#kmmvdiary

[pyschoticbitch]

Hey babe. I know we’re strangers now. But i just want to let this out. I just want to say “I miss you”. That it. Nostalgia feeling deleted.

[pyschoticbitch]

I love you babe. Pero ang sakit sakit na. Ayoko ng friendship. Ayoko din ng relationship. Ayokong maging part ka pa ng buhay ko. I just want to be happy, single and I don’t want to be in love with any guy in this planet.

[pyschoticbitch]

Sinabi ko sayo na mahal kita. I said goodbye. Kasi nasasaktan na ako kasi alam ko naman kung sino ang mahal mo. BFF tayo. Kahit malayo ka. Sinasabi mo sakin kung may nangyaring di maganda, kinukwento mo din kung may masayang ganap sa buhay mo. I tried ignoring you. Ang ganda pa ng plans ko. 3 months kong pinagplanuhan na aminin sayo pero sinira mo “ulit”. Hindi kita matiis at dahil mahal kita at naawa ako sayo. You were so adamant to fixed our “friendship”.

Ako naman si tanga kinilig. Naging GGSS. Go lang. Fight. Nagtiis eh. BoTa. Bobo na tanga pa.

Alam mong mahal kita. Simula ng sinabi ko sayo na mahal kita kapag may chance sinasabi ko sayo na mahal kita at miss kita.

Pero dahil “friends” tayo sinasabi mo sakin halos lahat ng bagay sa buhay mo. And you told me earlier na kachat mo yung crush mo. Sinend mo sakin conversation nyo. Sabi mo mahaba. Sabi ko bahala ka. Pero dahil di ka sanay na di mo kinukwento sakin, sinend mo pa din. At ang sakit sakit babe.

At ang landi landi mo. Sumakit puso ko. Parang gusto kong himatayin sa sakit. Natulala ako. Nanlamig. Nanginig.

Wala akong karapatang mag-inarte. Wala akong karapatang masaktan. Wala akong karapatang mag-selos. Wala akong karapatang magdrama. Wala akong karapatan! Kasi “friends” lang tayo.

Sabi mo di ka naniniwala kapag sinabi kong mahal kita. Ok lang sakin. Buhay mo yan opinyon mo yan.

Sabi mo sakin andyan ka lang. At alam ko yun. Ramdam ko naman kahit malayo ka.

Pero hindi ko mapigilan yung emotions ko.

I’m sorry. Pero nakakapagod yung insensitivity mo. Yung kakupalan mo.

Alam ko kasalanan ko kasi nafall ako. From the very start naman honest ka. Na mahal mo tong girl na to, crush mo si ganito, at bet mo si ganito. Pero dahil tanga ako nafall ako sa araw araw nating pagcha-chat sa office at sa fb.

Kaya tama na. Ayoko na. Pagod na akong mahalin ka. Pagod na ako masaktan pa.

Babe, I think it’s time to sign off. And stick to my guns. I need to go. I love you. Please don’t contact me anymore. I cannot block you. You know that. But please, respect.

[pyschoticbitch]

CRUSHIE: yo

AFTER 2 MINS

CRUSHIE: yooooo

AFTER 5 MINS

CRUSHIE: grabe di naman ako pinapansin

AFTER 3 MINS

ME: May call ako oh 20 mins na ok lang ba?

Napraning na.

[pyschoticbitch]

I’ve been hurt so bad before. Something died in me and something’s still breaking inside me.

I built my walls. Walls after walls. Locks after locks. My doors are high and unbreakable. No ladders, no doors, no holes.

And then you came.

It started with a little bit of scratch. Attraction so bad I’ve never felt in years.

And the next thing I know, you already broke some part of my outer wall.

And it’s scaring the daylights out of me.

It’s freaking me out plus my anxiety is not making things easier for me.

And now, I love you. And I don’t want to. I don’t need you.

I need to go. Escape. Hide. And protect my heart. Because I know I cannot afford another heartbreak. I know I’m not ready yet.

[pyschoticbitch]

I tell him I miss him and I love him before he sleep. Funny thing is he doesn’t believe me. I don’t really care. And it doesn’t hurt.

Wala akong paki kahit naniniwala siya or hindi. Mapapagod ka din ako sa feelings ko. And one day you’ll believe me. And by then nakamove on na ako sayo at wala na akong paki and then you’ll realize that I really did love you. Di ba ganun naman yun “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone”.

[pyschoticbitch]

CRUSHIE: Antok na ako

ME: Matulog ka na pag-uwi mo wag ka na mag-chat

CRUSHIE: Magcha-chat ako pag-out ko at pag gising ko

ME: Wag na

CRUSHIE: Bakit?

ME: Basta

CRUSHIE: Bakit nga

ME: Basta wag ka mag-chat

CRUSHIE: Ime-message kita.

REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY VS. CLINGYNESS

[pyschoticbitch]

Nagmessage siya sa FB.

CRUSHIE: Wow. Out ka na?

ME: Opo.

He would die of boredom without me. Really.