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Nov 4, 2021

Awaken, My Love - DEVOTION AND DESIRE PART THREE. PART ONE. PART TWO.

Will Reader really marry Kai? Does Azriel know just how sexy he is? Will the war continue, or be put on hold for this possible new marriage? Find out below.

Kai had been insufferable the entire stay in Summer court. That had been expected. But what wasn’t expected, was for Tarquin to make an appearance. Your shock matched the rest of the guests’ faces in the large ballroom.

The waning high lord was escorted in by his care team. Two of the courts top healers and three guards. You were sure there were several others watching over him that masked their presence. Tarquin’s hand shook when he held his glass up for a toast. The result of a nearly deadly injury years ago. Along with several other issues that many claimed made him unfit to be high lord.

But you’d rather see him rule to the end of days than see what Kai had planned for the summer court. Even if he was just a glimmer of what he used to be.

The prince squeezed your hand too hard as he stood staring at his father. His eyes narrowed, darting over the room at everyone who held their glass up along with his father. Tarquin took two wheezing breaths before in a great, raspy voice announcing “Thank you for coming.” The crowd clapped. All but you and Kai, who still firmly held your hand.

“We celebrate a great success tonight. Feast, and drink for the ones we lost.” He said, turning to his healers before anyone could notice the coughing fit he had after. You cringed in sympathy, the empathetic pain of whatever he went through cut straight to your bones. You couldnt bear seeing how it wracked his body. people were cheering. The dancing started.

The music was louder after the short speech. And the drinks flowed much heavier. You eventually had broken away from Kai long enough to head to the patio. The muggy night air wasn’t much reprieve from the hot inside with bodies dancing.

Staring at the night sky, trying to ignore that stinging in your chest, you sent a silent request to the mother. “Please - make this worth it.” You thought, and fought the tense, hot tears that welled behind your eyelids.

When you opened, the dulled stars seemed even less appealing than before you’d sent the request. The stars did not shine, and the moon seemed like less of a planet and more of a dull light in the sky. The ocean whispered as it rolled against the shoreline. It was always within hearing distance, no matter how far away you were.

The bouncing music did not drown it out. And when Kai found you again, he did not let you out of his sight.

The burning in Azriels chest hadn’t left for a full week. Fearing the worst of it, he decided to see Madja, and explicitly told her to not mention it to Rhys. She waved him off, and told him to sit. Then he had to lay down. Then she had him talk and walk. All the while her glowing, healing light on him.

The ache didn't not get better.

After an hour of exams, Majda shook her head. “There is nothing wrong with you. If something in here-” She placed a small warm hand to his chest. “Hurts, then you need to see a Reader.”

Mother above, he couldn’t handle this female’s logic. Madja had been known to recommend a few strange things now and again, but Az had never heard of her actually believing in Readers. She scribbled something down on a piece of paper and handed it to him. “Take this to the one closest to the Rainbow, he’ll know what to look for.”

Az gave her a look, one she was used to seeing from patients that were speculative over the ancient ways of Readers. “Madja, Readers are for tourists-”

“Bah bah bah, I dont want to hear it.” She shooed him towards the door before he could taint the room with his negativity. “If you want to feel better, that is the way. Go, shadowsinger. You dont have much to lose.” She gave him a long look that said she knew exactly what he ached over. He didn’t bother arguing against the healer, he knew better. Over six hundred years working with her, he knew just how to piss her off. So he turned and began his trek back to the townhome. He would not be seeing a Reader.

The letter came with a winter court seal stamped to the crease of it. Unopened, the wax showed you the familiar palace rooftops you’d grown up with. Each with delicate icicles hanging from the eaves.

Despite the pleasant imagery, the purple stamp made your heart race. Nothing casual would come from a letter so formal. You didn’t care that Kai watched you as you popped the letter open, the two guards behind him held their chins high, as if they waited for something.

The page was simple, and was only marked for the first few lines. In Kallis’ familiar scrawl, it seemed as if he were drunk or… shaken writing it.

