I have been feeling like giving up on my scum disciple comic series. It’s very ambitious and difficult and takes so much time and patience. My TGCF au gets more engagement than my Scum disciple one. Yet I decided to prioritize my scum disciple comic series… I barely retain my readers’ attention for this comic series yet I still stubbornly dont wanna give up.
I want to give up but then I hate not bringing my ideas to life. I WANT to introduce all the reversed characters and show the cool story canon deviations I have planned… ughhh I’m still at the beginning part which is why I’m getting impatient with myself. I barely have time to draw!
I want to give up but I don’t want to either. What a frustrating feeling haha 😂
Sorry, I just wanted to reflect on the complicated feeling l’ve been having lately about my art and fancomics.
The idea that bls/gls are bad representation just cause it's messy, grey, imperfect queers and unhealthy relationships exist is my villain origin story.
News flash being queer IS messy, being human is messy. Hardly anything is ever perfect and that's life.
The messiness is more the truth for a lot of queer folks than it is not. It definitely is to me.
I'm imperfect, I've struggled with internalized queerphobia, or queerphobia in generaI fell in love with people who weren't good for me or "good people" period.
I think the term toxic gets thrown around way too quickly when it comes to queer media.
Not picture perfect≠toxic
Plus the queer experience or just life is so diverse and uniquely yours. What you might deem toxic is something another person can relate to and vice versa. The judgement and holier than thou attitudes really should stop in queer fandom spaces.
What makes a good yandere character for you? What are some of your favorite yanderes? And what are some that you like the least?
Aaa my first ask! Thank you so much!! Yes, as you can tell from my username, I do like yandere characters quite a bit! And I'm super excited to finally start ranting about them lollll Alright, this might get pretty long so I'll put my answers under the cut!
What makes a good yandere character for you?
This is a very subjective question, but first I'll explain what makes a character yandere.
"Yandere" comes from the Japanese verb 病んでいる which means to be sick. This can refer to any sort of illness, but with yandere characters, it's referring to ailments of the soul so to say. Basically a "yandere" character is anyone who becomes sick with love. Which is really vague, I know - but that's how it is.
A character can kill for love and still not be considered yandere. A different character can respect their target's (the person they are affectionate toward - their "darling") free-will and autonomy and still be considered yandere. It's vague and open to interpretation. What one person considers yandere, another might find them just being possessive.
Just getting a few common misconceptions out of the way first:
-Yandere characters can be abusive to their targets, but just because a character is abusive, that doesn't mean that they're yandere
-A character doesn't have to go around killing people to be considered yandere
Okay, with that out of the way, time to talk about my favorite kinds of yandere characters!
I like characters who are subtly manipulative, the characters that mess with their target's perceptions of reality to mold them into someone who can accept their isolation. I like to describe the buildup as "walking into a spider's web, and only after you think to turn around do you realize that it's too late." These characters can appear to be very doting (溺愛) to their targets and lull them into a false sense of security, and usually only show their true selves to people they see as their love rivals. These characters can also be commonly described as haraguro (腹黒) or scheming.
But I can go for any sort of yandere character! I'm not so good with gore tho so I try to avoid that, but any other type has their own appeals. There was this huge chart about the different types of yandere characters and their "symptoms" I found before, maybe I'll dig it up and explain it in detail in another post eventually. But for now I will move on to the next question!
What are some of your favorite yanderes?
I can explain a bit more about the kind of yandere characters I love by using some of my favs as examples! Please note that I read a lot of shoujo, especially because the yandere trope is gaining some good popularity in that demographic, so these are all male yanderes. Though, I do love me a good female yandere character too!
My absolute favorite yandere character is Haruma from 恋と心臓 (Love and Heart) Seriously, no one does it as well as him. I don't want to spoil anything since it's more fun to experience the craziness yourself and the series is available in English!
But to give a brief summary: Yoh (the main character), having lived a life where she didn't have anyone she could rely on, is incredibly independent. But then her childhood friend (who she doesn't remember), Haruma, moves in with her and suddenly she finds herself in the position of damsel in distress again and again, with Haruma being the only one to save her.
It's a great blend of psychological horror, romcom, and drama with a huge dose of unhealthy relationships and a happy ending! I recommend it to everyone who is comfy with the subject matter.
Kuroyuki from Nightshade deserves special mention for being the reason I started liking yandere characters in the first place.
I never really got the appeal before him, but when I played Nightshade, I liked him from the start. I tend to love comic relief characters (who are secretly quite sad/serious) so he caught my eye right away and then when the cray-cray hit, I was like,
Oh no, that's hot.
And it was over for me after that lol. Yandere love interests in otome games have a reputation for caging, and Kuroyuki has a subtle approach to this. He spins this (not entirely false) tale that everyone is trying to kill Enju (the main character) except for him, and that he's the only one who could protect her. I won't go into his backstory, but an unhealthy amount of delusions feed into his obsession as well.
The game is fun and intense, and I highly recommend it if you would like to cry. Check out my Why you should play Nightshade PowerPoint here:
If you're looking for other good otome games with fun yandere characters, I also recommend: Amnesia: Memories, Taisho x Alice, and Mystic Messenger.
After Kuroyuki, I started reading a lot of Japanese webnovels with yandere characters (I literally have a page in my browser with just the yandere tag on shousetsuka ni narou that I browse thru regularly) I could probably do a whole post just about yandere characters in webnovels, but for a quick recommendation, I suggest checking out Kotoko-sensei's (琴子) works or, for something a bit more bizarre, check out Inaida-sensei's (稲井田そう) works. (I once went thru a phase where I was obsessed with all of Inaida-sensei's works around 2~3 years ago.)
