#kodiak journal

[jungian-animus]

I will be posting the next couple chapters soon, I forgot my notebooks at work though and I have today off for a few appointments so I’ll have to consider how to take notes. Normally I write out my notes and reflection, then post them here after I have some time to sit with them. Obviously I can’t type out or review my notes if I don’t have them

[jungian-animus]

I will be continuing my studies tomorrow - I visited family today and did not have time to listen to the next section of my audiobook.

[jungian-animus]

Men are spectacular, frightening, awe-inspiring creatures.

Men are capable and can share bonds that are unique to the man’s experience.

Men are powerful, are aggressive, are honorable.

Men are disciplined and decisive.

Men are good.

[jungian-animus]

Iron John Chapter 4

Reflection

It worries me hearing the relationships with men being so difficult and conflicting for young men. I have had complex relationships with all male authority figures in my life. I am not opposed to them, and I don’t want to hurt or take vengeance, but I worry that my complex and previously lacking relationship with my father makes it difficult for me to bond with men, despite my desire to. I tend to struggle the most with male relationships.

I don’t know if I really had a good enough relationship with my mother, however, to allow the feminine perspective to warp my perception of my father. I don’t think I did, but it would be worth meditating on to discern if I need to let go of anything when viewing my father, even in our positive relationship.

I need to reflect on what’s holding me back from bonding with other men better than I do, and if there’s any issues with my father that I have not examined properly since moving out of his household. I wish I could have a male authority in my life, but I’m lacking something like that and I’m not sure I’ll ever receive it. Still, these are valuable lessons for me now to be able to provide for young men in the future, and to provide for my future son should I adopt one.

On another note, I need to add the book “Society Without the Father: a Contribution to Social Psychology” by Alexander Mitscherlich. Bly references it at the beginning of this section, I’m interested to know more about it.

[jungian-animus]

Iron John Chapter 4

Summary

Bly continues his discussion on the son and father bond disintegration by stating that when the son cannot see what the father does, or know where he is, a hole begins to appear in the son’s soul, which is then filled with demons. These demons cloud the son’s perception of the father, make him more suspicious and wary of his father, and even make him believe his father is evil.

In these cases, the father is not always wicked. More often than not, the father is remote and absent. This distrust and fear of what the father’s absence means can reflect onto many or all male authority figures that appear in the son’s life. Bly references a college in which young men broke into the dean’s office in the 60s in an attempt to find evidence of an investiagation or some kind of corruption. Bly says that the act of breaking into the male figure’s office is an unconscious forced attempt to get in closer proximity to the father.

Bly then leads us to the question at hand: how can sons make connections with older men if they have received this damage from their father? Sons have been left with the following assumption, according to Bly: that a man in power is or will be corrupt. This is an unhealthy assumption that causes a constant fear any wariness to any male figure the son may be in contact with.

Bly brings our attention to the Greeks once again, describing the Zeus Energy, or a male authority that is accepted for the sake of the community around them. Many Native American tribes have this energy as well; chiefs who are chosen by the women, who have no personal possessions, but lead and direct their people because they accept the masculine authority, as do the rest of the people. Many cultures have had or continue to have this Zeus Energy. Americans and the west are lacking and losing Zeus Energy in their cultures, which further causes the divide between young and old men.

One of the ways that young men have taken revenge on their fathers’ absences is through media. Bly mentions the weak adult man who is depicted often in media. Bumbling, stupid men who are outwitted often show the writer’s feelings towards fathers and the vengeance they wish to enact in their social depiction and perception. Young men wish to dismantle anything old men have built up, to change or destroy it in order to feel better about the lack of a bond with their fathers. Bly states that sons who act on this demonism are flat, stale, desolate, and dry.

Bly argues that the son’s perception of the father can be warped due to his connection with his mother. When the father is absent, the mother often becomes the main figure in the son’s life, and he is raised feminine, and by extent becomes the Soft, effeminate man mentioned in previous chapters. Both fathers and mothers have unique behaviors and traits that the other cannot understand, and the other will often judge or find negative. When the son is looking at his father through his mother’s eyes, he will see some masculine traits as bad, cruel, cold, or distant, and will not understand why a man might do certain things. This will cause the sons to look at their own masculinity through the feminine gaze. They might not always see it negatively in and of itself, but will never feel at home with it.

So what can fathers do? Bly says that not all fathers are truly good, and some deserve to have the bond broken. When the bond is broken from a good father, but a distant father, the father can simply wait for the son. Eventually, Bly says, around the age 40, a man will decide that he wants to know who his father really is, and may return to his father to find out who his father is and what his masculinity is like. They decide simply that they don’t know enough about their father, and wish to see him through their own lens and not the lens of their mother.

Bly ties this all back to the Wild Man and how learning of the father’s masculinity. The Wild Man says what he wants, can shout, and is able to express himself without dominating others. This is an energy that appears in other cultures, as Dionysus energy or Hindu Kala energy. This energy can be reached by accumulated grief the man experiences, but also by other means. Understanding the father is a step to understanding ones own masculinity.

[jungian-animus]

Iron John Chapter 3

Reflection

Reading this chapter was particularly difficult for me, both looking into the future and examining my past. My first thoughts surrounded the guilt of myself as a future father and the life I would provide my son. I have a desk job, I am absent from the household regularly. What can I bring to the table for my future son?