“Kai is a fierce male. He is noble, and heir to the Summer throne. The world has gotten more dangerous since this war began. Because of that, I wish for you to be married within the month. Please return to the palace as soon as you are able, so we may forge this alliance in blood, and with celebration.”

Your fingers trembled as they held the page. Kai took it from you, and you did not protest. You could only stare into the empty space where it had been. Your hands became soaked in sweat, and you were sure the ripe scent of fear now tainted the room. You didn’t care though, not even when the guards smirked and Kai’s face lit up with an enormous smile. You knew this day would come. You knew you’d have to marry him eventually, but… it seemed impossible now.

Now that you knew you had a mate out there, in the world. Not just a random fae male either, he was a part of the enemy court. He was the angel of death. And you'd tried to keep him off your mind as much as possible the entire time you’d been back, fearing that Kai would sense him on you somehow.

“I suppose I’ll be calling you my wife soon.” Kai chittered, and wrapped you into a too tight hug. His warm body pressed against yours like a weight. You let him kiss you after, let his sloppy lips ghost over yours.

Then, he was backing away. He walked out to the hall with a newfound confidence that he hadn’t had before. A male with everything he needed to have guaranteed power.

Az didnt fully mean to wake up in the middle of the night and be stiffly walking towards the Rainbow. He may have been thinking about you a bit extra before bed, but those thoughts had been of panting, moaning, doing everything he’d ever imagined with you-to you. His hands worked expertly to undo the button of his pants. He kicked them off before laying back in his enormous bed.. He spread his wings wide, reveling in the sensation of the very soft sheets against them. He teased himself first- rolling a nipple, scratching at his chest. then began tracing his fingers lower and lower, until he cradled himself in a hand. The nails of his other hand dug in deep, and sharp into his thigh while he stroked himself, long and slow over his length.

Elain hadn't crossed his mind the entire time. And it killed him to admit that.

What was the point of two brothers being mated to two sisters if the third of each would be left out in the cold? Were Cas and Rhys just so similar that they.. just happened to click the same? Az's chest tightened thinking of the female he once thought was his love at first sight. The girl in the garden that brought life and joy to the world. The one that cooked for all of them, not because she had to - because she wanted to. He pined for Elain for years, two hundred years. Mor hadn't been more than a passing thought in his mind since he'd met Elain. And now... what? He was doing just what he had done to Mor to Elain.

He pushed the thoughts down, shoved them deep beneath his mask of calm and looked to the sky.

The dull glow of the streetlights reflecting against the snow was something that always warmed his insides. The childish excitement of seeing the outside in all it’s simple beauty would always get to him. He thought it would, anyway. Now, it seemed like more of an inconvenience than anything. On top of it all, the harsh wind nipping at his lightly covered body reminded him of winter. Of you.

And that ache deepened. He walked faster.

Kai mounted up fifteen guardsmen within three days. Highly trained, very professional guards that would die for their prince in a heartbeat. On top of those fifteen, he ordered a hundred or more to follow the caravan to the edge of Winter, so they could splitoff and join the front lines in the middle and Dawn.

The embarrassment of so many guardsmen trotting into the city gates behind you was unforgettable. The crowd of traders and merchants parted, and stared. Your cheeks burned.

Kallis greeted you with a warm, firm hug that nearly brought tears to your eyes. His embrace was the reminder you had a home outside the Summer court. It reminded you of the bear hugs your father always gave whenever he came home from a command shift. You'd stay up at night waiting for him, and if you did happen to be asleep when he came home, he would always leave a small circlet of flowers from wherever he'd been on your bedside table.

"I'm sorry." The high lord muttered into your ear during the embrace. It was so quiet you were sure Kai couldn't hear.

When you pulled away, your uncle's eyes were red rimmed, yet he smiled. "Let's get started." He said. Your stomach dropped, nausea burning up your insides at the thought of why you were here again.

Kai pulled you back to his side, his too warm hand forcing its way into yours. "It would be my honor." He said with a sickening smile.

The Reader was well known through Velaris, as there were few of them in the world, let alone in the Night court. He'd resided in the small townhouse long before Velaris had become what it was today. Az personally had never seen him. He'd heard plenty about him from Mor and Elain after they had their appointments.

