@sangerosnix replied to your post “Replied to your post”:
"...you've been working for long enough, and you're not listening to me when I call you."
And this is somehow the correct way of catching her attention completely, apparently.
Mafuyu would say it sounded great inside her head, but to be honest she didn't even think beforehand, she simply acted.
Oh...right. Right. It was so easy to get completely wrapped up in her work that she simply started shutting out other noises. Not...exactly a great trait when the person policing your self-care was in the house with you.
Still. This is. Awkward. Definitely a new tactic. Very effective at getting Kanade's attention completely, though she's nervous and simply red in the face, now. It definitely broke her focus. "S-sorry, I'll take a break--you uh....you can put me down."
"Would you rather stop eating instant noodles forever, or energy drinks?"
Everyone would really rather she say both, she feels. "The...hm. I guess I'd stop drinking the energy drinks..." She had to do that math in her head. She hesitated way too much to actually answer that one. Energy drinks might help keep her away, sure, but she could find other ways to do that. The instant noodles are still (barely) a form of quick and easy food, and if you really think about it, the broth is just flavored water (horrible).
Mother's Day. Well...of course Kanade was going to be here. She visited on a regular basis regardless, but today was special, after all. In life or death, her mother was a precious memory. Even if she found herself too scared to remember all of those good times, the memory of her mother in general wasn't going to fade away, and neither would her feelings.
"I'm here again, mom."
Kneeling in front of the grave, Kanade gently put her new offerings in place of old ones, having already taken the time to carefully clean the grave and make sure it was presentable again. Whether her grandmother could make it with her or not, she always made sure to do everything properly as she should.
"Has everything been peaceful? I'm sure it has. Things have...been going well, with my friends. I think. We're figuring things out. They're growing and trying their best. Knowing that really helps me get through a lot of my days without too much incident, sometimes."
Lowering her hands, she let them rest on her lap and smiled distantly at the tombstone, breathing out gently. "Dad's finally well enough to leave the hospital. He isn't coming back home, though. They're going to give him physical therapy and continue monitoring him at a care home. He doesn't remember everything, still...and at this point, they're not sure if those memories are going to come back."
Her fingers curl into weak fists, relaxed smile straining subtly. "The house will be okay. I'm still there, after all. Mochizuki-san still keeps it clean. Mafuyu does wonders, too. I do wish he could be there again, but..." She trails off, and she doesn't even realize that her smile slowly faded from her lips as she looked more towards the ground.
"He still talks about you. He still loves you. I'm happy. I don't ever want anyone to forget you, mom. I think that being forgotten...somehow, that's an entirely different kind of pain."
It feels like a death that wasn't physical.
"I miss him, too." She grimaced, looking down at her lap and slumping a little bit. "But maybe it's better that he doesn't remember me. I don't know."
Swallowing, she simply picks her head up again and smiles weakly, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. Today's visit is so short, even though it's such an important day. But I love you, mom. Happy Mother's Day."
Kanade watched as her dad adjusted his jacket, standing with a watchful nurse nearby. As bedridden as he's been, he would still have to go through a lot of physical therapy to move normally again. Fortunately, he would have plenty of help where he was going to be staying now. He'd have space, a comfortable room, the help he needed that he surely wouldn't get effectively at home...
"Um...Kanade." The girl looked over at him curiously from where she stood, arms crossed as she leaned against the wall. Kousuke smiled warmly at her, and she felt something in her chest tighten uncomfortably.
"Yes?"
"You'll...visit still, won't you? You've been so kind to me this whole time. Honestly, at this point you're practically like a daughter to me." He chuckled a little bit. Kanade smiled back, a bitter pain behind her eyes restrained so tightly that she could feel it burning, somewhere. The nurse gave her a sympathetic look, but Kanade simply looked back at Kousuke and smiled calmly, nodding.
"Of course. I'm...happy, that you're finally well enough to get out of here...Yoisaki-san."
"Oh yes, I'm glad for that. The nurses here have been wonderful, but it feels good to know that I'm finally getting somewhere. Yet...ah, I cant shake the feeling like something is still missing. You know?"
I know. Was this supposed to hurt this much? She's supposed to be happy.
"I hope you managed to remember what it is while you're in your new life, at least. Um...I...should probably let you finish up though." She needed to take care of the papers that he couldn't, anyway. "I'll make sure to drop by and see you soon. Take care, okay?"
"You too, Kanade-chan."
Taking a breath, Kanade's careful with her next smile. She gives him a polite nod before turning and leaving the room, walking a bit too briskly down the hall. She felt a little bit sick. She's being selfish again.
She always knew this was going to happen. Her dad was going to move on with or without her. Whether he saw himself as her dad, or as a stranger that happened to be comforted by her presence. Everything moved on. Everyone left.
Someday, her friends in Nightcord will inevitably move on. Someday, Mafuyu will finally understand herself again, and she would have to move on too.
Of course, when that day comes; when there was no more to be done, no one to miss her, and nothing else for her in that house of hers, Kanade would move on too, whether she's saved all she could or not.
Inspiration's a little hard to come by now and then when you were the type of person who didn't go out much unless dragged around by companions. Usually though, it was something she brought up in their group chats on Nightcord. All four of them would come up with some kind of idea of what to do to pull Kanade out of her slumps, whether it was some small activity or a surprisingly grand idea for a future day.
Maybe it was a little bit unusual for Kanade to reach out to just one of them instead. Mafuyu had been busy, and quite honestly, with a similar taste for spending time alone at home as Kanade, she wasn't the greatest first option to consider when thinking about who to ask this.
Kanade waited at their usual booth--the easiest place she could usually think to meet anyone else in their circle.
'I've been trying to figure out what other things people do in their spare time is like. Maybe stepping out of my comfort zone a little would help my flow of ideas a bit, and I'm...not really sure what it's like to have many hobbies outside of my music. Could we meet up and talk about it?'
Was the kind of message she had sent to Amia through a private DM. She felt silly, having to admit that she didn't know what such a simple thing was like. She didn't really want to say that kind of thing out loud to more than just one person, right now. One person's worth of embarrassment is more than enough.
