The Magicians 3x02: Kittenicide
How great was this animated sequence!!!
So you all know that I love the Magicians very much. In fact I love it so much I force my tired spindly fingers to write and gif it week after week. And I know this may come as a shock to many of you, but no one pays me to do this. Not even the SyFy network, not even Tumblr, not even Hale Appleman's representation. But this week some of my all-consuming love evaporated. I got an ish, bish. For the second time in Magician's history we have seen the horrific murder of a cat. First we were subjected to the inside-outting of Kacey Rohl's beloved cat, and NOW they have exploded a kitten. EXPLODED IT. What's the deal guys? What is it with the magical cat violence? Or is this supposed to turn us against certain characters? In that case it is most assuredly working. I clung to my own kitten during this episode and whispered "I hate Alice" quietly to her throughout.
The face of evil
But now that we have settled that and firmly established that we all hate Alice now, let's get on with the rest of the plot. This episode established two Quest Action Teams who set out on missions of vital importance regarding the restoration of magic. In the land of Fillory our brave King Eliot sets sail in a conscious sea-farring vessel that is...wait for it...bigger on the inside. His trusty companions include the maybe-not-so-stable Fen, the silent but deadly Bingo, and most surprising of all, his possible teenage daughter (!!!). That is right my friends, the Fairy Queen, who stole Fen's unborn child (leaving her with a log), has suddenly produced her and that girl is grown! Now I would have accepted this plot development with nary a blink, but I do also appreciate the cliche shout-out of that particular device. Sadly the always subversive (recall how she brought a gun to a wand fight so many years ago?) Queen Margo Bambi must stay behind, and it's a mega-bummer to see her separated from her partner-in-crime.
Surprise daughter!
Anyway our motley crew sets sail on their noble quest to collect back taxes (public mission) and find keys (private mission). Eliot comes to an island where he immediately plants his flag and then, with the help of his maybe-daughter, exposes the local leader to be a fraud. This leads to the elder ruler's untimely death at the hands of his own people, and Eliot's acquisition of the first quest key! Yay! But wait - Eliot essentially turned a whole island community into colonized murderers largely on the word of a girl who is essentially a fairy spy. Could she truly be his daughter? Perhaps yes, even likely so, but I don't think this victory is as cut and dry as it looks. After all this episode is called heroes and morons and on the Magicians magic always comes with a price. Or wait...is that another show?
Back on Earth while Alice is engaging in kittenicide, Julia and Q are hunting down any signs of magic. They find a good ole viral vid of an asshole bear terrorizing a hedge witch bar. Clues abound. What is a bear related to? Russia, I guess. What is also an asshole? Men. Who is a Russian man that hoarded magic batteries like an ornery dragon? Mayakovsky. This is A+ problem solving. J and Q recruit Kady to help track down the mystery woman seen at the bar with Mayakovsky, assuming that she must be in possession of a magic battery. The scooby gang follows the magic tracks from a children's hospital, to a Central Park orgy, and finally to a rooftop suicide attempt! The magic-possessor in question is revealed to be Professor Lipson who, bereft at the loss of magic, stole one Mayakovsky's batteries in order to bring a little joy to the world before topping herself. Isn’t that nice.
Q is able to rescue her from the ledge, but the battery is lost in the process. However there is a late in the game twist- while Professor Lipson was the espouser of joy, she was NOT the bear transformer. That honor fell to Mayakovsky's gross child bride who once made Quentin transform into Mayakovsky and bang her. I try not to think too hard about that episode. But J and Q solve this riddle too late, perhaps distracted (and rightfully so) by Alice's It Follows storyline featuring the aforementioned exploding kitten. Regardless, Kady breaks off and gets to the magic battery first, snagging it to try and save her boo Penny.
All seems well (as well as it can be) until Quentin decides to read his story book in an alley and gets possessed by the It Follows demon hunting Alice! Classic Quentin. Will he be restored? Will Penny be saved? Is this fairy teen Eliot and Fen's child? Do I ever want to see Alice again? (No, she is a cat murderer.) Make sure to watch the new episode tonight because it apparently takes me a full week to write these.
XO, MD