Fugaku takes one look at me and has to inhale deeply with closed eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. The calming breath does little to ease his expression of deep, baffled torment. "Satsuki."
"Yes, otou-san?" I blink up at him guilelessly.
I can see the question hovering around the corners of his mouth—why? without specification—but his proud shoulders slump as he lets it go. In the end, all he says is, "No cat ears at the table."
My hands fly up to the top of my head to smush down my cat ears protectively. "My Cats like them, though! I look like a huge two-legged cat with these on!"
"If you want to be a Cat, you may eat on the floor like they do."
Did he just—
Beside me, Sasuke blurts out a laugh. He smacks a hand against his mouth and curls inward, trembling, obviously trying to keep the rest of it in. Traitor.
I look from him to Itachi, pleading with my eyes, but Itachi only points out mildly, "It is a fair request."
Mikoto, you're my only hope…
But she's only gazing at me with a small, amused smile on her face. There's no help from this quarter, either.
I pat my cat ears once more before slowly, reluctantly, taking them from my head. On one hand, I get it—if they let me keep the cat ear headband on, Sasuke will argue for him being able to bring his Pointy Stick of Doom to the dinner table too, and none of us want that stick anywhere near food. On the other hand, I’m physically eight years old, these cat ears are my new favourite thing, and I really want to wear them.
I cannot fucking believe that my own father threatened to make me eat on the floor. How cold do you even have to be?
found this in a gdoc while organising my files. i love satsuverse
(Sometimes I dream about what the fairy tale that this life could be, if only the Death Note never enters it, if only Light never becomes Kira. I would give anything to ensure that Light is only ever Light—a boy who knows himself to be fallible, a boy who might itch restlessly but who might also find a niche for himself that isn’t “deified mass murderer.”
He could be content as a police officer, like our father, or something similar. He associates the occupation with importance, with excitement; put him in the homicide department, and he’ll never look back, flinging himself gleefully into its murky waters to test his ability against a murderer’s.
In these moments I do not think about Light’s competitive streak, about how he always measures himself against others and becomes quietly furious when he finds himself upstaged.
In these moments I allow myself the illusion that Light can be anything other than what he is.
It never lasts.)
ricocheting between various different projects and i have got to say that my death note sayu self-insert was unexpected
"I feel left out of this Uchiha rivalry thing," I say aloud, lounging against a passively accepting Tobirama. "Why don't I have an Uchiha parallel who matches me in strength, position in the family, and disposition toward our Clans' enmity? Maybe I want evenly-matched battles whose futility only serves to thematically highlight how nonsensical and useless the feud is."
Hashirama, bless his heart, once again focuses on only a small part of my words. "If you want, I'll ask Madara if he has a younger sister the next time I see him!"
I whack the top of my head against Tobirama's chin in my scramble upward. Plopping back down with a pained grimace, I nevertheless grit out, "You are not doing that, because if we haven't seen a sister on the battlefield, that means that she either doesn't exist or is a civilian, and it is seen as a threat for a shinobi to take notice of a civilian in an enemy Clan."
Hashirama makes this sad, wounded noise. "Madara and I aren't enemies."
Oh, then I suppose you kill his Clansmen and fight him for fun?
I hold my tongue instead of snapping back at him, but Tobirama tilts his head downward to share a dead-eyed look with me. I don't know why you still try, he's telling me silently. This is what always happens.
I know, I reply with a mournful expression, but maybe one day it'll work and he'll grow a brain?
You are not that stupid.
Maybe I am! But I wilt when Tobirama just keeps gazing at me with one pointedly raised eyebrow. Okay, yeah, I know it's never going to happen, but saying something is better than saying nothing.
"Why do you never include me in your secret conversations?" Hashirama asks woefully.
a few days ago someone liked a post i made like a year ago, joking about a senju self-insert. i’d completely forgotten about it, and writing it in full would require me to worldbuild warring clans era stuff, but. here i am anyway
I look up from the books strewn across the table, blinking. "What?"
"You are not marrying Madara."
That clears up… literally nothing. I stare at him, perplexed. The only people that I've expressed such an interest in are Senju Tobirama and Namikaze Minato; Madara is a far cry from either of them, no matter which way you look at him. The only similarity that he has to them is that I'm… researching… them…
My gaze drops down to the three separate biographies of Madara's life, two written after his presumed death by contemporaries and one written himself in the form of a journal, and the two books covering the end of the warring clans era and into Konoha’s founding.
… Okay, considering that I've only researched Tobirama and Minato this in-depth before, I can see where Sasuke is coming from.
