#keeping tiny humans

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Fellow keepers of tiny humans: have we noticed how into witchcraft and the occult they are? What's up with that?

Like there's so much kidlore that's just ghost stories. They're constantly doing lil rituals and making potions and talismans.

The kids at work have been teaching each other so much spooky shit. Bloody Mary and Charlie Charlie. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Red door yellow door. A lot of stuff that I learned as a kid too, it's being passed down.

Why is those things and why is the only person talking about it a Christian mommy blogger.

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I hate when teens find out their interests are "cringe" like nooooo wait you were so happy come back

One of the teens at work used to talk to me about hazbin all the time. I asked if they had seen the season 2 announcement and they got all embarrassed like "oh. um. I don't really watch the show. I mean it's got fun character design I guess but I only watch it because my friends like it..."

they literally showed me the new merch they bought like a week ago but now suddenly they're embarrassed. Fuck cringe culture dude

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Kid-isms that have altered my vocab lately:

"Something is going REALLY on in here."

"A torch is just a hand-style fire."

"Teenagers? They're adult kids."

"This sucks as hell."

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I got the kids at work into Adventure Time and it's great for many reasons, but my favorite is that for once I have answers to their questions!

If you've never worked with kids, just know they ask questions nonstop, and less than half of these questions have satisfactory answers. Real questions I've gotten:

-Who invented plants?

-*holding up a camping lantern* How is this a lantern and not a blender?

-Why can't I be an adult until I'm 18?

-How do I stop dreaming?

-How old is your cat? (Me: "About 8") Why?

Yeah there are no answers they will be satisfied with, and yes I am tired all the time.

But this week! I have answers!

-Where did he get that sword? "His dad left it to him. It's from a demon named Kee-Oth and it's made out of his blood. Wanna watch the episode where he makes it?"

-Why is she made of fire? "She's the fire elemental. Fire is one of the four elements of this world, along with ice, slime, and candy."

-What happened? Why is his nose shaped like that? "This is an alternate timeline where Simon stopped the Mushroom Bomb. Everything in this world is different because the Mushroom War changed so much."

It's such a nice change of pace and totally worth how weird my coworkers think I am.

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you know I think a lot about the second grader I taught who came back from winter break saying "are you ready for the war?? there's going to be a war to stop Biden"

and at the time I was thinking this was just a misunderstanding about how the US gov works and I explained that there had been 45 peaceful transfers of power in the last 225 years of American democracy

In hindsight, I'd love to know where his parents were on this day 5 years ago

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Ok someone help me out, I'm trying to think of classroom callbacks and the kids are obsessed with K-Pop Demon Hunters rn. I don't know the movie well enough (only saw it once), what could I use as a callback?

My first thought was of course song lyrics, but I think they'd just keep singing and we'd never get anything done lol so I'm taking suggestions

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Immortalizing these beautiful drawings before they wash off forever. According to the children, these are all portraits of me.

Can confirm I am pink and crying

"you as a ghost with a preppy bow" oh ok

Potato? Yes. Me? I see it. Where is the spider part tho

Honestly the most accurate, plus I love the pyramid hat

A personal fav bc it reminds me of this rock painting

But of course, none can compare to:

FAT BABADOOK

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Bits I've been doing at work this week:

Calling the kids "chat". As in, "chat, how do we feel about this?" They hate it.

Telling them if they make a mess, they will lick it clean. They are disgusted.

Straight up lying to them for fun about basic facts. "This pizza box is orange." "No it's purple. You're literally colorblind. Go to a doctor." They are flabbergasted.

I told them I'm married to all 4 Wiggles and now when they're acting up I say "My husbands, the Wiggles, would NOT approve of this." They are dying of embarrassment.

Complimenting myself and insulting them using exclusively "brainrot" slang. "I'm goated, you have L rizz. I'm so sigma, you're losing aura points." They are in shambles.

Who needs to yell at kids when I can just cause psychic damage