The Red Sox, Hoping to Finally Pause Time Like in That Movie 'Click', Call up Knuckler Steven Wright
For 19 years, 17 of them with Boston, Tim Wakefield battled the forces of time, those things that wrinkle our skin and keep us from being able to enjoy concerts because “what, they can’t put a damn chair in this club? I mean, how hard would that be?” By continually honing his dancing, floating knuckler, Wakefield thought he was on the precipice of discovering the correct formula, hoping to eventually pause the rotation of the Earth, even if just for a few minutes. Sadly, his body eventually gave way to the ravages of Time and he left the league, hoping that RA Dickey would be able to continue his research. But with Dickey now in Canada, where, because of border restrictions, we view time differently, the Red Sox knew they needed someone to put a pin in mankind’s endless forward progression. Today, they did that by calling up Steven Wright.
Wright, only in his third season of knuckleballing and research into the existence of quark bombs, anti-matter reversals, and energy-storing TIMEBALLS, has struck out 11 batters in 10 innings with Pawtucket this season, his first in AAA. While it’s unlikely that Wright will last very long in Boston, this being mostly a stop gap until the Red Sox pitching staff is once again, we actually won’t really know how long Wright will be up. Because, as I’ve outlined in this hyper intelligent piece, time will have stopped. You dig?












