Mentor Report - Or, A Conversation with a Friend
~ My first night in Shibuya - (L-R) Kaho (kind student we met), Me, Madeline, Natalie (two of my friends on the trip), and Mari
I have known Mari since 2017 because we took the latter two years of classes for our Japanese major in the same tight-knit class of students - we were together for each term except for when she studied abroad at Aoyama Gakuin University in the spring and summer of 2018. I met her on my first day as a transfer student at North Central, and I have always liked her bright, fun, and real personality and have been impressed by her smarts and ability with Japanese. To be honest, her interactions with Japan and Japanese culture have influenced me a lot, and I look up to her. We shared one memorable experience in particular on the D-term trip last December where she showed me and my friends around Shibuya. She was not on the trip, but staying with a friend in the area, and met us to introduce us to her city. After getting off the suffocating train at 5:30 on a Friday night, we popped out of the Hachiko entrance and were wowed by the neon lights, advertisements, and sheer number of people bustling about the square. Mari guided us across the famous Scramble Crossing, gave us a personal tour of the 109 fashion mall, and led us to an izekaya (Japanese bar/pub) she recommended, all while telling us about her life in the city. Her sense of fashion – bold, punk, and clearly influenced by the street vibe – was something I adored, and seeing Shibuya through her eyes made me fall in love with it. Upon hearing that Aoyama was only a five minute walk from the main crossing, I was more attracted to the area than ever. I met with some Japanese students in Shibuya later on in the trip when we went back to Tokyo, and the amazing time I had with them further emphasized my love for it. I think it was then that I knew I might want to study abroad, that I was capable of doing it, and that I had a good idea where I might want to go.
~ Shibuya 109 (November 30th, 2018)
By the last term of my Japanese class, nearly all of my classmates had studied abroad in different parts of Japan, so I had heard a lot of stories, both good and bad, about living in the country and what it was like. Still, even though I had heard Mari's stories more candidly during throughout the year, it was interesting to interview her in a more concrete way about Japan. She confirmed that it is much like its ratings on various scales labeling it as collectivistic, high-context, and hierarchical – people are very much oriented toward thinking about the group, thinking about how their actions will affect the group as a whole, and how to best proceed so there is the best possible outcome for the group. There is a lot of context from the language based on what is not said in a conversation being more important than what is actually said, and hierarchies between people are honored with degrees of bowing and the level of diction or types of words used to address people (formal language is known as keigo, or respectful language). However, she said there is a big difference between what it is actually like versus how it is portrayed by the media and news. Popular media tends to display 'cool' or 'weird' things from Japan which are extremely technologically advanced or fun, and it becomes defined to the Western world as a magical land where people are all in harmony, live interesting lives, and few things go wrong. In reality, there is a lot of group-behavior and not a lot of conflict, but the lack of conflict and constant focus on efficiency can make it so a lot of people lose their voices and become a number in a swarm of people.
There is also a dark side to the country, specifically with its working culture, which Mari labeled as the thing which surprised her the most about living in Japan. Being out late at night, she would frequently see salarymen stumbling down the road, drunk, or simply passed out on the side of the street from exhaustion. The commute to work may be so hard and the work week so long and demanding that it is simply easier for some to sleep in the middle of road rather than going home only just to leave early in the morning to return. It is the same thing for them everyday, and Mari described seeing all of their faces with neutral expressions, not so much from the politeness and apathy we are conditioned to think of, but simply because they are too tired. These adverse working conditions, demand for loyalty to companies, and difficulty in going home on time due to hierarchy-based social rules makes the Japanese average working individual have a very hard life, and this was something Mari was not expecting to see so starkly during her time in Japan.
In terms of differences found between Japan and America, Mari named some things that I was aware of and a few things which surprised me. In terms of differences, she mainly discussed how people tend to handle expressing themselves and showing who they truly are. In America we are very open about our emotions, how we feel about certain people or activities, and who we are as individuals. Someone may talk a lot and share very personal things without even being prompted, and this may make others either feel more intimate with that person, or very uncomfortable. I think our eager display of ourselves both has to do with individualism and our need as a low-context culture to always be stating our opinions aloud. Contrastingly, Mari talked about how people in Japan are far more private, specifically citing the Japanese concepts know as tatemae and honne. Tatemae (建前 - composed from the words 'to stand' and 'front') refers to the face we show to the public that does not know us; it is the face which is polite, properly in line with customs, and generally blends in with the rest of the population. Honne (本音, 'actual sound') is our true self who only we and perhaps our most intimate friends and family can ever know. In terms of Jungian theory, tatemae could be comparable to a persona, while honne refers to the self.
