Knotted Mess
Jonah Marais X Black OC Willow
Plot: Willow takes a depression bath and asks Jonah for some help to get mats out of her hair.
Word count: 1.7K+
Author’s Note: Happy Black History Month! This piece deals with depression and isn't meant to romanticize mental illness. (Not my picture above)
Rating: 16+
The hot water steamed along her dark body, melting away the stress from her bones. Exhausted strength held her knees against her tender chest, her head resting atop them. She felt secure as the position gave a soft caress to her deteriorating soul
Purple clouds rumbled into the sky, unleashing their lightening through the roots of the earth's soil. Trembling the small build of the two bedroom home. Soon dropping the pounds of rain onto the roof.
The bath was a small break from the constant numbness racing in her veins. It wasn't a solution, but it was enough to keep her sane to make it through the night.
She doesn't remember when this clouding feeling bloomed, only how fast it spread from her mind to her soul. Took everything she was and and who she wanted to be down the endless rabbit hole of depression.
Willow's fingers stretched around the brush sitting on the tub's ledge. Threaded the plastic bristles into her thick coarse black curls. Tending to the mat living near the top of her hair. With strict and aggressive brush strokes her hair yanked at her scalp, stinging in various places.
She could sense the warmth from his presence reach for her as the gentle taps of his knuckles landed on the door. Comforting heat wrapped her heart in a safety blanket and she almost felt whole again. Jonah. Her safe haven. Her anchor.
Her boyfriend laid his forehead against the bathroom door. reminiscing on the days he heard her putting on a whole concert in the shower. Preforming an after show in the den with only her underwear on. He didn't only see the change he felt it and his heart broke for her.
Willow is his everything, his lifeline. He'd bend backwards just to keep her afloat. She's brittle with sadness and Jonah grew the need to wrangle the fog away from her sweet arura. Things like this took time and he knew that, but he struggled to stay on the sidelines and watch her struggle till she needed hm.
"Are you okay in there, Low?" His voice muffled by the door. The question pulled the intoxicating thoughts and jagged emotion to release tears.
"Y-yeah." Willow's voice broke no matter how strong she tried to hold her tone. She was too tired to fight.
"Okay, let me know if you need me." Jonah reluctantly pushed himself off the door, leaving Willow to herself.
Realization of his dismissal dawned on her heavily. An unconscious reply was the result of her auto piloted brain. Unfortunately she needed him in here with her. To spill his warm arura into hers and give it light again. A mental recharge. Even if it was a little amount at a time.
"Jonah." Willow's call for him is urgent and high, a desperate call for help.
He had sat himself in the den with an impatient leg, his gut telling him to not linger too far from her this time. Jonah shot to his feet the second his name left her cracked lips. "Yes, Love?" Gentle words to encourage her. Tone was a big denominator to determine weather she would carry out her words.
"Could.." she paused, feeling the self doubt takeover her mind again. Was she asking too much from him? Willow wouldn't forgive herself if she burnt him out too.
"Whatever you need, I'm here." His tone never gave her a reason to think he wanted their disastrous relationship in the past. So why did her brain yell it to the stars? The toasty security blanket falling back into place chased the demonized thoughts away for a breath.
"Could you brush the mats out of hair?" Her voice quavered in its self. Jonah turned the brass handle in response, relieved he was finally up to bat. His green eyes laid upon her weakened frame and his own heart crumbled like the stone walls of a castle. Dull brown eyes gazed up at him and began to fill with comfort.
A small silence was shared between the two of them before he started peeling pieces of clothing from his body. Even in the depths of exhaustion she could still find herself admiring the man she loves. Grey ink peppering his light skin. Jonah removed the last piece and Willow scooted closer to the tub's facet. Making enough room for him to squeeze into his reserved seat behind her.
Stepping into the tub, his skin burned from the high water temperature. Jonah mentally seethed not wanting to raise concern in her and have her clam up and push him out to finish the job herself. Willow's done it multiple times before while Jonah stayed patient.
Once Jonah's legs framed her body Willow held the brush behind her for him to take. Fingers lapping over each other and a familiar soft shiver ran through her nerves just like they had when they first shared their love for each other.
