Mixed Feelings
Characters behave recognizably canonically: Intentional deviation Not abandoned incomplete: 2y Hiatus, but several arcs are complete Engaging (Funny/cool/thoughtful/feels): Feels/Thoughtful/Cool Do I recommend it: Mostly. At least up through 5.21 Curbstomp, Cuddles, Crack, Cyoot, Concept?: Concept
Premise: Astrid's home life has been like a parody of an abusive Boot Camp for her whole childhood, and finally her father's managed to make her trigger. Which is bad, actually, because her father has plans for her that involve her doing a lot of killing and she? Wants no part of that.
So Astrid abandons her brother and her no-friends-at-Winslow, and goes into hiding as a Ward.
She's not used to people being nice to her, and doesn't trust it. She's got issues and, well, so does everyone else. Lots of growing pains ensue.
Also she's spent her whole life training for combat and she's good at it but situations always have a way of ramping up.
We have multiple arcs (and if you're reading on SB instead of on AO3 be warned the omake threadmarks are entirely separate and you might miss them.
I'm not entirely sure why the story is listed as written by Kithri on AO3 and by Kittius on SB so I'm just putting both names in the tags, but the gal writing this is damned good at it and keeps apologizing for making meaty lengthy chapters that I--for one--can't get enough of.
There are like eight arcs in this story and each is a standalone story (though the most recent arc has been on hiatus for two years) and every one is cram-packed with often-uncomfortable feels.
(It's in the name. You were warned. "Mixed Feelings" is like a telenovella. You're going to get arcs that are packed with Feelings. That are Mixed.)
I think my favorite part was the ten chapters exploring what power testing is like. So far.
Our author is not being kind to her characters : ) Astrid's physical trauma might eclipse Taylors (Taylor and Scion don't get any significant screen time. So far.)
This is no "cuddles" fic...but it's got all kinds of romantic tension.
I spent the first three or four arcs convinced this story had jumped to my top five and...it may have. My expectations were that this story would show Astrid/Talos (she has matter-manipulation-and-sensing powers that are interestingly fleshed out and quite powerful but with some obvious weak points) progressing from troubled new kid to vital cog to leader to PRT asset to dealing with the issue of her dad to solving world issues but
it seems like, instead, it's maybe gonna get there, but it's gonna take some real time to explore things like Sophia getting sick and tired of Emma's fixation on bullying, or Battery coming to terms with some dissatisfactions she has with her relationship with Assault, or Astrid trying to shake off her father's conservative programming, or Amy dealing with her family issues, or drama from girls at schoo
look. As a general rule I'm tired of any non-Worm stories that are about high schoolers. I just...don't care? Set it in college or give me people who are anywhere from 30 to 80 as MCs, and who have some experience, some exes, and some personality.
But I do love this story and endorse it. The author also wrote one of the better bits of the 2020 Worm fanzine, and also was endorsed by the author of Tabloid (which is how I found out about her stuff.) This is engaging. IMHO if someone were to make a Worm TV show or comic book that didn't focus on the constant-escalation or on Taylor's path? This is one approach that could work well; arcs and exploration of all the side characters. Even Piggot is dealt with fairly and allowed to be a human with praiseworthy traits. There's a lot of great stuff here.
Do with that information what you will.
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You should stop reading here, probably. The rest is notes for me. And if I'm not writing with polish in these things normally, I'm gonna ramble more and polish even less below.
Also spoilers.
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Detailed spoilers, because I'm not sure anybody but me reads these things usually and I need refreshers sometimes and that's kinda the biggest thing these reviews do: Astrid's dad is a huge Nazi who wants revenge on E88 for Astrid's mom's death (he adopted her) and--because he's all about "blood will out"--he's decided she will be the one to get that revenge he'll just make her trigger and then train her.
And this author REALLY pays attention to lore and writing informed fic.
The Nazi theory of 'triggering' is that it's earned by powerful deeds, and that when someone non-white gets powers it's a glitch in the system and they're 'stealing' powers that should go to someone else.
Anyone who uses 'woke' as an epithet would hate this story; we've got trans characters and gay characters, hate crimes, and discussions of what it's like to be black in America. ...but the point of the story isn't being woke, it's *feels*.
The AO3 version is...fine, and at least you can comment. ...but the author is insecure about their writing and about their audience's interest, so much of the good stuff is hidden on SB.
Anyway, Astrid
Escapes her family...which she loves but they'll hurt her and make her do mass murders
is hiding with the Wards but flinches into combat mode whenever one of them reaches toward her
calls everyone Sir or Ma'am if they have more status than her
is convinced the leading Ward is going to kick her ass eventually
knows way too much about the enemies and about military tactics and strategy
believes that anything that doesn't break her into nonfunctionality is acceptable damage
doesn't trust that anyone can truly be trusted; therapists are of course reporting everything to her bosses.
Pretty sure she's a lesbian but she's got internalized queerphobia to work on
HATES nazis tho
Will not kill. That's a hard line with her.
...Her best friends are Sophia and Amy, in that she insults them hard and they insult her back and this is the only kind of friendship she trusts. ...mostly. She feels big-sisterly toward Kid Win and he's crushing on her hard and when she pinned his face to the floor in sparring matches it awoke something in him.
Dennis is--when needing a break and some recharge time--Denise, though her makeup is a bit rough because of color blindness.
Carlos is considering introducing his new boyfriend to the family but still mourning his ex, who got hatecrimed to death by the E88.
Astrid would have been beaten into unconsciousness for getting anything less than a B in her previous home, and now she's at Arcadia. She's struggling. And some of the gals at Arcadia are trying to make sure she knows her place because they're jealous of the way Astrid unconsciously reacts around Vicky. So the grades are a struggle.
Battery/Alex is pursuing a divorce from Assault now; she's tired of always being reduced to a sitcom punchline wife and feels suffocated and like there are always more shackles being added. The last straw was when he started pressure to become a parent.
This was unfortunately timed; he'd declared himself Astrid's mentor and then took her into harm's way and got rage-gassed and she had to fight him and it was nearly fatal for lots of people.
And then the Simurgh hit Canberra. No BB Wards there (except Velocity on SaR) but Assault (still with after-effects of rage gas) wasn't clear to go. (after affects of gas aren't helping how he deals with the divorce)
And we've just entered what might be a contentious arc and that might explain the two-year gap; Sophia and Emily are having a bit of a falling-out, and Emily is damned if she'll let some masculine-looking thug of a blond bitch steal her best friend and...maybe crush.
Not sure if she's gonna trigger, but she might; she's self-destructing about it.
...and Astrid's probably going to continue to slow-burn with both Amy and Sophia (very separately) for a long time to come. *cough*
Also Amy is bitter and annoyed about people always wanting to use her to get to Victoria or to get healing. Astrid isn't doing either but it's a hard sell. ...and recently Astrid told Amy "no" in response to the "do I have permission to heal you" because...Astrid wants to maintain control of her own body.
Amy just wants Astrid to keep cooking for her and also maybe for Astrid to physically bully her again. ...but won't admit it.
(I'm "team Amy" for this story. Sophia is being somewhat rehabilitated and is a good character but I know what I like.)
(I don't think this can be an "Astrid has two hands" situation. ...but maybe. Sometimes that can work even if ...Amy and Sophia don't get along)
Meanwhile I really do want to find out more about what Astrid's dad (Throttle, I think, and he dropped off the grid after Astrid made good her escape) can do, is planning, and will accomplish.
And she's sure he'll come back for her and she already knows she can't beat him in a fight.
lots to look forward to.