#khr thoughts

[angry-glasses]

Reborn is sort of a Batman to me, in that if you told me he was somehow exes with Sans Undertale i'd be like, yeah, sure, but if you told me Reborn/Sans was endgame...?

c'mon man... him...? Sans can do better :/

[ciaossu-imagines]

hello, dee! i’m so happy to have you back here!! 🥳 i have a busy shift today, but i might as well drop some asks before i go to work. for my first ask, can you please do letters a, c, j, k, and u from prompt #1 for vongola guardians (khr)? thank you so much, and take care! 😘❤️

Hey! I’m so glad to not only be back here but to see your name in the inbox 😊 I hope your busy shift that day went amazing, that it was one of the ones that just flew right on by but was mostly issue free! And I can definitely do those! I hope you’re taking care of yourself too and that you enjoy my thoughts on these 😊

Send me a letter and I’ll tell you which character…

A: is the most attractive to me

Out of all the Tsuna’s generation of Vongola Guardians, it’s probably Gokudera and Yamamoto whose designs I feel are pretty attractive but it’s funny because I’m not actually all that attracted to either of them? Like, they’re by far the hottest members of the Guardians to me, but I just don’t have that attraction, especially to Gokudera. Chrome’s super cute though but it’s the same thing, there’s just no romantic attraction there but I will forever proclaim loudly how adorable she is! If we’re talking Giotto’s Guardians, Knuckle and G. can both get it because hoooo boy, those two are fucking hot. I love G.’s colouring and his tattoos, but Knuckle’s personality attracts me and I find that, despite the similarities between him and Ryohei, Knuckle’s more attractive to me.

C: is the most open to cuddling

There’s a lot of the members of both Vongola Guardian generations that I can see being open to cuddling. Trying to narrow it down into the most likely was really hard, but it made me laugh because the answer was kind of equivocal. In Tsuna’s generation, Lambo is going to be the most open to cuddling. He likes physical contact and comfort. He’s very touch-oriented and he has a lot of moments where he’s just a cuddlebug, even after he grows up. It’s something that’s going to be present when he’s a kid, when he’s a teenager, and even up into his adult years. Even when he’s twenty, even when he’s thirty, he’s going to give unexpected hugs to the other family members, he’s going to just snuggle into romantic partners, he’s going to like having his hair done up by Haru or Kyoko. In Giotto’s generation, it’s Lampo. He’s another one who is very touch-oriented and who needs that physical affection. He really likes having his hair played with or taking naps with his head on other people’s laps. He likes hugs, massages, holding hands. While all that is great to do with a romantic partner, and he’s going to be extra-cuddly with them, it doesn’t even need to be a romantic thing. Lampo is just someone who really feels the most connected to other people through touch. It’s how he feels the most spoiled, coddled, and loved.

J: tells the most dad jokes

In Tsuna’s generation, Yamamoto can be guilty of this…they’re often stolen from his dad. His dad will tell him a bad joke and Yamamoto will find it funny enough to not only laugh but to share it with his friend’s. Weirdly enough, I also think Mukuro finds dad jokes to be deliciously bad and when he comes across one stupid enough, he will get the others with it. In Giotto’s generation, it's Giotto himself.

K: is the most skilled in the kitchen

Thanks to growing up being exposed to the restaurant, helping out his father, and genuinely caring about the success of both the restaurant and the enjoyment of the food, Yamamoto has gained quite a bit of skill in the kitchen. Within Giotto’s generation, Giotto himself is pretty good in the kitchen. He’s someone who gets interested in things and sets out to master them, and cooking was one of those things. Alaude is actually a pretty good cook too, though he makes every dish catered exactly to his taste, so the success of his cooking is really dependent on how much someone’s tastes align with his.

U: is the most unapologetic for the way they live their life

Ohh, this is a really hard one to narrow down. I really couldn’t come down to just one answer. In Tsuna’s Guardians, it’s such a huge tie, in my mind, between Mukuro and Hibari. Both of them offer no apologies for how they live, nor do they think they should. Within Giotto’s generation, it’s G., Daemon Spade, and Alaude.

