#nanowrimo Well, life seriously got in the way of various and sundry writing plans, so I have gotten a whole lot of nowhere since day two, and here we are already at the halfway mark, which means I need approximately twenty-one thousand, five hundred words to get caught up. I would say that it not a realistic goal, and probably even falls outside of the realm of a delusional goal ("I'm out of it for a little while, and everyone gets delusions of grandeur."), but I am feeling a burst of creativity and inspiration. Not so much novel writing creativity, but creativity all the same, and I am going to pretend that if I start writing it all out, I will (a) be able to channel some of that creative energy into productivity, (b) bring some sort of order to the chaos of ideas swirling around in my head, and (c) pretend that the resulting word count, well, counts, because there is the possibility that it will turn into some sort of a story somehow someday.
My compulsion to write used to come from all of the voices in my head. Several years ago I found a way to quiet a lot of the voices, which was definitely a good thing because that level of madness and insanity makes it challenging to be a productive member of society, or even get a decent night's sleep. The downside is that the writing compulsion largely went away. My journals go unfilled. National Novel Writing Month attempts fizzle after a few thousand words.
But then there is this whole "knitting for peace" idea that I keep carrying around with me, grasping at it, clutching it, snuggling up to it when the world insists on being a scary place (which is most of the time) and people insist on being horrible to each other (which is probably less often than whoever is running the media would like us to think). I visit with this idea almost daily. As I meditate my way through knit and purl stitches, yarn overs, slip slip knits, and knits two together (knit twos together?), increases and decreases, cast-ons and bind-offs, I wonder why the systems are so broken, why does it seem so difficult for so many people to get by, why the answer and response to violence has to be more violence. I face challenges of my own every day, but I make a diligent and conscious effort to give thanks for all of the blessings in my life because there are many. So very many.
I find rejuvenation, inspiration, and perspective at my local yarn shop. Visiting with that community never fails to remind me that everyone has problems and challenges and sources of stress, but it is all just life, and we are all still very lucky in the grand scheme of things. The country may be at war, but for the most part our sacrifices are minimal. Our cities are not occupied or invaded. Drone strikes are not targeting our leaders.
When I hear about remote-controlled assassinations and bombings and fleeing refugees, I am frightened by the frailty of the fabric of humanity. I want to knit it back together. I want us all to be human and realize that all of the rest of us are human. I want the light to outshine the darkness, even though we need the darkness to contrast to the light.
A while ago I watched a video about a year in the life of a little Syrian girl as she transformed from a happy child on one birthday to a haunted looking waif on her next as she lost her home and stability and safety. I only watched it once, but it plays over and over and over in my head. It breaks my heart every time.
As much as I worry about over-population, I don't want people to suffer. It's a contradiction I have yet to reconcile. I want to value all life equally, but the earth can't support everyone forever. Growth is not sustainable. An overtaxed system has to break down.
Where was I going with this line of thought? It was supposed to be about creativity and hope. Now I am just kind of depressed.
Yesterday was a rejuvenating day for me, although it started out somewhat stressfully. I wasn't organized enough about getting my act together and getting myself out of the house, so I was embarrassingly late for a knitting class I was scheduled to take, but I got there, and the ladies were so gracious and welcoming -- as I generally find fiber folk to be. For the next hour and a half after I arrived, I learned to thrum mittens, which is something I have wanted to do for quite a while. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, even though I have seen it done on more than one occasion, but it is a grand an glorious thing. Some might find it tedious, but I love it. And I love it not just for the end product or the process, but for the process of learning how to do it. The teacher got me from "what do I do with these building blocks" into the basic concepts of the process, and from there I have been able to feel myself learning and improving, taking what I already know about knitting and fiber and applying it and broadening my horizons, forging new neural pathways in my brain. Making the connections has the feeling of a physical sensation. It's amazing and inspiring.
I found (and continue to find) myself not only improving my own process but having a mental discussion about how to pass this information onto other people because I want to teach other people to thrum, and I want to write thrumming patterns. The one used in the class is okay for getting started, but as is often the case, I find myself using it as a launching pad. What if I knit two rows instead of three? What if I stagger the thrums? What if I felt the mittens? What if I use the thrums to make designs on the mittens? How will that affect the rest of the mitten? How warm will a partially thrummed mitten be? How do I incorporate thrums into a hat? Which thrummed slipper pattern do I want to try first? How many pairs of thrummed slippers can I make before Christmas? Can the outside wool be superwash? Can I use Noro? What about really thick, almost single ply yarn? What about bulky yarn? What about fingerless mitts? Or boot toppers or leg warmers? What about pencil roving? When is the next local fiber festival so that I can get my hands on more of these kinds of materials?