Mari also brought this up when describing the most important thing I should know about Japanese culture – the need for privacy and distance between others (this so vital that I noticed even the kanji for 'I' - 私 - means 'private'). Interactions between cashiers and customers are practically robotic, while here we may compliment someone or strike up a light conversation. People in Japan do not share private information unless they are particularly close, and sharing those types of things can indicate that the sharer feels intimate with the listener. If the listener does not see them in the same way, they can become very stressed from learning this information, which puts pressure on them due to the other person's expectations about the relationship. It seems to be like when you learn someone views you as their best friend when they are only an acquaintance to you. Although this is not directly being said, the Japanese would interpret sharing information of that level as a declaration with equivalent meaning. Mari talked about how Japanese are constantly thinking about what they share affecting others, and so most tend to share minimal or fanciful things that don’t really have substance from a Western perspective. She described it even as being “fake” sometimes, so you may never know what someone actually thinks about you. A person may agree to meet you somewhere, knowing they are not going to go – then, Mari said, they cancel at the last minute, but do not feel bad since they never intended to come in the first place. This seems to be a form of high-context communication where it is easier just to not show up and make an excuse rather than simply telling the person they do not like them or that they do not want to go. They are communicating their message still, but in a very indirect way. I can imagine this being very difficult to handle, especially when making friends, so I will be wary when I go to Japan. I do not want to be suspicious of or think badly of people, but I will try not to get my hopes up too high if plans somehow fall through.
Along that same line, she discussed how the night life and drinking culture may make it easier to establish relationships – in an informal setting, with your system slightly inebriated, it is psychologically easier to let go of the strict norms on privacy and become yourself. I imagine this is why bosses will go out to drink after work with their employees; it is very much a social monopoly of the worker's time and another part of the job (which isn't the best), but it functions as a way to get to know their coworkers more so than any functions occurring in the actual company building. I have heard from her and other Japanese students that Aoyama especially has a big drinking culture, and so while I don't want to be socially pressured into drinking, I realize I will have to do so (or at least hang out with the students at bars with a glass of water) in order to make closer friends at the school.
When finding similarities between America and Japan, Mari found it a bit harder to answer, but she eventually decided upon Japanese youth. Although the older generation is very focused on tradition, respect, and all other things typically Japanese, the younger generation is very progressive, open-minded, and ready for new ideas to incorporate into the culture. I think this must have something to do with the globalization of the world through the internet, and while this can be true wherever you go, I think it is particularly interesting in a country like Japan. America is generally (hypothetically, at least) about liberty, free thinking, individuality, and the idea of being able to do whatever you want if you work hard enough, based on the American dream. Older adults (especially baby boomers, nowadays) are more conservative when it comes to things like LGBTQ+ rights, abortion, and other topics, but in terms of ways of thinking about liberty and individuality, I do not think they are incredibly different from millennials – that is, in comparison to the gap between the younger and older Japanese. Japan is so deeply ingrained with tradition, specific ways of doing things, and going along with the collectivist views of the group that I feel young people are jumping a wider gap to get to progressive ideas about individuality and expressing themselves without having to abide by all of those rules and constraints. Mari said these contrasting perspectives belonging to the younger generation will make a great difference for the country in the future, and I am inclined to agree. I see this happening everywhere eventually, but I think Japan will alter greatly within the next few decades as new people come into power. I had not thought of this similarity before, but I still really agree with Mari's thoughts regarding this.
