How Was I Unaware this Whole Time?
I guess for the longest time, I’ve never known what confidence actually feels like. I think confidence is probably one of the most valuable skills you can have, because what is confidence? It’s strength. It’s the attitude that you believe in yourself, and for anyone to ever believe in you, you have to believe first.
But for some reason, I thought it was backwards. I think that a basic human need is to have attention. It’s the world’s most valuable currency. We crave it from birth til death. But there is a such thing as too much attention and that can be toxic.
I felt like my parents never paid attention to me when i was young. They didn’t have the egos to play with me. They told me, “No. Play with your toys.” Until my toys became annoying and then it was “No. Play outside.” And they got rid of my toys.
Anything I liked was annoying or an inconvenience. I felt neglect, but it taught me to entertain myself. I could talk in different accents with ease because I was different characters and personas in one body. I’m adventure kiana, I’m crafty kiana, actor kiana, popstar kiana, therapist kiana, party kiana, and fearless kiana. Model kiana, flight attendent kiana, server kiana? Which one would you like because I’ll give my best performance each time. I can be anything. I can do anything. The power of knowing is all that you need.
Right now I’m the Kiana who takes risks and does everything she can to travel and be a great friend. I’m fiercely independent and I’m not afraid to be who I am, but I’m still always there for a true friend if they need me if I’m miles and miles away.