Looking through ravelry, my favorite knitting site, there doesn't seem to be much in the way of variety for patterns which include thrumming. I can't decide whether it is an untapped market, or an undiscovered adventure, or people just can't be bothered. I find it interesting what hand knitters and other fiber enthusiasts find to be "too much work," when these people are creating lovely things which can easily be purchased. Even my insta-hats take longer to make than it generally does to buy a hat in a store.
Somehow the knitting of hats seems like a good segue into to the rest of the rejuvenation story. So I learned to thrum. I am not sure what all I am going to thrum next, and I am trying to contain myself on the thrumming supplies acquisition front, but it is very difficult. It's just so exciting to find something new and interesting and fun and that I can actually do and feel like I might be able to actually do well. I'm getting off track again. I can feel it.
So thrumming. Yay. And thrumming supplies (for inspiration, of course). Also yay. Plus yarn for the next hat in my hat knit along which will produce twelve hats in (approximately) twelve weeks. Seven patterns have been released. I have finished five of the hats. The sixth is on the needles, and now I have yarn for the seventh. It makes me feel all sorts of organized and productive. It helps that so far I have liked all of the patterns enough to get excited about making the hats. I am pretty sure that I am going to donate all of the hats to charity. The folks at my local yarn shop are knitting for the local homeless community this year. I confirmed that the items need not be superwash and don't have to have been made from yarn purchased at the shop and then came home and went through my bin of cowls and hats and scarves and filled a reusable shopping bag with things. I enjoyed making them. They are lovely to wear, but I don't need thirty hats by any means, and, as with most things, when I have several similar items, only one or two get worn frequently. They turn into the favorites. And in the case of small hand knitted things, I can certainly make more. In the meantime, some homeless folks of various shapes and sizes and needs can be a little bit warmer. It felt good to be able to pour that bag full of items into the donation basket. And I know that I have more things to donate. Some need to be finished or rewashed, but they need to not sit in a bin in my closet or hang on a hanger under a coat. They exist to bring warmth, so that is what they should do.
Making that donation is pretty much where my rejuvenating day ended, at least in terms of being out in the world. Shortly thereafter I was home and in my jammies prepared to go nowhere today except the grocery store.
In between thrumming and knitted item donation, I made a stop to donate yarn and needles which will be used by incarcerated women to make items for their loved ones and for charity. After spending a day about a week ago with people who do all sorts of good work in their community and around the world, I was inspired to get rid of a bunch of yarn which really needs to be put to good use. Plenty of it had planned projects, but those projects have been planned for years, and all of a sudden it seemed to make far more sense to turn it over to someone who would actually use it soon than to hold onto it. They took it all. No questions asked. No worries about what kind it was or how much. It was liberating to drop it off.
The "drawback," however is that the drop off point is a yarn shop, so I came home with a bit of yarn, but it was one small bag, compared to the three large bags and one box I left behind.
All of which brings me back in a roundabout way to story ideas.
If the knitting is magical, if the blanket really protects the child ... I want to figure out where to go with that story -- spin it out somewhere where the child grows up never knowing what really happened, how he or she came to have the blanket in the first place, where his or her mother got it. Maybe the child is adopted, but always has the blanket. Does the blanket make the child a superhero? A super villain? Maybe it all starts off well until whatever path the child follows as a teenager and eventually as an adult comes full circle and somehow starts hurting people, and it comes back to the knitter. The activist (the child) has become the politician or entrepreneur who becomes the terrorist or the mogul/executive. And then sees the light? Sounds a little trite and contrived, but there is such a thing as redemption.
If the knitting is magical in a good way, where is the conflict? Who is the adversary? Does the knitter teach? How does it all unravel, as it were? Can it be knit back together again? Is the blanket passed down?
If the blanket saves the child more than once, does the child seek the source of the blanket? Does the child seek to duplicate or emulate? Do recipients of the magical items somehow come together? Is magic the wrong way to go?
Maybe the knitter is like the fates who spin the threads of life. She knits a square. And then another. She builds a blanket. She binds us all together.
Maybe the blanket is family, each member with a voice, but I prefer the idea of strangers.
Time for a break. Back in a while.