Kirin x Ivan Fic - Part 4 update
Reason 4 - I could stay awake, I could lie in wait (Or: A reason to miss you): https://archiveofourown.org/works/39264084/chapters/104444721
Part 4: Ivan left the camp for what felt like all the right reasons. For that last bit of humanity he could muster.
Kirin stayed with the others, keeping everybody's shit together as best as he could. But things didn't really get better, not the way he wanted.
Now both have to deal with their own kind of loneliness.
And they're both just so fucking tired ...
“Since when do you go easy on people, huh?”
Ivan couldn’t get that sentence of his head. But it wasn’t the words alone. No, it was the tone Kirin had said them with, the hurt. The pain. Like he had just broken all the trust they had built with each other these last few weeks.
Since when did he go easy on people?
All he could think about when he stared at his one-dollar bill, when he fixated on the “be tender” scribbled on it, was Kirin and how much this decision he had made, despite being the right one, strangled his heart.
They had built something together these last few weeks. Somehow, him and Kirin, the most unlikely people, had actually worked together. More than any of the others. He’d dare say they have become a team. Wasn’t quite sure if he was in his right mind, maybe even considering him a … friend?
So what the hell had he done? How had “doing the right thing” ruined all of what they had?
Kirin couldn’t keep from wondering if he was a fool. He just didn’t understand how Ivan could do what he did. How he could just suddenly try to be a “good person” with Seth, of all people. He hadn’t had hesitated when he ruined Kirin’s life those six months ago.
So why now?
Kirin kept staring into the flames, wondering what he was gonna do with that empty feeling inside of him. Wondering how he was supposed to keep the group afloat when everything was going to shit. He had fucking opened up to Ivan. They had become a team without ever saying that out loud. It had all just worked for reasons unknown to Kirin. They had been supposed to loath each other for the rest of their lives and still, everything had fallen into place for them to finally bury the past and move on. To actually do something good. Together.
And here he was, all of a sudden, alone with the decisions they had made together.
Alone with his thoughts, alone with his mind. And all its goddamn weakness.