However—
"I don't want to marry Madara," I sputter. "I want to find evidence for my theory!"
He doesn't look reassured at all. Actually, his expression of dread deepens. "What theory?"
"That Madara was manipulated in his grief and isolation to be at odds with Hashirama, again, as part of a millennia-long campaign to keep certain individuals from making peace with each other." I pause. In the name of honesty—and to keep this theory from gaining any credibility whatsoever, just in case—I add, "And the one behind it all? An immortal plant man.”
I’m really beginning to pride myself on how easily I can make Sasuke visibly wish that I was related to someone else.
every time i turn my attention back to satsuverse, i write bullshit like this
On the unnaturally foggy streets of London, two scenes are taking place concurrently within the same block.
To one side, a historical serial killer turned child Assassin wields dual daggers against the mythical figures of Cú Chulainn, Paracelsus, Medea, Mozart, William Shakespeare, and Hans Christian Andersen, along with one of the two remaining Masters of Chaldea. Sparks fly from metal and spellwork alike.
On the other side, however, the other Master of Chaldea squats on the sidewalk with the famed King of Uruk, playing Connect Four with a concentration that should be admired. The plink of each token falling into place would have been quiet if not for the ghostly stillness of the streets around them.
...
If any of the other Masters could see me now, I wouldn't blame them for wanting to kill me.
i’ve been playing f/go for a little more than half a year now so it figures that i’d write a self-insert for it
dameamaryllis replied to your post “every time i work a bit on my ‘verse based on chinese BL system...”
Oh, I really like what I've seen of this so far! Would you tell us more about your protagonist and his relationships with these characters? (And am I reading the hints right, that the "light" has some sentience and/or is influencing human thought?)
:D i am always up for talking about my stuff
answers under the cut!
to answer your second question first: yes to both!
in the setting of the story, the vast majority of humans follow the church of the ever-living light. there are some pockets of surviving, older religions, but the church of the ever-living light is pretty much omnipresent.
it’s been in existence for... less than a thousand years, i’d say? with it rising to prominence during a large-scale war. its main tenets haven’t changed much in the years since.
the ‘ever-living light’ is something of a god and something of a transcendence: it’s not exactly a person, but it’s personified. saints of the ever-living light are mortals that have been ‘chosen’ and ‘blessed’ by the ever-living light to carry out its will as listed by the church; they’re generally exceptional and used to increase the church’s influence and advance the church/ever-living light’s agendas.
the ever-living light ‘grants’ holy/light magic to its believers. saints and popes are the most powerful, magically. this magic is exhaustible, however: what the ever-living light gives, it can also take away.
(several saints have died throughout the years because their magic depleted fully at a crucial moment. their deaths, although tragic, were used to reenergise the population and reaffirm their course.)
inspiration about this comes from ‘western fantasy’ settings in system novels--it’s unrealistic to me that an entire species would fall under the umbrella of one religion (i mean... look at Real Humans, lmao). one of the specific ones is the light god arc in “quickly wear the face of the devil”. there’s another specific one, but i. unfortunately do not remember it. r.i.p
the truth of the ever-living light is that, rather than being innately divine like you’d expect a god to be, it lifted itself up to the position of a god and is using faith as fuel to keep itself ‘godly’ in the eyes of mortals. the holy/light magic ‘gifted’ to its followers are portions of its own power, loaned out for as long as the person in question will follow its will, and as a result there’s a sort of ‘link’ between the ever-living light and the mortal that allows for greater influence in the person’s thoughts.
it passes itself off as a kind, compassionate being, but it’s more true that it’s greedy and vicious. it’s enacting a centuries-long campaign to rid the world of demons because it harbors resentment for the species; it doesn’t directly yank back its power from its followers when it realises that they’re straying and instead waits for the most opportune moment.
it wants humanity in good shape basically just to be a robust population to throw at the demons. and, like, honestly? being followed because people love you feels a lot better than being followed because people fear you. love and faith can be turned into swords against your enemies, but if you use fear instead, those swords will be turned on you as soon as they can manage it.
the upper echelons of the church are more or less partners-in-crime with the ever-living light. they’re not a PR tactic/expendable tool like saints are; they’re PR and the hands that wield the tool.
