My friend said some very nasty things about Snape. That made me sad because Snape is my fave. I don't have the verbal capacity to defend him properly and when people say horrible things about him it makes me want to punch them. I am upset and don't want to talk to my friend anymore even though it probably seems silly to fall out over a fictional character.
I think that when we find resonance in a character, it’s because that character has qualities that we see reflected in ourselves. It’s very much like the feeling when someone says something hurtful towards someone on the street who shares that same characteristic, and you think, “if I wasn’t here and they weren’t ashamed to say that to my face, they would have said it about ME.” And yes, that’s especially true when they turn around and say things like, “but you’re one of the GOOD ones!!” As though that is any excuse!
While it may seem extreme, to some extent, when people say unkind things that hit you as though they are personal insults, it is because they are demonstrating that they aren’t a safe person to show all of yourself to because they are prone to bouts of behaving in a callous and cruel manner. Sure, people can change over time, but it is not your job to make them see the light, OP, and it’s also not your fault if they’re demonstrating that they can’t be the kind of friend that you wanted (or needed) them to be.
You have a right to feel angry or have trouble thinking of things when you are upset and overwhelmed (the brain does a lot of things when it gets ready for fight/flight, and thinking of eloquent monologues is not one of them). I recommend journalling about your feelings and getting them out on paper, even if you don’t share them with anyone. Being able to process and work through your feelings can help you to develop skills in emotional management and can also give you a place to write out and express yourself in more complex ways over time.
Good luck, anon and I hope you are well.
