Jul 11, 2013
Idc what anyone says. I actually feel kinda sexy when exercising. Like, that's my benefit. I feel highly attractive.
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Idc what anyone says. I actually feel kinda sexy when exercising. Like, that's my benefit. I feel highly attractive.
It didn't take much for my depression to settle. Looks like I have to spend the day pretending to be happy.
Sometimes I actually feel really bad because I know that I am not what my boyfriend is "attracted" to physically, at all. (But he still finds me extremely attractive, don't get me wrong. I'm just not at all his ideal woman...) I always wonder what would happen if he met someone with a similar personality as me, but looked more like what he is attracted to... I just really fear that he'll leave me for someone else I've of these days...
My mom wants me to try and pretend to be happy when she gets here.... I don't know if I can... but I have to, I guess. Mom even told me to "disregard my feelings." I don't know if I can....
I feel like complete crap. I'm having a major episode right now, yet am clueless as to how to ask for help. Tomorrow, my mother's boyfriend's mom comes back and that has taken its toll on me. Another thing that has me shaken is how I feel like I am going to lose my boyfriend. I just... I feel like one day I'm just going to do something or say something, or that he will wake up one day and just not love me any more, or find someone else...
I hate when I'm angry and decide to try to make someone else smile by telling them a nerdy joke, but then they over think it and point out what is wrong with the joke and won't let it go and now I feel really stupid and even worse because I told a bad joke that was "impossible."
I get really angry at myself
when my fucking head doesn't let me have the morning.
Like, seriously? I haven't been up more than thirty minutes and I already feel like worthless crap.
It makes me so mad that I want to punch myself.
Why can't I have JUST THE MORNING?
Like, I realize that a whole day of happiness seems like a lot to ask for, but I should be able to have my morning.
My heart hurts because you are such an amazing, wonderful person and you are so nice to be around and you make my life a lot better just by being there. I wish that I could show you how much you mean to me. I wish I could lead you to sing again. You say that everyone left you. I won’t. I never will. I want to make you feel happy again. I know that I will never be the same as the girl who broke your heart, and I don’t want to be, I just want to be the person who lessens the pain.