#knoxpost

[knoxusmaximus]

When you have lots of plans for the Christmas full moon and the wind simply says No and you have to move all fire inside.

[knoxusmaximus]

Emotions are hard // Music actually saves me

I don't like to to think about emotions. I just can't deal with all of them. I clam up. In feel my chest tighten and my brain race. But words don't form. They never do. This isn't just my own; it's other people's too. I look away because my eyes say to much and just try not to think. I try my best but I always forget the most important things. The simple things. The ones that actually help. I don't know. I just.. wish I could help. // I can't focus without music. I know its quite commonly said now. But I actually mean it. These last few weeks I've just been going downhill. Less college work bring done, more stress. I can't deal with it. And the only thing I can think of that's causing it is the lack of headphones. I just need some help. Another world I can escape to. Please

[knoxusmaximus]

New/Self-doubt witch problems

Doing an anti-anxiety chant in class and feeling better Hmm... Its probably just that I ignored the class for awhile 

 Then having counselling and feeling better than usual afterwards. Hmm.. Its probably that I opened up more than usual

[knoxusmaximus]

Self-doubt and Altars

Self-doubt 

 It was only April this year I first became interested in witchcraft, or for a matter of fact, even heard of it as a real practice people actually do. Not just a name for supernatural gifts people have. 

 Since then I have been reading about it, a little practice, learning a lot. However it doesn't feel enough. Hell, I'm 18 and im now just interests. No familial history. Christened at birth but never practiced or held a belief beyond agnostic. Believed in the possibility for the supernatural, divination, and all things occult. But never experienced it. 

I don't have a path, I don't have a goal, I don't have a talent. Just an interest. I don't know wether I should read more theory. Or get a bit more gritty with it and actually practice. Well, meditate. And meditate. And meditate. 

There's just so much to be learnt and tried. 

My problem is, I don't think I should interfere with the outside world. I don't need for people to respect my privacy, most already do. I wont do a love spell, I believe its unethical. Money spells. I'm in no debt right now, have a good income (from my parents) which I try to spend as little as possible of. Could I do a money spell for mum? Or will that means the money won't come later if be desperately need it. 

There are some I could do. A Shut-my-door-or-so-help-me spell, or charm or sigil. But I'm barely in my room anyway, and most people shut my door.

What's the difference between a charm and a spell anyway? 

I don't really have enough knowledge to really write my own spells/charms. All I've done so far could easily be coincidence. 

I just have this thing against most of other people's spells. 

I might do that online Queria lesson guide. I think it'll help. 

 And as for religious problems, you have no idea. No conflict though. Just confusion. I've never been a gods fan. But I do believe there's a something. Non-judging. Just there, with life's essence. 

Altars

Despite all that. I don't know what to do about altars as well. Not as in a place of worship altar. Oh no. But a space to practice my magic. I have a suitcase. Old leather from my father. I'm using it to hold all of my witchy supplies including books. Shall I just take those books out, and have that for all my supplies. A space to do spells over. A nice scarf to have as a packable altar cloth. Or as a meditation mat.

I will probably do that, but first I've got to make room for those books on shelves. I have too much stuff, im hoping to donate it, in the quest for minimalism -  which does seem contradictory to the hoarding nature of witchcraft, but yeah - I'm not sure either way.

This was a lovely 1:00am ramble from your dear 

 ~ Knox

[knoxusmaximus]

Todays been roller coaster tbh Calm fun morning w/ family Boringish & slightly awkward extended family event Panic anxiety and confusion (that had been brewing for the last few days) 

 And now I feel quiet serene, as word I've never use to describe my emotions before 

 I think I'd done a lot craft studying yesterday and I finished a (fictional) story about an empath, who I got very attached to, So I've been analysing my emotions a lot today since. 

Its just strange, but nice. 

 It was buzzy vibrationy in my chest, but I probably just think it’s there 

 Interesting 

 ~ Knox

[knoxusmaximus]

i think the main reason why i have only told my girlfriend about the fact i’m an afab genderfluid, bi/pansexual, who uses male pronouns, is because i know people will accuse me of “wanting it all “ and i know i’d get a lot of shit

also it’d be awkward for my femme days if she didn’t know :P

[knoxusmaximus]

Today my aesthetic is:  trash king with exensive shoes that just stole your partner xx

[knoxusmaximus]

obligatory first post

No big intros ill have an about page for that soon

New side blog for being me, basically Text posts feat. ramblings about spirituality, lgbt, gender, and other stuff honest stuff

& reblogging stuff I like that doesn’t fit to other blogs

Idek what else

Have a nice day ~ Blessed be ~