Jonah held her black hair with caution, Never in the years that he had known Willow did she allow anyone to touch her hair. Told him her mother taught her that everyone's hair was sacred, it was never to be thrown out, but to be set aflame. He felt like royalty holding her hair in his palms.
His brush strokes were soft but effective. Putting all his concentration on her gorgeous hair. Removing batches of hair from the brush bristles and placing them on the floor for the fire ceremony later on. Willow was quiet for the time being, coming to peace with her inner demons as Jonah's arura kept them at bay. She began to believe he was her guardian angel.
"I Don't think I've ever told you this, but I feel absolutely lost." The breath she took in shook, Jonah saw it quiver in her brown shoulder blades. He didn't say anything, needing her to continue on, to open his mind to her pain.
".I feel like a fucking pothole in one of the main streets, a massive interference to everyone's day around me, a burden. And if you get close enough you'll bottom yourself out and be stuck. I don't want that to happen to you." It was a total miracle to find no tears slipping down her face, Willow always cried talking about her feelings from childhood trauma.
Jonah never saw Willow as a burden, he saw her as a strong black women that stood up for who she is and what she believed in. He saw her skin colour as shield of powerful strength, In his mind she will never be weak.
When you look at the big picture it's not too bad. In reality Corbyn or Daniel will drive on by, pull my dusty ass out and repair the damaged tire. Then I'll find you again and repair you." Jonah's heart grew sore for her, his chest tightening and felt as if he was going to tear up.
"Won't be long before I collapse into myself again." Willow's tone expressionless.
"let's not worry about the future and focus on this moment right here. What makes you feel good?" Jonah had brushed through half of her matted hair.
Willow kept quiet sorting through her various thoughts for the answer, it was difficult to find what didn't make her numb. normally she enjoyed hiking, the feeling of exploring in the wilderness with her best friend was irreplaceable. The want for the activity left her mind as she could barely make it out the door most days.
Her mind wandered off on the thought of the man behind her, "You. Whenever you're around me I can feel the warmth from your being reach me and wrap around me. You're my bright light, My anchor keeping me from slipping past this life."
Jonah said nothing as he processed her words, He had no idea just how much she needed him. "Is there anything else?" Jonah says not wanting to distract himself from the mission in hand.
"Adventure." This answer hit the air quick, no less the true. She already had time to ponder on her thoughts.
"Tomorrow let's go that coffee shop you've been dying to take me to for months. The one with the rescued guinea pigs."
"I don't know if I'm ready for something life that, Jo." Willow hug herself, wondering if Jonah wanted someone manageable.
"The quest is to get to the café, there's no requirement for getting dressed, taking medications, or brushing the pearls before hand." Jonah paid attention to the days she did carry on with those tasks and what she was feeling that day. Her mood in the mornings set her entire day.
"You'd want to get coffee with a bed troll?' Willow asked hesitantly. the amount of hair pooling on the ground held a small piece of concern in Jonah's heart.
"If you must know, yes, I'd love to take this powerful black women I call my girlfriend for a coffee date."
"I'm in love with you, Marias. Willow spoke the words her soul was screaming. He had confirmed the very thing her brain has been telling her was false.
"And I love every inch of you, Willow." He left a trail of kisses starting from one shoulder leading to the other. The tiniest of smiles etched into her lips for the first time in two months.
When Jonah finished curing her curls from the jungle of mats, he washed her dark locks with the last bit of conditioner stuck at the bottom of bottle. He had a sense it wasn't nearly enough for her hair but it just had to do for now.
After Jonah concurred her hair, Willow laid against his chest still in the tub. The water cooled through out the time they've spent in there. He hummed the melody of their song, and traced loving words into her brown skin with the pads of his finger tips. her delicate back laid into his broad chest and she never felt this close to the love of her live. The intimate moment is to be cherished for years to come.
The next morning the sun shone through the living room, Willow slept through till the late afternoon. Her body kept her from leaving the threshold of the house that day. She sat a few feet from the door and stared at it helplessly. Jonah was with her the entire time, supporting her decision.
They never left the safety of their home the next day, or the next, or the next.
I wrote the main character black to celebrate black history month. I'm not black so please tell me if my writing felt offensive. I am a women of colour myself and find it extremely important to see representation.
I'm back to writing, But I'm going to publish at least on piece a month because it took me days to write this.