#kink ed

[kissesfemme]

a reminder that there are PEOPLE behind nsfw blogs and what they share online is a very small part of their lives. you do not know these people and they do not owe you sex, photos, messages, or a relationship. even if they have interacted with you in the past, they still don't owe you anything. posting nsfw content ≠ consent.

[decompose1]

whenever i see ppl whining about a "top shortage"/"dom shortage" or "no trans tops/doms" it's always such a red flag to me. cuz there really isn't a shortage of them, it's that tops don't wanna fuck you because you don't take care of them!!!!

& i know this stuff doesn't really get taught to people, but a lot of bottoms/subs end up unintentionally very selfish.... tops/doms (& i know they are not the same but in this case usually people mean both) are not just pleasure vending machines, they're people with feelings! i think people also don't really process that heavy or violent kink scenes can be really emotionally difficult for the dominant too. as a sub, you should check in on your dom. you should ask how they feel, if they're doing okay, if they need anything. you should reassure them that you're okay, you're not really scared of them and you were only pretending, they didn't hurt you too bad, and you still love & care about them. tell them they did good and you liked it. hug & cuddle them too. i know that submissive roles are also emotionally difficult and doms should do this too, but that's kinda already normalized- too many subs don't realize that they NEED to take care of their dom too, that doms need the same love and reassurance after. it's okay for kinks to be a lifestyle thing, but a really good rule should be that a sex scene is like a container where that fear and those scary emotions can be contained, and those should never leak out of the scene. you should always make sure to clean up and patch holes before you put it away. you never want it to leak into your relationship- you don't want your partner to really think they might've hurt you in a bad way or made you scared of them outside the scene. this isn't something doms are automatically going to feel, you have to put in the work to make sure they know that. ok? does that all make sense? sexual relationships need care & upkeep too just like anything else. now go have fun & take care of your doms!

[killdeerfreak]

i want to send so, so much love to dominants who've had to grapple with the fear of their desires being frightening or immoral or disgusting or inconvenient. doms with ocd, doms who love sadistic frightening kink, doms who feel guilt about their desires, doms who don't fit the image of what a dom "should be like". doms who are afraid to be open about what they truly want and force themselves into a softer mold or force themselves to never say no in order to please someone or seem non-threatening. to any dominant who's ever struggled with their sexuality, i love you all so incredibly much

there's nothing wrong with you, you're not broken or weird or disgusting and what you desire in kink isn't something you're going to harmfully enact in real life, i promise. it's okay to sincerely want to do something deeply immoral to someone in the boundaries of play, it's incredibly natural. don't listen to people who say that things like cnc kink are only ok if the dom isn't really into the immoral acts performed, you deserve to participate in kink where your love for dominance is respected and appreciated even when your desires are sadistic or scary.

you do not have to perform a strong persona, you can be soft and small and vulnerable and still be respected as a dominant, i promise. you absolutely deserve aftercare, you deserve to feel safe and loved and vulnerable and cared for, you don't have to be the one who does the caring all the time. you deserve to be open and genuine about your personality and find people who respect you for that and don't shame you for not fitting their image. you are a person and deserve to be treated as such.

there are many people who are into what you're into and you don't have to tolerate sex which disregards your personhood or your desires or treats you like a means to an end. you have every right to say no. you have every right to have the sex and participate in the kink that you actually want free from shame with people who genuinely respect you and your needs. there's always going to be someone out there for you if you want that, i promise. you are not disgusting. you are loved. 🧡

[vyrsm-txt]

Do you have any advice for signaling that you're enjoying and have fun when non verbal? My moans are high pitched and it worries my partner. I've been pulling them closer tho, is that enough?

I’m not an expert on this by any means, but I’d say if your partner is worried you’re not having fun, you guys should have a discussion out-of-scene beforehand if you haven’t yet! (And of course, debrief after-scene with notes on what you liked, didn’t like, want to change up, etc.)

Your partner should let you know how they’ve been reading the situation, and what specific behaviours of yours (eg. high-pitched moaning, like you said) come off as unclear to them. You should be familiar with your own non-verbal cues and let your partner know how they should be reading them. Pulling them closer when you’re good to go is pretty clear, as long as there’s nothing it can be mistaken for.

It would also help if you let your partner know what to look out for when you’re not enjoying yourself, so your partner doesn’t second-guess your reactions + keeps an eye out for negative cues!

You can also come up with check-ins together that would work with your experience of going nonverbal—maybe your partner can ask how you’re doing and you can nod / shake your head, do gestures / hand signals (👌), or tap / squeeze them to signal your status. If possible, you or your partner can also wear something (like a ribbon or scrunchie) for you to take off when you’re overwhelmed.

These have to be things that you and your partner are mutually agreed upon and understand, cuz a lot of uncertaintly stems from not being able to have clear communication during intense scenes.

The second most important thing aside frm establishing ways to clearly communicate is trusting each other and respecting that trust. If you have a good understanding of your limits and what you like / dislike, your partner has to trust that you know what you’re doing and you’ll communicate if you ever dislike something. In return, you have to make sure not to give your partner reason to doubt you’ll assert yourself.

Anyway, I hope you found this answer helpful! Wishing you fun in your next scene! C:

[goodlittlet0y]

Please please PLEASE ask these tumblr doms why they're into hard kinks before you interact with them.

Some people aren't actually into CNC, they just want to rape you. Some people aren't actually into ageplay, they want to harm children. Etc etc. You need to know the difference. Of course they could always lie, but some things I look for in a good dom:

They've reflected on their desires. Their reasoning for wanting hard kinks should make you feel comforted, not afraid.

They bring up their limits, ask for yours, and establish a safeword.

They emphasize aftercare, even in an online setting. The emotions can be just as real through a screen.

They respect your time, especially in online-only connections. You are not expected to constantly respond to them.

They don't stop you from discussing their behavior with a trusted kink-informed friend / mutual.

With the right person, it never kills the mood to ask questions and protect yourself first. A good dom should want you to do that. If they get defensive or scary or just try to play without helping you feel safe first, block them and find someone else.

[decompose1]

one of my girlfriends made an excellent point to me earlier that it's less that there's a "dom shortage" and more that a shortage of people who actually know how to be a good sub. too many subs think subbing means just lying there, not giving ANY feedback or direction, telling your dom "ohh i want you to do what You want to me". that's completely unhelpful and feels really demeaning, ESPECIALLY when the dom in question is a trans woman (this implication that a trans woman is some kind of natural predator who has some innate deviant plan for you). this isn't to say high femme/pillow princessing is bad- i consider myself to be a high femme pillow princess a good amount of the time- but you still HAVE to be giving feedback. tell your dom what want when you can. if you arent sure what you want, it's okay to feel things out, but you should tell your dom when you like something they're doing (or talk about having liked it afterwards), and keep that in mind for the future. also: noises! noises aren't just erotic, they're feedback. don't be afraid to make sounds to indicate you're enjoying what your dom is doing!! they won't know you like it if you don't give any indication that you do. it's really important for them to know what you like, and that they're doing a good job pleasing you, because it's very disheartening when you to think of everything yourself and you can't even tell what your sub thinks. that sucks. it's one of the big things that makes me hate domming. there's this idea that just doms have to learn how to perform in kink (or in bed in general), that subbing is just the do-nothing role, but that's not true. you also have to learn HOW to be a good sub

[kissesfemme]

i've been seeing several posts about leaving lipstick marks on strap recently. although it's a super cute fantasy, here is your reminder that lipstick can stain silicone. if you happen to get lipstick on a dildo, clean it immediately. if you plan to use it for penetration, make sure you clean it thoroughly beforehand!!!