[dopepoisonivyoncrack]

I think Squalo is actually the kindest one in Varia but unfortunately he can't and shouldn't allow himself to be any more kind than he sometimes slips out to be, or he would have to renounce his life as an assassin and swordsman and his commanding position in Varia.

[lightofthedeep]

how did sakura addiction have such a chokehold on everyone

[kittykatkaro]

I have a theory that the ring battles were staged to get Tsuna and his guardians involved in the mafia - he had no will to fight or join in the mafia until he thought that he had killed Nono.

Same! Something seemed off.

Espacially after knowing about the Trinisette and Checkerface and everthing. It felt like it was all planned out.

This really keeps me thinking 🤔

I have to re-read the manga really carefully. Espacially where the scheme of Checkerface comes into full play.

Also! The mafia seems really involved with the Trinisette 🤔 doesn't it seem strange?

[angry-glasses]

dunno what it is about either the Arcobaleno, Luce or Kawahira, but... I'm just not particularly bothered by the whole "tricking them into carrying the Arcobaleno curse" thing? even the Luce betrayal angle... idk man, it really feels like if they trusted her enough to feel betrayed that was on them

those Luce (+ Aria sometimes) bashing fics never hit quite right for me, when they have her be Obviously Evil, with "sickeningly sweet" Flames? first of all rude. second, like— so it really was a skill issue, is what you're saying

plus fics where Kawahira doesn't know about yokai/wizards/ghosts/fairies/whatever having the perfect solution to the Curse because he was too arrogant to discover them

Kawahira was around before humans existed. And hidden societies don't pop up already hidden! he would have known about them, okay??

this man jumped at Talbot's jars. he would not dismiss potential solutions out of pride

[ciaossu-imagines]

hi, dee!! can you please do prompt 1 + numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 10, 16, 20, 21, 26 for khr? don’t hold back, be salty as hell 🔥

Hello, hello, my dear! Sorry about the late reply - I got called into work...again. Since you're the only one who requested things and because I so rarely get permission to be salty as fuck, I actually answered all the questions and I hope you don't mind!

What OTP’s in your fandom do you just not get?

Honestly, there’s a shit ton of them. KHR has always embraced ships and they have a lot of creativity when it comes to crack ships. With the fandom, I think if there’s a character, they have been, at this point, shipped with most other characters. I mean, hell, at one point a character was shipped with a wall lmao. That’s saying something. I don’t actively ship a hell of a lot, so I really don’t care too much about the ships. What others ship is up to them and while I am fully all in on ‘ship what you ship, as long as it makes you happy, because it isn’t that serious,’ I will admit there’s two ships that I really don’t like, so I, like any sane person, block the tags for them. I don’t really get or like Gamma and Yuni being shipped together romantically. Yuni is a literal child to Gamma’s full-grown adult and yes, they have a close bond, but the reason Gamma cares for her so goddamn much is because he was hopelessly, endlessly in love with her mother. Yuni’s resemblance to Aria would make her only ever a replacement goldfish for Gamma’s first and truest love, Aria, in my mind and that’s just all kinds of toxic, even setting aside the age difference which is hella creepy. The other ship I really don’t like has the same issue, which is Bianchi and Reborn. For the timelines to make any kind of sense, this means that the only form Bianchi has ever known Reborn in is in his infant body and shipping them together romantically is fucking weird because that’s a what 18–19-year-old woman being romantic with someone who is physically a whole year old. It just gives me a strong squick feeling, so I personally avoid it at all costs.

Are there any popular fandom OTP’s you only BroTP?

Almost all of them. It comes with the territory of honestly finding friendships, rivalries, enemies, found families, mentor-student relationships, etc. all a lot more interesting than who should kiss who. A lot of the super popular OTP’s in the fandom are ones that I only BroTP but I think some of the biggest ones, right off the top of my head are: Gokudera and Tsuna, Enma and Tsuna, Hibari and Mukuro (they make great rivals/enemies but I can’t get behind them past that), and Chrome and Mukuro (found family all the way).

Have you ever unfollowed anyone over a fandom opinion?

