Aquarium Dialoglog - Karkat Responds To Dave's Call For Assistance
insightsfromagamer submitted toaquariumstuckcollect:
***Karkat has entered the Gift Shop***
Dave: yo, bout damn time you got down here
Dave: place has been stinking up like a fat kid who overloaded on french fries before getting off the tilt-a-hurl
Karkat: BITE ME STRIDER! I GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD AND YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IT!
Dave: dude
Dave: i called like 45 minutes ago that you needed to get your ass up here to clean up some kids puke here at the gift shop
Dave: shits bad for business
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?! SOME SORT OF SERVANT AT YOUR BECK AND CALL OR SOMETHING?! I CAN'T BE EVERYWHERE AT GOD DAMN ONCE!
Dave: whatever
Dave: just hurry up with that mop and barf bucket
Dave: sooner this place smells better the sooner we can get back to business
KARKAT: FOR FUCK'S SAKE! IF IT SMELLED SO BAD, WHY DIDN'T YOU CLEAN IT YOURSELF?!
Dave: hey man
Dave: i'd be down with getting on my fucking hands and knees and scrubbing that shit up like fucking cinderella if i could
Dave: but youre the only one with the keys to the closet that has the cleaning supplies
Karkat: SHIT!
Dave: sorry dude
Dave: thems the rules
Dave: but look on the bright side
Dave: maybe tonight some fucking fairy godmother will come down and grant your wish to go to the aquarium ball and dance with fucking prince charming
Dave: be all peasant girl to princess and shit
Karkat: WILL YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME DO MY JOB! THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN HAVING TO CLEAN UP SOME BRAT'S BARF IS LISTENING TO YOU DRIVEL ON WHILE I DO IT!
Karkat: IT'S LIKE YOU JUST WANTED AN EXCUSE TO SPOUT BULLSHIT AND HEAR THE SOUND OF YOUR OWN SMUG ASSHOLE-ISH VOICE!
Dave: yeah
Dave: that is exactly the thing that im doing
Dave: you figured it out
Karkat: FUCK YOU!
Dave: if it wasnt for the fact that we had to close the gift shop to the public while i waited for your sorry ass to get up here and clean this mess up
Dave: the boss lady would be tanning our hides and lecturing us on how we need to watch our god damn language
Dave: feels kinda good to be able to just talk natural for a while without having to worry about some big brother or big sister type tyrant looking over us like a god damn 1984 dystopia nightmare
Karkat: YEAH... I GUESS SO
Dave: downside is having to stay cooped up in this little shop of horrors while the stench from some god damn kids upchucked lunch spreads
Dave: like being trapped in an elevator with some big guy suffering from irritable bowel syndrome
Dave: place just smells worse and worse and theres no escaping it
Karkat: DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP?! I'M PRETTY SURE I DID!
Karkat: ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME SICK TO MY STOMACH AS WELL?!
Karkat: BECAUSE IF YOU THINK I'M NOT ABOVE HANDING OVER THIS BUCKET AND MOP TO YOU AND ABSCONDING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, THEN GUESS A FUCKING GAIN!
Karkat: YOU CAN CALL ME AGAIN LATER AND ASK ME TO PUT THIS STUFF AWAY AFTER YOU CLEAN UP THIS GOD DAMN MESS!
Karkat: SEE IF I CARE!
Karkat: KANAYA CAN BITCH ME OUT ALL SHE WANTS FOR SHIRKING MY DUTIES, BUT I WON'T CARE!
Karkat: NOT IF IT MEANS GETTING AWAY FROM YOUR BULLSHIT! I FEEL DUMBER JUST LISTENING TO YOU TALK!
Dave: fine
Dave: we can change the subject
Dave: no need to get your panties up in a bunch
Karkat: I'D THANK YOU BUT I HAVE NO THANKS TO GIVE! SEE ALL THE THANKS I DON'T GIVE?! THEY'RE JUST FALLING FROM THE SKY LIKE RAIN! LOOK AT THAT!
Dave: whatever
Dave: just what the hell were you doing that kept you so long anyway
Karkat: NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!
Dave: dude i don't care if you were unclogging some nasty ass toilet or scrubbing some grody fish tank
Dave: just trying to make conversation
Karkat: MAYBE SOME PEOPLE DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING! EVER THINK OF THAT?!
