#kojin talks

[kojinnie]

I've been working on a slow-burn, fluff/angst Zeke fic. I mean, I enjoy writing it, but I fear it will bore people off, because you know, people expect some actions right away most of the times.

so i'm not sure about publishing it. i know, i know. 'we should be writing for ourselves and not someone else', but a lot of my self-indulgent fics have flopped and though i pretended like i was okay with it, it's starting to eat me away. i'm getting self-coscious. lmao.

reminds me when my favorite author once said, "My words, my writing, my actions—these have never been for myself alone, either directly or indirectly. There is no such thing as an artist who creates art only for himself. That is masturbation." not that i consider myself as an artist, but.. you know. so at this point i'm really torned.

[kojinnie]

I wanna marry Miche. He's the one, yeah yeah.

"But you never wrote about him!"

Because Jane Austen once said, "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about you more." and that's basically how I feel about that tree of a man.

[kojinnie]

My sister said, "You'd be in a toxic relationship with Reiner." and while I was rambling YES, it would be because Reiner is so depressing and shit, she cut me off and said, "No. It's because you're toxic."

I've never been so attacked before.

[kojinnie]

MOBLIT IS A TAURUS I SAY IT ONCE AGAIN MOBLIT IS A TAURUS!!!!

I'm amazed with how authors/mangaka picks a very fitting astrology for their characters 😢🖤

[kojinnie]

dilemma

on one side, i do want to have more followers/readers just so i can have more people to talk to, and more people to give feedback on my writing. HOWEVER, seeing the amount of bs my moots have to constantly put up with as their followers count increases... makes me feel ok about the slow growth of my readers base.

my readers are the best. they read my fics, if they like it they leave a heart. if the fic leaves a good impression i'd be lucky to see them commenting and reblogging my work. and if they don't like it, they just leave it be. amazing peeps.

thank you everyone. i hope you all have a great day always.

[kojinnie]

04/22

Hi how are you today? I'm gonna ramble a bit about how much I love Hange.

I keep thinking, whether the things I want to do was sourced by my own desire and wishes or was it only due to my competitive nature? The idea that I would never be enough if I wasn't better in comparison to other people scares me and leads me into taking a lot of things not out of my own wish, but out of fright of being left behind and eventually, be forgotten.

I'm rewatching AOT from the early seasons and I've always felt a sense of ease whenever Hange appears. Their passion and their devotion for something they invest interest in is such an inspiration. If I could be anyone from AOT, that would be and will always be Hange. In a world where everyone seems to be finding all sorts of reason to die ("Die for our vengeance." "Die for humanity."), Hange finds a reason to live, and somewhat conveying it in a fun, thought-evoking, spirit-lifting manner - not all somber and nihilist (like certain characters). I especially love how they don't take themselves seriously.

I want to be Hange and find my thing, something that I would love and be passionate of regardless of the gratification that competition gives to my vanity. I want to have a boundless curiosity, that will not bow down when meets with adversity. I want to be Hange, to be knowledgeable in something and lets people reap the benefit from having me around. I want to be Hange and find something worth living for.

[kojinnie]

actually... 👉👈

as much as i find reading smuts a very stimulating experience, when it comes to my time to write one, I just... stall. i'd spend days trying to find the gist of my smut and after i'm done writing it, i'd be really drained.

maybe sex just does not do much to me as an inspiration, i can't seem to write about it as detailed as i'd like it to be nor have i found much enjoyment during the process. i don't know. i think i'll try to stick with angst for right now.

maybe that's why most of the fics i reblog are smuts because i can't write one and i'm also amazed how all you my dear authors know how to make smuts so endearingly captivating. like how...? what a talent.

[kojinnie]

Quite exhausted.

I read on Twitter someone said that “I am too demotivated to be productive, but not productive enough to take a break.” and that sentence resonated to my bone. My working pace is awful, I’ve been doing my job task very halfheartedly and I’m feeling like I’m at my saturation point. Yet, I feel like I haven’t worked hard enough to deserve taking my annual leave.

Writing fics really does help a lot, but I’d feel guilty because I don’t put as much work in my actual job. So each time I start drafting fic, I’d feel this anxiety growing inside me. Maybe I should take a break from every thing altogether. Luckily, Ramadan is coming so I’d have a sound justification for it.

I hope you, my fellow authors as well as my readers, never cease to find something to look forward to everyday. Reiner may be a nihilist fuck that finds anticipation meaningless, but I think we all gotta look forward to something to make life bearable.