Yes. I have zero qualms about admitting this either and I don’t see how it should be a controversial thing at all. We are all responsible for curating our own internet experiences and if I see someone posting a lot or vehemently hating on something within the fandom, posting a lot about a ship or opinion that makes me uncomfortable, or who seems to be trying to stir up shit within the fandom, of course I’m going to block the blog so that I don’t have to be exposed to that. Blogs that reblog or post about hating Timoteo, Nana, YamaPapa, Shamal, Luce, or Iemitsu typically get an auto-block from me but only if they’ve purposefully tagged the posts with the fandom and the character, just because at that point, they’re actively trying to shove that down everyone’s throat and I’m not cool with that. I adore all those characters for different reasons and I don’t want to see posts about how they’re absolute abusers and utter trash. That’s not what I’m in the fandom for. If you want to vent about how much you hate a character, that’s cool. I can get that feeling but in those cases, I do advise either venting to a friend about how awful the character is or keep those posts but, ya know, do the considerate thing and don’t throw them in the main fandom and character tags, so that people like me, who actively follow those tags because I love those characters, don’t have to deal with the hate.

Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

Again, Gamma and Yuni shipped romantically and Bianchi and Reborn shipped romantically are absolute no go’s for me. Outside of friend’s OCs, I also really hate almost all canon ships with Hibari. They just do nothing for me, never have, never will. I love things that focus on who Hibari is as a person, on the different ways he might interact with people outside of romance and becoming trademark uwu softboy. I love reading a Hibari with fangs. I love things that explore his past, his future, or just feature a lot of action and badass Hibari moments. Reading all about Hibari and how he falls head over heels in love with someone or how he really just wants to kiss Character X? That shit is super boring to me, honestly, and defangs an absolute king of the beasts.

Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

YEP. Having been in this fandom for so long, and especially before I really learned how to best exercise the rule of curating my own internet experience, toxic shippers managed to completely ruin one particular pairing for me. It’s nowhere near as bad now, I will say that, but Xanxus Squalo shippers? They could be the meanest, most actively toxic, and dramatic of the shippers back when KHR was still actively publishing chapters week by week, especially during the Ring Battles arc. I was never so goddamn attacked for writing character x readers than when I wrote Xanxus x reader or Squalo x reader stories when obviously those two were meant for each other and how dare I and I’m just fucking homophobic and yeah…that ship has actively bad memories associated with it and now it just instinctively makes me flinch seeing stuff for it, but at the same time, I also do get the appeal and am happy that it does bring people joy.

Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

It actually has! It’s not a pairing I actively ship or anything. I don’t seek it out in any way, either in fics or art, but when it does come across my dash, I can be pretty cool with it and might even stop and read it. It’s Tsuna x Enma. I didn’t actively hate it or anything, just kind of ignored it, but I have seen some really well-done art and fics for that pairing over the years, stuff that’s really impressed me or that I can’t help but go ‘that really is cute and they have real chemistry.’ Because of that, I tend to linger a little more when I do see that pairing than I would most other pairings.

Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

I used to love writing full fics for the fandom. Not just x reader fics, which I still do, but actual gen fics, really focusing on the characters. It’s not that I can’t stand it at all now, it’s just that fandom has changed. Investing the amount of time that I used to in those fics, days of my time, sometimes even weeks, only to have them completely ignored and without any engagement, just robs the joy of it. When I write full fics now, they’re either x readers for the blog or fics that are written only for me, that don’t get published at all because they’re just silly, self-indulgent stuff.

Have you ever received anon hate? What about?

Yes. This is the most empathic yes you will have when answering these questions. I have received so much anon hate during my many, many years in fandom. It started on ff.net when I published my KHR stories there, followed me to my first, original Polycanons blog and it’s still something I get at least every month or so on this blog. The difference between all these points in time is how I’ve learned to deal with the anon hate. By this point, after realizing it is really just a part of fandom itself that you can’t escape, that there will always be unhappy people out there who desperately want to make others share in their misery, I’ve developed ways to deal with this anon hate. My biggest rules now – unless I feel it would be productive or worthwhile to answer for some reason, I just delete it. I let myself read it only once, I delete it, and I then go and read some of the nice compliments and comments my lovely readers have sent in over the years. I don’t allow myself more than 15-20 minutes to dwell on it and wallow in feeling horrible. If it really affects me, I go talk to a friend about it. After that, it’s done. It’s over. I carry on and I don’t let anon hate defeat me because we persevere through spite and malice in this house. The anon hate I’ve received throughout the years have ranged from ‘I write the characters too whiny and angsty’ – written in the review section of an angst fic, I use the word girl too much and write my female character’s through an intrinsically sexist view, I write too simply, without enough interesting description, I write too flowery and with too much description, I write reader inserts which are trash, I don’t portray X character right, I am homophobic, I am transphobic, I’m a pedophile, I’m a terrible human being, I made a character too gay, not gay enough, I take too long to write, I write too long of chapters, I write too short of chapters…you name it, I’ve heard a complaint about it.