But upon entering the dark cluttered room, he understood why they would chatter about the.. darkness of it all.

The walls were bedecked in shelves, and the shelves were covered with different oddities from small animal skulls to jars of... he didn't want to know. Where there weren't shelves, there were larger animal skulls and mobiles made of crystals. Some shone bright and proud even in the dimness, others sparkled happily. There wasn't a bare space in the entire shop it seemed. Az wondered how the male even moved around with the stacks of books and aincent looking relics lying around.

"The shadowsinger finally visits.." A thick accented voice called from behind a dark framed partition. Az hesitantly stepped towards the voice, the floorboards beneath dark rugs squeaking. The hooded figure sat in a withered old chair behind a table covered with candles, chalk and jars of different liquids.

And in the very center of the table was a large, metal bowl. The inside of it marred with ash and blackened from many fires

The Reader's thin lips curled into a smile, Az could only tell because his teeth glinted in the candlelight. "Come, let me sing to them - as they call to me."

There was minimal preparation for the wedding. No fancy decorations, no guests, and no music. Kallis insisted that there be as few people as possible to wetness the binding of the courts. You tried to ignore most of it. If you paid attention to the gown, or the flowers, or the fancy dressed witnesses and how their attention pointed straight at you - you'd run away screaming.

And if you thought of the male that you were to be bound to…You shuddered, even in front of your hearth. Without meaning to, your mind wandered to the dark skinned male that was your mate. You thought of that way he had looked at you for that moment. The way he seemed to look completely through you, to the core of your being. His eyes seemed to pierce everything you’d ever been, and anything you ever would be. He’d touched on every aspect of you, and did not turn. He drank it in, it felt like.

And when that click happened, like a bone being set into place… you didn’t know how you’d existed before. Without the extra… room for thinking. It seemed like the bond had unlocked a new - reserved part of your mind that was only to think of him. The shadowsinger. The one that lurked in your dreams, his lips, his scent. The angel of death.

The one that had helped reign terror over Prythian, next to his leader.

The male before you was not fit to be a husband, or a high lord. His smirk as Kallis prepared the ribbons told you that he knew exactly what he was doing. The prince had been imagining this for a long, long while.

And now he was getting exactly what he wanted. A place of power over two courts, if he was high lord of one and family of the other... he would have great sway once this war was over. He'd be a main component in any court dealings. He would be the head of Summer once Tarquin's time was over, and he would be able to influence Kallis through your father's tie to him.

You wondered if this was what Tarquin wanted for his only son. If your father would be proud of your sacrifice, or if he would share the despair and disappointment with you.

You wished he could be here for your matrimony. Even if it did feel false and unreal. If he were there... maybe he would be able to comfort you after. The unease of not know what exactly would happen immediately after the ceremony left your hands sweaty, even as Kai gripped them. You didn't try to flinch away, or pull your hands back to your sides.

This was inevitable.

The Reader didn't scan Az's body like Madja had done. Instead, he had the shadowsinger blindly pick four items from a bowl and set them in the order he felt was correct. It was a stupid task, one that made no sense if he placed them correctly or not.

"Wishbone, feather, Needle, and.. coin?" The Reader's fingers ran over the edge of the worn silver mark.

"A silver." Az confirmed, pushing the smugness in his voice down. He'd suspected the Reader was blind from the moment he stepped inside the room. No lights on, and hardly any light coming through the dark tinted display window.

"Dont be so surprised, Azriel Shadowsinger." He chuckled in a way that made Az’s shadows curl around him protectively. Waiting to block any incoming threat. “You’re not the only one with unusual gifts.”

Before Az had a chance to react, the coin was flying at him. He saw it in slow motion for one second, and the next… It was gone. His shadows had morphed into a glove like shape and caught the coin a foot before it would have hit his forehead. His heart thundered in his ears. He’d only manifested those physical shadows once. One time on a fluke incident. While he was drunk.

The Reader laughed, and clapped his pale hands together. “We are going to learn a lot about each other, young one.”