Although I have gained the same basic classroom education as Mari for the Japanese language since we had our last two years together, meaning that I didn't have much to ask her in this regard, she was able to give me one great tip – don't be afraid! She said that when she first got to Japan, she was terrified of using her Japanese, leading her to not speak it at all. Eventually, when she realized that she was never going to get better if she didn't try, she made an effort to speak it as much as possible, regardless of her fears, and that made all the difference. She advised me to try to speak as much as possible even if I don't know the right words – I should just try to get by and convey as much as I can, making a good effort without being worried about potentially offending anyone. I will get some free passes as a foreigner, and so I should simply try my best at all times. Mari has claimed frequently that the greatest influence on her improvement in Japanese abroad came from talking with people and interacting with others in the city, not from the daily language classes at school, and so I want to imitate that by getting past my introverted fears and really trying to interact with others. Still, she did express that this may be hard at times, especially in terms of how Japanese people view Americans.
Mari said they have a lot of misconceptions about Americans, generally viewing them as loud and obnoxious (true?) and all about football, McDonalds, and obesity. While she didn't experience any discrimination specifically for this, one interaction she often described was being spoken to in English by employees or cashiers when ordering, and then being complimented on her 'amazing Japanese' after responding back with a simple sentence in the language. Sometimes she would even ask questions in Japanese for them to reply “no English,” which she understandably found exasperating. I think it will be harder for me to just begin speaking Japanese when people try to converse with me in English, but I also know that this is the only way I will improve. Although I think this has more to do with me being foreign and white rather than specifically American, it is an assumption that will usually be placed upon me, one I need to be careful of as I try to live in Japanese society and speak the language. Being a foreigner, I also assume they will think I do not know the rules (which I generally do not), so I am glad that Mari gave me a few pointers there, too. I already knew about actively listening (aizuchi) while others are talking, as well as the social shaming for eating and walking at the same time, but she reminded me of these taboos and social behaviors to follow, so I will reinforce them in my brain before I go.
In discussing school and Aoyama in general, one thing Mari mentioned made me a bit more sure of myself and my decisions as far as living arrangements. She shared her story of how she was actually supposed to study abroad for a whole year, but once she arrived in September, where she had rented her own personal apartment, she felt incredibly alone, overwhelmed, and needed to come home after just a little while in Japan. Reflecting upon it, Mari advised me to not overestimate myself as she had done – she thought she could live all by herself in a new country without any kind of support system in place. She felt it was better for her to stay in the dorm upon returning to establish that community of international students, so I am happy that I am choosing to live there rather than on my own or in a sharehouse. I can get some privacy with my room, but I am still in a community. The only issue here she raised was that the international students can become clique-y and tend to only speak English with each other – because she really wanted to improve on Japanese, Mari removed herself from them more and more, eventually coming to treat the dorm as an apartment as she gained more Japanese friends outside of school. I do not want to get stuck in a comfortable bubble of only being with other international students, and so while I know I may not be adventurous as Mari or able to put myself out there, I want to make an effort to socialize in other places so this doesn't happen to me. I really want to improve my Japanese skills, and I can't do that if I keep speaking English.
In terms of Aoyama's school work, Mari described it as very light, with only a midterm and final exam, or equivalent papers. The Japanese language classes are a bit more difficult, but overall it is much less demanding than school in America. From what I know about the Japanese education system, everything is focused on getting into a good university, and as long as you graduate, you will be taken up by a good company where you can earn a nice salary. Job preparation does not really happen in college – once you are in the company, they will spend time training you to do your job. Depending on the quality of the college you go to, the company generally assumes that you are capable of doing the work they ask of you. Thus, one's time in college is typically referred to as ‘the spring break of life.’ Mari said we would be fine and not stressed whatsoever, but I am still a bit skeptical. I am extremely focused on my schoolwork at all times since I associate it deeply (and unhealthily) with my self-image and worth as a person, but I hope that I will be able to change this perspective a bit in Japan. While I do not want to neglect my grades, I am more worried about neglecting the country, cultural experiences, and friendships I will have right at my fingertips. I don't want to be holed up in my room studying each night, and especially since this is my last term as an undergraduate, I want to be able to have that spring break experience as well. As I described before, Mari learned the most Japanese from being out in public with real people, and I want to take advantage of that opportunity as much as possible
Overall, I really enjoyed my conversation with Mari. There were some things I knew, some I didn't, and some on which she gave me a new perspective, so I am very grateful I got to talk with her. I am not sure if she'll be returning to Japan any time soon, but I would love to meet up with her there again if I could! She's helped me prepare just a bit more for my journey in the spring, and so I am grateful to her as a mentor and as a friend.
