"I feel left out of this Uchiha rivalry thing," I say aloud, lounging against a passively accepting Tobirama. "Why don't I have an Uchiha parallel who matches me in strength, position in the family, and disposition toward our Clans' enmity? Maybe I want evenly-matched battles whose futility only serves to thematically highlight how nonsensical and useless the feud is."
Hashirama, bless his heart, once again focuses on only a small part of my words. "If you want, I'll ask Madara if he has a younger sister the next time I see him!"
I whack the top of my head against Tobirama's chin in my scramble upward. Plopping back down with a pained grimace, I nevertheless grit out, "You are not doing that, because if we haven't seen a sister on the battlefield, that means that she either doesn't exist or is a civilian, and it is seen as a threat for a shinobi to take notice of a civilian in an enemy Clan."
Hashirama makes this sad, wounded noise. "Madara and I aren't enemies."
Oh, then I suppose you kill his Clansmen and fight him for fun?
I hold my tongue instead of snapping back at him, but Tobirama tilts his head downward to share a dead-eyed look with me. I don't know why you still try, he's telling me silently. This is what always happens.
I know, I reply with a mournful expression, but maybe one day it'll work and he'll grow a brain?
You are not that stupid.
Maybe I am! But I wilt when Tobirama just keeps gazing at me with one pointedly raised eyebrow. Okay, yeah, I know it's never going to happen, but saying something is better than saying nothing.
"Why do you never include me in your secret conversations?" Hashirama asks woefully.
a few days ago someone liked a post i made like a year ago, joking about a senju self-insert. i’d completely forgotten about it, and writing it in full would require me to worldbuild warring clans era stuff, but. here i am anyway