Cause it was just one shit news story after another.
By shit news story I mean Black person and/or TransPoC attacked, assaulted, or killed; another day, another Sikh or Brown person attacked for being mistaken for Muslim or...just cause hate; the federal government has made locs a legal means of openly discriminating against Black women; you know...basically just every part of my identity under attack. So I'm like..."Cool. You got tonight. I'm good." {hits logout button}
I turn on my latest #SelfCare binge: True Blood. I never used to watch TV and definitely not films until I discovered it's a really great self-care option for me. Disconnecting from one thing and connecting with another. IDK whatever.
Uhm True Blood has some real problematic foolishness weaved throughout so I'm half paying attention and half skipping around to avoid triggering shit.
I hit my inbox. Unfortunately it's not as dry as usual; I'm conversing with 1 domestic Black, 1 international Black, and 1 NBPoC.
+ The domestic Black + I discuss "calling in Black." The mutual understanding with so few words is great, yet I don't really need to vent anymore right now.
+ The int'l Black is up past his bedtime.
+ And the NBPoC is doing their very best to be supportive, a dope friend, and a bomb ally and yet! in this moment...it's not enough. and it can't be. and that's not their fault.
So I start scrolling through other platforms.
First stop: Instagram.
First post: something about the most recent Black folks to become hashtags.
Fuck it. Leave the house for a quick #selfcare activity. I need air.
I get back + eventually open SnapChat. Start going through folks' stories only to run across more posts about the same stuff I'm trying to disconnect from for the night. Of course. They're grieving too.
Well, except my non-Black 'friends' on SM. IDK how they feel--their posts are so....carefree... and filled with glee. {insert my face here} The envy is real.
Now I tell myself that just means I need to be off SM for the night. Fine. True Blood now has my full attention.
I'm on the season 2 finale. Not 4 minutes after I devote my full attention to True Blood does Tara's BF, Eggs--a Black man, get shot in the head by a white dude who feared for his life/the life of the officer Eggs was thought to be attacking.
“A R E Y O U F U C K I N G K I D D I N G M E R I G H T N O W !“
I say, out loud, to the universe.
But wait! Therrrrre's more.
Mind you, Eggs is under the spell of some magical white lady (it's a vampire show-{rolls eyes}-stay with me) so he's not in his right mind. The kind, benevolent police officer that Eggs is "attacking" while pleading for help from (he's filled with guilt for the horrible violence the lady made him commit against others while under her influence), the sheriff who's been terrorizing the city since the show started is suddenly on the ground below a gargantuan Eggs, shaking, and trembling. {iNTERESTING FUCKING CAMERA ANGLE, BRO!!} {insert my face here}
Still more, son.
Eggs has been this magic yt lady's...lacky the whole time basically and she used him as her "hitman," not only against his will but without his knowledge {i totally didn't have any flashes about The Tuskegee Experiments or Black + Latinx women being sterilized unknowingly. Didn't happen at all guise *shakes head fervently*}. Once he realizes it, he can't deal with the pain and guilt and asks the officer to lock him up for the protection of others and cause he deserves it. {insert my face here}
A few episodes prior to Eggs getting shot in the fucking face, this same lady uses her powers to force him + Tara to beat the shit out of each other, beg for it, and enjoy it. Like... WTF. I don't understand the inclusion of this scene. Not one bit. So...the only Black couple on the show is also the only one engaging in domestic...violence...? (Tara’s moms is/was also a drunk, who we see beating her.) Why, Sway? {insert my face here}
W H A T I S H A P P E N I N G ?
Here's something folks don't realize about all that's happening right now and the current state of affairs for Black people in america -- this shit can be isolating AF. It’s one thing to know about it and even be intimately familiar with the bullshit. It’s another entirely to be inundated with it every single day. And it’s lowkey scary when you feel like you cannot get away from it unless you disconnect completely.
I remember when Kamz' (HS BFF) grandmother passed. I didn't know WTF to do. Shit, I was sad, too. So I went to Kamz house, which was basically my actual house at this point (LOL) and sat there as long as I could and just distracted her and made her laugh. Many of us have similar stories of connecting with each other as a way to disconnect from the constant oppression that is our reality.
What happens when the only path to your folks' is littered with landmines?
We’re not even going to discuss how this looks if you have anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, or shit...any mental health issue. My God.
I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a minefield;
I’m looking at my friends standing in the middle of theirs.
idiaz replied to your post: kammstheace reblogged your post: I just want a... Nolan on Revenge is a bisexual guy. :)
THANK YOU! I do have one! I was totally about to say "I said shows *I* watch" because I keep forgetting I watch Revenge. lol. That's great. He is bisexual and they have portrayed him very well as such! :D