Dave: oh man
Dave: you saying that has got to be the most ironic thing i have ever heard in my life
Dave: its like all you do every damn day is bitch and moan about your shitty job and how much you hate us
Dave: i can't think of one god damn time where you arent grumbling to yourself or muttering about some god damn thing you need to clean up
Dave: like someone took an air pump used to make those wacky inflatable flailing arm tube men go all shit crazy to your mouth and turned it all the way up to the asshole windbag setting
Karkat: YOU TRY CLEANING UP AFTER SOME OF THE SHIT I'VE SEEN AND NOT BITCH ABOUT IT! YOU WANT TO SEE SHIT?! THERE IS SHIT THAT I HAVE SEEN WHICH MAKES YOUR SHIT LESS SHITTY IN COMPARISON!
Karkat: LIKE IF YOUR SHIT HIT THE FAN, NO ONE WOULD GIVE TWO SHITS. BUT IF THE SHIT I'VE SEEN WAS EVEN MOVING TOWARDS THE FAN'S GENERAL DIRECTION, IT'D BE A FEDERAL FUCKING ISSUE!
Karkat: COPS AND FBI AGENTS WOULD BE QUARANTINING THIS AQUARIUM AND SEALING IT UP IN CONCRETE TO KEEP THAT SHIT FROM GETTING OUT!
Karkat: IT'S THE SHITTIEST SHIT TO EVER SHIT IN THE HISTORY OF SHITDOM!
Dave: wow
Dave: thats some shit right there
Karkat: NO SHIT SHERLOCK!
Dave: so what kind of shit we talking about here
Dave: we talking massive whale shit so massive it clogs up the water filtration systems
Dave: or shit thats not really shit but you take one god damn look at it
Dave: take off your hella sweet ass shades
Dave: blink
Dave: and then say in your most i cant fucking believe its not butter voice
Dave: oh shit
Karkat: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE?!
Dave: I dont
Karkat: THEN SHUT UP!
Dave: hell no
Dave: ive been cooped up in this god damn shop for nearly an hour and pissing you off is the only thing making that torment worthwhile
Karkat: AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!
Dave: so why not just tell me what the hell took so long
Dave: not like its something that will get you killed talking about it
Karkat: FINE! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I WAS BUSY WITH?! I WAS BUSY DEALING WITH FUCKING MERTROLLS THAT THINK THEY OWN THIS GOD DAMN AQUARIUM!
Karkat: ONE IS A FUCKING HOMICIDAL KILLING MACHINE THAT WOULD CONSUME US ALL FOR DINNER IF SHE EVER GOT OUT
Karkat: ONE OF THEM KEEPS BREAKING EVERY GOD DAMN THING HE TOUCHES
Karkat: ONE OF THEM IS AN ANNOYING SHIT WHO SEEMS TO ENJOY MAKING MY LIFE A LIVING HELL BY LEAVING HIS GOD DAMN GARBAGE LYING ALL OVER THE PLACE
Karkat: ONE IS A POMPOUS ASSHOLE WHO KEEPS TRYING TO ESCAPE THROUGH THE WATER PIPES
Karkat: AND THE OTHER IS... ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD. SHE'S KIND OF NICE. BUT IF HAVING THOSE OTHER PRICKS AROUND IS PART OF THE PACKAGE DEAL FOR HAVING HER HERE, THEN I'D RATHER SHE JUST GO BACK TO FUCKING ATLANTIS OR WHEREVER THE HELL SHE CAME FROM AND TAKE THOSE FUCKERS BACK WITH HER!
Karkat: NOT TO MENTION THEIR FUCKING SIBLINGS THAT KEEP VISITING AND CAUSING ALL KINDS OF OTHER SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH!
Karkat: JUST... FUCK!
Dave: …
Karkat: …
Dave: …
Karkat: …
Dave: …
Karkat: …
Dave: dude
Dave: if you dont want to tell me what you did then fine
Dave: no need to make up some god damn fairytale
Karkat: YES!
Karkat: A FAIRYTALE!
Karkat: THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I JUST DID!
Karkat: HA HA HA HA!
Karkat: NOW LOOK AT THE TIME!
Karkat: IT'S “I CLEANED UP THIS FUCKING MESS AND DON'T HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR ANY MORE OF THIS BULLSHIT” 'O CLOCK!
Karkat: SEE?! THE FLOOR HAS BEEN DE-PUKED! THE PUKE IS NOT THERE ANYMORE! IT IS NOW EX-PUKE!
Dave: finally
Dave: already starting to smell like fucking daisies in here again
Karkat: NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME! I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO!
Dave: you mean more important shit to clean up
Karkat: EXACTLY!
***Karkat has left the gift shop***
Dave: ...mertrolls huh
Dave: no way karkat could make up some shit like that on the fly
Dave: either hes been saving that for a special meltdown
Dave: or somethings going on
Dave: …
Dave: whatever
Dave: aint my problem