I think I had my break with my parents, though as Bly mentioned, it wasn’t clean. I was the one who made the break, and i did so by moving away for college far enough to begin exploring myself independently.

I feel left with questions. Do i have older men in my life who have initiated me? Thinking back, I have moments, glimpses of male authority in teachers. My father was present, but I did not experience initiation. I feel like I missed a key moment in my life to be initiated and I don’t know if I’ll ever receive it, truly.

I did however run a server that was dominantly male. There was a variety of age groups, and there were 30 of us in community. One of the examples Bly gives of initiation was living exclusively among men for a long period of time. Was this my initiation? I crave bonds with men, is there a way to achieve this?

I think I can learn a hands on activity to teach young men in turn someday. I’m drawn to wood and wood carving, for sculptures. I think I could try this, maybe learn it to teach my son someday.

I also want to speak to my father, to ask him about his initiation. He was heavily involved in sports, and his father was absent. I want to know what he thinks led him into manhood, have a one-on-one and learn where he thinks that change occurred. Maybe next time I see him I’ll ask him.

[jungian-animus]

Iron John Chapter 3

Summary

This chapter begins with Iron John being released from his cage, and beginning to make his way out of the courtyard and towards the forest he was taken from. The boy calls out to Iron John and says “wait, if you’re gone, my parents will find out and I’ll be beaten.” Hearing this, Iron John replies “that’s wise, so you will come with me instead. You won’t see your parents again, but I have all the treasures you could desire.” He then picks up the boy and takes him out to the woods.

With this framework, Bly begins to discuss the story piece by piece. He states that opening the cage and releasing the Wild Man can have multiple resolutions. Many men open the cage, only to let the Wild Man go back to the forest alone. They then replace the key under their mother’s pillow, then play dumb and pretend not to know where the Wild Man went. This brings those men back to the start. Once again, they must go out to the woods to find the pond, then begin to bucket out the water once again.

The boy telling Iron John he will be beaten for releasing him from the cage, Bly argues, mirrors popular parenting styles in the West. Not always physical, but parenting is often designed to stamp out exuberance, preventing boys and girls alike from being “Wild”. Bly states that the boy and Wild Man cannot exist together in any setting than the Wild Man bringing the boy to the forest. They will permanently be separate until that action, The Wild Man deciding to take the boy with him, Bly argues, is an example of the decisive action of the Wild Man energy.

Now, Bly takes us to initiation and the lack of initiation in American and Western men in the modern day. In Iron John, the boy joining Iron John is facing his fears of the Wild, of irrationality, of intuition, emotion, body, and nature, by going with him. This mirrors many cultures, both modern and historical, in which a shaman goes to his village and takes a boy away from his family, or a Greek takes on a pupil. The boy is separated from that which he is dependent on and is instead in the presence of older men who teach him to be a man, thus initiating him into manhood. Bly discusses different cultures he’s seen in South America and Africa which have traditions that match this initiation, and the importance and impact those ceremonies have on the boy who undergoes them.

Becoming a man is not a natural process, Bly argues. Becoming a man is a ritual, and it takes effort. Old men must welcome young men into the male world and nourish them. Bly insists that while women can make the embryo a boy, only men can make the boy a man.

In modern, industrial culture, Bly states that men are far from home with work, and are thus absent from their sons lives. There are also more and more single mothers, many of whom recognize the struggle of having a son who needs someone firm, such as a father. Many of these boys seek initiation from women, but only men can initiate boys, just as women can only initiate girls. Bly affirms this by telling the story of a man raised by a single mother, and in which all his relationships were with women. He learned from them and valued them, but in his dreams he could never see his face in his reflection. This is because he lacked a natural male presence to assure him of his own masculinity and male identity.

Bly does not blame single mothers or mothers with a stronger presence for this. This is rather the failure of the fathers for not being as attentive or present in their son’s life. This environment is common in the west, and is dangerous for all members of the family. This also causes harm for any external relationships; old men in general do not have the capability to help young men grow, be it their own son or another’s. The closest we get to initiation in the west is through sports, or some religious institutions (though many are too modern and industrial to make an impact anymore).

Now the break between the boy and his parents is often violent, instead of the clean break in other or historical cultures. Instead of being chosen to be intitiated by an older man, boys will now break from their parents through conflict. Bly brings two examples, one in which a mother forced the break, and one in which the boy did. Both came from violent outbursts, though neither was regularly violent before or after the event, and the family recognized that something in the boy had changed, thus changing the relationship. This is all vague, as it’s likely different what that change is for all families.

Back to the father being pulled away from the family, Bly mentions how historically sons and fathers have always lived in close proximity, learning intimately as farmers or tradesmen. Now men leave the house regularly, and are forced home late with exhaustion. The mother takes up the space the father leaves. Additionally, the son is forced into school, which surrounds him with dominantly female figures, robbing him further from a masculine presence. This contrasts to the vitality of the working man. The honor, joy, and discipline that many modern men lack.

The modern man, as well, has nothing to show his son. Farmers can show their work, as can craftsman. What does a man at a desk have to show his son? Many have nothing to teach their son, nor do they possess physical disciplines to pass on. Industrialization damaged the father-son relationship more than any other bond in the family. But it isn’t just the fathers who need to connect and reach out to their sons. Bly says that fathers often have to be found as much as they have to be received.

[jungian-animus]

If only feminism hadn’t stolen the term toxic masculinity and warped it to use against men when the term originally was designed to help men examine themselves internally and reflect on how to become better