... and, in the ‘original story’, sheng qinghe is absolutely oblivious to all of this!
two of his followers/group members--his childhood friend, sen sizhen, and the scholarly male friend that he makes later on, mo yunxing--are not. i think mo yunxing’s family tends to be church members, and sen sizhen has a unique perspective of “being close with the person cultivated to be a saint while not being valuable herself except as leverage,” so they both end up sort of intuitively grasping that there is danger in sheng qinghe’s position and that it’s imperative that he serve the church of the ever-living light well.
when sheng qinghe questions what they’re doing, they divert his attention so that he stops thinking about it. when he’s staring in silence at the bodies of the demons he’s just felled, they take his arm and lead him away. when sheng qinghe wonders if the violence they’re doing is justified, they’re quick to remind him of all of the atrocities that demons have done.
i had intended sen sizhen to act as sort of a love interest for sheng qinghe, since Girl Childhood Friend is popular for that, but she’s ended up in a sort of older sister role to him, wanting to protect him from things that he doesn’t yet understand--that, under her watch, hopefully he will never understand. she cares about him a lot, but there’s a slowly widening gap between them because she feels like she has to shield him from ‘the cruel reality of the world’. neither she nor mo yunxing think that he is capable of facing that reality.
OH i don’t know if it could be inferred or not, but: sheng qinghe, in his role of a saint, is being used to spearhead “a final war” against demons. that’s why he ends up fighting against the demon king--it’s the “final step” in defeating the demons.
in the ‘original story’, he succeeds. with their backing gone, the rest of the demons soon follow their king to the grave. sheng qinghe is touted as the hero of humanity.
in the fic i’m writing, the main character transmigrates to stop this.
so, for the relationships question:
the main character transmigrates into zhu yixian, a fox spirit who is more or less one of the demon king’s most prominent lackeys. in the original setting, xi youtian had rescued zhu yixian from fur traders when he was a kit and raised him up in the absence of his parents, and in return zhu yixian devoted his life to serving him.
that’s more or less true here, too, but. mc zhu yixian is an entirely different person, so of course things change.
see, the thing about the mc is: they love sheng qinghe, and they think of him as their idiot son, so of course they want to get personally involved in his upbringing so that they can stop him from... (gestures to sheng qinghe forcing down his conscience, again and again, and culminating in literal genocide) that
so here, we have a demon who has more or less been adopted into the demon king’s family ............ more or less adopting in turn a saint of the ever-living light
zhu yixian is, of course, not being upfront with their identity--revealing that they’re a demon would NOT end well at this stage--but they’re kind to sheng qinghe, and they help him out in some situations, and scold him and tell him to think, and sheng qinghe really does end up viewing them as something like an older brother/uncle who’s looking out for him
unlike sen sizhen and mo yunxing, who try to protect sheng qinghe by shielding him from the things that they think/know will hurt him, zhu yixian instead wants to make sheng qinghe think. they don’t want to give sheng qinghe the option of just. closing his eyes and ears to the world. they want him to be better than he would be otherwise
... but, of course, you can’t make anyone do anything. you can only give them the tools with which to make their choice and hope that they make the choice that’s right for them
uhhh, other relationship stuff that i don’t know how to sort:
it’s not uncommon for demons to mix in with humans--they do share the same planet, after all, and even the same continent--so it’s not really strange for zhu yixian to traipse around in human territory. it is a little strange for zhu yixian to cultivate a relationship with a human
xi youtian doesn’t probe about it, though. he doesn’t interfere in his followers’/friends’ personal lives much.
he thinks it’s funny that zhu yixian talks about sheng qinghe like they’re his long-suffering parent, though
xi youtian has three other prominent lackeys; they’re pretty much close as family. one of them is the Mom Friend, who’s warm and likes taking care of people; there’s the Enabler Friend, who is always so down with whatever idea someone has; and there’s the Snark Friend, who has a bad mouth but a good temper. although xi youtian is their king, they’re privileged enough to speak to him as equals
zhu yixian is younger than all of them. although they’re a young adult by the time they meet sheng qinghe, they’re still viewed as the baby of the family
zhu yixian gets indulged A Lot. they can get away with all sorts of things and even be looked at affectionately while they’re being a brat or acting spoiled. on one hand, they’re like “guys! you need to discipline children more!” and on the other hand, they’re like “this is great, actually”
zhu yixian’s original life may not have been the greatest, so like. second childhood with people who love them and will also give them all the hugs they want? talk about relationship security
fox spirits can transform into human form when they reach adolescence. i have a scene written about zhu yixian’s first transformation; they come careening out of the room in one of xi youtian’s childhood robes and happily babbles at xi youtian about how they have hands! and can finally see over the table when sitting!!! and xi youtian laughs a little like “those are what you’re most excited about?” and zhu yixian replies very seriously “i have things to say, and most people don’t listen to tiny foxes who have to stand to see over the table.”