Vivienne had given you the traditional necklace that Winter tradition insisted upon at all marriages. Despite the unwillingness of the situation, the sentiment still warmed your heart. And you hugged her, trying not to cry and ruin your makeup.

Her curling dark hair framed her thin face gorgeously as she smiled at you. It was an understanding smile, one that said she knew just why you weren’t excited about this day - the day that many females dreamed of. After the sadness in her life it was a wonder she was able to smile at all.

When your father had told you she had lost her child, it was never mentioned again. You didnt see her for weeks after that, but when you did… she seemed different. She was no longer that aunt you would go drinking with on the coldest nights of the year. She held her suffering closer to her chest, and was more careful about who she let in.

“Future lady of summer court…” She sighed, and squeezed your shoulders encouragingly. Your eyes stung more viciously, as if they accepted your fate while your heart did not. The new part of your mind that swam in darkness and soothing shadows did not accept it either. It anchored you to the denial, to the rage that threatened when you spared more than a second on the thought of Kai’s gaining power from using you.

“High lady of winter..” You gave her a look and she rolled her eyes. The title of high lady came after she’d come to power with Kallis. She felt it was for the next generation of females on the thrones of Prythian.

“You know your uncle only wants the best for you. He wants you safe from… everything.” She looked pointedly towards the door, implying Kai. You nodded in acceptance. “Your father…” She cleared her throat and looked to her feet. Her long lashes fluttered as she spoke. “He wishes he could be here. To see you… not just for this.”

The tears broke over finally, and spilled in fat droplets to the floor. You missed him so dearly. You knew there were lives on the line at the border, but you were his daughter. His flesh and blood.

The shadows inside you hummed, like faelights working hard to keep an abyss bright. It crackled with unease and groaned like a sinking ship. “I know-” You said, keeping your voice from shaking. She dabbed at your cheeks, and re applied your kohl liner before you stepped out to the open congregation room.

Where Kallis stood, the prayerbook in hand, and Kai at his side.

Azriel shot out of the chair so fast it cracked against the floorboards. He pulled his shadows in as tight as he could, and that coin dropped to the table. Straight back into that stained bowl. The Reader still smiled, and the items Az had picked all began floating in front of him.

He didn’t have words, couldn’t describe what the hell he was seeing. He blinked. The Reader crossed his long fingers together, and waited.

Azriel stormed out without a second look back. The ancient male laughed as he heard Az’s hurried steps leaving. The door rattled shut behind him, and he hoped to the mother he’d never see the male again. As for his shadows… He had to figure out why this was happening. He strode far from the shop, still uneasy when he couldnt even see the building.

His wings were tense, sucked in tight against his back. He could feel his body locking up, readying for a fight. Ready to run, or slice or punch anything that threatened him. It seemed utterly insane feeling like this in his own town. But he couldnt shake it. The snow fell cold and wet against his wings, sticking to his hair as if he were a statue.

His stomach roiled. He’d never met another shadosinger, let alone whatever the Reader was. Not a shadowsinger, that was certain. Az had never heard of talents like that before. Not from any other than a high lord, that was.

He looked up to the clouded sky. The stars were so similar to what they’d been when he was a child. How had so much in this world changed while they remained the same? It seemed unfair. Times like these it felt like a cruel joke to be alive. The daily battles, the weekly death report lists going out to families. All for a few scraps of land. For a title to shift from one to another.

The thoughts muddled his mind, making it hard to see his own feet as the snow covered them. He needed to get out, to get away. The sounds of a bar down the street rang clear in his mind. A drink would be nice. Fantastic even, it would be an opportunity to not even have to think anymore. To be rid of that fiery rage in his chest that burned for you.

Then he remembered what he’d conjured on that island.

So he shook himself free of the snow, and took off. He shot into the air so fast it made the shrubbery below quake. He only heard it for a half a second before he was long gone, soaring into the night sky, letting the cold wind take him far, far away from the wrongness of the city.

Kai stood in traditional Winter court clothes. Surprisingly, he only had a touch of summer representation on him. A small pin of a traditional summer court sailboat posted to the collar of the heavy coat.

