because this is real life
Yesterday I met the amazing Kendra from kendrakeepsklean and our conversation inspired me to come forward this morning. I created this blog two years ago for my own inspiration and it has grown into such a wonderful little place on tumblr that I love dearly. This blog has even connected me with my now best friend who saw my progress picture on her dash. I cannot imagine my life without her and it was my tumblr that brought us together.
There has always been an honesty with my posts that reveal some of my deepest secrets or thoughts. There is something about unloading all of my anxiety and concerns into a post and releasing it into the world that makes me feel better about my current situation. That honesty has led to thousands of people all around the world sharing with me their stories or concerns that are just like mine. We are strangers but friends at the same time and I love you all dearly. When talking with Kendra last night I realized that through all my changes in 2014 my blog has changed so much too. Although I was honest about my binging and depression I stopped sharing my weight or pictures of myself going through these changes. I regret feeling so embarrassed and ashamed because I love my journey now for every single experience that has brought me to this moment. I love my body now despite being up in weight and thats an amazing place to be.
Maybe its because we are in a new year or maybe I'm just feeling really confident and excited this morning but I've decided to go back to the way I blogged in 2013. What does that mean? No more hiding behind the keyboard. I haven't shared my weight in 6 months and there was something so liberating about sharing it when I was at my heaviest. This morning I weighed in at 224.8 which is a huge weight gain of 56 pounds. I can sit here and cry about it like I've done in the past or I can put my running pants on and do something about it. I cannot keep hiding behind my progress picture from last year or my birthday weight of 168. I cannot keep letting that success run wild in my mind. I'm not that girl anymore and thats okay. I'm no longer going to keep looking back on yesterday. My past is in the past and I have to get over it.
I'm going to have an EPIC comeback and I hope you all are here to see it. When I get home from work I'm going to post my first before pic in the new year and everything I post from this point forward will be raw and depict my real life no matter how good or bad I may be feeling that day. Losing weight is not the end all be all. Real life happens and sometimes it kicks you on your ass. It's what you do after that counts. I'm stronger than my food addiction and It's about time I show myself that. I haven't binged in 3 months and I no longer have that dark cloud over me and that's something to be proud of.
I have nothing to lose but this weight. HERE I GO.
1/6/15
DAY 1: 224.8