Guest Post by Kellyn Roth
Hello everyone! Some time ago, I reached out to Christian romance author Kellyn Roth, (https://kellynrothauthor.com) who often speaks on her own blog on boundaries in Christian romance among other things. I asked her to write a guest post for my blog on the increasingly common accusation that, "emotions/romances are porn for women". Not being myself a romance reader, I didn't feel like the most equipped person to address the subject.
Following is the post. I hope you'll enjoy, and any romance fans who follow me may wish to check out her books.
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Hi everyone! I’m Kell, an author of historical women’s fiction and romance. I was so excited when Evelyn reached out to me about this topic because, frankly, it’s one I have a lot of thoughts on. Specifically, I want to talk about the accusation that “Romance novels are porn for women.” I’ve heard this phrase often in conservative circles. My immediate, gut-level reaction? A massive eye roll and a sigh on behalf of women (and romance-readers) everywhere. The idea that anything stimulating ... even if it is words on a page, and even if those words are clean ... is automatically "porn" bothers me. As someone who actually struggled with a porn/erotica addiction as a teen, I know the difference, and I'm done hearing it. Conflating a sweet story about human connection with the exploitation, cruelty, and soul-destruction of pornography (which I am deeply against, for reference) is theologically unsound. It is also just discouraging. In this day and age, are we really still sharing these Victorian-ish thoughts? Are we still believing that fiction is "turning women's heads" and making them hysterical? What era is this? It feels like another attempt to ruin something that women care about: romance, love, affection, being seen as special, and a meeting of the minds. The "Emotional Adultery" Fallacy
The core critique usually goes like this: “Romance novels evoke feelings that you should only have for your husband.” Let’s follow that logic for a second. If we read a mystery novel, are we stealing thoughts and feelings only meant for detectives? If we read an adventure story, are we robbing professional explorers of their adrenaline? Let’s take it into real life. If we have empathy for a friend—if they experience joy and we rejoice with them—are we wrong? By the standard of "exclusive emotions," all novels are wrong and all fiction leads to feelings we should not be experiencing. We experience empathy, excitement, and hope in platonic relationships all the time. Romance novels simply use those same human emotions to force us to open our hearts and examine our own beliefs about marriage, relationships, and even tough, unrelated topics, like the ones many authors are exploring in their novels. The "Addiction" Argument
Critics also claim that women get "hooked on emotional highs." Here is the truth: You can become "addicted" to everything. There is room for an unhealthy obsession with romance novels, sure. There is also room for an unhealthy obsession with throw pillows, Christmas ornaments, or golfing. We humans are great at obsessing! But equating all enjoyment to obsession is ridiculous. Why is a lack of self-control the fault of the romance novelist? Emotions are not bad. They are a way to process truth. They are a mirror into our heart condition. If we live aware lives, we can spend our time thinking through these things. And if we can’t do that? We can ask for accountability; we can pray; we can turn to God and to faithful mentors. We don’t need to ban the genre; we need to check our hearts. God is the Great Romancer
The desire for this kind of relationship must originate somewhere. When even God uses marriage as a way to describe the union of Christ and the Church, you know He doesn’t disapprove of the concept. God is the greatest Romancer! The idea that romance is only meant for women, and is therefore silly or dangerous, is wrong on two levels. First, it assumes men cannot enjoy a romance (though it's true most men will not, they are not universally incapable). Second, it implies that because something is written for women, it matters less. Romance is a genre primarily established by women. I believe it is the perfect genre for women writers to share Biblical truths about life and relationships—and not just within the “romantic relationship” category. Quality Control Matters
I’ll admit, not all romance is created equal. There is fluff. There are books that are just “bodice-rippers” in disguise. But we don't say that all microwaves are bad because you once bought a $20 one that exploded and burnt down your kitchen. We blame the quality of the individual product, not every electronic device ever made. I don’t write unrealistic fluff. I write books that shine hope in the darkness. I write books that tackle tough topics like church hurt, abuse, child loss, grief, and fertility struggles. My characters don't have fantasy relationships; they have flaws. There are many authors like me who believe in "kindness with a backbone." We write for the young women who never quite fit in. We write to help women feel seen. So, let’s stop calling emotions "porn." Let's stop shaming women for enjoying stories about connection. Instead, let's use these stories to delve into the deepest parts of life, and return from the darkest valleys resplendent in the light of hope.
