Anyone else just like... really discontent with their life right now?
Okay I know a lot of people are. I’m just constantly aggravated by the place I live in, even though I know that what I’ve got set up is pretty sweet! I don’t have to pay much for rent, but living in the town I do isn’t doing me a lot of favors for saving up money. I’m not sure what I want to do with my life, I don’t have the money for college, I haven’t written a lot lately, and I made the teenage mistake of being sure that writing would pay for my way in life - never exactly took a religious crisis into consideration that would throw everything upside down.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m being silly. I just feel like I’m being very stagnant in life right now, and I don’t know which path is the right way to go. Maybe the right path will come along, but I’m worried my life will pass me by while I’m waiting for it, with nothing to show for myself but a history of dead-end retail jobs and indecision about my future.
What I do know is that it’s troubling to be able to relate to the character Rebecca Bunch, and I did strongly consider suicide at one point in the past year. Maybe I should move back into my hometown, live with my grandmother again and save up money... but, what am I saving up for? College? I don’t know what I want to study, and I’d have to work for years and never spend anything just to have a hope of a college education, the way things are now. And it’s not like that town is great for growth, either. There’s nothing to do there, where at least here I’m not bored. What I really would like is to write and travel, but that just seems... financially unlikely anytime soon. I guess what I really need is a change of some kind, but I don’t know what. Heck, maybe I just need to make some friends over here.
