Welcome people who started following me and reblogging me today, and also those who have been here for a while. If you're the former you might be a bit surprised given that i've been mostly posting about politics a couple of days but as a matter of fact this is usually a horny blog and the following is a horny post.
If you're the latter group, you may remember this post (https://www.tumblr.com/mandokero-eboy/752670916093362176/bad-sex-games?source=share) from a while ago where I talked about that terrible horny version of monopoly. Been a while but I wanted to fix it since I saw it and it is finally time.
[Tumblr was a shit about a few of the pics here so I am going to just put descriptions. The top of the article had a picture of monopoly man in bed with TF2 Medic]
HOW TO FIX SEX MONOPOLY
My first fix for sex Monopoly would obviously be to replace this "sex acts instead of money" mechanic. There's two options here: The money is used to buy the sex acts, or the sex acts do replace the money but we make them scarce so it's not insanely unbalanced. I ended up siding with the latter because the former allows for less variety of kinky fun.
So here's how we set it up:
The game provides a number of "Sex Cards" featuring sex acts of different intensities, the players can add to the default selection at any point during the game and at the start a number of cards are distributed to them. This is our initial "money" supply. Your goal is to accumulate sex acts to potentially use on the other players. Because the players largely get to define the content of the cards and what they're willing to accept for trades, they also get to moderate the intensity of the game to a large degree. We're trying to make it so consent is always at the forefront of the individual sexy interactions here. If you run out of cards, or the cards you have are not something you're willing to perform for any other players, or it becomes clear the other players don't want what you're selling, you are considered bankrupt. You're also considered bankrupt if you have an orgasm barring certain conditions.
What you need to play:
Regular Monopoly board
A collar for each player (optional)
an assortment of sex toys (optional)
A few extra tokens (optional but useful)
First the basic economy: It's not currency based but barter based. If you want to get rid of a card, you have to spend it or be told to get rid of it without spending it. "Spending" means you have to do what's written on the card to the player receiving it or to someone that player designates as the recipient of the act (more on this later). The player receiving the card gets to keep the card to use on someone else later. You can also trade these cards between players without acts being performed but at least one card must change hands for each. You are not allowed to offer a sex act in a trade that is not featured in one of your cards. The only way to expand your options if your current cards appear ineffective is to introduce new cards into play by passing "GO!" or with chance cards.
[There was a picture of Nagatoro getting boned because the monopoly cards said so]
You go through a usual monopoly board with usual rules for movement. When you do a full loop and pass go you get to draw some new amount of Sex Cards. Players can write new Sex Cards at any stage and you get to pick which ones you'd like to grab. Knowing what the other players are into is largely rewarded because of this. You don't know exactly what might be most valuable to them.
The usual monopoly board has only 28 properties with 22 streets, 4 railroads and 2 utilities. (The specifics on how the streets are divided between players can be thought about later). What do the Title Deeds give you ownership of? Well, the other players of course! With sex monopoly you can replicate the excitement of buying a sub
You land on a free property and it's put to auction, the one who landed on it gets to bid first. Everyone bids a sex card that they want to the player in the Title Deed, the player accepts anything they want in exchange and that card from the winner is spent. The Title Deed might want to avoid cumming early and being elimintated if possible so it might be beneficial to strike a balance between not too intense and still appealing. On the other hand they might want to be a free use slut for the rest of the game and only accept what they enjoy most without regard for winning, all playstyles are valid in Sex Monopoly! If you get a full set of properties corresponding to a player you get exclusive ownership of them and get to build houses.
[There was a short furry comic about people turning a game of monopoly into a "oh i don't have money to pay my rent can I do anything else?" deal]
If you land on a property that's already owned, you have to pay rent. You must Spend one of your Sex Cards to the player who owns that property and perform the corresponding act on them or they can designate the person corresponding with that property to receive it for you. If you don't have anything they want you give up the requisite plus an additional card and perform a forfeit of their choice on yourself. At least one of them has to masturbate while you do it. (We managed to bring forfeits back!). Regardless of who the recipient of the act is, the cards are claimed by whoever owns the property.
Buying and Rent for the utilities and railroads works slightly different as they're not associated with ownership of specific players. The recipient of the acts associated with buying one is the player nearest to the property other than the buyer (If there's more than one, you get to choose). For a railroad, rent is between 1 and 4 cards depending on how many other railroads you own and the recipient is the last person to have paid rent on a railroad (including the owner). If the same person lands in a railroad owned by someone else twice in a row (and are therefore the designated giver and recipient of the act), they do a forfeit and still give the owner the corresponding number of cards. For utilities it is based on the dice roll with which you landed (dice roll divided by 4 rounded up) and the recipient is the nearest person on the board including the owner.
