Giving guidance
You know I was talking to an alcoholic and addict outside of AA recently, and they were saying they were desperate to stop but didn’t know how to. They asked for my advice on going back to AA. I said AA’s great! Go to meetings but avoid:
1. This list of meetings - I gave him a list. They will try to have sex with you, or steal your money, or turn you into a zombie newcomer killer.
2. Avoid meetings where the word God is mentioned too much. (”But don’t they read those steps out and do that serenity thing at almost all meetings?” my friend asked. “Yes,” I explained, “but you’re safe if you come to the meetings I go to”).
3. Avoid meetings where sponsorship is mentioned too much. If someone talks about there sponsor stay away from them. Whatever you do: do not get a sponsor. They are lethal. They will try to have sex with you, or steal your money, or turn you into a zombie newcomer killer.
4. Avoid meetings where they tell you alcoholism is a disease, especially a fatal one.
5. Avoid the big book - it talks about God too much. And the 12 & 12, it talks about sponsors too much.
6. Avoid people that talk about Bill W. too much. Ask any of Bill’s contemporaries and they’ll tell you “hey will try to have sex with you, or steal your money, or turn you into a zombie newcomer killer.”
7. Avoid people that talk about Dr. Bob too much. They are religious. Religion is deadlier than alcoholism.
8. Most of all remember that choice and freedom are more important than recovery.
9. You know, what, maybe the safest thing is to stay with me. I’ll help you. No I’ll help you help yourself. No the word “help” is to patronizing. Wait, the “I” is too egotistical. Wait I’m ordering you around by telling you to wait. Stop waiting. Do what you like. Oh shit. I’m getting confused. Stick with me, we can be confused together. Here, let me pass the pot.
Cheers
The Fellas (Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous)
PS We hope you found our “working with others” guide helpful.
PPS If you do it differently: FUCK YOU!