Kallis didin’t look unusual in his formal getup. It was only slightly different from his high lord garb. Instead of a bandolier and sword at his side, he wore only the thick collared coat that matched Kai’s. Viviane and two other guardsmen were the only others in the room.

The bright, gray filtered afternoon sun streamed into the room from the enormous windows to the east. Their rippled pattern made the shadows look like a collage of ice caps on the sea. Or the refractions of water against sand, depending where you were from. Either way it was beautiful, and would have been an ideal location for the perfect wedding. Even if you were to marry again, you didnt think you could bear to see this room again. No matter what occasion.

This would not be a day of light, and celebration. It would be a day of mourning and sorrow for yourself. For the future you didn’t get to have. For the male you were going to lose because of this arrangement.

Not that it would have ever been possible in the first place. Azriel was of the night court. He was in the command of traitors that had used their power to threaten the rest of the courts. He was no better than Dawn or Day males. Even if there was no war, and he somehow found you in a normal life...He was a walking outcast if he’d ever come to Winter court. With his thinner build and dark skin, you weren’t sure if he would even want to visit.

Kallis finished saying something in a long string of words, and both the males looked to you. You blinked back to life, to the moment right now. The moment you’d dreaded since you met Kai. You offered your hand. And with that, Kallis tied the thick blue ribbon atop both of your hands. Your knuckles were reddened with nerves, as were your cheeks.

Kallis then dropped the water of both court’s oceans on the ribbon. Just as the royals before you had done thousands of times, reluctantly or not, just like you. It curled and squeezed together, the sign of the marriage being accepted. None were ever denied. Kai’s hand squeezed yours, and the ribbon dissipated to the floor.

“You both are now a part of a house bound in love and honor. These are sacred words, say them with pride.” Kallis started with Kai, “I take my wife as a privilege of my life. I will honor and love her until the end of my days.”

Kai repeated the words back, never looking at you. You could feel your breathing getting heavier, and it felt like the air was being sucked from your lungs. Kallis turned to you, and gave you time to adjust. He nodded, waiting your go ahead.

You bowed your head, and he began. “I take my husband with honor, and love like no other.” The words were altered from the normal ceremonies. Normally they were both repeated back, partner to partner. The same words each time. “I will be his guide, in dark and light - Snow and Summer.”

You repeated the words back, slowly. Numbly. As if someone else were speaking for you. You stared at Kallis’ buttons on his coat, hoping to the Mother that the deal would stick, because it did not feel like a bargain with your dishonest heart.

The words worked, though. And a stinging sensation began on your elbow, and wove its way around to the front of your arm, into it’s ditch. You hissed at the pain, the dark band ended with two snakes facing each other, in the very center of your arm. Kai looked at his own, a simple band as well, but his ended with two delicate swords crossing each other.

“May you live happily, and love freely. The Winter court honors you both as a married pair.” Kallis finished the ceremony with the best smile he could manage. He stared at you though, as if he could help you somehow. He saw the suffering there, yet saw the determination as well. The love of your homeland would never outweigh a sacrifice.

And he admired that about you. It was something he always considered a great feat among Fae. And without knowing if you even were fully Fae, it was even more remarkable. His eyes welled with tears knowing that he had let Viviane lie to you about your father.

Among all of his regrets, that was the biggest. But he hadn’t known how to tell you, couldnt see you bear that weight of disappointment and sadness. He didn’t know what it would do to you. And he’d rather it stay a fool’s hope than to have to see you torn up by something you couldn’t change.

His brother was dead, and he was never coming back.

A single tear dripped to his coat, and he sniffed lightly.

You found the strength to look to Kallis. To imagine your father there, next to him. You knew he would have been sobbing - for a mix of happiness of watching his daughter marry, but also with despair. He knew your hopes had always been to find someone to travel with, to do everything you ever dreamed of with.

The day would be for mourning the loss of that, but celebrating your safety. As long as you were alive to despair, it would be something you were grateful for.

Kai’s hand left yours and he stepped toward Kallis, as if he were going to hug the high lord.

