seen from North Macedonia
seen from Türkiye
seen from France
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from India
seen from Germany
seen from Malaysia
seen from Japan
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Tunisia
seen from China
seen from Canada
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United States
this is a tale of never ending tragedy. we drip treacle, honeyed lies down throats ripped raw, thorn-pressed lips, grated bone of gristle and blood; blessed with incarnadine ire, kiss your knuckles and trace the bruises blooming on my skin. tell me who i am: am i the bitter smoke in the air? the ashes collecting by the hearth? the remains of a drunkard’s drink, glass shards scattered on concrete? tell me who i am, because i don’t know.
THE ROOFTOP ON A CERTAIN DAY.
Between the time I sat down here and started listening to Takane talk till now, it had been around ten minutes.
translation: when tf will she stop talking
Yes, to avoid causing trouble, I must live a life where I just mind my own business and keep to myself. This is, in order to survive the days in this school, the most important point to remember.
I had to live that way again, just I had in the past, with no attachment to anything or anyone, I just had to mind my own business.
this also applies to his childhood and his life under his mother. he was told to just do his own thing, never to reach out to others, trying not to stand out while getting by, and that’s how he’s lived his life after thus far.
She really is someone that is spiteful and difficult to deal with. Then again, I have no right to say this.
he can spot people’s personality flaws, perhaps because he’s so aware of his own. however, it’s because he shares similar flaws as takane that he feels a connection with her and is thus willing to open up to her later.
What was there to be so embarrassed about? She’s stupid as hell.
kid youre so god damn blunt
Most probably, she wanted me to say that I liked that guy. …thinking about that, my mood inevitably got even worse.
…in a few minutes, I guessed that those guys would arrive with lunch. If so, I was going to have to go through a lot of bothersome things again. Really, what a pain. Especially that guy. To be honest, I didn’t even want to see his face. I’d hated him from the first moment I met that guy.
kano Does Not Like shintaro
I softly took a breath and spoke with a smile. “Welcome back, Shintaro.”
he can put aside his feelings and act perfectly, even if it’s the complete opposite of how he feels around a certain person
YOBANASHI DECEIVE 0.
Towards someone like me, someone who is good at fooling others’ eyes, suspicion could be considered the smartest thing to do.
Of course, I have a reason for saying it in this strange way. I just always want others to distrust “the me that even I can’t trust.”
That’s why I don’t want others to believe the words of someone like me.
kano wants others to suspect him. he doesn’t think he can be trusted, his words are not to be trusted. wants others to not believe anything he says. his ability makes him suspicious. he doesn’t trust himself either - he doesn’t know if he’s fooling himself too. lied too long, can’t tell which is the true face anymore. doesn’t try to hide that from others - fully embraces it and wants people to realize this fault of his. wants people to have a negative view of him, because it’s what he believes he is truly like and is therefore an accurate view.
Even I don’t want to be hated by others.
no matter how despicable he sees himself as, he doesn’t want others to abandon him and hate him and leave him all alone. he fears being alone, being rejected by those he loves. contradictory nature: believes the worst of himself and wants others to see how horrible he is, but only to a certain extent. doesn’t want people to see everything about him, because then they’ll hate him and leave him alone. he fears loneliness - absolutely doesn’t want this to happen.
“…no no, it’s the truth. I have no reason to lie about this anyway.”
because he lies so much, people don’t believe him when he speaks the truth, even when it’s something very important.
I can’t understand myself. What sort of nature I have, I don’t know at all.
Not being able to see my true heart because I’ve piled lie upon lie, it’s really nerve-wracking.
which are the lies, which are the truths? he’s lied for so long, he can’t tell. built up lie upon lie, lied to himself. worn too many masks. he can emulate the personalities of other people so easily - superb acting, but to take on so many identities, it mixes with the real one until the real one is lost among the swarm. leaves him feeling empty inside. people innately desire to know who they are, to understand themselves. not being able to do that is frightening, because supposedly, you are supposed to know yourself best, since you have access to all your thoughts. if you don’t, your very footing in the world becomes shaky. what is your place in it?
What I like, what I dislike, what I want to do, why I’m here.
is empty, a mirror, is able to sacrifice himself for others, can lie about interests and dislikes to suit the person / situation. or, doesn’t care enough about living to actually have things he likes / dislikes besides people. what is his purpose for existing? he only stays in this world to support his loved ones. if his existence or death wouldn’t have an impact on anyone, he’d die. seriously considered suicide after ayano’s death, but couldn’t because of the snake. has contemplated suicide to lesser degrees after as well. he has no goals for the future. he doesn’t look to or think about the future at all, he’s stuck in the past while trying to survive in the present. he doesn’t even know if he’ll live that long - feels death creeping in his shadows daily. constantly on edge.
Suspect, deny, even breaking me would be better.
‘ don’t trust the despicable me. ‘ he sets aside his well being if it’s for the benefit of others. wholeheartedly accepts other people not believing him, since he believes it’s the right thing to do. ‘ everything that i spout is a lie. ‘ self sacrificial nature - would rather be mentally hurt than maybe hurt others with his lies, because he believes that he inevitably will hurt those he loves with his lies, but he can’t stop because lying is his comfort zone, all he’s known to do. it’s easy, it lets him slip away, it lets him run and cope.
Only like this will I be able to, once again, find the - 『real me』 when it appears.
the real me is someone who is left all alone. people suspecting, denying, breaking him: distancing themselves from him, not standing by his side and believing his words, going against him - solitude in who he is. he, the horrible and despicable, deserves to be alone. he doesn’t deserve the love others give him, yet he needs it so desperately. the first time the ‘ real me ‘ appeared to him was in the haze. after his mother died, the only other person in his life, he was left utterly alone - that fact is emphasized in his haze, where it’s completely silent, suffocatingly so. he’s all alone in this big city in the dark - dark = adults = corrupt, there’s no one in this world that can save him. more analysis on haze when it comes up.
However, this kid could really be a good kid. Having a strong 『self』 that is capable of suspecting others. It’s really something I envy.
he’s always the one being suspected. sees himself as the lowest of the lowest - he has no right to suspect others. has no sense of who he is. she’s strong and tenacious, still following her goals, unlike him, who is basically at this point a hollow husk and gave up on fighting the snake. he wishes he could know himself and be strong and not weak.
“…well then, let’s do this. Before I bring you to that place, I’ll tell you a story, one you won’t get bored of. If you do, you’re free to go wherever you want.”
sharing his story with takane will get her to trust him + he connects with takane, so he feels like he can tell his story to her. saying it’s just a story depersonalizes it and makes it easier to tell. it’s just like all the lies he’s told before - a tall tale. just tell it like any other.
It’s just a recount based on personal experience. Though it’s nothing worth bragging about, it won’t bore you.”
‘ just ‘ lessens the importance of it, downplays it. he realizes what tragic story he has, though. isn’t humble so much as self hating.
“…how about you just treat it like a joke, and try hearing me out?”
his story is something to be laughed at, like a joke, something told to pass time and for the purpose to be told to others. makes it seem utterly insignificant - low sense of self worth. look at this super angsty history of this kid and he’s just ‘ lol think of it as a joke ‘ jesus fucking christ kid believe in urself
HE SOUNDED SO SWEET TALKING TO AYANO'S GRAVE!