Anyways, on to the final question!
What are some yanderes that you like the least?
Well, I tend to dislike the yandere characters that are not well thought out. It's easy enough to put a knife in a character's hand or make them shove someone in a cage, but it's not interesting unless they have a compelling reason why. What leads them to decide they have no other choice but to kill a rival (or their target) or take away their target's freedom?
This is why I tend to dislike side characters who are yandere (especially in harem series) because they're usually not given a whole lot of depth or character building - like a main character would have.
I think a lot of the appeal from yandere characters comes from their depth, complexity, and how they can be hypocritical by nature. I love them but I hate them because they care about other people. I don't want to scare them but I need to protect them. I don't care if they hate me as long as they stay by my side.
If I were to name a yandere character I dislike, though, I would have to say Yuno Gasai (from Future Diary) who is a rather famous case. I don't think she's a bad character - in fact, she's a really great character and a good example of what happens if obsession is left to fester in a high-stakes, dangerous environment. But her character has been boiled down to crazy anime girl who kills a bunch of people for her crush by the internet, which has completely changed the way many people view the word and perceive the trope of "yandere." I just find it irritating and as the self-proclaimed saleswoman of yandere, it makes my job a lot harder.
Can yandere be considered problematic? Sure, absolutely. But does it have to involve murder, rape, gore, or other triggering content? Absolutely not.
(This goes for this whole post, but please note that I am talking about fictional characters, and this in no way reflects real life people)
All in all, I'm very passionate about yandere characters and yandere content. I just find them so compelling, and especially love exploring relationships involving a yandere character - because it usually involves having to come to some sort of compromise. I could probably rant on and on and on about it but this answer is already so long lol
Thank you so much for the ask again! And anyone can feel free to send asks if they would like me to clarify on any of this! I do love ranting about these sorts of things
Geez. Why fandom so strict now? I made a short animatic with Shen Yuan’s disciples from my Scum Disciple AU. And there were complaints about how short Nung Yingying’s skirt is???? Huh????? I took inspo from the donghua??? 🤨 are these people triggered by anything? Gosh.
Can I be a lil vulnerable with you guys for a bit? 😂 I know and hopefully none of my cosplay mutuals follow me here on tumblr as well as my artist idols. So i can freely rant and express myself here.
I cant help but feel like I dont belong in the danmei fandom. I recently went to tgcf group cosplay photoshoot. They were all very nice despite me being quiet and shy the entire time. But I kept comparing myself and losing confidence. None of this is their fault, they should be proud of how amazingly skilled they are at cosplaying. 🥰
it’s just that I felt “oh, I dont think I’m suited for this hobby after all. I’m not attractive, I just feel like my costumes are wearing me.” Blah blah all that self deprecating shit. I know it’s annoying and bad. I’m not trying to fish for compliments. It’s just that I have bad self confidence and body issues. I am aware that cosplay is NOT A beauty contest too. I still cant help but feel this way in an “appearance based” hobby.
Also regarding art, I’m probably feeling a bit burnt out but I feel like I also dont belong alongside amazing fandom artists in the danmei community. I also feel like everyone is sick of my comic au’s. I know thats not the case as I still see amazing support from some readers. It’s the impostor syndrome talking.
While I dont give a dingaling about the number of likes or whatever satistic the platform uses, I still read comments and observe if ppl still engage with my work. i noticed I have lesser readers recently. Probably because I have slowed down my uploads to accommodate my other hobbies and to get more rest. So I feel ppl forget my comics exist when I upload like once a month only.
It did cause me to feel burnt out and depressed whenever I feel like I’m slaving away too much on my comics. Thats why I took a step back and decided to slow my pace of making comic au’s. More time for myself and other hobbies. But it cost me my readers losing interest, waiting too long and moving onto other stuff. Also in some platforms, lesser uploads gets you shadowbanned.
Also, with how I now post my cosplay, it kinda made ppl unfollow me or the platform’s algorithm push my posts less because my cosplays dont get many interactions as my art (understandably so, no fault to anybody who prefers to just see my art). So cosplaying also cost me losing my art followers. Which also makes me feel even less confident about my cosplays. It’s a stupid brain self torture thing I’m going through right now. And again, NONE OF THIS IS ANYONE’s FAULT BUT MINE.
And also i have no intention of making separate accounts just for cosplay. I already have a cosplay fb account.
I appreciate if u read this LONG RANT to this post. I just need to vent somewhere. 😩
The photographer sent his raw files of our tgcf photoshoot and I feel anxiety, I dont want to see my photos right now in this current mental headspace of mine. That’s why I’m procrastinating by typing out this long rant 😂
Anyways this is really my end of the rant. Thankyou if u read up to here. Thanks for taking time to hear me out 🥺
Sorry I tried sleeping it off and it still affects me a bit. I think I’ll just really stop attempting to apply to svsss zines. 😭 It has been a mini goal of mine to get into one, but I’ve been rejected to all of the mxtx and svsss zines I applied to. I have to accept that my art is just not meant to be in an mxtx zine especially a scum villain one. 🥺
More than five rejections just seriously chipped off my confidence for trying to get into these projects. I know i shouldn’t give up but ahhhh 😔
I dont feel confident right now to try to enter ANY danmei art projects. My art style is probably not appealing to that side of the danmei audience
My 2025 goal is to love myself more. And cosplay more 🤗 I need to beat the crap outta my low self esteem, social anxiety, and body dysmorphia. I never like how I look especially when dressing up as my fave characters. 😮💨 next year, I will do better and overcome these personal hangups.