later, Snark Friend is like “huh. i was expecting you to be taller.” and zhu yixian is like “I’M STILL GROWING”
the atmosphere at home is really warm, haha. they all care about each other a lot, and you can feel it
(which is another reason on the ever-increasing list for why things CANNOT go as they did in canon. it’s not just that sheng qinghe’s canon behaviour was wildly out of character as they understood him to be--it’s that they want to preserve the lives of these people.)
zhu yixian thinks sheng qinghe’s friends Are Not That Smart. sheng qinghe doesn’t have to worry about school entrance exams or anything like that, but they’re still a little concerned that stupidity is contagious
sheng qinghe is easily influenced, after all, if canon is anything to go by
sheng qinghe doesn’t really understand what zhu yixian is talking about until his jock friend realises zhu yixian’s identity as not only a demon but one of the hands of the demon king and yells it in the middle of a restaurant and all of sheng qinghe’s friends follow suit in immediately becoming hostile and assuming that he’s been tricking them and zhu yixian, aggrieved, is like “WHAT are you talking about? when did i lie? when did i try to hurt sheng qinghe???” and sheng qinghe is like ... (thinks back over years of interactions) (zhu yixian literally gave their real name) (zhu yixian has helped sheng qinghe and co on more than one occasion, at no benefit to themselves) (My Friends. Might Be Stupid After All.jpg)
that is... all for now, i think
thank you so much for being interested in my stuff <3 <3 <3
every time i work a bit on my ‘verse based on chinese BL system transmigration web novels, i get. so. fucking excited about creating
the transmigrated mc’s story is interspersed with excerpts from the “original” novel, offering a greater perspective on the plot, the characters, and the mc’s investment in and understanding of both, and it’s like. really fun actually to write in a sort of ‘translated chinese BL wn’ cadence? maybe because i keep binge-reading translated chinese BL wns, but gklfks
an excerpt under the cut, along with me rambling about it
An unknown tremor arose from Sheng Qinghe’s heart. He gazed at Xi Youtian—at the demon king, the one that he had been taught since birth was the origin of evil—and, inexplicably, he opened his mouth to ask in a voice as close to breaking as a rusting hinge:
“Did you do it?”
The answer seemed suddenly important. His hands that were always steady now shook almost imperceptibly, the weight of his sword heavier than ever before.
There was still blood glistening upon its blade from the dozens of demons that he had cut down on his way to this very room.
“Were you the one who invaded my land and killed my people?”
From the beginning, Xi Youtian had not moved, as if Sheng Qinghe was beneath his notice; but now his mouth twitched, and he let out a cold, quiet laugh that froze Sheng Qinghe’s body.
“You dare to ask this now? I will give you the truth that you want to hear, Saint of the Ever-living Light: as the ruler of my people, I carry out their will—and their greatest desire is to see the end of that so-called ‘light’.”
As he spoke, he rose slowly and gracefully to his feet, like a lion rising from its lounging in preparation to hunt. The pressure that he exuded, previously suppressed, now burst out explosively; sweat broke out across Sheng Qinghe’s back and dotted his brow. He bit his tongue when gritting his teeth, and the pain combined with Xi Youtian’s words cleared his mind of its inauspicious confusion.
What was he thinking? No matter how human these demons could make themselves appear, they were beasts after all.
A grim light flashed across his eyes.
His heartbeat, previously accelerated, now stabilised. He refirmed his grip on his sword.
If the demons wished to exterminate the Ever-living Light, it was his duty as a human being and as a saint to stop them by whatever means necessary!
sheng qinghe is the protagonist of the “original” novel and is a holy saint sort of character--kind, selfless, compassionate, driven to do good. he is an actual saint and a member of the church of the ever-living light (inspired by seeing several wns where, in ‘western fantasy’ settings with multiple races and gods, humans follow a god of light)
the setting here is uh. there is the human race and the demon race, and they coexist very poorly, to the point of mutual hatred. the church of the ever-living light teaches that the demons are malicious devils that want to eliminate the human race, and so it is humanity’s duty and calling to assert their dominance over the demons by eliminating them first
this particular scene is... i guess the prelude to the climax of the novel, where sheng qinghe faces off against the king of the demons, xi youtian. sheng qinghe has been one of the key figures of a crusade against demonkind, and he has struggled with this throughout the novel, an uneasiness lingering within him. his conscience keeps prodding, is this right? is this really what i should do? can all demons truly want this? as he goes through various encounters, and, here, he finally comes to a decision
from his perspective, his question was a chance. tell me that i’m wrong and i’ll listen. tell me that my misgivings are right. but instead, xi youtian says that what demonkind wants is to eliminate humankind
or, at least, that’s his understanding of xi youtian’s words
xi youtian could have phrased it differently, could have said clearly that it is the church of ever-living light that he and other demons reject, but he didn’t.
