friend and her baby girl today. I also got to meet one of her other friends. We shared stories, jokes, and had fun listening to throwback songs and dancing around. It was a good time. 

Also, I decided to try something new and actually read books on google play to help remind me who I can be. It’s worth a shot. Plus, I should probably get used to reading more if I’m going to be a psychology major. No time like the present to work on that, right?