Most disliked characters? Why?

As of my last reread, I think it was Birds. I don’t think that one has ever changed. I’ve never really actively liked him or found him interesting. The twins were at least creepy and interesting enough, but despite Birds being shown more, he was just so…boring. He didn’t make me care to learn more about him and why he was the way he was, how he got into the jail and hooked up with Mukuro. He was just kind of there and when he left, I was glad for it.

Most disliked arc? Why?

Don’t shoot me here, but Curse of the Rainbow Arc. I don’t think it deserves the pure vitriol I’ve heard some people give it. It’s not the absolute worst thing I’ve ever read. It had actively amazing moments and seeing more of the Arcobaleno was always welcomed by me. However, I felt like it was too condensed and rushed. The pacing was severely off, even more so than the Shimon arc felt (and boy, did that arc feel rushed after the lingering, almost never-ending Future Arc). On top of that, I feel like things didn’t make sense, in terms of what had previously been established and in terms of timelines and such. It tried to wrap up too much in too short a time, leaving a lot of hanging threads and unanswered questions.

Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Yes. There’s so many, really. I don’t dislike a lot of characters in KHR. I can count all the characters I don’t really vibe within KHR on one hand, honestly, and I love the rest of them, meaning that I often really like characters that aren’t…well, super liked. I happen to find Iemitsu really interesting and I think that his life, his relationship with CEDEF and the Vongola, and how he has to balance that around his world as father and husband is very thought-provoking, whether he achieves that balance in any healthy way or not. I like Timoteo – I think that it’s interesting to consider the time he grew up in, what his mother’s Vongola might have looked like, how he was influenced by it, how he himself became the respected Vongola leader he is, all the weights of his sins on his shoulder, how he feels about the Family and his own family. I like Nana – she might not be the perfect mother, but she’s obviously trying her best and I think it’s really interesting to think about who she is outside of the role of mother, on top of how hard it must be for her to have raised Tsuna for months, even years at a time, as essentially a single-mother, to consider how much she actually knows or cottons on to throughout the manga, and I think it’s worth considering how many bonds she builds with different characters and the great respect she’s shown from almost everyone in the actual canon. I love Shamal to death. I think he’s an interesting character. Yes, he can be perverted. Yes, he’s a womanizer and a leach. But there’s gotta be more to his character than that and we do see a lot of hints of that character within canon, but so many people want to boil him down to just ‘pervert’ without exploring anything more than that.

Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I don’t really think so. The unpopular arcs aren’t things I hate, honestly. I can see pros to each of the unpopular fandoms, but I’m also really understanding of the reason those arcs aren’t as well liked. The Daily Life and Future Arcs are both arcs that drag on for too long and that should have been condensed. However, they’re both arcs that have really outstanding moments. The Daily Life arc is really hilarious at times, while the Future Arc helps us see astounding growth in not only Tsuna, but the other characters as well. The Curse of the Rainbow arc is too short and inconsistently paced and I’ve ranted about it at length above, but it also gives us some absolutely iconic Arcobaleno moments and introduces the idea of ‘True Earthlings.’

Unpopular opinion about a character?

Tsuna is not completely weak-willed and unable to say no. He started that way but purely keeping him that way is discounting the confidence and growth we see in him throughout the series. He also is not soft and good…at least, not only soft and good. He is a kind-hearted boy who always tries to find non-violent methods and to give people as much leeway as he can, who truly cares about others, but let’s not forget that Tsuna straight up murdered someone. If he’s pushed far enough, if someone hits the right button, if he’s stressed enough or sees no other way, Tsuna can and will kill. On top of that, because of the confidence and growth we do see him go through, I think there’s plenty of evidence that Tsuna grows a spine. He becomes more comfortable saying no. He becomes comfortable standing up for things he believes in or what he thinks is right. He becomes smarter, stronger and I think that a lot of Tsuna’s growth that we see throughout the series can be quite discounted by the fandom at large.

Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

I love how active the fandom is. The KHR fandom is full of passionate people, very dedicated and wonderful people. There’s so many great things to say about it and I love how, all these years later, there’s still such a large and dedicated fanbase. It’s not something that isn’t often seen in my older fandoms and honestly, I can’t state how amazing and lovely I find that. I cannot state enough good things about the fandom…but there’s one drawback to the fandom, a double-pronged sword of sorts that exists within the KHR fandom and that’s that, because the fandom is so old and most people have been in it for so long, the fandom can be very cliquey at times and there is, at times, when it comes to certain things, an attitude that there’s a ‘right way’ to be a KHR fan.

Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

We did not get the anime we deserved. KHR deserves a rebooted anime that fully adapts all the arcs of the manga, including the end arc and that would, preferably, have a dubbed version. You want the fandom revitalized and to sell a shit ton more merch, do that, it’s really that simple.

If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

I honestly would change the pacing of the show. The Daily Life arc should have been shortened. After getting all the characters introduced and spending enough time with them to get a feel and a taste for them, things should have moved on, especially since events and things later on directly retcon or rewrite information that was put forth during that arc. The Kokuyo arc is fine, as is the Ring Battle arc, but the Future arc needed to be shortened dramatically. Towards the end of the arc, it felt never-ending and started to get a little boring. I’d actually extend both the Shimon and Curse of the Rainbow arcs to allow for more story detail and to flesh out the world and lore more, along with fixing the anime’s filler arcs.

Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

I would not have ended the show in such an extremely open-ended way. It felt unsatisfying, as I said, and left me with more questions than answers. I also would not have kept the Arcobaleno as toddlers. To me, that decision felt cowardly and more like…well, that’s how they’ve always been through the manga, the reader’s won’t like it if they’re all adults now and it would have to require too many conversations and actual work and I just want to have this finished. I would also have ironed out the timelines as I went, with more actual details placed into that.

Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

Nope. Shipping is just one aspect of fandom and I think A LOT of people forget that. Shipping is fun for a lot of people, but it’s not the only fun thing about fandom. Some people might just not be interested in romance, honestly. Even if someone is all into shipping, it doesn’t mean they’re required to share all the ships within a fandom. It’s just what a person likes. If a person doesn’t like a popular ship, they just don’t like a popular ship. It’s really no deeper than that and they shouldn’t face any backlash for it. It just doesn’t hit them right. As long as they’re not actively hating on the ship in the main tags or telling other people that they’re bad for shipping it, ship and let ship.

What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

That it is on the older side, so there’s not a lot of new people coming into the fandom or actively seeking out the fandom. That stinks, but it’s also something I’ve become very, very used to.

What is the purest ship in the fandom?

It’s not a romantic ship for any of the three cases but 1) Tsuyoshi and Yamamoto. I love this father and son duo and how they interact with each other. This family dynamic and relationship is stellar, healthy representation for fathers and sons. 2) Kyoko and Ryohei. The brother and sister duo is just amazing. There’s obvious love and care between the siblings and both of them want to protect the other and take care of them in their own ways. I think it’s a very sweet familial relationship presented. 3) The friendship between Ken, Mukuro, and Chikusa. It’s not entirely pure because holy hecking backgrounds, but even with the rough start, seeing how just absolutely dedicated each of the three is towards the others warms my heart.

What are your thoughts on crack ships?

Again, I cannot repeat it loud enough. Ship and let ship and if it isn’t your thing, block the tags and scroll past the untagged things as quickly as you can.

Popular character you hate?

I don’t hate either of them by any means. As characters alone, I really enjoy all four of these characters. I adore them – they’re fascinating, complex, intriguing, well-designed, and obviously lovingly crafted by the mangaka. But I’ve never been as all in on Hibari, Mukuro, Xanxus, or Reborn as a lot of the fandom are. I really, really like them and find at least two of them really interesting to talk about with friends, but none of them really ring my bell and none of them have ever been a favourite of my during my many rereads and hyper-fixations. In the case of all of them, too, I think that they’ve also been a little spoiled for me in that I have run across a lot of portrayals of them in fan works that I really, really, REALLY don’t jive with, don’t enjoy, and in a couple cases, actively hate for that character.

