Working on a TFCon Orlando freebie sticker of dole whip Megs and @irreproduciblemagnet put this thought in my head
After
Killbison x Reader
• Venting tiredly as he steers the Kissimmee Kate into the dock so the loaders can secure it and offload the last trip’s humans from the boat, he tries to remind himself that it’s this or going back to the Gap. That this is marginally better and less spark crushing. Though, he’s beginning to think this is just a new flavor of the Pit. “Those of you adventurers entering the world-famous Jungle Cruise, please notice there are two lines, one on the right and the other on the left,” he drones, optics flicking to the line of humans staring. Seeing their surprise. And he’s bracing for one of the snot nosed little brats to start squealing ‘look mommy, an alien,’ because it’s every fragging time. “If you'd like to keep your family together, please stay in the same line. However, if there’s someone in your family you'd like to get rid of, just put them in the opposite line and you'll never see them again,” he mutters as a few people nervously laugh.
• Fidgeting with your backpack as you shuffle forward, the heat of the day at least isn’t as bad in the shade of the trees, but you’re still sweating. Trying to not get caught staring at the Cybertronian in an obviously special made safari top and hat as he crankily mumbles dad jokes that have you biting your lip, you’ve never actually seen one of his kind in person. Sure, they show up on the news, but you’re from a small, rural town. Shuffling onto a bench in the front, you keep your head down while trying to sneak looks without staring. And you’re unzipping your bag to pull out your sketchbook and pencil. Unable to resist.
• Shifting his weight as he leans on the wheel and waits for the humans to fragging sit so he can get this over with, he rumbles. “Knock, Knock…” Venting tiredly as he stares at the ceiling and humans keep shuffling onboard, he wonders if it’s actually possible to offline from tedium. “Who’s there? … Safari. … Safari Who? … Safari, so good. You’ll be on the Jungle Cruise in just a few minutes,” he growls, voice deadpan and someone actually laughs. Head lifting, he scans the humans, optics landing on you, head down hiding behind a sketchbook. And you glance up and away quickly, face reddening to make him rumble.
• He sounds so over it as he grumbles out lame joke after lame joke, his annoyed growling making you laugh as you sketch him. You’re careful to avoid his optics, though. Because the jokes are dad-level lame, but delivered in his irritated, ‘I wish this boat would sink with no survivors’ growl, they’re actually pretty hilarious. Not that you’d ever admit that. Slouching lower on the bench seat, you steal glances at him as you draw and wonder why he chose this job when he very obviously isn’t enjoying it.
• Doesn’t know what to make of you or that you’re genuinely laughing at the fragging scripted jokes. No one actually laughs at those, it’s always an awkward pity laugh. But you’re smiling as you keep drawing. Making him need to know what you’re sketching, because you keep looking at him, not the fake fauna arranged around the equally fake river. Rumbling, as the boat makes its circuit and he steers it back to the dock, his servos flex on the wheel. “Well folks, I hope you all enjoyed your trip around the jungle,” he mutters and you look up. Meet his optics. “ I had such a good time- I’m going to go again! And again, and again, and again…” You smile, eyes dropping and he clears his vents. Watching the humans shuffling off the boat, he spots his replacement and you’re standing. Walking past. Reaching out, he catches your backpack and you clutch your sketchbook to yourself. “Not you. Follow me,” he grumbles. And you hesitate before trailing him to the gift shop. Ignoring humans gawking at him, he heads to the rack of stuffed animals, staring at them before grabbing one and ringing it up with his discount. Turning, he shoves it into your arms and you nearly drop your book, letting him catch a glimpse of his own face. Because you were drawing him. “Your prize for laughing,” he says as you huff out a startled laugh and clutch the plush to yourself.
(These are actual jokes from the Jungle Cruise ride)