sheng qinghe had stood there, the blood of xi youtian’s followers still dripping off the blade of his sword, and asked, essentially, were you the culprit? was our violence directed to the actual perpetrator?
like xi youtian said: you dare to ask this now?
xi youtian’s people are dead. nothing he can do will change that. but he can make their grievances known and vent their collective anger
(the end of the climax is what makes the mc so aggrieved that they end up transmigrating, lol. they think that sheng qinghe should have tipped the other way when he finally picked a side instead of committing to the violent and oppressive power structure that demanded the blood of an entire race deemed to be ‘inferior’ and unforgivably, irredeemably ‘other’.
which. uh. i guess is extremely topical but this particular thing has been fermenting for months, so.)
-
fun bits about this particular excerpt:
“Were you the one who invaded my land and killed my people?”
From the beginning, Xi Youtian had not moved,
this word choice... was deliberate :)
“You dare to ask this now? I will give you the truth that you want to hear, Saint of the Ever-living Light: as the ruler of my people, I carry out their will—and their greatest desire is to see the end of that so-called ‘light’.”
this word choice... also deliberate :)
He bit his tongue when gritting his teeth, and the pain combined with Xi Youtian’s words cleared his mind of its inauspicious confusion.
oho? :)
What was he thinking? No matter how human these demons could make themselves appear, they were beasts after all.
A grim light flashed across his eyes.
His heartbeat, previously accelerated, now stabilised. He refirmed his grip on his sword.
If the demons wished to exterminate the Ever-living Light, it was his duty as a human being and as a saint to stop them by whatever means necessary!
oho? :)
-
there are a lot of things that i’m still not entirely certain about--i.e. why xi youtian would not have interfered and why he only appears in the end??--but. i mean. i guess it’s possible that in the “original” novel he was more of a symbol than a fleshed-out character
but in the main storyline--the storyline with the transmigrated mc--he’s one of the main characters so i... need... to... have a better reason than that..........
Sasuke’s usually straightforward about his plans for the future--he says he’ll do something, and he’ll do it, come hell or high water. This was true in third grade, when he said he was going to make Naruto eat dirt if Naruto pinched him again and then shoved Naruto’s face into the ground and earnestly tried to shovel dirt into his mouth with his hand, and it should be true now.
That’s why Sakura is surprised when Sasuke says during a session of Don’t Starve Together, “I’m going to Oto for university.”
He has never, in Sakura’s memory, mentioned anything about Oto. Last she knew, he had been planning on entering the same university as her and Naruto. “Uh,” she says, “is this because Kiba called you gay? You don’t actually have to change universities to get away from him. It’s okay to be gay, Sasuke.”
Sasuke huffs, which could either mean I know that, obviously or you are so fucking stupid. It’s hard to tell with no other cues, especially because he ignores her words entirely and continues blithely, “Oto has a good arts program.”
“Weren’t you going to do criminal justice?” Sakura asks, feeling spectacularly off-balance. She adds a piece of wood to her campfire. “Are you an art gay now? What’s happening?”
“I don’t want to be a cop,” Sasuke says.
“You have literally wanted to be a cop since you were five years old,” Sakura points out. “You wanted to turn on the siren and legally arrest Naruto. Last year you literally said, verbatim, ‘I cannot wait to throw you in jail’.”
Sasuke hns dismissively. “Dreams change. I grew up. I’m a new person now.”
“Are you having a life crisis?” Sakura persists, eyes narrowing. “This kind of sounds like a life crisis.”
“I am not having a life crisis,” Sasuke says. “I’m going to Oto and I’m going to be part of a band.”
Sakura stares at her screen for a minute before reaching for her phone. She opens Skype to send a message to Naruto. SOS SASUKE’S GOING TO OTO TO JOIN A BAND. “I see,” she says aloud. “That makes sense.”
Sasuke hns again, apparently satisfied by her lack of protests.
Naruto replies with wait what and HE’S JOINING A BAND WITHOUT ME?!?!?!?
Sometimes, Sakura wonders at these boys’ priorities.
i found this in a gdoc file and i have no memory of ever writing this