Unpopular character you love?

Naito Longchamp, Iemitsu Sawada, Nana Sawada, Luce, Tsuyoshi Yamamoto, Timoteo, Shamal, Basil, Ken, Chikusa…did you guys really need me to keep going because I could make a good solid paragraph of just all the characters I truly adore who the fandom is sleeping on.

Would you recommend the show/manga to a friend? Why or why not?

Yes. I wouldn’t have been in the fandom as long as I have if I wouldn’t and I damn sure wouldn’t still be creating for it. KHR has its flaws – the opening and the ending arcs aren’t it’s strongest. It takes too long to get into things and there’s a big tonal shift from the first arc into the second. But for all it’s faults, KHR, when it hits its stride, hits it hard. The story lines are interesting. Characters are dynamic and intriguing, relationships are built between characters in ways that make you genuinely invested. Characters grow and develop along the way; nobody remains just static. The art is beautiful later on, the twists quirky and fun. As long as you don’t sit down and try to critically analyze it, KHR is a fun read for anyone who enjoys shonen in any way.

How would you end the show/manga? Would you change the ending of it?

I would definitely change it. In my opinion, the last arc needed about another 20 chapters and then it needed another short arc after that. Things with Checkerface should have wrapped up better, the lore of the world should have been clearer, the Arcobaleno should have resumed their prior forms. The next arc, the one that would properly close out the manga, would involve the Arcobaleno getting used to their new living situations and would involve having Reborn called back to the Vongola. Tsuna thinks that he won’t miss Reborn at all, that he’s glad Reborn is finally able to live his life and that Tsuna himself will be glad to be just a regular middle school kid again. Except Tsuna does miss Reborn and this middle-school life is…empty and hollow, in a way. Tsuna’s still against becoming a mafia boss but there’s hesitation. Throughout this arc, we also get to see what everyone else is up to, how their stories are shaping up to continue on. We end the arc with Reborn coming back to Tsuna with a proposition…let me train you not to become the Vongola Decimo…no, let me tutor you to become Neo-Vongola. We don’t get to properly hear Tsuna’s decision, but we see him smile at the sound of Reborn’s voice and we see his hand reaching out for Reborn’s own and it’s kind of left open for interpretation if he just really missed Reborn and was wanting to greet his beloved tutor after all this time or if he took the offer.

Most shippable character?

It’s Tsuna. Tsuna’s the fandom slut.

[ciaossu-imagines]

fran (khr) + number 17 - best thing about them & number 18 - worst thing about them?

Of course, my dear! This was a fun and simple one and exactly what my sick brain needed right now 😊

Best thing about them

I would have to say that, in my opinion, there’s a lot of really great things about Fran! Right off the top of my head, I think he’s got a really distinct, memorable design and I really think he’s so cute. I love the silly hats too. He’s got a razor sharp sense of humor too. I genuinely enjoy his snarkiness and the moments of silliness he has (the needing to pose, the tormenting of Bel, the whole moment with his box weapon). He’s seriously intelligent under that apathetic demeanor and snark though and I think that doesn’t get focused on as much as I would like – Fran, to me, is someone who could easily plan and replan a million times over while in combat situations, keeping track of multiple things, using his illusions to the best of their abilities (and by best of their abilities, I do mean keeping himself and the others around him alive and giving them the element of surprise whenever needed). I also love how Fran really does provide a really interesting and well-done foil to Chrome as Mukuro’s student and to Mukuro himself.

Worst thing about them

The only thing that immediately popped into my head, the first answer for me, is just how damn hard Fran is to write. This may be just me, but I find Fran very hard to capture correctly and to do him justice as a character. You really do have to share the same sense of humour and have that same acerbic, sharp wit to pull off writing him. My sense of humour is far from his – I do not do insult humour well and my snark can be there, but never to the lengths and extents that Fran is willing to go. I feel mean trying to write Fran and it’s pushing past that to try to write his character and do it properly that can be really just the worst for me.