#kjf

[candyredterezii]

[pxppinmolly-archived]

Okay so like.

Molly has been raised and shown to believe sex is like. The quickest and easiest way to feel love and desired and wanted. She lost her virginity at age 15 in the back of a car because she was desperate to feel some sort of love and affection. To feel like she’s desired and wanted.

Very much the type of person that was just, “I’ll pretend this lust is actually love.”

Sex offers her quick gratification and it’s something she felt she’s only ever really good to offer. She’s good for sex. She flaunts her sexuality because it’s easily rewarded and snatched up.

People want her for her looks, for her body. For a one night stand. And she’s fine with that, because at least for awhile she can feel Something.

When she likes someone, she might USUALLY be in it just for the ‘lust’ aspect. Of just being, ‘I like them and thus I wanna fuck them because it’s quick and the best thing I can offer to get them to like me/pay attention to me/pretend they like/love me’ in a way.

She usually is driven by sexuality.

BUT when she REALLY starts to fall, or has fallen, for someone, she tremendously seems to slow down and simmer down. Happy with just non-sexual acts. Just cuddling, kissing, hand holding, etc etc etc... She’ll get flustered and gooey just thinking about kissing the person. She’s happy just to snuggle and cuddle in bed with them. Not even needing or THINKING of much of anything sexual.

She doesn’t feel her usual hyper sexuality. When she loves/likes someone as much her thoughts of anything sexual with them is more of something she wants to be SPECIAL and MEANINGFUL. NOT just a one night stand like she usually always gives out. They’re acts of emotion, not just lust.

For example, she may like someone at first and it’s mostly sexually driven. She wants to sleep with them. She wants to have that euphoria and pretend for a night. She wants to feel like she’s desired and wanted. But if she starts to actually fall for them, she will end up completely pushing aside any sexual thoughts and instead fantasize and seek out softer things. Like a school girl kinda crush, blushing and getting flustered at thoughts of kisses and cuddles and hand holding. The sex comes later, it’s an after thought.

Does this. Make sense? I’m kind of rambling and finding it hard to put. Things. Into. Words. Plus I’m getting easily distracted and I’m sick so I’m a little wishy washy thinky but. Yeah some thoughts I think I’ve said plenty of times before.

[pxppinmolly-archived]

@the-radio-princess // x

Oh damn. That temptation is strong. But. Er..

“Charlie I..” ...

Fucking damn it.

“I’ll try.”

[candyredterezii]

call me vain ig idk but i like to on a blue moon look up my tumblr url on twitter n see if anyone is talking shit bout me 👀

[pxppinmolly-archived]

god you know I mentioned before with all furby talk i will say

Molly fucking would love them

[thegreypapers]

Note #3

Isn't it wild to think that so many people's trajectories in life are determined by the state of their parent's romantic (aka. sexual) relationship? Even though romantic relationships are the most fragile, volatile and uncertain parts of all of our lives, we internalise and take to heart our parent's relationship as a valuation of our own worth and a determination of our romantic destiny. We all carry so much anxiety around our parent's relationship, as if the way that they bonded in love is a reflection of ourselves. For example, if our parents' relationship was broken or loveless that must mean we are broken and unlovable. Because these two people couldn't make their relationship work, that must mean we are doomed to a life of romantic failures. It's an interesting thought to reflect on why that is, especially when our parents are two fallible human beings who can be incompatible or grow apart for various reasons and have their relationship run its course. It's similar to if we hinged our entire lives and future on the success of one of our friend's relationships and all the superficiality, resentment and falseness that can be tied into other people's versions love. Most of us are hyper-critical of the relationships we see around us. We have people we idealise thinking they understand something about love that we don't and then they break up the next year, and other people we say 'that will never last' about and they're still together 10 years down the line. We should intrinsically know from experience that nothing is what it seems to be and no combination of two people is the same and nobody knows the inner workings of a relationship but the individuals in that partnership. It's a private universe beyond our knowledge and realm of understanding. So then, why are we, the offspring of two random people, always viewing ourselves as the extension of one random relationship combination? Is this because we believe that the genes passed down to us in the act of procreation hold some secret coded knowledge of what love means? Is it really that important that we were conceived in love that endures and do we need that validation to foster enduring love in our own lives? We want this fantasy of our parents being in love to be a reality but at the same time, we attach so much shame to loving and being loved. We struggle to make our relationships last a matter of months but we want enduring love in our lives? Not realising that love is a choice you make every day in service to another person, not in service to your own needs. And really, there are billions of people in the world out there every day creating and destroying their own versions of love. Discovering new ways of being and new kinds of love. We can be entirely separate from where we came from and how our parents loved, embrace the truth about love as something else entirely new and of our own creation, and radically accept others in love. Nothing is stopping us from pouring our loyalty and devotion only another willing person if we want to. And there is nothing stopping any of us from doing so much better for ourselves than our parents did. We can create our own private universe with someone else, if we want to.

[thegreypapers]

Note #2:

I don't profess to know a lot about love or be an expert on it. But I do know that all the love you feel for people that goes unanswered and unreciprocated and all the effort you make for people who don't appreciate you, actually goes into a little storage area in the ether somewhere and eventually comes back to you in other ways in life. So, you know when you feel like you poured all your love into someone and it was all for nothing? Because they didn't even appreciate it and you feel so empty inside and like you lost a part of yourself? And it feels like the best thing to do to shield your heart so that nothing goes out of it and nothing gets in? Well, that's because you worked hard at loving and hard work never goes unrewarded. It always counts toward something. That's why, it is always a good investment to love someone and lift someone else up, even and especially, when they don't love you back and you have absolutely nothing to gain from it. When you give love freely, you are working towards the life you hope to have someday. One where love is your foundation and it flows freely into your life and is sustainable over lengths of time and space. So keep doing the work :)

[thegreypapers]

Note #1

Does your nervous system know the difference between safety and danger? Or does it subconsciously seek danger because feeling unsafe is familiar and comfortable? How do you tell your body that you are safe? How do you let your nervous system know that its okay to feel peaceful and calm? What would your life look like if you felt (emotionally + physically) safe all the time?