Taxes: This is one of those ways you give up cards without spending them. They work very similar. Either it makes you give up 3 cards (luxury tax) or 5 cards (income tax estimate) a variable amount of income tax (Cards + Number of properties Divided by three rounded down). These cards go on the bank and the players can claim them when they pass Go! or from chance cards.
Jail: Usual rules for going to Jail apply. You get out by rolling doubles; paying a sex card and having a player of your choice perform it on you if they're willing; performing a forfeit on yourself and giving up a card; with the get out of jail card. When you're in jail you don't get to move, if you're paying attention to the kind of game this is you'll introduce bondage on this element. When you're in jail you still collect rents but can't offload being on the receiving end to someone else, even your subs (if you have any, see Bankruptcy below). Any tasks you must perform as part of any other transactions must be done while in bondage and may not proceed if you're unable.
Free Parking: Literally the same thing but optionally you get to sit on someone's lap of your choice.
Chance and community chest work pretty much the same. The effects are "go to jail", "go to this place", "be given a sex card", "give someone else a sex card", "Give yourself a new sex card of your own design", "get out of jail free", "give up or receive some number of sex cards depending on houses / hotels", "give a card to every player", "get one card from every player" and such. Each effect that leads to sex cards changing hands between players hands has variations where the task in the card is performed or not.
Houses: You can spend Sex Cards on a property group you own to buy houses such that when someone lands on the group they have to perform more than one act (up to 3, one per house) which you can split between yourself and the person, you also get some extra boons from the player in the title deed determined at the start. To build a house the recipient is the person in the title deed. Hotels are different and we'll get to that later. (I think it might be fun to represent ownership of a number of properties representing a player with some level of clothing loss but that's kinda flimsy).
[There was a short wholesome comic about consent coupons here]
If someone cums, the player who made them cum gets a Hotel. If there is no such third party they Hotel is put to auction. A Hotel is basically an orgasm token and in this version it is fungible and defensive, as it allows you to orgasm yourself without becoming bankrupt and because it is not tied to specific properties it can be traded out. They are consumed on use.
Mortgages: You can mortgage properties like in regular monopoly. This gives you one extra card from the bank or from the player corresponding to the property, but while they're mortgaged they get to use you instead of one of their properties and you don't get to collect rent on them. To unmortgage them you must perform two cards of their choice on the mortgaged player. If you buy a mortgaged property you have to add an additional card to the agreed on price and the player who owns it has to receive all the acts directly. In essence what happens when you mortgage is the following
Bankruptcy: If you cum without a token on hand or otherwise become bankrupt by running out of cards, you go bankrupt and become a sub. You can also go bankrupt if you commit to 3 payments in a row (by way of rent, a property purchase or some other action that forces you to perform an act on another player from your cards) where all your cards are rejected and you end up doing forfeits. If you're bankrupt, put on your collar and your maid dress and your leash or just write "hoe" on your body honestly do what you like with this. All your properties go to whoever made you bankrupt as well as all your cards. You are put to auction if there's no clear person who made you bankrupt. Other players can still own the properties associated with you and can order you around but as a sub whoever made you bankrupt (or whoever they trade you out to) gets to veto them. They can also order you to perform acts on others on their behalf and receive any acts on their behalf. This is the only way to get someone other than yourself or the person designated by a title deed to receive an act on your behalf, so accumulating subs is very advantageous. Making someone else's sub cum doesn't transfer ownership of them but does still give you a Hotel. This also provides a way for eliminated players to still join in on the fun!
[There was a picture of a doggirl on a leash here]
Ending the game: Like regular monopoly this is last player standing. We can shorten the game if a simple majority of the remaining players wish to enter a final phase. This can only happen after the first bankruptcy.
End Phase: First, the players perform a series of auctions for any property groups that aren't owned by a single player (excluding properties and the 4 railroads). Every player who owns one of the properties in the group can bid one card for every property in the group they don't own. The title deed player gets to choose the winner. The tasks are done simultaneously by as many of the players involved in the auction as needed (we are trying to save time here).
Second, Once all property groups are fully owned, we tally them together. Each one is worth one point for every house on it. Your unused Hotels are worth 3 points. Utilities are 2 points each. Railroads are worth an additional point for every person that landed on them divided by 4 and multiplied by the amount of railroads you own (yes this makes railroads extremely powerful to own at the endgame). A bankrupt sub is worth 3 points as well. Finally take each of your unused cards, read them to the eliminated players, you get one point for each player that wants to experience that card.
If you've done everything correctly, the last 10 or so minutes of gameplay will look like this
[There was supposed to be a picture of Rouge the bat doing math about people's butts here]
Once the remaining players do all this math and compare scores whoever has the highest number wins. Congrats on your win. You may repurpose all your earnings from the game for more sexy times afterward. Or you could just have normal sex I guess but if you've read this far that's definitely not what you're looking for.