Then blood began dripping from Kallis’s mouth.

He moaned in pain, then fell to the floor, on his knees before Kai. Viviane's footsteps were fast behind you, but the guardsmen cut her off. You were moving before you were fully aware of what you were seeing.

Kai’s bloodied hand reached for you, but you pushed past him. Warmth spread across your arm. Kallis leaned forward on to you for support once you were in front of him. Kai backed away. The world seemed more quiet than it had ever been. Panicked flutters made every nerve in your body tingle. You patted your uncle, looking for the wound. You found the warm blood leaking from his stomach, at his rib.

“No- no no-” You laid him down gently, and pressed the wound. You spared one glance up to Kai, seeing why he wasn’t helping you. Why Viviane wasn’t moving. He held a bloodied dagger, covered in green gems. Much like Autumn court fashion. You stared at the silver pommel of the small knife, taking in the smallest details there. How the gems overlaid each other like scales, how the forging shone as if it were brand new beneath the blood.

The world spun, and refused to make sense anymore. It was as if you were a sailor in a churning sea of madness. And your boat was breaking.

Kai cleared his throat, and flung the knife into the floor. It stuck with a hollow thud that made you blink, coming back to reality. It was the same kind of sound that Kalis’s knees made when they hit the floor too.

Viviane's tears left dark rivers of makeup down her cheeks, she wailed, and screamed. But no one was around to hear it. Kallis had made sure of it.

Kai’s words felt like a light coming on in a dark room. It made you see the male in your lap again, made you understand that the male you had just married had killed your uncle. And he wasn’t done. You did not fear for you own life, only of Vivannes. She was the only one left with a life to spare. You understood you would be dead the second you slipped up.

“You just saw A niece kill an uncle. Over a lust for power. And you now see me taking over the role here as High Lord.” He announced to the three before him. You cradled Kallis’ head in your lap, your mouth moving, whispering or screaming, you didn’t know.

Viviane's heart gave way, and she roared. She screamed loud enough for it to break through your daze. You looked up, and she was running, springing in that deep blue dress she’d picked out for this day. For her Mate’s death song. She brandished a dagger from nowhere, it shone in the overcast light. It seemed to move three times slower than it happened. Your eyes saw it slow, but your brain couldn’t process what it was seeing.

The spear that flew through the air as she jumped at Kai, that knife aimed directly for his chest. The sickening crunch of it hitting it’s target - in the center of Viviane's back. Her mouth sputtering blood, even as she stared at Kai with that deadly look. She wheezed, and the floor began darkening with her blood.

Kai lowered himself to her, and tilted his head to hear her weak whispers. She turned paler by the second. Her dress was no longer blue. It was the dark red of lifeblood.

The copper smell made your stomach turn. You ached to vomit, and to slap yourself awake from this horrid nightmare. But you couldn’t look away from her, not in her last moments. Kallis’ blood was hot against your hands. His light beard was stained just as his wife’s dress was.

Kai muttered something, then said it again. You held your breath, trying to still the thrumming in your ears long enough to hear him. To hear your aunt as she spoke her last words. “You will- never… be a high lord, little princeling.” She said the words with a vicious, predatory smile.

Your tears fell to your uncles chest as you watched Kai step around her, making footprints in her blood. He took the spear that had impaled her, and yanked it out.

You closed your eyes before her body hit. And a last, rattling breath blew out of Kallis’ mouth.

Then, your world turned to ice. Cold became you, seemed to inject itself into your bloodstream like a healer would. It burned with an icy rage that only came with the deadliest storms in the winter of winters. It tore through you like a beast’s howl, from the deep forests and beyond.

Kai was rushing for you when you opened your eyes to a new, brighter world. Colors seemed to sing in perfect harmony, yet around you was.. Almost like a glacier. Ice and wind held you in place. Kallis and Vivienne’s bodies lay far in front of you, broken and bloody. The iciness in your being seemed to soar, and lift to a new level.

Then, you were gone.

#devotion and desire fic #acotar #azriel #reader x azriel #azriel x reader #kai summercourt #kallis

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