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Facebook, the fucking idiot, wanted me to know it was Upstairs At Kimo’s birthday today! The beloved, yet short lived showcase rolled out Mondays, instantly making an impact, becoming the show to do, and leaving a legacy of great fliers. Look at them boys and girls and non-binaries, LOOK AT THEM!

Helmed by Alex Q. Huffman, Jason Dove and Matt Louv, the night was a favorite, made the Bay feel super active, featuring emergent headliners (the class immediately ahead of mine) right before some left, space for out-of-towners coming through, and an open mic on either side of the showcase (that was amazing in tandem with mics at 50 Mason, 800 Larkin and Brainwash).

The night lasted until, like always, the management changed, or a license was lost, or the venue shuttered. The cause is ultimately irrelevant, we’ve moved on, but hopefully Facebook, aforementioned idiot, continues to not recognize UAK as a non-person. It’s fun to be reminded of it every once in a while.

#Upstairs at Kimo's #kimo's #sf #sanfrancisco #san francisco #san-francisco #alex q. huffman #jason dove #matt louv #bayarea #bay area #bay area comedy #bayareacomedy #bay-area #comedy

Kimo's Rattlesnake Mountain Brewery, Tri-Cities, WA

Somehow or another, the Rattlesnake Mountain Brewery is called Kimo’s. I could probably sit down and figure out why, but I don’t really care to. I am also pretty sure that I could figure out if it is in Kennewick or Richland, but since it sits in that nebulous area that isn’t really either—or really is both—I’m not going to fuck with it.

Take the mall exit. It’s over by Chuck E. Cheese. That’s where it is, but don’t go thinking it is one of those trendy-ass mall places. It’s not.

Kimos’s opens at 11 and allows kids during the day, but that doesn’t ruin it. The food is okay; you can get a whole pizza for twelve bucks and feed the kids and the wife—and I promise, it beats the hell out of anything at Cheesey-Chuck’s.

I don’t really care if you eat there, though. They have the best beer in eastern Washington—hands down. I don’t care if it is 100 degrees outside and you have been on the river all day, you will want in on their smoky porter.

I was in there the other day because my lady was at Kohl’s. I had some work to do, so I just posted up in there and drank beer. At no point did I ever feel like I needed to verify whether or not they had wireless internet, and was rewarded without ever having to ask for a password. Wide-open wireless. No bullshit. I am complaining a little because I could not find a table near a power outlet, but I bet if I would have gone over by the pinball machines I would have. I really wasn’t too worried about it anyway because they had some Christmas lights strung in the window for atmospheric enhancement purposes, and I know that I could have tapped into them. Most places would probably get all butt-hurt if a customer did something like that, but I don’t think that they would have. It just isn’t that kind of place. It’s just really chill.

Kimo’s has TVs that show sports. That doesn’t sound very impressive, but I know we have all been in bars—sports bars even—that don’t know how to keep sports on TV. I was in one once, and they were showing episodes of Friends instead of March Madness on the 50 inch. What the fuck! That shit wouldn’t happen at Kimo’s. If the Mariners are playing, you are going to see the Mariners. There are also enough other TVs, that if you have some sort of sports perversion, they could accommodate you too.

NOTE: A sports perversion is when you are into some weird shit instead of the normal sports. A sports pervert could walk in there while Felix Hernandez was throwing a shutout, ask the bartender if they could put the big cricket match (or game, or whatever the fuck they are called) on a TV, and they would be able to accommodate.

The bar area is roped off like a boxing ring, which really speaks to the character of the place, as do the TVs in the men’s shitter.

Whenever the Tri-City Americans or Tri-City Fever have a hockey or arena football game, they show the live stream at the bar. How bad ass is that? Minor league sports are a for sure sports perversion. And think about how that must benefit the marketability of the teams. I sure as hell hope the arena doesn’t charge them for their kiosk. If I am at a hockey game, and I have a choice between a five dollar Bud Light and a six dollar Kimo’s Americans Amber, you ass holes know what I am doing.