PROBLEMS
I know, incredible, but there's actually a few issues with how we've laid out the game.
We've destroyed the balance of the monopoly board, since under these rules the board does not have a consistent layout from most to least expensive.
Also players can have different number of properties representing them depending on how many players are (this might be a good thing, more players represented by less properties each might make eliminations faster). A possible solution to this is making some spaces represent things other than players.
The way the ownership mechanic works it might require a few overhauls to play with two people.
Extremely convoluted rules about the economy whenever specific exchange numbers for certain things are introduced. Definitely need balancing.
Probably can simplify the endgame phase.
These are off the top of my head. There's probably more. Obviously this needs a lot of fleshing out on the specifics and could probably be simplified somewhat, but I think it's a far more solid foundation for a kinky game based on the trading mechanics of monopoly than what I originally reviewed in that old post.
Join me next time I want to make extremely convoluted rules to avoid having regular sex. Maybe I'll pick a simpler game than Monopoly, like Settlers of Catan.
though probably what i'll do next is make optional hypnokink rules
UPDATE: (Adding more stuff in the notes check reblogs and such for that)
I should probably post that thing I wrote on different variations of a sub fight.
Y'all have heard of a switch/dom war right? Where two switches fight each other sexily in order to get the other to submit? Could be with words, could be physically. Could be taking turns on each other till the other gives up or could be just both going at it. I think we all agree that's insanely hot.
But
What if you're both bottoms?
What if, hear me out, both of the switches are not feeling dominant?
That's where the sub war comes in, and it comes in FIVE SPECIAL VARIATIONS.
a)The Traditional Sub War: when two switches try to act subby to get the other to be like "damn ok if you insist I GUESS I am just gonna have to use you like a slut"
b) The Kiss Me Not Him Sub War: Two subs competing for the attention of their mutual dominant third party
c) The Kiss Him Not Me Sub War: This one is for switchy brats, they compete to get their mutual dominant third party to dom the other so they can join in as the top. Presumably they can also accomplish this by being a bigger pain in the ass to dom. Or being so much of a pain in the ass they get tamed. Who knows? Sky is the limit on this one
d) The Attention Whore Sub War: Two or more subs competing for the attention of a number of doms, who are themselves competing for the attention of the subs. The subs are each trying to get gangbanged. The doms are each trying to get the bigger harem. (Needs balancing)
e) The Medieval Battle Sub War: Two doms competing for the attention of an arbitrary number of subs and then making the subs fight each other and whoever's army wins gets to claim the other army's dom for their master, and also the whole army.
Do let me know what you think of these I am simply putting out these genius designs out of the kindness of my heart. And yes all these came straight from my head.
I do not currently have 10 commandments but i'm sure with time i'll edit this to have more
1
A SEX ACT IS NOT A GAME MECHANIC. A MECHANIC IS SOMETHING YOU CAN INTRODUCE A SEX ACT INTO.
2
DO NOT MAKE MECHANICS THAT REQUIRE THE GAME PAUSE FOR PROLONGED PERIODS UNTIL SEX IS DONE. IF YOU ARE NOT PLAYING AND SEXING, YOU'RE NOT PLAYING A SEX GAME YOU'RE JUST PLAYING A BORING SLOW GAME IN BED WHILE HAVING TERRIBLE SEX WITH PERIODICAL PAUSES.
3
DO NOT MAKE SEX DICE
4
YOU CAN MAKE A RANDOM SEX TABLE, IF YOU'RE PLAYING A TABLETOP RPG, THIS IS NOT IN ITSELF A SEX GAME.
5
DO NOT MAKE THE SEX ONLY HAPPEN AS A REWARD FOR WINNING OR A PENALTY FOR LOSING. REFER BACK TO RULE 2.
6
DON'T THROW PENALTIES OR REWARDS OUT WITH THE BATHWATER HOWEVER. THOSE ARE FUN JUST ADD MORE SEX DURING A ROUND AND NOT JUST BETWEEN THEM.
7
CONSENT IS MANDATORY AND SEXY AND FUN AND YOUR GAME SHOULD HAVE GOOD CONSENT TOOLS AND COME WITH INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO BEST HANDLE IT BEFORE DURING AND AFTER GAMEPLAY. OR AT THE VERY LEAST YOU SHOULD BE THINKING OF HOW IT'S HANDLED
8
IN ADDITION, TRY TO ADD OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE BOUNDARIES OF THE PLAYERS TO BE RENEGOTIATED AND REINFORCED IF NEEDED WITHOUT SLOWING THINGS DOWN TOO MUCH
Ok so I'm picturing something like Yugioh except instead of life points it's whoever makes the other cum first and the cards are like sex acts you have one or more third parties do to either of the players, and of course regular game effects that block a sex act from being performed on you.
